crappy dad now raising child thats not his

Erin - posted on 03/26/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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So I hav e a 12 year old daughter. He dad and i split up when she was 2 his involvement has been limited to say the least he pretty much sees her when he feels like it or when he is trying to look good for his parents. My daughter dose not really ask about him but i know she gets sad that he is not around anyway my problem is that as of last night he is back with an ex girlfriend that he dated for about 3 years they broke up in 08 or 09 she had a baby with the man she was cheating on him with. They are now back together and he is rasing this child with her. I can not tell you how sick I am that he will nbe a parent to a child that is not his and treat our daughter like crap hhe didn't get our child a Christmas gift or even call her ,on her birthday a few weeks ago. He also was auppose to see her a few days before her bday but when I called to ask his address he wouldnt answer he had called me earlier that day to make aure I w,,as in town I called him 6 times before I had to leave the town he lives in and come home I am so scared that she will now find out that he ia raising another persons kid when he choeses not to be in her life andblow her off like ahe doae not matter I am so acared if ahe finds out that she will be very upset and that it may even create emotional probmelms for her. My 2nd concern is that when he was with this girl before he would not help me with anything for our daughter he told me one year he couldnt help with school clothes because he had to make the gf's car payment. After they broke up he told me he would spend $600 a month on new clothes and things for the gf meanwhile I have to skip a car payment to buy school clothes dor our kid he only pays me $200 a month in child support so now that they are back together I can only imagine how it wull be and I do not want to see my kid go without while her and hers are spoiled not only quill she have him as a father to her kid but his money too. I tried to talk to him about this last night and all he said was I am jealous. I assuerd him that was not it i juat don't understand how he can be like this. After our talk he blocked me in Facebook and his gf also blocked me I honestly feel like i just want him gone it would be better than the way he is now I went on my daughters Facebook and blocked both her father and his gf I also called me cell phone company and blocked all of hia #'s to all of ours. I also called today and filed to have my child support inceeqsed that was a nightmare that I know will only get worse. When he is serves with papwrwork but he makes 90,000 a year and pats me #200 a month so I dont care I just feel like it is alot all at once. Usually I have little to no contact with him but it kills me he would do this. Am I way off here by bein mad about him bein around foe another child and not his own?

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[deleted account]

We're all fine thanks. My girls are allowed to make their own minds up about their Dad, even though lots of people I know locally have said/suggested that I let them know what I think about their Dad. Lets just say it's taken a lot of will power not to and they're reaching/reached the same conclusions about their Dad as I have (completely useless).



A while after the last lot of 'contact' my eldest was in tears about not getting anything and my answer to her was that he either couldn't or wasn't able to send anything. As he is legally an adult there wasn't nothing I could do. She had a good cry and really hadn't looked back. Also she found a message on fb to her paternal grandfather that I'd sent and read that. She got a telling off for that, but that helped cement her views towards her dad (especially after the bit 'against my better judgement I've let him have contact' bit).



Certainly my solicitor said that as long as I put the girls' interests first (mental, emotional, physical health) I couldn't go far wrong. Also due to past history, when he wanted to be back in their lives I set a list of rules. He didn't like it and I think he suddenly reaslised that I was in charge of the girls and wasn't going to let him get his own way. He threatened to take me to court. On one of these occasions I said 'OK then, take me to court'. I'm still waiting for the paperwork to be sent and don't think I'll be seeing any letters from the court soon either. Think it was more talk than anything. He didn't like the fact that I was dictating what was happening rather than him.

Erin - posted on 03/27/2012

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Thank you Beth it is nice to know I'm not the only one. I don't think here they care if she has a child my child support will be based on what I make and what he makes thank goodness for that but for some reason I woke up today feeling great that I have but him out as much as possible like I have control and it feels so good to know it can elimanate crap from my life. I hope yoi and yours girls are doin well

[deleted account]

I know the feeling. Without going into a lot of details - my ex husband when he remarried for the second time, looked after her children more than he did with ours. (I've now stopped calling our girls and now they're my girls). I am aware that he went on holiday with his second wife and her children (seen pictures on fb), but never went on holiday with me and my girls. Have to say we split up while I was expecting my youngest daughter.



I would say carry on with your life and let your daughter make her own decisions about her Dad. She is old enough to see through her own eyes what her Dad is like.



Don't feel guilty about asking for an increase for child support, especially if he earns enough for the increase. I don't know about the laws in USA, but I know in the UK, if an absent parent is living with someone new and they have children who they're raising (whether biologically the absent parents or not), the Child Support Agency in the UK have to make an allowance for the children who are living with the absent parent.



When my ex was living with his now ex 2nd wife, when he was paying support for 'our' girls, the first 10% of his income was ignored (I think it was) and then the assessment was made on the 90% of what his income was, I think. Certainly an allowance was made for the children living with him and 2nd wife, even though none of them were biologically his. The one good thing that I found was when he was with his 2nd wife, I did get some child support from him but now I'm not getting anything and CSA are doing their best to get him to pay again.

Erin - posted on 03/26/2012

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Sorry about the spelling. I am using my phone to post and it is hard to read. I really am not an uneducated fool. :)

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