Child Support Issues

Nonhle - posted on 08/02/2010

Hellow!did I heard the word begging,hell no,nobody is begging anybody here,you just sit and relax only the court people who do everything for you,if its not going the way you wan't you talk with the court not him.Thats how its work.

Crystal - posted on 08/01/2010

Yes, there are women who feel like they don't want/need the help of the man - but for all different reasons. My suggestion to you is that he IS the child's father and he has a responsibility to her just as much as you do. What would it look like if you did file for child support and you could have extra money to raise your child? What will it look like if you don't file and you never receive any money from him? Once you have those 2 scenarios worked out, you will know what to do. Good luck!
Crystal | www.whydidichoosehim.com

Amanda - posted on 08/01/2010

My whole ordeal has been going on since April 2009 and I might sart getting support in August hang in there she deserves it it right!

Kirsten - posted on 07/31/2010

I had to file for child support because I got aid from the state. My ex doesn't have a job and hasn't paid anything so far. Still, he owes it to our son! I have high expectations for my son. He will go to college and whatever my ex can give, I hope to put away for him.

Amanda - posted on 07/28/2010

I did, ended up trying to work it out even. Afte we split support came to be about me being a "greedy B" so I have my son all but 5 days a month and he feels he owes nothing towards support. It's not screwing him over if he doesn't contribute at all. and if you're like me you're not spending any money on yourself now, it all gos to her. You will eventually get frustrated you cant buy anything but 20 dollar buy one get one free shoes for yourself. Plus don't want to set that example either taking responsiblity an importantchildhood lesson.

Renea - posted on 07/26/2010

I have two kids with two different guys, now my oldest daughters dad is paying, but he got behind and now they are taking out of his check and is yelling at me like it is my fault and my youngest daughters dad is not paying a dime. they DA told him he didnt have to pay for anything. He doesnt make enough money to give me, yet he has money to buy a new truck and a laptop and expensive shoes while i am over here struggling while his other child who is about a year and a half younger than mine gets everything. so very sad. i would go after him for child support. who cares if you dont know him. I always feel that way. I want to get my kids the things that every other child has, but i cannot and it makes me sad, but just go after him.

Erin - posted on 07/18/2010

Childsuppot recovery will go after him for support, suppot these days is based on both parents income go to your local DFHS office and get the paperwork for a support order. fill out the paperwork send it in and go from there so instead of saying i do not have the money, you will, the law states that once support is court ordered you have three times to take the father back to court for income modification before the the child is 18. you will never have to struggle again and remember it is not about you it is about your child and if your kid is your life than you wll do this. my daughter is 11 now when her sperm doner left us when she was two , i to said the same thing you have i am glad i did this for her those 100.00 dollar nikie shoes that have lasted for two years i never would have been able to afford them by myself. You will feel alot better and sleep better at night.

Destinee - posted on 07/17/2010

I say file the child support!!!! He helped make that baby and is obligated to take care of her!!

It has nothing to do with screwing someone over if his responsibility & obligation. Him not paying only takes away from your lil girl.

He may not be man enough to be the dad he should be but he was man enough to make her and needs to support her.

& FYI child support & visitation have nothing to do with each other.

I think "Pride" comes in or something that we dont need him or his money kind of crap but don't put your pride before your child!! If you dont need the money right now, take it and put it in an account for you kid when they get older or incase at some point you do need it so to give your baby all they deserve!!

P-Kay - posted on 07/17/2010

What if he wins the lottery? or better yet marries some rich little girl and they are living the life while you are barely making ends meet? You may not need it now but it is his responsibility to take care of his child. FILE!!!FILE!!!FILE!!!

Lisa - posted on 07/16/2010

I didnt file for 7 yrs because I "felt" bad. He liked making the baby, well they aren't free. FILE! The older she gets the more expensive she will get. You will regret it when she wants to join clobs at school, go to the movies, even high school football games cost money. You are not a "bad" person for expecting what is due to your daughter. The child support is not for YOU, it is for her.

Caitlin - posted on 07/15/2010

my daughter's father is only ordered to pay 50/month, he's always late on payments, and only gives me 10 dollars at a time, this week i actually got 26, but that's only enough to get her a box of diapers and wipes, so i understand where you're coming from. I definitely plan on filing for more child support, his ex got 322/mo out of him and they live together now so he shouldn't be allowed to continue paying on a kid he lives with, or it shouldn't be allowed to interfere with my payments.

Brendapam - posted on 07/14/2010

I filed for child support about 2 mo after my son was born he is 3 almot 4 now.I have spent more time in court cause my ex is not paying. It is up to you on if you want to file or not there are times I wish that i didnt but when I do get money it gose to my son cause it is hos money not mine. Just cause they pay support dosent give them the right to the child exp if the dont pay. My ex hasnt seen his son in 2 years " by his chose" I will tell you that if they do want to see her do not leave him alone with her cause he dosent have to give her back and then you will have to pay more to get her back and he prob will file for support.

Vasuki - posted on 07/10/2010

Child support is not for you...It's for your kid. And it's his responsiblity too.

Medorie - posted on 07/10/2010

same thing here.. there's a part of me who wants to prove to him that i can take care of my kid and he'll grow up well.. but reality is, i can't afford taking him to school on my own and i need help financially.. i've talked to a lawyer and says it would cost me a lot.. wow.. i didn't feel he was much of a help.. i believe it's our right to ask for help.. coz the money's not for us.. but for their kid.. if parents are not okay living in together, they should still make it a point that their kid is doing okay..

Robin - posted on 07/09/2010

woman are very powerful and can do a lot of things alone but laying down and getting herself pregnant BY HERSELF is not one of them. I understand that you barely knew this guy but that is even more of a reason that you need to need to "just do it" your child also has his blood running through their vains and what you dont know about him can hurt. anyways, you didnt make this child by yourself so you shouldnt have to raise her by yourself. unless you believe that it is in her best interest to leave him totally out of her life....i mean mother knows best but if hes not involved just because you dont want to "scew him over" then thats just non-sence. true she maybe very well taken care of but who wouldnt give their child the very very best if at all possable?

Nicole - posted on 07/09/2010

Im in the same boat as you i always want to buy my son stuff but dont always have the money to do so. And i didnt Know my sons father very well when i got pregnant either. but sometimes you have to do what you need to for your child and its only right that he supports the child that he helped make. After much debate with myself i finally broke down and decided to go after my sons father for child support. My feelings are why should i have to be the only one to support him when i wasnt the only one there when he was made.

Reagan - posted on 07/09/2010

filing for child support is NOT "screwing him over". and has nothing to do with him seeing the baby. they are two separate issues. I think that you need to file. He needs to help out with the baby he helped make. My ex pays, and that's it. he has nothing else to do with her, his choice. BUT he pays every month. Even if you dont think you need the money now. i agree that you can save it for a car, high school trips, college, or what ever else comes up along the way. Good Luck. If you live in Texas please email me (:

Amanda - posted on 07/09/2010

When I first found out I was pregnant, I told myself I would not take my child's father for support. I wanted to prove to everyone that I could do it by myself, without any of his assistance. My family was very supportive of my decision and offered to help whenever I needed it. The change in my decision came when my child's father began talking negatively of me. He was telling others that I was a hoe and slept around. He said that the child was not his and it could be anyone in the town we lived in. This upset me because I am far from begin a hoe. I decided to take him for child support to prove that my child was his. When the results came back that my son was his, he still was in denial. I was told I would get $500 a month, but being the nice person I am I lowered it because I knew he would be unable to afford that. He then came back a year later and lowered it even more. I haven't recieved any support in over 2 months. I am not the type of person who goes and calls complaining because I have not gotten it. I am living my life and the backsupport just keeps adding up. All I can say, is do what you want to do. Don't let others influence your decision.

Cindy - posted on 07/09/2010

I know exactly how you feel. I can't find myself to file the case despite the fact that we're a family of lawyers. I guess it's the fact that somehow, sometime me and my ex shared something special. I know it's stupid... I'm not even after him anymore and i'm now in a relationship with another man. I guess its just because i am grateful that because of him, I now have a wonderful and loving child. But still I won't deny the fact that my child has rights and she'll be better off if the father will initiate in providing for her needs too. Im sorry if im not able to give you a sound advice. All i can share probably is the same feeling that confuses most of us single moms. Do pray and keep your faith. Someday we will find the answers through God's help.

Rebecca - posted on 07/08/2010

My son's father has never done anything, but it's not his choice.
We as mom's don't get to be part time parents or pick and choose when we want to pay for stuff do we?

Jenn - posted on 07/08/2010

I think both parents should be financially responsible for the child or children no matter what.....that being said my daughter's father does not help out at all,and you better believe I am in the process of taking his ass to court,why should my daughter not get what she deserves in this life because he is a deadbeat.....Sorry but no,he is paying for her,just like I am!!!

Bonnie - posted on 07/08/2010

I didn't want to but my doctor told me there is no reason why my child should miss out on something. I could manage without, but she said I need to do it for my son and not me. He deserves to have what he should.
I did end up filing and almost got sick to my stomach. My situation is different because his father told me when I told him I was pregnant that he wanted me to keep it and he would take on all the financial responsibilty. When I was 7 months I tried to talk to him about it and have since, but he doesn't want to sit down like adults. He wants me to call him when I need something so that I have to rely on him and I told him no thanks. My son is almost 4 months and what he has given doesn't even cover diapers for that time.
On the other hand he does have another son who he will buy anything and everything for. So why should my son get less then his brother.

Lecia - posted on 07/08/2010

I recall when my daughter was 3 mos old and I was struggling to make ends meet. I'd just graduated from college, had a new baby and more bills than I knew what to do with. My daughter was planned and I felt that even after her dad and I broke up he would do all that he could to help me with her. It didn't happen like that. Needless to say, when I started working childcare was over $850 a month and I couldn't afford it. I had to file for child support. Though it wasn't alot it helped at times. My advice to you would be to file and not feel like you are using anyone. You have a daughter who is looking up to you to do the very best you can for her. If you don't use all that you receive, open a savings account for her. One day that money will come in handy for something she may want. As parents we are suppose to care for our kids. It doesn't matter if the father is no longer in the picture, he should share in the financial and emotional aspect of raising his child. I hope this helps. Blessings.

Maggi - posted on 07/08/2010

That is completely up to you, if my son was not on medical assitance than I would not have even gone with requesting child support, but since he is the state is going after him for it. So, do what you need to do, you DID NOT make this child on your own and its your choice if you want to have child support or not. It does help in the end with expenses but that does not mean that it is worth the heartache. It is your choice if you want to go after him for child support or not. Also, your friends that have partners raising their child, do not fully understand what it is like to raise a child on your own, it is a complete different ballgame. As long as your child is happy and loved and heathly, than nothing else really matters, but you also need to think about what is right for your child and if the child support is going to help out or not.

Patricia - posted on 07/07/2010

Ilive in greenwood In. and my daughter just took her baby's daddy to court for support after two years of him not doing anything. the courts only ordered $49 a week and he told lies to try to get custody saying she was a bad mom witch she isn't. the judge wouldn't even let her defend her self so be ready and have proof of any thing and everything.

Jenna - posted on 07/07/2010

My advice to you is that you should go and get child support...I wasnt gona do it at first but I am so glad I did. If I hadnt IK wouldnt get one penny from her dad. In the long run it will help you out so much. You will be able to buy your child everything you want to buy them. With my child support I take half of it and put it in a savings account for my daughter so she has money for college when she gets older. Plus you should also go for it because like my friends said....he helped make that baby too so he shouldnt get a free ride because your not.

Kim - posted on 07/07/2010

My advice is to look down the years when your child turns 18 yrs old and he decides to come into his or her life at graduation. There are times as some of us get older some get wiser and want that relationship after the fact of you raising the child. Just something to think about.

Brittaney - posted on 07/07/2010

My mom went through alot of hell with my biological father over child support, and the courts never really did much to make him pay, I didn't ever want to deal with that, but also kno that I'm not going to be able to raise this baby completely on my own, seeing as how I can barely make ends meet with just me. So I decided to give the father of my child a chance, but i'm only 16 weeks pregnant and he hasn't made an effort at all to help out with any bills or expenses, so I think I'm going to have to file. I don't want to do it, but I think it's going to be the best in the long run

Rebecca - posted on 07/07/2010

I'm going through the issue of child support right now with my 3 month old son and his father.
I personally don't think it's screwing over a person when you go for child support.
Whether it's the mother or father raising the child solely or together, it's both of their responsibilities to help.
It takes two to make a child.

Sue - posted on 07/07/2010

Iam glad that you have changed your mind and decided to file for chaild support. It iisn't about screwing him over. It is all about your child. He needs to take some responsiblity and help out. I am in a simular sittuation. My childs father is ordered to pay and doesn't he has lost his driveers liscence and his right to get a passport. the next thing he will lose is his fishing and hunting liscence thats the one thing that will hur him the most. I dont feel bad about trying to make him pay. He was in the bed when iI got pregnant and knew the risks. He sees my daughter when it is convenent for him. I hate that he doesn't tak a more active role in her life. But I cant force him. I know that my daughter will see him for what he is as she gets older. It's sad that it is like this. I think childeren have a right to know who their father is unless it puts them in danger. No matter what he is her father. He is not a dangerous and I dont have the right to keep her from knowing him. My daughter is learning what kind of person he is without me telling her or someone else telling her. His being allowed to see her has nothing to do with him paying support, they will tell you that in court. So weather he pays or not he has a right to see the child.
If my daughters father was paying I would also put it away for her so she would have something in the futre or in case of emergency. it's not about screwing him over it his responsibilty too. Good luck and I hope you will got what your daughter deserves from her father.

Danielle - posted on 07/07/2010

A man paying child support doesnt give them the right to be in the childs life, its not a case of I paid for it so hand it over. I know of plenty of men who pay child support and have never met their children.

Danielle - posted on 07/07/2010

I think you should file for child support. You are both parents and he should be contributing. Dont think of it as screwing him over, think it of giving your daughter the best chance in life. If you fall on hard times she will be the one that suffers, he will be income tested so wont be asked to pay more than he can afford.

Erica - posted on 07/07/2010

J Dillard you just know you have done all that you can and he can't lie about it like my brothers father did when they got older. He told them my dad kept him away. But he was the one who singed away his rights! You will be able to tell them that you did everything you could.

Teresa - posted on 07/07/2010

the father of your daughter is legally obligated to pay support whether or not you just barely knew him or not. Even if you don't use the support for everyday things, you could put it back for emergencies or even start saving for her college tuition. When I left my now exhusband he didn't pay anything for a year, although it was tough I survived but now that he is court ordered too, that extra money is used for the girls' needs and wants. Remember it's not for you it's for your daughter

J** - posted on 07/07/2010

Don't get me wrong, the money would be helpful, but just because you file, doesn't mean he has to pay. My ex has a suspended license, can't leave the country, and can't buy anything with the help of a bank, but it doesn't affect him. He works under the table, and gets unsecured loans for cars and other things. So I am still in the same spot. Then I have to deal with my son crying when he does pick him up for a sporadic visit and he doesn't understand why his daddy loves his stepson more. I figure that even though my children are entitled to it. That can be something they can take up with their father when they are 18 if they choose to do so.

Erica - posted on 07/07/2010

@ Natalee you should still file even if he is not working he still owes the money. He is a man an should step up as one I don't care if that means collecting cans, giving blood whatever he needs to help. And if he can't do it now he will get a job eventually.

Erica - posted on 07/07/2010

Ladies child support is not for you, it is for your kids. You didn't get pregnant by yourself so it does not matter if he wants nothing to do with the child (if that was the case a condom should have been used). A child deserves to be supported by both parents. Your kids are small now but as they grow need more. I just filed support because my ex has been giving me 100 a month for the past three years of my child life and my son is four. I had to ask that he pay and he said that is all he had. He lives in another state so I couldn't verify but I just got tried of seeing his fb pictures of him living it up while I was struggling and still having to beg for the 100.00 each month. He wants to see his son and by him gifts but not give any real support. My son is so smart and got accepted in a really great private school so I told him I needed him to kick with the tuition he acted like he didn't get the email. Also the economy is bad and getting worse and I got a 12k a year pay cut. I am saying all of this to say I have cut out all the things I did for myself and swimming and karate for my kid but I will not cut his schooling because his dad wants to pay for only what he wants to pay for. It took four years for me to realize but these men shouldn't just run away free because they know a mothers love knows no bounds. They know most mothers would do whatever it took to make sure they child is okay. If you don't need the money now save it for their future or if times get hard I have a degree and been at my job more than 7 years have mortgage and still got an unexpected pay cut. You never know when you will have to start all over is what I am saying and when you have a kid it is that much harder to do. Good luck to all you ladies on whatever you decide.

J** - posted on 07/07/2010

She didn't say that anywhere in her text...

J** - posted on 07/07/2010

I agree. If he isn't really a part of her life then why go into it? Once you file for support, you also give the person rights. I listened to all those people and filed on my children's father and I wish I didn't. I don't receive the child support regularly, yet he has the right to pick up the children on his scheduled visitation and I am not allowed to deny him. I can take him to civil court but that is just another expense. Luckily, he very rarely comes to get them. I think your daughter has everything she needs with your love and attention. I say spare her the uncertainty and confusion. Material things don't matter.

Karmi - posted on 07/07/2010

I have felt the same way too. My son's dad is forced by the state to do so and he complains about it every step of the way. But if this man is on the birth certificate and sees your daughter then yes he has every damn reason to pay child cupport. If you are letting him see the baby without getting any help then that isn't okay. It is up to you, but if you feel that this is the right thing then don't file. But in my eyes I would do it.

Olga - posted on 07/06/2010

Marlenne, I just read your additional post, I am so glad you decided to fil for support, and also the way you look at it - that you are not ready to fight over it to death, but you've done what you had to!
Good luck with this, and with everuthing in your life.

Olga - posted on 07/06/2010

Hi dear, I believe it is in your child's best interests that you file for child support. That you barely knew the father is totally irrelevant, and you should stop blaming yourself!!! Look at this differently - it's not about him 'screwing' you, or you 'screwing' him. It is about your baby, and just things happening in life. The fact is - he IS the father, and he needs to pull his weigh, and you don't know what kind of situation you might get at any point down the road (nobody is know if they might get sick for example).
I have an older friend who was too proud to file for child support (and she has 3 kids, and brought them up without any help from him). When I asked her if she would do it differently now, she sad "Of course!. I was young, and I was trying to prove to him that I am not after his money, but now I understand that for him it never mattered, and for him I was always bad person".
Anyway, in case you are wondering if I myself was in similar situation... yes. Twice. In first case we were just meeting each other without any serious plans, and it happened by accident. He didn't support me while I was pregnant (and I was in dare situation at that time). So as soon as I got out of hospital, I filed for child support, went through DNA test as per his request, waited for 1 and a half years for the results, but now my son can live in better conditions, participate in sports etc. Yes, I would be able to support him myself, but what would be the reason to go through this? My pride? Oh, and he never sees his son, so the child support doesn't imply that the father will want to participate in upbringing after that. With my second child luckily we agreed on everything without court, and he alsosees regularly both kids, and is a pretty good dad to both of them!

Georgina - posted on 07/06/2010

I have been doing the single Mom thing for almost 18 years. It’s a right that you need to fight for your child. It will not make the father see your child or make him love your Child, But it makes him responsible for the life he brought into this world. If it’s not something you need right now there will come a time when you will need it. So put it in a Saving account. when kids are little they really don't need much ,But when they get to school age they do. there might be a Summer camp she would like to go to or a Dance you will need a Dress for Or just spending money. Child Support is not about Screwing someone over Its about making sure your child has what she need and you don't have to busted your ass to get it for her. When you think about child support take you and him out of it. It all about your Daughter and making sure she has the things she needs.
Good Luck

Leah - posted on 07/05/2010

After reading some of the responses to your post, I have another comment to post: this is about women who have had children with men in the military. The US Marine Corps and Navy (I think the Army and Air Force too -- but am not 100%) have a regulation that a military member is required to pay a certain amount of his BAH/ BHA ( Basic Allowance for Housing/ Basic Housing Allowance) to a dependant (ie. child). This can be obtained without having to go through civilian courts. You must contact his Command OR the "IG's" office. You do NOT need to know exactly where he is, only what his command is. Most bases have a family support department that can help you. In cases where there is a civilian court order, you need to submit copies of the legal paperwork to DFAS (Department of Finance and Accounting Services). There is a department for active duty military members and one for retired members. DFAS can be found using Google and there is a number to call if you have any questions -- but again, you do NOT need to know where dad is, he does NOT have to be in the USA. If DFAS is sending him money, they will automatically pay your child support right out of his paycheck. A good resource if you have questions is your state VA representative as even though this is not a VA related question, they will have contacts they can direct you to.

Leah - posted on 07/05/2010

Wow, this is such a personal choice. There are times when it is better to go it alone, particularly if child support meant an abusive man would be in the life of your child. If that is not the case, and your child has everything she needs... what about college? Maybe you could approach Dad and ask him if he would be willing to put a certain amount away every month (voluntarily) for her college fund? As far as not affording something... I explained to my young son (who is now 15) that mommy didn't always have money to buy him things he wanted and that I wanted to get for him, but it didn't mean I loved him any less... and he understood. Sometimes, we teach our children a valuable lesson about saving and spending in a situation like this. The most important thing you can give your baby girl is love, and this doesn't cost a dime. Good luck mom, I wish you the best!

Doree - posted on 07/04/2010

Wow this is difficult. I didn't want to do it to my ex, but he did promise me $25 a week to help with expenses. Even though I knew the money was difficult, he couldn't keep his promise, yet managed to find a way to buy his vice, beer. It is not screwing him over to ask even for such a small amount like I did, he is the father and he is partly responsible. I also understand not wanting to ask if you simply don't want him involved in your child's life. It is your call, but going to ask for support doesn't necessarily mean you have to rake him in for all he has in his wallet--even asking for 'a little' like my situation helps a heck of a lot! (Just my thought)

Sara - posted on 07/03/2010

I also don't get child support, for similar reasons. Only you know your exact situation and what the best thing to do is, so if this is what you want then no one else can tell you otherwise. My only advice is not to let it stop you. If you want to get more things for your daughter then work out some kind of plan i.e. what do you most want to get for her and how can you do it? If you plan it out it will make it much easier and you will also be able to work out what things are not so important and therefore not worry about those so much. A friend of mine who also gets no support from the father has about 3 Lay-Bys going at any one time for her daughter. She pays it off week by week and then brings home a big parcel of stuff.

Elisebeth - posted on 07/03/2010

I had my daughter ( who is 6mnths) with a man i barley knew. I know its not really a good thing to admit but its the truth. And the whole time i went through my pregnancy i swore up and down that i didnt feel right filing for child support. And my daughter is well loved with grandparents that adore her and i work 2 jobs to support her. I do get child support now.
You didnt make her on your own and eventually there will be a time when child support is really going to help. If you dont feel you need it right away, save it for when she is older. But you should really think hard about this. Coming from a single mother, its not easy. And every little bit of help you can get is so much better.

Danyiel - posted on 07/02/2010

Yes believe me you are not alone. I have two boys and wish I could do so much more for them!!! I recently filed for child support because I felt it was unfair for me to have to struggle providing for them and selfish of me not to take the initiative to better their situation. Their father always had a story as to why he was unable to do more for them and finally I was able to put his feelings and mine to the side and do what was best for my children. Not having him play apart of their lives is hard enough on them so why should he not help financially?

Lindsey - posted on 07/01/2010

It's not "screwing someone over"... it's money your daughter is entitled to by law. By filing for child support, that doesn't mean she has to have a relationship with her father, it means that she will have more opportunities because you are more financially secure. When my twins were born I was absolutely not going to file because I was afraid their father would want to see them. He doesn't and I'm able to do that much more for them because of the extra money. You can't look at it as something you are doing to him, but rather something you are doing FOR her. Just make sure you do it the right way so that it's reliable... get a court order, have it deducted from his pay by your local support agency, and that way if it ever stops being reliable you have legal recourse.