Behavior issues in pre k

Julie - posted on 03/06/2012

Bring her home ... LOVE HER... Its obvious she was not quite emotionally ready for this big step.



Children cannot put their feelings in words so they act out - do crazy things that make NO sense, right?



There just may be thing going on in the playground that no one is picking up on - or she is being bullied ...



A number of kids have started school too young - she is not abnormal ... just needing her mommie at this time ♥

Michelle - posted on 03/04/2012

I know it does hurt and that is the hardest part. You want to do best for your child and it's hard when there is something affecting them that you can't control. I agree with Beth.



My parents divorced when I was 2. I have an older brother who was 7 at the time. The court ordered us every other weekend with my father. When we would go, he would take naps on the couch, never do anything with us (except mass on Sunday). My mom, like you, never said anything negative about him just tried to be supportive about all of it. At age 16, I made the decision to not visit every other weekend because there was no point. I never saw him. I was lucky enough to have a WONDERFUL step-father who was my male role model.



You have been doing awesome so far and don't blame yourself for any of this. You are doing exactly what you need to do. Just keep working with her behavior (I wouldn't really punish her, unless need be, because that's her way of showing emotion). Maybe show her other ways of showing emotion (drawing, coloring, dancing...) it may help with her behavior.



Good luck and keep your head up!!!!

Beth - posted on 03/04/2012

You are doing the right thing by letting the Dad know that he needs to be consistent with his visits. It's now up to him as an adult to do that.



Remember to make sure that you keep your routine going with her so that she knows that there is a certain routine that she has with you, her Mum. It'll help her in the long run to know that she has at least one parent who can keep to a routine.



As she gets older she can make up her own decision and work out for herself who is the more reliable parent (meant in a nice way). Let her form her own opinion.



Also worth thinking about what other father figures your daughter has in her life - it does not always have to be the biological father. My girls have got their Grandpa (my Dad) in their lives) as well as my uncles and various male cousins. Also they see their friends Dads and see how they behave. My eldest goes to orchestra and one of her friend's Dads takes her across with his children and some others. This has helped my eldest (as well as my two younger) know that not all Dads are deemed not very good/useless. That there are Dads who are active in their children's lives and also provide a good male role model for my girls. They haven't suffered from the lack of their Dad in their lives long term, as they've got other role models to show them how men should behave.

Taylor - posted on 03/03/2012

Thank you both for your great advice. i feel like im a stuck between a rock and a hard place. i think i know deep down this is the issue.. but try to make myself believe it has to be something else.. because i have no control of what he does. her father brushes me off when i try to explain to him he needs to be more consistant with his daughter.

i feel like i dont have the right to say "in or out" i dont want to take him away from her because when he has her, he is good to her. and i dont want her to have hostility towards me for "taking him away"

my father passed away when i was 12 and my mother when i was 17. so i feel like its important for both her parents to be in her life.

maybe there is no "real answer" to my problem. but it hurts me to see her hurting. and it bothers me to think she will go down a distructive path. i just do NOT understand why this is soooo difficult. he is lucky to have me as a childs mother.. because all i ask is for him to spend time with her. i dont even press the issue of not getting child support. i wish there was some kind of way to have mandatory counceling with him lol. i laugh but im serious! again thank you

Beth - posted on 03/03/2012

Sounds like you've got a possible reason for the change in behaviour. With having her Dad not part of her life for a long time (by her standards) then back in she will find it difficult to adjust. If she's seeing Dad not having a routine seeing her then it sounds like she's bringing out her frustration out in her behaviour. It is worth talking to the school/teachers and letting them know what's happened - that way it's easier for them to deal with her as well.



As she's only a just turned 5, she's still not quite old enough to vocalise her feelings and it's still comes out in behaviour. In the back of her mind she may be feeling unsettled and also worried. Unsettled if there's no obvious routine to when she sees Dad.



Certainly I've seen it with my girls. My eldest was similar sort of age - maybe a bit older when my ex (girls' dad) didn't have a proper routine to see them. Contact was broken for a while then he started seeing them again and their behaviour (for me) went out the window. Then there was a big gap of just over three years and he decided to come back into their lives 2 years ago but they haven't heard anything for about 18+ months now. I noticed that their behaviour changed a bit (but not as dramatically as they're older now).



I would say work with the school to improve her behaviour and worth seeing if some sort of support in school, to help her sort out her feelings etc..

Michelle - posted on 03/01/2012

Hi. I actually have experience in this. The fact that her father is popping in and out caould be the reason. Children at this age need stability and schedules. She may feel unwanted by her father because he keeps coming and going and she is acting out to "deal with it" You do have control of it actually. If he wants to be in her life, then he needs to stay. You can make the call and tell him to either stay or go. Children at this age tend to blame themselves when things go wrong. She needs a father figure in her life, but not an on/off father. If he keeps leaving her, heer self esteem and other things will suffer. Its kind of selfish of the father to do that. Scheduled visitation with her father will really help. You might try that and see how she reacts. It won't happen overnight, but you will gradually see a difference , if that is the cause of her acting out.



There is something def bothering her if she is behaving like this. Try acting out the situation with dolls. Give her a "mommy" doll, "daddy" doll and a "child" doll and see what plays out.



Has there been any other big changes or changes in general? (ex: moving up to a different class, started sleeping in her own bes when she is used to sleeping with you...) You may want her father to sit down and talk with her, if he is the reason.



I hope I was helpful. If you have any questions or other concerns, I would be more than happy to help.