Break Up Heartache

Chloe - posted on 09/21/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a single mom of a very sweet but high maintenance 7 year old girl. Her father and I were not married but together for six years. He was a horrible person to me, and we split four years ago, thank goodness. We have shared custody, and have since we split and he's very involved in her life.

Finally, I met an amazing guy a year ago. He had one daughter, 13, and son who is 8. Divorced for five years. He lives with his mother, sister and her husband and has always claimed that he did pay some rent but really he has very little the bills to pay there except maybe food. Plus, his mom can watch his kids sometimes. Seems like a good deal. Except, his daughter has a room that she can't even decorate because it's a computer room. And he shares the coach bed in the living room with his son. He said he couldn't move out, which is probably true because he has his kids in Tae Kwon Do and afterschool care and it costs a ton of money. Plus, he coaches his son's soccer team each fall, so he's very involved with the kids. I accepted everything, I was good to him. I liked his kids, my daughter loved him and his kids. But he wasn't very giving in terms of thoughtfulness and didn't really seem to put a whole lot of effort into our love affair so to speak. Last week, I confronted him because my daughter and I made a gorgeous banner for his son's soccer team. My

boyfriend basically ignored it. Confronting him caused him to blow up, scream all these things that he didn't like about me and us and he left. He went home, deleted me off facebook and all 211 pictures and memories we shared. And has refused to have anything to do with me except to say "you deserve better, I'm no good for you." blah blah blah. It's destroyed me. I'm so sad, and I was so good to him. I haven't told my daughter and I'm dreading it. She said he was her family. Now what to do.

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Sandy - posted on 09/30/2012

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It sounds like he has a lot on his plate right now. How can he possibly have a mature relationship living at home with his mother, sister and her husband? I think may be the pressure of everything just came to a head and he exploded. It sounds like he needs some space right now and I would give that to him. You do deserve better!

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Chloe - posted on 10/03/2012

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Sandy, you are exactly right. And I'm giving him space. I reached out to him, did all the wrong things, begged, pleaded and panicked. Of course this got me nothing but more grief. I invested in an online program which is basically a guideline of how to deal with my feelings, and how to better understand myself. And, how to improve my own life, without worrying about his. So, I'm working the program so to speak, and taking it a day at a time. Haven't told my daughter anything yet, and luckily she hasn't come out and asked. Thanks so much for your advice.

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