baby's father

Chelly - posted on 02/06/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am pregnant with my ex boyfirend's baby. I left my job because of him. I was scared. His "friend" called my job as "him" to get my fired. The reason was because we broke up and I kept bowling him off for my friends, and was not making time for him. Then we got into an arugment because, a good friend of mine herd he was saying I stold his credit card. I would never do that. He got mad at me because I would not tell him who told me, so he said "F***K you it's unless you tell me. Soon after that I found out I was pregrant and left my job because I was scared, didn't know what to do. Now I do not a new and better job lined up. After all this he before he anyone knew I was pregnant he showed up at my job to give me candy. He started asking me to hang out. I didn't want any of that. I ended up telling him I was pregnant after I had my ultra sound.



He kept pushing to get back together, pretty card core. I kept saying no. Then threw a friend he got onto my facebook page, and found out I was talking to another guy. I know he didn't like that. He was getting rude with me. He said he has been nothing by nice to me, he invited me out, all I did was blow him off. Asking me if this guy is going to raise the kid. Saying he wants to be there for everything. I told him The only reason I want to be friends and I good terms is for the child. He got mad about that too. Then he made the comment, am I just going to be another paycheck to you. I ended up hanging up the phone on him. I called a friend and she told me to tell him, which I did. If your going to stress me out or get me upset I am not going to talk to you.



Well It someone worked. He backed out if that rudeness, but I am still worried. I understand he wants to be there for everything. He was pushing at it. He wants to be at all the doc apps. with me. He wants to be in the room when I give birth. He wants to take classes with me. He was calling me everyday. The more he pushings the more I push away.



I did tell him I need time and space, more then once. He does want to meet up and talk about everything and he took it as I said yes, I told him maybe I don't know yet. Yesterday he showed up at my house, My dad went to the door and said I was not home, I went out with a friend. He then ask dose he know were I went. My dad said no. I feel like when I am nice to him he just gets the idea everything is going to be all buddy buddy.



He also has a daughter by his ex, and I know they have issues. I am starting to see why. Honestly stuff he said about her in the past scares me now. He wanted to put diesel gas in her car, because she would not let him see his daughter for christmas. He as aslo talked about taking his daugther out of sate, and by about 1000 miles, to see his family with out her knowing.



He does not even discipline his two year told. He says she is not told enough to understand. He pretty much lets her get away with anything. Including hitting someone. He just tells her(in a nice voice) thats not nice, say your sorry. He let her play by the street, and with glass. I was not home but he was here and his daughter was pulling on a 5 pound clock. It is just haning by a nail, and he just says in a nice voice sit down. I know he feeds her a lot of cookies, and candy. She eats a lot of fast food. He told me before, he wants to be the cool fun dad



He wants to be dad with the cool toys.I think all parents need to be a parent first, and a friend second. Kids need cloths and good healthy food. He didn't even know what size clothes she was.



Maybe I am just over worried but I do want to be in control of everything. I live at home. I really don't have much to worry about such as bills. All i have is two credit cards, and to by myself everything I need

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Cali - posted on 02/09/2012

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You need to take care of you. Stress is not good for a pregnant woman. My ex-husband and I had many issues while I was pregnant and it caused medical problems during my pregnancy and delivery. I had to cut him out of my life because of our problems for mine and my sons health.



That said, once you deliver and you and your child are settled and healthy, my suggestion would be to go through the court system for everything. The hospital can give you a complete list of organizations and contacts for every resource you'll need. Child support, visitation, safety concerns...all of it. If you feel threatened ask that family counseling be mandatory for visitation. If he can learn to be a good father, great. If not, have the court documentation in place to back up your claims. Document everything, and if possible, communicate with the father via email so you have a paper trail of what he's saying and doing.



I wish you the best of luck!

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Chelly - posted on 02/08/2012

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I don't belive two people should stay together,for the baby sake -I would not be happy and would live a unhappy life,the baby will have all the needs and support from me and family,the baby will be in contact with the father,I would not take that away,I do belive in god,--but staying with someone you do not love is not fair-the baby and myself will do fine--

User - posted on 02/08/2012

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Hi, Chelly,



I am a Christian, so I am sharing from a Christian's heart. First, I am so proud of you for not aborting the baby, and for your willingness to carry the baby and be a Mother! Good for you! I am also thankful that the Dad of the baby wants to be there for the baby! Wonderful! First of all, take care of YOU! Eat, sleep, sing, laugh..relax! Soothing music..good friends...positive surroundings...you and the baby need it! Ask the baby's dad to give you some time to rest. I believe it is in the best interest of both of you to be together...If you can find a new starting point, perhaps you can make it work.

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