Child Support/Visitation/Custody

Tiffany - posted on 11/05/2010 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I am 7 months pregnant and my sperm donor has wanted nothing to do with me. When I first found out I was pregnant he told me to get an abortion, talked to me badly, etc basically he didn't care. At 6 months pregnant he randomly sent me a text asking how the baby was and that was about it. I have asked him to get diapers, just things shell need before she gets here and he told me thats what child support is for and that I was greedy. He knows what Im going to name my daughter and insists that hell pronounce her name the way he wants which will only cause her confusion. He claims hell be there for her when she gets here, but quite frankly I dont believe it. Just wanted to give a little back ground first. My questions are...well he has no job so Im wondering how child support will go about...and with visitation I want it to be supervised(my instinct tells me to not leave her alone with him) besides his own sis didnt want him to watch their baby cousin.My last question is about custody...how do I got about getting that settled. I live in Texas if that helps.



Thanks!





Oh yea. I dont plan on having him on the birth certificate, he hasn't even bothered to ask where Im delivering.

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You won't be able to get child support from him unless you can prove apternity - aka he is on the birth certificate. Most states won't allow you to just put his name on if you two aren't married, he has to come in an sign it himself. Otherwise you can go to court, and have them do it (if he denies paternity then a paternity test will be ordered).
If he is receiving social assistance, aka welfare, you will get a portion of that as child support. Although, if he is such a loser, I would caution you to plan your budget and your life asusming you won't get any money from him. Because the unfortunate truth of hte matter is, you probably won't.
In regards to supervised visitation, YES- any documentation of threats of violence or mental instability (suicide threats) should be turned over to the courts.
If you want to pursue child support, and you want to pursue supervised visitation, I urge you to go see a lawyer specializing in family law. many offer free or low cost consultations and can give you accurate advice as the laws regarding custody change not only from state to state, but even county to county.
Good luck~!

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17 Comments

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Reina - posted on 11/12/2010

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What you should do for now on is focus on yourself and your baby. Given the information that you have provided about you child's father, he does not sound like he will do much for your child. If you can survive financially, I would suggest not bothering with pursuing child support. I know that some people would disagree, because you are both financially obligated to care for your child. However the process of setting up child support can get very ugly. My daughter's father was relentless in his pursuit of not paying child support. The constant court dates made me angry and bitter and the financial gain was minimal. I never want to set foot in court again, even if it means I have to work until i die. I will live knowing that I worked and stayed strong and positive for my
family. Don't worry about what this guy might do, but prepare yourself and get legal assistance so you know your rights.

My daughter will be 3 in January and her father has never visited her. She is happy and loved. I hold all of the cards in terms of custody/visitation because of
his lack of interest in his daughter, but I live in Cali.

Good luck!

Tiffany - posted on 11/12/2010

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Thanks everyone for your words...everything is fine with his family its just him. And recently I just found out that hes talking to someone who has the same name as me and has a one year old daughter who he met online and stays in a whole different city like 2 or 3 hours away. I just dont know how I would handle this part of the situation...he still stays with them and I know they'll want to see her when she's born...I'll just tell them to come over my house instead maybe. And as to my knowledge he has just gotten a job.

[deleted account]

Hey Tiff, same problem here and I saw a lawyer about it. The lawyer said if his name isnt on the birth cert then he has no legal rights to her at all. Just be careful with visits, especially if you dont trust him. If it eventually does go to court they can see that as you allowing the guy access. If you do decide to visit, always have someone else with you and always in a public place with lots of ppl around. Regardless of what he says. Always take her everywhere with you and dont leave her sight. Ive done it on my own and so have alot of other mothers out there.

Sarah - posted on 11/11/2010

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well idk how texas is but in wisconsin if the father doesnt sign he has no the birth certificate he has no rights and if he wants dna test and is proven the father he has to pay for the test and half the birthing fee's. not to meation wat happens when the fail to pay child supports. but if he pays support he gains rights to see her. i think your handling everything the right way, i do think though that he should remain out of her life.

Shannon - posted on 11/10/2010

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Not having him on the birth certificate will then basically tell the courts he is not the father. Unless he signs or gets a paternity tests, he wont be legally considered the father. The best thing you can do is write down everything he says and does, especially what his sister says and if she will write something to show to the courts, that may help. As for visitation, supervised will most likely be given under your supervision, that's what my daughters father has. The courts may say he has to pay a certain amount of child support, but he may not pay it, after it hits a certain amount, typically $2000, it's a felony, and he goes to jail. My daughters dad is over that now and it says he has a job, but he doesnt, so i have to sort it, plus he is denying hes the dad, but he signed the birth certificate acknowledging hes the dad, but he can still get the paternity test, if he pays for it. With everything you've said, you will get sole physical custody, at least. I hope that helped.

Tina - posted on 11/10/2010

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I wish you a lot of luck! Yesterday my daughter had to go to court (on her 21st birthday) to fight for custody of her daughter! My granddaughter is 6 mo old and has always lived here with us! Also my daughter has gotten her GED and finished Medical Assisting school this year. Her ex has also threatened to shoot himself in front of her and we called the police! But yet some how the ref found in his favor and ordered 4 nights a week to to be spent with the father and only 3 nights with my daughter! My daughter is an awesome mother and also has another daughter. I would really stress you getting an attorney. We didn't have but we are going to appeal and we WILL have an attorney now!!! I wish you the best of luck!!!

Karla - posted on 11/10/2010

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I did not put my daughter's father on the birth certificate and therefore went for no child support either. My daughters father was more often then not unemployed so any chances of child support would have been the minimum amount, so really not worse all the stress. As a result if he is not on the birth certificate, there will be no visitation so you will not have to worry about arranging supervised visits because he will have no legal responsibility or rights to the child. from what you have written, I would assume this would not bother him, so he wouldn't be wanting to fight it (and to fight this would cost him money, and if he is unemployed he won't have the money needed to fight for visitation or to be named as the father legally and because then he will have to pay child support i'm pretty sure you won't have any issues. I never have from my daughters father. And when the births, deaths and marriages rang me because my daughter didn't have her father listed on the birth certificate, I just told them we broke up when I was pregnant and lost contact, so couldn't locate him to add to the certificate. They just sent me out my daughters birth certificate with her father not stated. It has never been an issue. Also if he is not willing to step up and hang around it makes things much easier for you in terms of enrolling your child in school, extra curricular activities etc because you don't have to track down the father everytime to sign enrollment forms or to sign for a passport etc. Good luck.

Suzanne - posted on 11/09/2010

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I have gone it alone and did not put him on the birth certificate, went for no child support and he has not asked. he has denied her since I was 7 months preganent and am very happy for it. all I can say is if you want to go it alone DO IT! I know my daughter is much better off for it. she is 7 now and very happy and well adjusted. yes it can be a bit tight financially but at least I know where she is, who she is around and that she is well cared for at all times. keep strong and do what you feel is right for you and the baby. screw him if he cannot step up and be a GOOD father.

Sonia - posted on 11/07/2010

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K so yes you can have supervised visits in the beginning if he has not been around the baby and if he is unfit, but the supervised visits will eventually be taken away if he is doing everything right. they will put him through a step program where he will have supervised visits at your house for a few visitations then she will go to his house supervised. If he misses one visitation he has to start all over again. Then yall will go back to court and reevaluate everything and they will give you the basic overnight visit. Which is basically every thurs 6-8 then every other weekend fri at 6 till sun at 6.
P.S. I live in TX too and my daughter is 10 months

Tiffany - posted on 11/06/2010

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Thanks Stephanie I definetly want a third party just in case he decides to act stupid or do anything so I'll have proof.

Stephanie - posted on 11/05/2010

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Hi, in Illinois here. My son is one year and his dad has only been around a few times. You can get supervised visitation but its not for very long. A few months. Like if the child is young you can, or if they havent had much contact. Any 3rd party can be there, even a member of your family.

Tiffany - posted on 11/05/2010

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Thanks Christina...with supervised visitation do they take into account threats that the father has made towards other family members and threats made to themselves about committin suicide and was actually submitted into a crazy hospital, but he ended up getting out because he said he was just saying that?

Christina - posted on 11/05/2010

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In Texas, the mother is granted custody unless she is proved unfit. As for supervised visitation, unless you can prove your daughter's safety is in jeopardy with him, you can NOT restrict his visitation rights. As for child support, it will be ordered he pay based off minimum wage full time hours even if he does not have a job.

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