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confused! need help not sure what to do!!!

Jessica - posted on 06/23/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I thought my ex was my sons father and after a dna test i found out its not the case. he is on the birth certificate and he has my ex's last name. SO, i explained to the only other man in my life what was going on. i did tell him when i got pregnant and all he said was he could give me the money for an abortion. i explained that i was with my ex and believed it to be his. I am not a slut just a one night mix up and i was single. He has decided to tell me to change my sons last name to mine for NOW! and that he is not ready to be a father, he s moving out of state and trying to get his life together. so i explained that i want to go to child support and get the dna test done and settle it threw them since he is moving away. He told me cant we just skp all that, and how much do i have to send you a month. Meaning how much do i have to give you so i dont have to tell my family or see him RIGHT NOW. I am not sure what to do. i did fill out the child support papers and send them in but there is so much going on with this i am not sure how to deal with it all. i have to take my ex's name off the birth certificate, which i need lawyer for. i also have a three year old daughter and she does not understand why her brother does't go to daddy's anymore. I am not sure what to tell her either! I am not sure wether to try and talk to him or to just leave him alone. Do i let him know when he starts to walk or says more words? i am lost with this situation.

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5 Comments

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Tia - posted on 06/25/2009

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Let us all know how it all goes!!!

Jessica - posted on 06/24/2009

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thank you all sooooo much. it was hard to talk about this but you have all helped me!!

Lisa - posted on 06/24/2009

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i say take your sons real father for child support. the judge will force him take a dna test if he denies being the father. if he doesnt want anything to do with his son thats his lost. u shouldnt have to force anyone to see their child. alot of people grow up without a father. it's okay. about the last name, that can wait. i think u should do the child support thing first. then when thats over with just give your son your last name and leave it at that. when your kids get older just tell them the truth. nobodys perfect. everyone makes mistakes. hopefully your kids will learn from yours.

Tia - posted on 06/24/2009

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I would definitely talk to the child support division, show them the dna test, and what the guy is now saying. as he has signed the papers, and has been the father for the past years, he must give support. his family will probably understand, but they may feel angry with you for a while...unfortunately, they are not perfect either!!! As you know the father, definitely get a DNA test, it will probably make him angry, but hey, it is YOUR child, even tho' he does not want to be there, he must give support. This day and age, none of us can keep going without help!!! I have a bit of the same problem, as the father of my youngest died when he was 3-1/2, and when i went to get his birth cert, i found he did not sign the papers, as he thought he had all the time of the world. So, have to deal with his family to try to get SSI for him(they keep promising, and nothing is happening!). So, i definitely know what you are going through!!! Will pray for you!!! Tia

Jasmine - posted on 06/24/2009

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I wouldn't tell him anything anymore. Being a parent is a blessing and should be treated as one. I am a single mom of a handsome 6 year old and his father is hardly ever around. In fact he hasn't seen my son in 6 months. At first it hurt me and it still does but I can't do much about it. He has to take the initiative to see his son because he wants to not because he has to. I don't want my son to feel that he is an obligation to anyone especially not his dad. At some point my son is going to want explanations and that is what his dad is going to have to give him. All I can do is be a mother to him.

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