Charged with kidnapping?

April - posted on 10/23/2009 ( 37 moms have responded )

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The father of my child is threatening to have me charged with kidnapping my own daughter. He is not on the birth certificate, has never given me a dime (she is almost 3 and has no clue who he is), and legally has no rights to her. We have never gone to court for any child support mainly because I didn't want him to see her since he was doing drugs. She knows my fiance as her daddy and he loves her like his own. Can he get me charged with this? He asks me to see her and I ask him for money first. He never gives me any so I don't let him see her. He just recently started asking me to see her after he got married to a woman who is 15 years older than him. Someone please help!

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Julia - posted on 11/02/2009

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okay. I am completely feeling everything you are saying - however No he cannot charge u with kidnapping. But if he goes to court, and get a DNA test, and they found out he is actually the father, this little story book life u have created by pretending the fiance is her daddy is going to come crashing around your ears. They are going to allow him visits- maybe supervised, maybe not- and she is going to get to know him. And they will issue another birth certificate with his name on it. So it's better you deal with this one way or another then to let the drama keep going on and on.

Kirsten - posted on 10/27/2009

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Just a suggestion... you need to keep a note book of every time he calls or stops by. Keep a record of everything that is said between the two of you and make sure you put the date and time. Do this immediately after he leaves of ends a phone call. You will then be one step ahead. He does have to establish a paternity test in order to prove that he actually is the father. The courts may not even give him visitation rights without being supervised because he has been absent from your daughters life for her first three years. My daughters father (here in Michigan) tried to get full custody of both my son and daughter but the Judge told him that he had to have supervised visitation at my home, my parents home, or his sisters home. He could not be a lone with them. He had not seen them in 3 years either. Guess what... it has now been 11 years and he has not ever seen these two kids. He was just trying to make it look like he was this great father. My son is now 15 and my daughter just turned 14. It will be 14 years since he has even seen them come December 28th. He cannot charge you with kidnapping because legally he is not even the father. He has prove it first. The judge will probably look at it as abandonment. Also he has the drug thing under his belt and if there is any proof in the courts about his drug use then he will never get custody. He has to prove that he is an able and willing parent and has not been convicted of anything. He would probably have to be supervised at the court when he gets visitation. I certainly don't think you have anything to worry about. But please take my advice about the notebook and recording every converstation that you have with him. Take really good notes. It helped me greatly. I kept track of every day that he DIDN'T call or come and see the kids. The judge knew what it was like because his grandchildren lived so far away and they would come stay with him and it would take them all week to get warmed up to him. You should be just fine. It sounds like to me that it is the wife that is causing this. But like everyone else has said he has to prove it. That will cost him money and if he does go through with it, he will have to pay regular child support and he will be in arears for the last 3 years. So if he has a good job it could be a good chunk of money that he will owe. Once he gets entered into the legal system they will keep track of him. If he loses a job he still has to pay and the arears keeps going up. Of course states will differ in they way they handle these situations and I do suggest that you go to your local Friend of the Court and talk with a councelor, They will be able to give you the best advice in handling this situation. I am pretty sure that if he does try anything he will not get very far without shooting himself in the foot. Judges don't like deadbeat dads. Hope this helps ease your mind. And please remember to get that notebook and keep very detailed notes. So when you walk into court you can hand it to the Judge and YOU will be the prepared one. Good Luck! Kirsten Mitchell

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37 Comments

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Alexis - posted on 01/02/2013

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check your state laws, but if he's not on the birth certificate he cant do anything. untill he goes to court and proves with a DNA test that he is the dad he litteraly has no rights, and you can not demand money from him as there is no custody or child suport agreement already in place.

if you have the money, you may end up needing to file for full custody without visitation, but this is hard to get if he fights it so you'll need proof that he is an unfit dad and a danger to the kid... and im sorry to say, but drug use wont get you full custody (even in texas) they'd probably just do supervized visitation after a negative drug test has been obtained within six hours of the visitation time.

Kim - posted on 09/21/2010

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I would end all contact with him until forceable by law. I mean if he is abusive and such then it may be best. As well if he truly wants to figh for his daughter and see her and actually participate as a father then he will go through the proper channels and do it. It sounds like he is still trying to get to you rather than his own daughter by making such silly statements about charging you with kidnapping. Who is he kidding. he is not on the birth certificate, you are! You are the parent and by rights you have full control and custody as you are the single parent who is her gaurdian, parent, mother. He has nothing yet and must go through court to establish anything at this point. If he was to take her from you then YOU could charge HIM with kidnapping. He sounds silly!

Jamie - posted on 09/21/2010

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If he isn't on the birth cerificate then he can't get you for kidnapping. He would have to go to court and prove that he was the biological father before he could do anything.

Rebecca - posted on 09/20/2010

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He would have to prove that he is the father before he can have you "charged" with kidnapping, and if by some off chance he made that fly you would probably go to court and the case would be thrown out. However, I would seek legal advise, and stay away from him...if he is not on the birth certificate, and he has never paid a dime of child support, and he has never seen her, then he really has no grounds, so I would just simply stay away from him...with him not on the birth certificate, he cant do anything without a DNA test to prove that she is his, and then he would probably have to prove a valid reason to request a DNA test, but again, I dont know the law, so I would still seek legal advise if i were you.

Tia - posted on 09/20/2010

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if his name is not on the birth certificate.. there's nothing he can do... NOTHING.. unless he orders a dna test to get his name on it. till then.. NOTHING!!! he cannot charge you because he's not classified as the father on paper. he's just another human being that's not known to be associated with your child

Jennifer - posted on 09/20/2010

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he cant get you charged with anything.. hes not on the birth certificate and has never seen her theres no court papers so he can try but the cops will just laugh at him.. good luck..

Cortney - posted on 07/29/2010

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ok no he cannot charge you with kidnapping because dna has not been established and his nameis not on birth certificate. my baby dad just took me to court for dna and now he has to pay child support. but no from me asking lawyers and mediators untill dns is established that he is the father he cant do that to you

Candice - posted on 07/29/2010

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tell him if he wants rights to his child to go to court and get them. Then you can get him to pay child support, and he can get his visitation rights. If he's not on the birth certificate, he shouldn't be able to charge you with kidnapping as far as i know.

Stephanie - posted on 11/02/2009

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He can not charge you with kidnapping. He first has to prove the child is his.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/30/2009

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There is no way he could charge you with kidnapping! The idea is hillarious as he is just trying to scare you. If I were you, I would definitely begin the process of establishing custody the proper way. He can say say he is the father, but if he denies it then you can get a paternity test which you will have to pay for initially, once it is proved he is the father, he must repay you. If he wants visitations, you can request that has supervised visitation for a minimal time on a weekly or bi-weekly bases. That is all he can get because he has not seen her nor does she have an idea who he is. The court will not allow someone to simply begin taking care of her, that would be too difficult for the child. Anyhow, he will continue to bother you so it would probably be best to go to court or even wait and let him take you to court, then he will have to pay the fees:o)

Orla - posted on 10/30/2009

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He probably can't have you charged with kidnapping as you have not crossed any borders with the child (Hague convention) and from my own experience with such a charge, there has to be a specific event and date when child is stolen... if father waits till it suits him to file, it will clearly not be kidnap and thrown out of court. BUT he can probably insist on a blood test, tho if he does that,he has financial obligations under law.. If he is continuing with irresponsible dehaviour (tho that can be hard to prove after years apart) you could ask for supervised access too. Fortunately your daughter is so young she would probably accept 2 fathers if you explain that to her in a simple fashion..

Delaine - posted on 10/29/2009

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He must be on drugs because that's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Let him go thru court...establish paternity......get enforced maintenance........and prove he's unfit.

Lynn - posted on 10/29/2009

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You've received some great advice regarding the legal aspects of your situation already but I wanted to get the focus back on the child.



All legalities and all mistakes aside, if he truly is the father and has made positive changes in his life, why not let him see his child. I'm not saying for any length of time. But no matter what you do, she WILL someday want the truth and she WILL feel better about everything knowing that her mommy was a good person through and through. That you gave him chances to BE a father to her.



In the grand scheme of things, this is what matters to a kid. You don't ever want her to blame you for his mistakes. Parents are supposed to be models for their kids. All you can do is be the great mom you are, suck up the resentment (I'd have it too) and allow them to at least meet under your supervision. The money and everything else will work out in the end if he is truly seeking help and becoming a more responsible person.



Our job as parents is not only to protect them but to empower them! Good luck April! I hope everything works out.

Ruth - posted on 10/29/2009

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I don't think he can charge you with kidnapping, but I suggest you get some legal advise. I don't know where you are from but your community welfare centre should be able to tell you who you can talk to. Just don't let him see your child until there are court orders in place to protect yourself and your child.

[deleted account]

The ladies are all spot on - youc an't be charged with kidnapping.
Keep a Journal of everytime he contacts you and what is said.
Next time he contacts you simply tell him that if he would like to be a part of his daughters life he will need to file with the courts for an order of paternity. this will most likely stop him dead in his tracks because it puts the onus on him. STOP demanding money in exchange for seeing your daughter- visitation and child support are two separate issues. If he does take you to court, your insistance on money in exchange for visitation could look very very bad.
Finally, go interview lawyers. This is purely preventative - IF he decides he wants to be a dad and takes you to court you want to be ready to go. This was one of the best things I did - when I saw my marriage crumbling I interviewed lawyers. 6 months later when my son and I left under police escort and a restraining order was plced against my abusive husband, having a phone number of the lawyer I wanted to go with was a real life saver. You may never need this person, but while you have the time now - do your research.
One final thing - IF he truly is harrassing you your journal of accounts of his behavior (time and date) will prove to the police that you are in jeapordy. They should be able to locate him based on details you give them, such as his name and known relatives in the area. They should help you get a restraining order! sometimes you have to stand up, push and advocate for your own well being and demand that they go the extra mile, this may be one of those times.

Kirsten - posted on 10/28/2009

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He sounds like an idiot. He won't get anywhere if there is anything on his record. REMEMBER... write down everything! The judge will love that you are organized and have documentation. Do not let him know you are doing this. Good Luck and let me know how it turns out. Kirsten

Krista - posted on 10/28/2009

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He can't charge you with crap and you don't have to do anything for him. If you don't want him to have a relationship with her then don't pay attention to him. If he wants something he can take you to court and from experience no court in their right mind is going to give him anything. Move one with your life with your finance and pay no atting to him. You didn't do the wrong thing you did what any mother should do look out for their young. What he thinks because he help create this child that it gives him automatic right I don't think so. Don't you wish life was that simple don't help with support and taking care of the child and walking away and coming back when its good for them and convient. Having children isn't suppose to be easy or convient and you don't just get to decide you want to be in the picture without consequences. I was raised by my stepfather and I didn't miss anything. As long as your child has stability and support your fine your doing your job as a mother. You can take that kid any where in this world unless he has a court older saying otherwise; such as, visitation rights.



To be honest do you think he is going to pay a lot of money for lawyers and courts cost probably not once he finds out it could cost thousands of dollars. He can't even help pay child support for a child he wants to get to know. Just start going out of your way to ignore him because he is full of it. Don't do anything let him do it, if necessary prepared write everything that has happen over the years dates time etc. Arguement how long he hasn't been in the picture all the threats he has made. Any of your childs illness any even the smallest thing can help defend your case.



I had to do and its not easy but as long as you have all the fact trust me your find but never your child be with him alone and write done if he says he is going to do something and doesn't; Write done when you ask for money and he didn't give you any. etc. If necessary ask him to give up his right. If your not looking for money tell him that he is not the father and your sorry and if he doesn't believe you he will have to pay for a DNA test to prove it. I really hope this helps. I have a lot of knowledge on legal issues and resourses if you need help.

Jennifer - posted on 10/28/2009

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i agree with the keeping record of EVERYTHING! and if he isn't on the birth certificate and even if he was...unless there is a paternity test he has no rights.

April - posted on 10/28/2009

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Thanks Kristen! He hasn't been charged with anything related to drugs but he does have a domestic abuse charge against him from when he beat me and choked me. He plead guilty to a lesser charge of assault, but the charge of domestic abuse still shows on his record. I am thinking he will get supervised visitation for this reason if he gets to see her at all.

Teresa - posted on 10/27/2009

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he has no legal leg to stand on as he has to prove he is the father before he can charge you and even then there has to be court papers in place before he can do that. speak to a lawyer about how to stop his harrassment then take legal actions against him or say to him that unless there is a court paper in place he cant see your child. also get your fiances name on the birth certificate so your ex cant do anything.

Sarahlynn - posted on 10/26/2009

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He would have to establish paternity. And since you two were never married you have soul custody unless he fights you in court.

Keasha - posted on 10/26/2009

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He cannot charge you with kidnapping. Generally, if you are not married when the child is born the custody of the child is yours completely. At least I know that this is the case in Georgia.

Carrie - posted on 10/26/2009

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Just from my own experience and knowledge until there is something from the courts he should not be able to do anything. Were the two of you married? If you were married then there is a problem. If you were not married then everything has to be done thru the courts with testing to prove he is the father, then comes the name change on the birth certificate, child support and visitation. There will probably have to be either slow visitation or mediator first since she is already 3 and doesn't know him at all. You need to contact your attorney or someone that deals with the child support in your county. Hope this helps some.

Sheree - posted on 10/26/2009

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No, he can't charge you with kidnapping that is silly. You should be getting child support regardless of whether he is on the birth certificate. You need to go through the proper channels to get that though and I am sure that the first thing DFS would do would be order him to do a paternity test. Your child deserves child support and it is not related to visiting or not visiting your daughter at all. Every child has the right in our country to be supported financially and I would get that started if you are needing the help. If not and your fiance wants to adopt her then the paperwork could be started in that situation. If he is doing drugs I would never let her go anywhere with him. Good Luck~

Sheree - posted on 10/26/2009

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Quoting April:

Charged with kidnapping?

The father of my child is threatening to have me charged with kidnapping my own daughter. He is not on the birth certificate, has never given me a dime (she is almost 3 and has no clue who he is), and legally has no rights to her. We have never gone to court for any child support mainly because I didn't want him to see her since he was doing drugs. She knows my fiance as her daddy and he loves her like his own. Can he get me charged with this? He asks me to see her and I ask him for money first. He never gives me any so I don't let him see her. He just recently started asking me to see her after he got married to a woman who is 15 years older than him. Someone please help!


 

April - posted on 10/26/2009

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Thanks ladies. I didn't think he could do anything. I called the cops and tried to get a restraining order. They said I had to have his address but he won't give it to me so there isn't anything I can do.

April - posted on 10/24/2009

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bwahahah I would be laughing in his face about this!
If he is not on the birth certificate he has NO rights!!! Don't worry.

Jessica - posted on 10/24/2009

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my suggestion is to ask a lawyer but if his name isnt on the birth certificate and he doesnt pay support he hasnt got a leg to stand on

Rosa - posted on 10/24/2009

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If you were never married to him and as you say he doesn't even show up on the birth certificate then no. There is nothing he can do about it. He would first have to establish that this is really his daughter since he does not show up on the certificate, by doing a paternity test. Then he would have to go to court and explain why if he did know this was his daughter he was an absent parent for so long? The court would establish cild support, and if you tell the court about his past, he then would have to prove to the court that he has been rehabilitated and is a fit father figure. If you want to get the advice of a lawyer just contact your local legal aid office and I'm sure someone there will be more than willing to answer any doubts that you may have. But put your mind to rest for the time being and take it from me ....Been there done that. There's nothing he can do. If push comes to shove and you feel your being harassed by him talk to your local police and let them know that you fear for you & your daughters safety. Just always stay one step ahead just to prevent anything bad from happening. Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 10/24/2009

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He cannot legally charge you with kidnapping, I would tell him "go ahead and try it". If you want to get it resolved take him to cour, or just wait and see if he does anything at all. Let him make the first move and you may find that he never does. From being in a long drawn out court battle myself, if he isn't going to do anything, don't get it started.

Marla - posted on 10/23/2009

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I would stay away from him you can charge him with harassment and get a restraining order and he cant come nere you if you want to get money you need to take him to court they will do a dna test get a good lawyer and you can get back child support from the time she was born and they will set up visitation but if you go to court when its time for him to see her by law you can not keep her from him if he dont pay cild support if he's not on the birth cirtificate he has no rights so you cant take any rights from him if he has none.

Arrynne - posted on 10/23/2009

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If there is no court order at all then he cannot have you charged with kidnapping. And also in some area's if he were to take her and not give her back you wouldn't be able to have him charged either because there is no court order saying you have sole custody. I personally say it's better to be safe than sorry, take him to court and request sole custody and child support (since you want money in return for him seeing the child anyways ).

Billie - posted on 10/23/2009

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Pamela's is right. Since he's not on the birth certificate he has no legal right to her without first going to court to file for an acknowledgement of paternity. Once he does that the court will establish custody and visitation. This is all IF he decides to take you to court for paternity. So the answer to your question is NO. He can't charge you with kidnapping. In fact if he were to do something nutty like picking her up from school and taking her somewhere without your permission you could have him charged with kidnapping. Good luck mama.

Liz - posted on 10/23/2009

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Let him try! From what you say, he hasen't got a let to stand on! If he never helped support her and is not on the birth certifacate , then odds are he has no legal rights at all.

Pamela - posted on 10/23/2009

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well if he has never seen her an yall havent went to court,i am thinkin if there isnt no papers sayn he is the biological father then he would have to take u to court.In the 1st step would be him establishin paternity.So unless he takes u to court ur right he technically has no rights to her.I am goin by some friends past experince.If i were u til there are papers sayn u are the custodial parent i would not release her in his custody.Take care an be careful

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