back into the dating scene and i think i want out!

Louise - posted on 04/19/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

73

10

15

i feel like i'm in high school again. back to dating. i've met some nice guys but in the end i get frustrated because i feel like they all like me too much and expect me to feel for them too quickly.

this confuses me because i think i'm attractive, have a good personality and many other good qualities BUT i have 3 kids ages 1,2, & 3 and life is still pretty stressful and exhausting.

do these men even consider that? or should i be giving them more of a chance?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

13 Comments

View replies by

La'Kisha - posted on 05/05/2009

1

10

0

I tried the dating game and in the long run my children and myself ended up getting hurt so just be careful who you let in.

[deleted account]

I highly recommend reading a book called "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", by Joshua Harris. I read it, and the next book in the series, called "Boy Meets Girl", and I would have had it no other way. I did not date after my daughter's father passed away, and even though I "kissed dating goodbye", I still met a wonderful man who my daughter adores, and he loves her as well. I went into the single world believing the lies that no man would love another man's child as if she were his own, but this is not true.. Whether you are a Christian or not, this book offers wonderful counsel in a life free of "dating" stigmas, and offers valuable direction in the way of meeting the right men, without "dating". I hope it blesses everyone else who reads it as much as it did me. If it were not for reading that book, and making the decision 'not to date', I don't believe I would have met the man of my dreams (and my daughter's as well)!

Candace - posted on 04/22/2009

8

60

1

Your absolutely right, the dating scene is just like being back into high school! All the extra drama that isn't needed! Its enough to deal with being a single mom, much less having to deal with the dramas of men! After all isn't that why we're single, because of some reason or another! I think for me I got so use to always having someone there with me that I'm just lonely. I don't want to settle, I just want a companion to hang out with and go out with. I tell them up front that unless things get serious they will never meet my child. She will be 4 this year and she is my world! I let them know up front that I am a responsible independant woman that don't have time for games. Every guy I have met, seems to be just like you described! Within a week they expect you to have these feelings for them! I don't like being mean, but I tell them look I've been hurt to bad by my ex husband, I'm sorry I don't feel this way about you right now! I will not settle with anyone! I will not let anyone rush me and if they don't understand then oh well they can just move on! I feel that for me as soon as a guy starts trying to get close to me, I push them away or start ignoring them! I don't know if thats because I'm afraid of being hurt again or what it is! I feel like my ex husband really did damage me! I am now tampered and have all these issues within myself! I've got major trust issues and committment issues! I believe I'm holding myself back, its not all the guys, its me! I just believe that God will put the right man in my life when its suppose to happen and I'll know when that day comes! Best luck to ya!

Tara - posted on 04/21/2009

49

15

4

Yeah, I feel you. After a 10 year relationship which ended on friendly terms, being single for the next 3 years, then being in a very short-term relationship which I ended when I learned I was pregnant... I figure if I just focus on myself and my little fabulous toddler, I can be happy without a man in my life. At the same time, by continuing to focus on myself and my little guy, I just may attract a great partner who wants what I want, sees life the way I see it, and adores my mini-man as much as I do. Until THAT guy comes along, though...as a single mom and business owner, I'm just too darn busy to sort through the "duds". Ha! =)

Laura - posted on 04/21/2009

33

24

6

I have been starting to feel that I may be ready to date again lately. I broke up with my daughters dad about a year ago. He knocked my confidence out of me and left me feeling worthless and untrusting. The best thing I ever did was take control and get rid of him. I have had many problems with him since (including a recent threat from him to snatch my daughter) but I continue to get stronger. To the point that I feel better about myself, I am laughing again and my family and friends tell me they love having me back again. I feel that I may even been ready to date again. Although I remain weary about trusting ANY man, i cannot wait around and compare every man to my ex. There has to be a couple of decent guys still out there, doesnt there? lol. At the end of the day, there is no harm in dating but noone will ever come between me and my daughter and if they think they will, they are in for a shock - I will not be taken for a mug again

[deleted account]

I am finding the opposite. The guys are not interested in me:(. I have 2 little girls ages 4 and 6 and I tell them up front so if they have an issue with it, they can leave. So far the guys I have talked to don't seem to mind the fact I have kids, but the spark just isn't there. I agree with not setteling. I did that twice and I won't do it again...

Nochelle - posted on 04/21/2009

9

6

3

I feel you have to wait for the right man where you exactly feel how it is to be in love and that there is no need to hurry. Right now, you can enjoy the dates. You already have 3 kids and i bet you have all the love in this world from them. Of course we all need partners, but only that never settle for anything less than what you really would like to have or be with for that matter.

Lorrie Willbergh - posted on 04/21/2009

10

23

2

I keep saying God will have to gift wrap a man an set him on the porch before I will take it as a sign to date. I have no intention of reliving my high school/college years! :) But I think its good advice to always think of your children first - hang out with your friends and just have fun - don't go out with the intention of "dating" just go out with the intention of having fun. I'm with Melanie - don't rush or settle!

Melanie - posted on 04/21/2009

9

21

1

Dating scen yep scary but also think of it of friends you never had. I met alot of guys and told everyone one of them I am a package deal. I have two kids that are 13 and soon to be 9 now and I have found that the ones that weren't ready werwe okay with just friends. We talk alot these days. I have met a guy and he also has 8 kids and one that still lives at home. We have been dating a little over a year and just moved in together. Life has bumps and bruises along the way but I have to agree you will know when you have found the right one and will stop second guessing yourself. The only thing I can say is be sure that you yourself are ready for the dating scene also. And please don't settle ~~ most of us did that the first time.

[deleted account]

I'm into the dating scene as well and I've found the same thing. Get this one guy I had been talking to and had gone out with ONE TIME informed me he had gone out and bought my "kid" a present not knowing if my child was a boy or a girl, age, name, nada. I guess he was trying to get me to introduce them earlier than later which I'm not for personally. It was so creepy and that seems to be the thing, I let them know I have a child and their response every time without fail is "I don't care" is it just me or does that seem like an odd response? Past that it doesn't go far because I know they have no idea what dating a single mom means and that if anything did progress they would accept me despite my child, not both of us, apparently having a child became baggage instead of part of a person's life. Nice eh? I'm with you though, dating scene is like high school, and I don't know about you ladies but I despised high school. Best of luck with your search and remember you have the right to take things as slow as you need.

Louise - posted on 04/20/2009

73

10

15

I'm wondering if second guessing is just something I'll do now because of my previous failed marriage?? I was never in love with my ex, and I've often wondered that that even feels like - being in love. I wonder if my expectations are too high?

Kristin - posted on 04/20/2009

4

6

0

I know exactly how you feel. I think that you have to allow yourself pleasures too. I know that people keep saying this to me. (I have not done this because I think there is no time) but when you know its right then you won't second guess.

Michelle - posted on 04/20/2009

1

6

1

The dating game has been strange for me. I have been divorced for 4 years and only dated a handful of men for the same reason. It seems within the first week they all are ready to say I love you!! I have an 18, 15, and 13 year old and they are my life. I have had one that I thought could handle it but it is still very new in the relationship so time will tell. My friends tell me not to screw up but they have no clue what it is like. I wont settle again and my kids come first.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms