Breakup and pregnant, help?!

Jen - posted on 07/11/2012 ( 19 moms have responded )

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So my the father of my baby, and I, are broken up. Well, I broke up with him because he was never around, although we lived together. He was constantly out with friends (drinking, partying etc) and never spent ANY time with me. All he did was fight with me and I couldn't deal with the stress. I'm 27 weeks pregnant and we've been broken up for 3 weeks now, we've talked here and there and everytime I ignore him for 2+ days, he'll send me a message saying how sorry he is and how much he wants this to work, but then he's back to fighting with me the next day and recently found out he's been talking to girls, via facebook, and probably from his phone because that's what he uses facebook for... As he reactivated it soon as we broke up. I really don't want to be with him, its like dealing with a kid. I just need some advice on how to move on without feeling so depressed?

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I agree with Amie on this one. Your child is what is important right now. I went through kinda the same thing. I was pregnant and working 60 hour weeks at a restaurant and he was at the house playing video games and smoking weed. (I found a pipe hidden after he moved out and I cleaned my room up).
They always say how sorry they are- my ex did. The fighting is not healthy for you or the baby, especially while you are pregnant. The doctor blamed my son being 2 months early on the stress caused by his father.
You need to take care of you and your baby. Moving on will take time. It took me a while to feel better about myself and to stop being sad. Sometimes I get upset because we were supposed to be a family, but I have to remember the horrible things he did and what he put me and my son through.
My ex was sleeping around with other women while we were "working on things." The whole time he was saying he loved me and wanted to work on things he was sleeping with others and he got one (or two) pregnant. One of the women he said he told her he wanted nothing to do with her or the baby and she terminated the pregnancy.

End it, honey. It will get easier with time. I'm a single mom of two kids and my son is 4.
Like Aime, his dad isn't around much and is over $6,000 in arrears for child support. We can't make them grow up. Women are a lot stronger than the guys give us credit for. We CAN do it without them. Yes it is harder, but it can be done. Chin-up, dear and just worry about your baby's health and your own.
It may not seem like it now, but it does get easier and I am sure that you are a strong and able-minded woman.

Amie - posted on 07/11/2012

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Focus on you and your baby, When me and my baby's dad broke up I took some time for myself. months after the break up I went on a few dates and met another guy who loves my son. Just poof that there are guys who are decent out there so don't feel hopeless about this.
As in your case of being pregnant if you are not already take some mommy classes, do some yoga and just be there for yourself. You gotta stay happy and healthy for your baby, be strong you are strong. But give the father a chance to be involved with the baby process, it is his responsibility too. You are not married to the guy so when time comes down to it give the baby your last name, you can still get child support. I wish I had given my baby my last name. The father dont deserve that if he is not going to man up and be a good father. You can always change the babys last name when you marry. My babys dad pays very little support and only requests to see him but once a week for just 5 hours and some weeks he doesnt see him. Hes a bum father and I feel so ashamed that hes my sons father. I am teaching my son the best I can to grow up smart, happy and good. I want my son to be better than me, i think we all want that for our children.
Its a tough thing to go through but when it all comes down to it, you can do this. It has to get better with time. I hope this made you feel better, youre not alone.

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19 Comments

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Zoe - posted on 08/22/2012

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Any relationship break up will be tough in the begining, because you had feelings for that person and they dont just disappear with the decision to break up. It takes time to process your feelings for the person and what has happened and as he is the father of you unborn child that will make it emotionally harder for you to get past it esspecially if you want your child to have contact with his/her father.
The only quick solution to feeling down is to get socially involved with your friends, go have some fun and laugh a little, do some activities/sport and meet new people it will give you a boost in confidence and fun. But when you are alone at night the depressed feeling will creep up because you are still processing your emotions and facing being a single mum. Hang in there it will pass, it's just takes time.
Keep smiling and good luck with sorting out father's role in you babies future.

User - posted on 08/21/2012

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Laura is right. I had been keeping in contact with Greg and even though we were not living together I was still stressed and always upset. Sometimes sad. I have now completely cut all ties with him and I have noticed a huge difference in the way I feel, How I act and what I do. Im much happier.

Laura - posted on 08/20/2012

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At least your strong enough to know what the right thing is to do and you did it. No its not easy being pregnant and single believe me I know how you feel. But the only reason your depressed is because you are still in contact with him. You need to end all communication with him because he will only make you feel worse. Especially if he is begging you to come back. You need to only talk to him when you are in labor. Other than labor he has no rights to you in any way. You will feel a whole lot happier and relieved when your done talking to him and spending more time with people that you enjoy spending time with.

User - posted on 08/20/2012

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Oh my goodness girl I just went through the Same thing except we broke up after I had my boys. I know how you feel and its a horrible feeling. What I did was focus on my babies. Forget about him. All he does is cause you stress and that's the Last thing you need. Focus on yourself and that baby of yours that your carrying :) Take one day at a time. Take deep breaths and encourage yourself. Know that keeping your distance from his as often as you can is making it easier on you and your baby. It might be different once you have your baby.. It could be better or it could be worse. You know whats best for you and your baby. Keep your head up and stay strong :) Good luck and God bless you.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/16/2012

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Be strong. You do not need him, you're baby probably doesn't need him. Preparing for life as a single mother will make you a stronger, more purpose driven woman. The only problems arise when custody questions come up. It is very stressful. But don't put yourself through this torture right now. Move out. Move back in with your parents (or parent) if you have to.

Alysha - posted on 08/16/2012

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Life is hard being a single parent when your fighting with your baby daddy. I was in a similar situation, My ex and I still fight over stupid things. However, once when that little baby is born, you both will have to figure it out for that baby. Either be civil friends and make it work, or work things out and see where things out.
I hope the both of you can sit down and talk as adults and figure things out for the sake of the baby. It seems easy, but it's really hard because it's a struggle everyday. You just need to find common ground and see where life goes.
Who knows, maybe when the baby comes, he'll get his life straight and grow up and out of the funk he's in and realize what's more important.

Jeanette - posted on 08/11/2012

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Honey, take it from me, 3 children, 3 toxic failed relationships .... i got conned and sucked into thinkin they would stick around but na, they ditched and bailed for their own lives of friends n partying, not family. If you dont want to be with him, then dont. its better to be from a broken family than in one :D

Kris Bernadette - posted on 08/09/2012

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Just focus on your baby. Don't let him ruin your happiness. Just stay happy, chin up! After you deliver a healthy baby, trust me, he will finally regret all the mistakes he did!

Amie - posted on 08/08/2012

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I also worked all my pregnancy, my babys dad has no education he never did anything with himself but at least I finished school for cosmetology way before my son and I was working a great salon job that I worked so hard for. I had gotten pregnant like 3 months of having my job it was tough and i didnt know how i could work and be a mom. I was picking up 8 hour shifts and other girls shifts as much as I could so I could save money for my baby, the father wasnt. And worst of all I was paying for an apartment so me and the father could live together and be a family and start our lives, he was jobless at this point so for 2 months I was paying for everything we needed under the sun. Idk how I supported us by myself with only my part time salon job but I did it. I came home every night feet swollen, back hurting, he didnt care and I also managed to make him dinner he never ate, and cleaned the apartment he never cleaned. I remember I asked him to do the dishes once and he didnt get around to it for a week so I ended up doing them and all he did was play games. I went to bed pregnant and alone, I should of left him but I gave him too many chances. I love my son so much and I had to quit my job so I could be there for my son when he was just itty bitty, no one else would, I was also breast feeding. And then the father left me after I quit my job and I have been doing it by myself ever since, I havent received child support for about 2 months and counting now, the child support goes in and out cause the father cant keep a job for more than a few months. I wish all the time the father was out of my sons life it would be less stressful, he really makes it difficult. Point is you dont need him if hes just a bum father.

I also try my best to think of me being just mom for now and not working as time off like a long vacation. Just gotta enjoy everyday with your baby, one day they will be talking and saying mommy I love you and you will know how much it is worth it to work hard for your children. I get kisses from my son who is now 19 months old, I love it and makes everything worth it.

Michelle - posted on 07/16/2012

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Ex was acting the same way and confusing the heck out of me everyday. I was depressed couldnt sleep eat or anything. I had been completely in denial making excuses to myself and other people about is behavior it was ridiculous. Just cried wishing he would come back to support me through out the pregnancy. Stopped talking for a month then came around acting better going to dr appointments put crib together etc. Come to find out he has been dating a girl the whole 5months ive been pregnant. Im still hurt over all the bs but not as depressed. I had cut off a lot of friends cause they were mutual friends and didnt want to discuss everything with them and face up to what was going on but now I have and am hanging out with some of them again. Dont have much family where I live but try to be around them as much as possible to keep distracted. Work part time and am trying to attend some courses in a town a couple hours away for a different setting to be in around new people. Oh and reading single mom's stories for inspiration helps.Its been really really tough going through this and still have a long way to go but its getting a little easier every day.

Jen - posted on 07/12/2012

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Trust me, if it wasn't for the support from my family and friends I would be living in a broken down apartment with him right now and would be living such a stressful & Unhappy life. Don't regret those 3 months because you thought he would be a man, and you wanted to have a family. But I'm glad you got out of the situation.
He sounds just like my ex... They're such boys!

Arin - posted on 07/12/2012

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Your experience sounds almost exactly like mine with my daughter's father but I stayed with him until our daughter was about 3 months old. I wish I had been strong enough to end it before the baby came like you. Those first 3 months of my daughter's life were supposed to be the happiest of my life and they were clouded with the stress of dealing with my ex. He kept saying that he loved me and our baby but when I needed him he wasn't there for me. I would go out of my way to spend time with him just to be ignored once I got over to his house... he preferred to play video games, hang out with his friends, drink, party. If I had ended it sooner, maybe I would have been able to enjoy those sweet first months with my little girl rather than spending most of my time wondering if my ex would call me or what time he would be home (2am, 4am etc.) To this day, I haven't seen a red cent from him for child support and he hasn't seen her or made any attempt to be in her life since Thanksgiving 2011.
It took me a while to feel better about myself... getting a workout routine has helped. I also suggest starting a hobby of some type or trying something new that you have always wanted to do but haven't. Take time for yourself and you will realize that you are still a strong, independent woman who can do anything without the help of a man. Being a mom is the most rewarding experience of my entire life. Although I didn't make a good choice about the man who is my daughter's father, I would change anything because then I wouldn't have my wonderful little girl.
Spend this time focusing on yourself and your baby. In a blink of an eye, they grow up and you don't want to miss anything. Check into the child support law in your state. All of them are different so it is information that you will need to know. I also second Amie advice of giving your baby your last name. Keep your head up, sister. Things will get better!

Jen - posted on 07/12/2012

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Its unreal how many women this has happened to! I definitely don't feel alone anymore, thank you so much!

Cindy - posted on 07/12/2012

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Hi Jen soory to hear that....but your not the only 1....In oct 11 I got prego by my ex too! and on new years I found out ...yes other girls no just one...lol well what I did with past experiences well one I was married then divorced prego too!! so by my first experience I learned that your baby feels everything you do so keep calm I would ignore him little by little and focus on your little one ....My ex told me to get rid of him since the beginning and frankly I tought about it but I would never....dont ruin your pregnancy with his BS take care of you for your little one....And trust me you are not alone you might have fam and friends take care and distract yourself and be strong!!!! God Bless
Cindy (fyi dump his ass you dont need an unstable fam for your lil one) a new life is a new begining of your life

Jen - posted on 07/12/2012

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Thank you both, very helpful and I will definitely stay strong knowing I'm not the only one whos gone through this!

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