Custody advice of 10 month old special needs baby.

User - posted on 07/01/2012

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Rachel - posted on 07/01/2012

First and foremost, if you are not already seeking professional legal advice, I would do so. It is important to find out what the court will support you on and what they will not do. If you are not comfortable with your current lawyer, shop around. When I was going through my divorce my first lawyer promised me the world because domestic violence was involved (although we had no police reports). She had us going for supervised visitation without enough evidence, and I got slammed by the courts. They granted my still nursing daughter overnight visits with her father (explain that one!).

My second lawyer was wonderful. She told me truth from day one, and let me make the decisions based on her best solid legal advice. She understood how the courts would respond and guided me through a seven hour long mediation which ended in an agreement. It was awful, but well worth it. As much as they love you, your friends cannot advise you the way a lawyer can.

If you feel you have grounds, you may also consider your state's equivalent of the Department of Child Services. If visits with the father are compromising your child's immune system they may be willing to get involved. Be careful with taking photographs yourself. With our increasing ability to doctor digital images, pictures taken by yourself may not be admissible in court (again, talk to your lawyer). I was told by an immediate care doctor who was documenting my daughter's black eye last summer in case I saw a pattern of injuries that courts in my state will only accept photographs taken by the police department.

Lastly, find out who your real support network is, and keep them close. Sometimes well meaning friends can stir up already desperate and aggravated emotions because they are good at "girlfriend talk" and "slamming your ex", which can be fun but not very productive. You will probably always have different standards of care for your child (although it does get a little bit easier as the child gets older), and will be frustrated by what takes place when your child is with him. Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally, listen deeply to your problems, and who keep you calm and in check...and don't forget to breathe once and a while.

Claire - posted on 07/01/2012

is he approachable? if yes speak to him about your concerns - i'm assuming he has pets? perhaps suggest he sets up a room for her that is kept pet free. if you think this will get you nowhere then take photos of her going and coming back and speak to a solicitor. if you have concerns about her well being then it may be worth speaking to a social worker or you doctor.

Samantha - posted on 06/30/2012

evidence