being on my own is hard

Suzanne - posted on 08/31/2009 ( 44 moms have responded )

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hi i got a 15 month old boy.
my babys dad walked out on me when my son was a 11 months old after i was with him 4 years i aint seen or spoke to him since its been 4 months now i got no number 4 him and his family wont tell me where he lives as they dont want to no my son either they blame me i never asked him to go he just went i feel like im on my own i dont no if i should find some1 else or wait 4 him

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Demetria - posted on 09/25/2009

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Neither...boost your self esteem and engulf yourself in your son. You dont need him or any other man to take care of your son. It will be all uphill and hard but you are a mother! One thing we know how to do is survive. I suggest you carry on because you have a much greater responsibility now. When things get hard, get a support system and Circle of moms will always have your back!

Laura - posted on 09/24/2009

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Move on with ur life dont wait around for him it will only make life harder for u in the long run. What if he did come back would u trust him to stay or would u always b waiting for him to go any. I'm in a diffent boat to u but i know how inportant it is for u and ur child to move on and live again. My partner and father to my two girls killed himself 5 months ago its been a very hard time but moving on is the only way to make things easier in the long run.
Good luck to u and ur little one you will both be fine as lobg as you want it to be
xxx

Paula - posted on 09/24/2009

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Don't wait for him my baby's dad left before my baby was born and i have found a man who wants to be with me and my son we have been together now for two years and i think of the future we can have together as a family so don't wait for a man unless he wants to be with you and your child

Keri - posted on 09/24/2009

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my kids dad walked out on us as well i think u need to move on he is the one that is missing out but i dont think they care i really dont think they do i tried everythign for my kids dad to see them and he still dont or very few and far between any way and when he does it is alot of brocken promisses

Kiva - posted on 09/23/2009

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Things will get better you have to let go. If he can walk out on his son what does that say about him....his loss not yours my dear. I know its hard but we woman can do it. We have no other choice we have to be strong for our children. I've been a single mom for a long time and just when I think I can't go any further God pushes me through and before you know it I made it on the other side.



So keep moving forward and pick your next one very careful.



ttyl

Christy - posted on 09/23/2009

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We, as mothers, do not have time to sit around and wait on dead beat fathers to return...AND we also don't have much time to go out scouting for potential fathers either. Take this time to bond with your beautiful son, and make him priority in your life...before and above ANYTHING else. Your son is here for a reason. You are his mother for a reason. I have been a single mom for almost 9 yrs now...one of my children is a boy. I am here to tell you that it can be done. So, don't doubt yourself so much, and don't think for a second that you cannot do it on your own and that you 'NEED' a man. Yes, it would be nice to be in a loving relationship, but entering into a relationship out of 'NEED' never has a good outcome. If it's only been 4 months...just focus on yourself and your son for a while. Things will all happen just the way they are meant to.

Brandy - posted on 09/23/2009

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I would not wait on him it is bad that he and his family will not even tell you where he is just in case there was an emergency for your son. You have got to look out for you and your child don't let a man treat you or your child bad if they walk out there has to be a reason they don't want to be there I feel he should have talked to you first but some guy are just not that way. If it has been 4 month he has had time to think thing thru and for some reason does not want to be there you should not wait on him go on with your life take care of you and that baby that is what is most important right now. If you were married you need to think about talking to a lawyer you can get him on abandonment if he left you with nothing check into that that is just something that I have heard. hope for the best for you

Maggie - posted on 09/20/2009

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wow its crazy how im basically in the same situation. my sons father left when he was 4 months and next week hes going to be 1, and i wonder in the back of my head if he'll even bother to call but then when i think about it...i dont even care. it might even be better for his sake if he doesnt! just stay strong and be the best mom u could be!

Zia - posted on 09/09/2009

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Once you’ve made the decision to move on, it will be a big load from your shoulders and as time progresses you will realise that he was never worth all the pain you and your son had to go thru. Good luck and remember when one door close there is many more that will open. Start fresh and don’t miss opportunities that can be beneficial to the 2 of you.

Maria Ethel - posted on 09/09/2009

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it's hard to say that you move on... but if he really walked out on you and your baby and you don't have any communication with him... i guess its really time for you to move on and think about your baby... its very entertaining to watch your child grow... and who knows one day you'll find someone that will love and stay with you and your kid... but for now focus on your child...

Julie - posted on 09/08/2009

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I know it is hard. I will never understand why men do the things they do. My sons dad is on and out of his life and it is hard. Dont ever blame yourself..

Suzanne - posted on 09/08/2009

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thank u every1 that took the time to write to me im very grateful and will take ur lot advice thank u i slowly gettin there i never wanted my sons life to be like mine cause my dad wasnt around spect u all thought the same men are shum they think its easy but it aint they should be women 4 a week to show them what its like to be us?

Danielle - posted on 09/06/2009

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Dont wait for him. I have just been through all of this with my ex. I waited and went back after the first then when he walked out the second time it was so much harder on me as I was expecting our second child and it was so much harder on the kids. I have vowed no matter what he does I will never take him back and take the chance of putting myself or my children through that again. Think about how your child felt when he left. By the sounds of his family he never has to take any responsibility for his own doings. If they are not taught about responsibiity when they are children they never learn about it. I agree with Cara we dont need men in our lives we can do it on our own. I have 3 beautiful boys 5, 2 and 3.5 months and I work 3 days a week just to get some adult communication. Dont get me wrong it is a struggle but I have learnt not to be too proud and not ask for help when it really does get too hard. It does get lonely but that passes in a short time too.

Rikki - posted on 09/06/2009

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I am sorry hun i have raised my son since he was 2 months by my self. Stop looking for him. He left and one day will regret. You dont even want him to come back because he could be in and out. That is emtionally horrid on kids. He's gone keep it that way. You are great, you will do this by yourself. you will suceed. Be happy and do what best for that child. put your feelings aside and think of that childs feelings. Dont even worry about finding someone else---focus on that baby! you and your baby----dont focus on finding anyone hun, the right guy will appear when you least expect it. stop looking. live for your baby and you hun by experience wont regret it in the end i promise!

Annie - posted on 09/05/2009

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move on hun

its hard to be alone but your beautiful baby has gota be your number 1 now.

dont rush into anything new take time to bond with ya child

Eronne - posted on 09/04/2009

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You should become the best mom you can and surround yourself with a support network of girlfriends and family. Male friends are a huge help but don't cross the line. For the time being forget men! This is how you got into this situation. Get your life together, enjoy your son -11 months! everything wonderful is happening in his life. There is lots of time for you to find a new partner after the dust settles. Your sperm donor is an idiot - keep him out of your son's life.

Sheila - posted on 09/04/2009

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just keep your head held high and remember you baby comes first no matter what. I am a single mom since i was 6 moths pregnant and my lil girl is 5 now you can do it it is hard but my little girl is the happiest ever.

Carla - posted on 09/04/2009

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don't worry about the dad...it'd obvious he's useless and besides be thankfull that he's not around, if he's that type of man he'd probably only give u problems...and it's enough to have a young child, focus your energies on your baby and yourself.....as long as you're ok your child will b ok!!! so be strong, make friends, go out have fun....i'm single too with 2 kids, and their dad doesn't participate much neither....life is good. always look on the positive side of things, and remember that you're not alone!!

Michelle - posted on 09/03/2009

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Please do not wait for him but do take him for child support u do not have to know where he is the state can find him. I am a single mom and it is hard but my girls are better off. And there are men out there that can love your children like they are there own. You should never settle but do what really makes you and your son happy. Try not to look for a replacement dad and just LOVE that baby. It will get better in time.

Stephanie - posted on 09/03/2009

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hun find some one else dont put your life on hold for some one as imature and selfish as him, your main priority and focus is on your child and u'l find the strenght to move on, im in the same situation, you have your ups and downs buy at the end of the day look what you have, a beautiful child-he has nothing.

Vaunda - posted on 09/02/2009

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Hi Suzanne! You are an amazing person! Your son will know that when others walked out on him it was YOU who stood by him, took care of him, loved him. Anybody can make a baby. It takes a very strong person like yourself to be a parent. I have been a single parent for most of my son's life. His father was not nice to me or him so I kicked him to the curb. Neither you or your son deserve to be treated in such a disrespectful way. The LAST thing I would do is waste your time waiting on him! Being a Mom to your child is the most important role you will ever have. Have a great time showing your son the beautiful world that we will in! At his age he is so very curious about all of the small things in life. A bug on the ground will delight him! His shadow, the leaves in the trees, etc. Take him to the library and read books with him. He will love it! Believe it or not, as you go through life with your son you will discover a world out there you didn't even know existed, through HIS eyes! When you start to date again, be up front with the guy. Tell him in no uncertain terms this is a package deal and we do not tolerate anything less than the upmost respect and kindness. You will discover very quickly who is truly interested in you and who is just looking for a few moments of your time at your expense. Choose short and long term goals for you and your new family. Don't let the naysayers stop you from where you want your life to take you and your new family! Your son loves you so much! He is lucky to have such an outstanding person in his life! Congraulations and the best of luck to you!

Anneca - posted on 09/02/2009

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I would say move on, Its the best way to go, I my self was left but only when i was pregnant. He moved on and married after 3 months and has never seen his daughter and she is now two. His family also quit coming around, they said they were to busy for her and didnt have time for her. I would rather have them out of her life then in and out of her life. You should just allow them to be gone from your childs life, and when your son grows up and wants to know what happened then you can tell him, and never talk bad about his father, cause in the end, he will see what kinna father he was and make his own judgements about him.

Ashley - posted on 09/02/2009

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I know where you are at....i have been on my own since i was 2months pregnant and my son is 16months.......in my opinion...dont wait and dont find someone else.....focus on you and baby it works out better this way.....me and my son are as happy as could be....
you can do it you are a strong woman

Jeri - posted on 09/02/2009

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You what you feel like you need to do. I have raised my son by myself since day 1 and yes it is very hard, but you will be ok. My sons father has seen him 3 times in 13 years and has only called me 4 times, i dont get child support, and to be honest with you i really dont need it, i have done just fine without it. I have worked ever since he was 5 months old. My family has been very supported and i appreciate that but as for raising him, i did that all on my own.

Kerri - posted on 09/02/2009

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i say move on! not only is he pathetic but it sounds like his family is too. you and your son will be better off w/o them!!!

Kristin - posted on 09/02/2009

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My ex left me when we were engaged and I was pregnant with our first son. We have another baby boy due within the next couple weeks and he still chooses not to be in the picture. It took me a long time to be able to move on and be comfortable with looking for someone else. Find someone else, but only do it when you are ready. He may come around, but I wouldnt count on it. I wish you the best of luck and may God be with you.

Donna. - posted on 09/02/2009

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hi Suzanne im 45 and have had 7 children and my life with their fathers were no picinic! Take your time in looking for love again and just spend time with your little fellow. believe me when i say sweetpea you have all the love you need in the world in that beautiful bundle of joy that will fill your day with sunshine.xx

Judith - posted on 09/02/2009

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hello suzanne Am sorry to hear what happened to you its his lost not yours let him run someday he will return to see his child and when he does tell him where to go huni .

my daughters daddy left me when i was pregnant and my daughter is 8weeks and am trying to just move on with my life , i am not interested in other men i just want to spend precious time with my daughter . You need to get out with friends to relax it really helps ... speck soon

Janet - posted on 09/01/2009

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Move on. Never make someone a priority when they only make you their option. It will be hard at first, but once you are able to fully realize the freedom you have from his clutches...you will feel alive again.

Janine - posted on 09/01/2009

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WARNING - Do not wait for him.....! We are women, we are strong and if you look back on your time i am sure you will see how strong and capable you are sweet! I was pregnant and not with my babies "sperm donor" and he has never made and effort in his life which turned out to be a blessing. Does your son really need a parental figure like that in his life??? You werent the one to run away even though at times we feel like it, you stayed true to being a mum, a parent and your son will get all the love, attention and security he needs from you. We all when we are single mums wish we had that father figure for our child and someone we can share the experience with but waiting for that is foolish. You are clearly doing a great job now and that is all you need to worry about. The rest will come when you least expect it. As for the rest of the family, that is harsh - I know, i got the same treatment - but i then met my now ex husband but still my best mate and his mum very quickly took to my son and they bonded beautifully. She is his grandma and wouldnt have it any other way... I hope you have some sort of help with friends and family and a strong sense of that within yourself. It's daunting sweet but when your son is old enough to realize that you were with him at every milestone - you will think yourself proud - man by your side or not! I suggest a really good cry on a girlfriends shoulder and really let out all of your frustrations regarding the pain you habour then shake it off and relish in the fact that you have created a beautiful child and are doing everything right by him. Wish you well x

Desiree - posted on 09/01/2009

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oh sweety move one...my sons dad walked out on me when i was 4 months prego. He found a younger not prego girl and was screwing her in my house when i found them he looked at me and said "we were just talking, but im breaking up with you now." and walked out i never saw him again. My son never met him and i never got childsupport even though i had an order out. His family wouldnt tell me where he was so i was never able to ge ahold of him. I know its hard. I moved on...it took me a year after that guy left to even start looking now im married to a wonderful guy who adopted my son. Now my daughter and son have the same father and i dont have to worry about dead beet loser trying anything! girl after 2 years no contact you can take his rights and make that child yours and dont have to ever see him again. Just look at you son and see the love you have for him to keep you strong and make it through! We ar tough us women and i know you can DO IT keep you head up and stay strong and keep me posted i went through the exact same thing you need to talk let me know (takenandready@yahoo.com is my email you are welcome to contact me there)

good luck

Desi

Lisa - posted on 09/01/2009

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well my dear, you have gotten the same advice from many, so i hope that i can offer some experienced support. i am not a single mother now, but have been. it is an emotional roller coaster ride, i know. i was not as fortunate as you, though, to have as much support. it involved my ex and his family as well. i dont want to dredge up the past, but sometimes to think about it, is a learning experience. girl, be strong, you and your child can make the best out of what you have and what you are going to be and do. occupy yourself with family, friends, school, other moms of little ones. Go places, like the mall, where there are the small play grounds, or little gyms. get involved with anything that will make you and your baby happy. there are too many single moms in this world, but if the men that fathers these children cant step up, it is not at all in any way these single mother's doing. this will be someone you will never forget, but move on b/c when it is time, you will find the one person that will be a good mate and father to your child. you guys are a package and you should always put yourselves first. it will be a struggle, but keep going. it takes more energy to try to fix something you cant than to get to somewhere your going. best wishes, and i hope you let us know how you are doing.

Anequa - posted on 09/01/2009

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Move on with ur life dont even worry about him.Put that focus on your child cause sooner or later he is gone realize he was wrong anyway.If u move on that is when he gone come back and act like nothing hadnt even happen. Men dont think rational about anything they do until it's 2 late. I know it cant be lonely sometimes but sooner or later u will get over him and wont even look back! There is probably a better man out there for u anyway!!

Melissa - posted on 09/01/2009

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i had my ex broke up about 6months ago we were together for a very long time. he tells me he still loves me and always says that things will get better. we still talk a bit and he takes our son every second weekend. a week after we broke up he started seeing someone else and she's now pregnant due in november. it hurts alot. but i think ive waited to long and theres all so much u can take.
i would have to agree with everyone else move on. if his walked out once who's not to say that he would do it again. i wish u luck with it all

Kelly - posted on 09/01/2009

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neva wait he doesn't deserve u yes it's hard and yes there will be times when u want 2 pull ur hair out but hang in there and be strong u can do it all us single mum's rock always here if u need 2 chat or just want someone 2 listen i'm a single mummy of 2 boys

Cara - posted on 08/31/2009

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don't do either! concentrate on your beautiful baby boy, he needs you more than your ex, who sounds like he doesn't want to be with you and your son to be honest. and you don't need another man, you can do it! if you do find someone else make sure that he is a good man who loves you and your son. I know it is hard to be a single mom but remember, God loves you and is with you always!

Amber - posted on 08/31/2009

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I have been dwelling on an ex for awhile now too...we havent been together for a while...i am due in december actually....but i have been hearing from many people the same thing i would advise to you...



its all about your babyboy...concentrate on him, and your love for him...that is all that matters..



as a single mother, it does get lonely at times, and it is hard...especially when your heart is telling you to not move forward...



instead of trying to move on for yourself, or dwelling on the hopes of the father returning...try focusing your concentration to your son. His mommies love will be far more appreciated!



Good luck! :)

Suzanne - posted on 08/31/2009

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its a shame cause his mum used to come up everyday to c my son since day 1 and now she stopped comin up cause he walked out its so not fair on my son that shes cut him out all together.
his dad was the best dad u can ever ask 4 he done everythin and my son was such a daddys boy aswell

Cathryn - posted on 08/31/2009

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i'm sorry to hear things didn't work out between u and ur baby's dad ,but i honestly think you should stop looking for him.move om with your own life.if his family don't wanna know it's their loss.be happy and enjoy your child,they grow up so quickly.

and definately take ur time looking 4 someone else make sure their right 4 u and make sure their worth it.belive in yourself you can make it on your own.being single definately makes you a stronger person.take care.cat

Aimee - posted on 08/31/2009

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Move on with your life. Don't waste your time on someone who doenst realize what he walked away from- a beautiful child!! Good luck to you.

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