Biological Father.

Leanna - posted on 11/22/2009

He is the reason that he is not in your sons life... not her. You cannot make someone want to do the right thing. Hopefully in the future he will do the right thing. Take care of yourself and your baby and forget about what he is doing because the fighting is not going to make him closer to you and your son.

Andy - posted on 11/22/2009

I have learned the hard way that you cannot stop any woman from being in your childs life.....unless she is harming him. My ex husband is married to a girl that "was" my friend and it kills me to let me daughter go to their house...but bottom line is I cannot stop it. I have learned to kill them with kindness. You do what you know is right and the rest will fall into place. Either the dad will be a good dad and that is all you have to worry about........or he will not be a good dad and your child will eventually see it for themeselves. good luck!!!

LAVONNE - posted on 11/22/2009

apparently he doesn't care about you or your son. its sad to say that this happens everyday. my son is 5 and his father's visits are sooo far apart that my son rarely ask about him. i keep the lines of communication open because I know my son needs to know his father. boys need the male bonding. i dont say anything negative about him in front of my son. you energy is important. put all you happy energy into your baby. he needs it. later for the deadbeat dad. he may not get his now but he will get his...trust me. he has no respect for you or your baby. and believe it or not..he is gonna do the same to her. go to the courts get child support and make him have supervised visitation (until you feel comfortable enough to let your baby go with him) and move on with your life. you deserve much better. its gonna hurt....and you may even cry...but you and your baby deserve better

Akilah - posted on 11/22/2009

Live your life and keep the door open for him.

Jessica - posted on 11/21/2009

ok i am a single mom my son is going to be 2 in december. my son's father told me back when he found out i was pregnant that he didn't want anything to do with the baby and that he wasn't going to help me support him. so i said fine that's it and i left him. well he has never tried to contact me or anything and i don't want him to because he is a bad person. and if you can't trust your baby's fathers girl friend then i wouldn't let her around your son. the way i see it is if you can't trust someone then your not going to let them be around your child right? only because you never know what she might do and i would hate to see a mom go through something like the father's girlfriend run off with the baby you know. i hope this helps you.

Seana - posted on 11/21/2009

i would just giv e up... as much as you want him in your sons life sometimes its better without him there. i finally found someone who loves me and cares about me and loves my daughter just the same.. and she could care less if her dads around.. because algthough my boyfriend is not her real dad... she sees him as her dad. ♥

Carrina - posted on 11/21/2009

I agree with Bethyny. My baby daddy threatened me with the whole courts and rights thing and being 17 i was scared to death about losing my baby girl so i took him to court and kept my baby safe with me. (other than visitation) but do not lose hope fight yourself and your baby!

Bethyny - posted on 11/21/2009

First off...and TRUST ME ON THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...get your paperwork done!!! I am fighting for custody of my son right, who is 31/2, with his father who couldn't have given a shit until he married some woman two months ago who has lost custody of her own children. He never made my son a priority in his life but I was desperate for my son to have a father so I tollerated it.

Yes, it's hard to seperate your personal feeling from those of what's best for your son. But the voice of experience is telling you, if he isn't making Mason a priority now and didn't while you were pregnant...he never will. You put Mason at risk to develope some really horrible emotional problems due to his father treating him shabby compared to the other child, etc. Look at the situation and be honest with yourself. Is this going to be profitable for Mason. Not how YOU feel about it!!! Is this going to be profitable for your son?

Sit down, think long and hard, fill out your paperwork. DO NOT LEAVE YOURSELF OPEN TO FIGHTING FOR YOUR BABY!!! You will find that when he get's served witht he parenting plan...things will become very clear. But please do it!!! I trusted my son's father because we had always put my baby before our petty bullshit, and then I got served with paperwork losing custody of my son, having next to no visitation, paying all the bills, etc. I won't even begin to tell you what it's doing to my son. You can't control his fathers life and who's in and out of it. You want to minimise the damage his father can cause in his life. I know you are hurt, it's a pretty similar situation with me. But you have to seperate that from your son...if for no other reason, it can be used against you in court. And don't kid yourself, they will take your son to try to get rid of you. And they will mess with your childs head to accomplish it! Protect yourself, protect your son...

Amy - posted on 11/21/2009

Here comes the hard part. He's not "your" son. He is the child of both of you. If you start using your child as a weapon in a fight (it sounds to me that you still aren't over the hurt and don't want the woman involved because you see her as the cause of your pain), you will lose out. Your child will resent you and your ex WILL have footing in court if you try to keep him from his parental rights. You do not get to choose who will be with the child while he is with his father, that is up to his father to decide. If you don't like the choices his father is making, bring it up in court when you sue him for child support(you are trying to get support right?), that way a judge can issue any orders in regards to the child's safety. If you do everything the legal way, then he will have no footing in court. BUT if you try to keep his son from him he WILL have footing in court. Again, if you don't let him go with his father because of the girlfriend that too can be used against you in court.
One thing, his past (the father) has nothing to do with whether or not he should be able to see his child. If his past was that rotten why did you sleep with him and get pregnant? I am sorry if I am sounding harsh, I am only trying to tell you what you WILL hear in court if you try to interfere with the father's rights. If you don't believe me call a lawyer (they will answer a question or two on the phone for free), better yet call a child advocacy group and ask them.
The hardest part of being a parent is being a parent. We cannot always control our children's lives especially if there is another parent to consider. Do what is best for your child IN THE LONG RUN, and quit using your hurt feelings to decide his relationship with his father.
If you ever need to chat contact me.

Krista - posted on 11/21/2009

if he wants to see his son, he will. you dont have to negotiate a damn thing. believe me, you can do this.

Delia - posted on 11/21/2009

If there is that much drama let sleeping dogs lie. Be the best you can be for your son and ignore the rest. Regardless, if he comes into your son's life one day, now or later, there will be another woman involved even if it isn't her. Don't contact him about visiting again let him make the move. As long as the other woman he has now is not a serial killer, drug addict etc, and will not harm your son you will have to take the good with the bad. That is if he wants to see your son. Yeah been there done that and put up with all the bull crap.

Isobel - posted on 11/20/2009

I hate to say it but your child deserves a father. I know it's difficult, but the baby this other woman is carrying WILL be your child's sibling and they deserve to know each other as well. Perhaps if you explain to him that while you understand that she will be a part of their lives you are just not ready to spend time with her yourself, he might understand.

Trust me I know how hard it is...my ex cheated on me and has another daughter that is three months older than mine. When he wasn't seeing them, I actually contacted the other mother to set up playdates and sleepovers.

We are all mothers and we all want what's best for our babies. Being able to know your family is a basic human right, and our hurt feelings shouldn't interfere with that.

Good Luck

Amanda - posted on 11/19/2009

ok amayas biological father hasnt ever been in her life. he has been taking me to court since may. i dnt think u should stop protecting your son but let him know if he wants to see him that he can but she has nothing to do with your son there fore she doesnt need to come.

Amanda - posted on 11/19/2009

have faith, the courts, life it will work on your side.

Amanda - posted on 11/19/2009

This is one of the hardest choices to make for your child. Is it better to allow a fathe you dont trust in his life or have him removed from the situation and the possibility of him not having a father. I am trying to figure that one out myself for my unborn daughter. if you sacrifice your beliefs with her and allow them both into Masons life...will it really stick? In my opinion its best off not knowing a S.O.B. father than knowing him and being left by him later when you can remember and know how it felt to be abandoned by your so called dad. I tell my daughters father all the time its all or nothing and so far he aint gave it all so therefore he aint getting anything with her.

Jamie - posted on 11/19/2009

im going through the same thing all i can tell u is be strong and move on thats what i had to do mines is a DEAD BEAT who is married to another women and he use to keep her but he stop so just attend to ur baby and hopefully mr.right will come

Ashley - posted on 11/19/2009

Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I should just cut him out of the picture, the hard part is that every time I tell him he doesn't have to be in Mason's life, he gets defensive and says he'll take me to court for his rights, even though I know its an empty threat it still scares me. I doubt he would follow through with it, because with his past and his new girlfriends past it's in my favor already, but it's still scary the thought of loosing Mason, or even his father getting him for a weekend because I know Mason wouldn't be well cared for in the environment his fathers living in.

Amy - posted on 11/18/2009

i had the same thing happen to me at 3 months preg. he only saw my daughter once at the hospital and brought his new girlfriend in to (stupid move) . he was told she is not to be around my baby. my daughter is nearly 6 months old and he aint seen her at all

Jamie - posted on 11/18/2009

I was going to type a nice long thing out about what I thought you should do and then I read Ashley's post... I AGREE 100% !!! Im going through the stress of a come and go father right now, and if I could cut him from my life I would do it, but im too far into this mess for that to be possible now. Do it while you can! CUT! CUT! CUT!

Ashley - posted on 11/18/2009

i had the same breakup problem with my ex when i was 8 month preg. What i have figured out the past 6 months if you dont feel safe or comfortable with your son being around this girl, then don't allow it. Move on and enjoy your life from here. If he is giving you an ultimatem, then he's looking for a way out. Let him have it. You can't make a man want to be a good father, the same way you can not teach an old dog new tricks

Tara - posted on 11/18/2009

id give up on him, doesnt sound like he wants to be a dad..........you can do just fine by yourself!