Custody??? Do you have to go through court to get full custody as a single mother?

Christina - posted 3 days ago

Hi i'm new to this any help would be great I have been married for 17 years have a daughter from the marriage. Her father has been in & out of our lives the whole time. Now he is wanting a divorce. For the last 2 years my husband has only lived with us for 4 months at the most. For the last year he has lived next door & has only seen our daughter maybe 10 times for few minutes only. She is now 15 & hates her father cause all he cares about is his dog, his first wife, & there daughter that is 39 yes I am wife number 3 he has been in jail for pulling a gun on my son his step son he has raised sence he was 3 years old. my husband has 3 kids from 2nd marriage that he has full custody of cause there mom ran off. He gave up all rights to them a few months after our daughter was born. has not seen or heard from them they hate him cause they said in court he did bad things to them. Now he is trying to get full custody of my daughter she is scared of him & I have had full soul custody of her for 4 years. He has been known to just clean out the bank account & leave in the middle of the night & be gone for days, weeks, months, this last time for over a year we r fine without him. I am worried he will get her in court only cause if we divorce I have no income I was never aloud to work tell this last year. My daughter & get a small V A benefit from him but that will stop if get divorced. He was court ordered to pay child support but the state it was ordered in closed the case cause we lived together for them 4 months. So i'm trying to start it in Oregon. Bottom line is my husband only wants my daughter cause he wants to hurt me and have nothing. He is lying, cheating, money hungry dead beat father that is screwing the V A Thank u for reading my short story it would blow your mind if u only knew our whole 17 years together of marriage.

Debbie - posted on 05/09/2013

i wat to go against the judge who handled my case i proved that he is an unfit parent and they still gave give visitation rights i want to make a strong group and get the law changed because a man who hasnt been supportive or been around a child helping out with money and stuff shouldnt be able to see a child obviously

Kristina - posted on 05/01/2013

Until there is a custody order. Either parent can legally keep the child. Possession is 9/10 the law. After terrible outcome in Family Courts. I suggest Richard Ducote as an attorney.

Leanne - posted on 04/29/2013

My daughter is 4 years old. Her father is a convicted felon who got out of prison bout a half a year ago now. We made a agreement that he gets every other weekend without going to court. He maybe gets her once a weekend a month now. He says he can't get her due to low money when i know he does. He has a fiance which i don't know if she has anything on her record who has a kid with someone else and now they have a kid on the way together. I don't know what they are planning but I just want to be safe and get ready to fight for custody of our daughter. Her best interest is living with me because i have a full job and i don't jump job to job like her father does. I don't know what happens up where he lives and what he does. We use to talk about every other day and we don't talk anymore except when he is pose to get her and that kinda makes me worry. I just need help trying to find out if he can get any type of custody

Andrea - posted on 04/18/2013

Tori Amri, what does that have to do with anything?

Andrea - posted on 04/18/2013

Tori Amri, what does that have to do with anything?

Tiffany Marie - posted on 04/17/2013

My mom has had permanent custody of my 3 children for 6 years and now we both have agreed to let me have them back. We don't want to go to court if we don't have to. Can we make our own agreement and tell a judge to sign the proper paperwork giving me permanent custody again? What can we do? What should we do to get it done immediately?

Alicia - posted on 02/02/2013

I dont think that she went to court or is afraid to when she really doesn't want full custody.

Cecilia - posted on 02/02/2013

Alica, i wondered that also. I guess it's because Mao didn't get custody through court that the father was allowed to take the children...

Alicia - posted on 02/02/2013

@mao how does your situation help her when they are totally different?

Mao - posted on 02/02/2013

Dear Sara I'm in the same situtation will almost when he went to rehab I move on and my kids know only one daddy my husband been w/ us since she was 1 and my son 2. They dont rember there dad like that will when he came out he threathen me but i still let him see the kids never ask for money cause my new husband provide everything for us he love the kids. Will I needed help w/ my addiction to narcoctic i didnt want to go to a clinic and they give you methodone that stuff is alot harder and can get u higher then perck. Well anyway during my w/drawal I agree for them to take the kids for two wks. two wks come up they went behind my back to trandfer them to a school next to theirs. So yesterday i was suppose to pick them up my hubby truck just stop and I ran two blocks just to have them call the police and I couldnt even hug m kids that i havent seen in 2ks. I admit i take 1 zanzac to ease my withdrawel but I'm even easing off of it more and more, He claim he taken me to court he doesnt have a job he still on methodone and his mom is in remission from cancer. they dont have their own room no pc, tablet, comcast nothing tech dat they beg me to get cause they so smart. so u think I wouldnt get the schools days custody. they get to see them on friday till sunday and b4 my car broke down I was nice enough to drop them off cause it was cold & freezing I dont want full custody I just want them to compromise which they only doing to get welfare from the kids cause he cant get welfare if he doesnt have children living w/ him. Dude never gave me a dime and I still was always forgiving even when he was a straight asshole I.m a nice person I hate confrntation but from now on they done w/ me giving them respect.

Linda - posted on 01/31/2013

Sarah you DO need to go to court. You just don't always need a lawyer. U can obtain all papers necessary, for free, at court and sometimes in other places too. Many states r now demanding that the court appoint a custodial parent in cases of a single parent household. Without that order, the father can show up at any time and take him wherever and no telling when he comes back. The court and law see him having as much right to his son as u have. Go to court, have it recorded that u r his LEGAL custodial parent in all matters. This gives you the right to make all decisions for ur child, just as u have been doing. You won't have to worry about dad showing up, demanding him and u not being able to see him. If dad does come around, allow visits, prob supervised! If dad turns out to b stable, good for the child and wants some custody u can always amend the decree if u want. U can allow visits without going to court. Just love the boy, don't turn him from his father -- u will pay for that with a lot of anger and blame as he grows older. Just explain to him at his level of understanding. Keep him safe n with u by means of a small LEGAL paper. Good luck and God Bless.

Christy - posted on 01/30/2013

I do believe he has some rights because his name is on the birth certificate if you are married he would have more rights. I would get legal advice and if you are worried his father might take him, then let his dad have contact in a contact centre. It may have to go to court if both of you cannot compromise. I think kids should have access to both parents if it is safe to do so.

Melinda - posted on 01/28/2013

the court will recognize him as an equal parent until another custody arrangement is decided and signed off by the judge. If he were to take him and not give him back without those papers there is little you could do about it. It would not be considered a kidnapping or illegal in any way.

Tee - posted on 01/23/2013

That is a touchy subject if you were not married. But you both have equal custody. You need to go to court to ensure you are recognized as the Primary Parent. He can walk off with the child at any time and it is not considered custodial interference. Find out the laws for your state. And get ready to do battle. If you can talk to him and get something in writing that can be entered into court you will be better off. Courts don't grant full custody unless their is abuse or the other parent signs over that right.

Hailey - posted on 01/23/2013

Yes Dads have equal rights to their children and you can make custody agreements and support agreements without court but if you want sole custody yes you have to go to court. there are many different types of custody orders the most common sole custody order awards one parent with full custody but leaves room for the other to have access to their cild.

Linda Marie - posted on 01/22/2013

ok thank u

Hillary - posted on 01/22/2013

I'm not sure what state you live in, but I've been through this twice...once with my oldest daughters father back in 97 and 3 years ago with my youngests father...the youngest's father and I have worked things out since and are happily planning a wedding soon :) However, in both cases, My oldest's father was cut completely off due to anger and drug issues....my court papers for that case read... SOLE CUSTODY AWARDED TO THE MOTHER.( Which means that she lives with me and he has NO ACCESS TO HER or ANY RECORDS concerning her unless I SAY HE CAN!) My youngest's papers read....PRIMARY PHYSICAL CUSTODY AWARDED TO MOTHER, JOINT LEGAL AWARDED TO FATHER. (Which means that she resides with me and her father has visitation with access to her day-care, school and medical records. Also no MAJOR medical decisions can be made without BOTH of our consent.)
My best friend was just recently awarded SOLE CUSTODY of her 9 year old daughter and Primary Physical Custody of her newborn......so YES Primary Custody and Sole Custody DO still exist in the courts.

Andrea - posted on 01/19/2013

yes i am a single divorce mom afrom new jersey and my ex has joint custoday with me

Linda Marie - posted on 01/19/2013

i got told because my childs father is on the birth certificate he has rights to her and legally and take her from me and nothing the police can do unless his place is not fit for a baby. i am trying to get full custody of my daughter and i have been told i have to go in ffront of a judge say my story etc so think you will have to

Bobbie - posted on 01/18/2013

I know in a lot of states you do have to legally go to court to get legal custody of your child i suggest call a lawyer or child support and ask what you have to do so you will always have legal custody of him. I know in some states even though you carry your child for 9 months they don't legally belong to you, i found that out when my daughters were little thankfully they are grown now. Also go to the library and ask for the book they states the laws in your state,also you can google a lot of the laws. God bless Bobbie Burruss silverfox9361@yahoo.com

Alicia - posted on 01/17/2013

just because the child lives with you don't mean that you have custody.Being that you were never married then neither one has custody in order for you to get full custody you have to file papers in family court make sure that you have the birth cert,the father's ss # (the ss number will help) they papers will ask you why you feel that u want custody of the child so explain in detail. good luck

Paula - posted on 01/17/2013

I will phone a lawyer in the morning is the number on here useful please Alicia????????????????????

Paula - posted on 01/17/2013

Thank you so much, i just worry as i have left it so long as the father has put me in the mix & now although been clean 5 yrs, i can see how he has poisioned social services & all HIS family against me, i did not attend meetings @ social services as if i would of louded him out about his drug abuse my children would of ended up in care although there are of an age of choice with me explaining that do you think i have a chance????? he has not got full custody, though they are settled, yet im the one suffering as i still feel i have to keep quiet for the childrens sake hun!

Alicia - posted on 01/17/2013

you have to file custody papers in family court in the county you live in

Alicia - posted on 01/17/2013

tell them the truth and explain to them what happenend

Paula - posted on 01/17/2013

Please i need advice asap......................................... as legal aid in family court stops in three months here, if not already & my seperated partners parents have money!

Paula - posted on 01/17/2013

I have 3 children aged 12, 11 & 8, i got into drugs with my now seperated partner in 2005/2006, i took the blame for him in court & he then told social services being with me was a risk, i have been clean now since 2008 & see my children twice a fortnight but he has lied all these years & to save my children from care, i let him have his way, i have been trying to sort things with him for a year or two but getting no progress, sometimes although only 12 miles away i only see them once a month, down to him, my daughter hates me @ the moment as i can't talk to her without my ex in laws poising me against her, please help me before its to late, im in England, Norfolk! Without damaging my children by telling them the truth, i never walked out on them & i want them back, what do i do????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? I want it to go to court as to have my say as i have had to hold back for several years but i dont want to hurt my children, my husband supplied my drug habit finacially & when i got clean the money stopped, as my friend said he only paid me to keep me intoxicated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Terry - posted on 01/15/2013

It all depends on the state. In Texas it doesn't matter if you are married or not, the father has equal rights to the child and can take off with the child and there is nothing the police can do. Get custody papers right away. I had a daughter that had a child out of wedlock and she had to get custody papers drawn up. The father kept threatening to take the child away.

Sonia - posted on 01/13/2013

Yes, protect yourself and your child. Solve the problem now and get it legalize so there isn't any problem for the future. Don't exclude the father but set the legal rights for yourself and his rights as to what he can or can't do when the child get older. If he doesn't want to help raise your child finacially or emotionally then you needs to take total control and establish the legal ramifacation of his rights as a father for the future. It's very important for all children to know and have contact with the their parents but legally you needs to protect yourself. Children needs a stable environment but do it with their well fair in minds. Good futures for you both

Andrea - posted on 01/11/2013

You have to go to court, my brother in law went through the same thing. They came to a mutual agreement on custody, no court. There was a disagreement between the two, he kept him and when the police showed up cause she called, they said unless she has a court statement saying that she has full custody or it was a day she was supposed to get the child back they can't do anything about it.....GO TO COURT!!

Stacey - posted on 01/09/2013

In your case they wouldn't likely get custody. They could file for visitation or custody. Unless a father signs away his rights he has some rights. For example my children's father hasn't bothered to be a father to them in 6 years. I had full physical custody and we had joint legal custody. I amended the custody so I had both full physical and legal custody. It was awarded however if there were an event where a medical decision of life or death were involved he could step in and have a say so. For example say one of our children were on life support and he felt he or she should be taken off he could take it to court. Other than that he has zero rights to them.

Stacey - posted on 01/09/2013

Until you go to court and get custody he could take your child and not return him and it would be legal because there isn't any legal custody given to either of you in court. You need to go to the court and file for custody. It should be free to do so. You will likely be sent to a mediator before going to court to see if you can come to an agreement without having to see a judge.

Kendra - posted on 01/08/2013

Neither one of the fahters are on the birth certificate. but i will deft check it out.

Cecilia - posted on 01/08/2013

Kendra, it depends on the state. No one here is a lawyer so none of us could answer you completely right. Some states if he is named on the birth certificate, he can. Some if he signed it , he can. Some simply require both parties to agree he is the father. Some states require custody orders for any one parent to take the child away. You might want to head down to the family court in your area and ask them, or look in your phone book for lawyers who deal with family court.

Kendra - posted on 01/08/2013

Sorry I don't have an answer but I do have a ? hoping someone can answer I have 3 kids my first 2 have the same dad and my youngest have a differnt dad. My 2 older kids their dad only seen my son but doesn't want anything do with them I took him for a dna test and of course it came back as being his kids. Well he refusesd to have anything to do with them. And my youngest i found out her dad was still married and I dumped him before I knew I was pregant so I told him about it and he is denying her. So im wondering since they haven't done anything for my kids if they were to show up out of no where and want something to do with my kids could they take them from me? or get custody, My kids have everything they need and want they don't go without anything and I take them to the doctors I do it alone. I was told if they wanted to see my kids they could take them anytime they wanted. Is this true thanks

Kendra - posted on 01/08/2013

Sorry I don't have an answer but I do have a ? hoping someone can answer I have 3 kids my first 2 have the same dad and my youngest have a differnt dad. My 2 older kids their dad only seen my son but doesn't want anything do with them I took him for a dna test and of course it came back as being his kids. Well he refusesd to have anything to do with them. And my youngest i found out her dad was still married and I dumped him before I knew I was pregant so I told him about it and he is denying her. So im wondering since they haven't done anything for my kids if they were to show up out of no where and want something to do with my kids could they take them from me? or get custody, My kids have everything they need and want they don't go without anything and I take them to the doctors I do it alone. I was told if they wanted to see my kids they could take them anytime they wanted. Is this true thanks

Jennifer - posted on 01/07/2013

The judge must award full custody, get it done. I thought the same thing you did and then went through a nightmare when my son wasn't returned to me. File now! Your state will have a program to help with the court costs. Good luck sweetie

Cristina - posted on 01/03/2013

Don;t forget to do what is BEST for your SON first and foremost, though.

Cristina - posted on 01/03/2013

Depends on what his dad wants to do. If he wants custody, he most likely will get it until you prove otherwise. If there is no Court Order on file, then you have him 100% unless the father takes you back to Court. Call the Friend of the Court and they will be able to advise you.

Jan - posted on 01/02/2013

it does depend on the state you live in. i live in michigan and i have a friend who had that situation and when the father took him for a visit to ohio and refused to bring him back, she had to file for an emergency court date to get a court order saying she was the custodial parent before the police would even assist her in getting their son back. and her brother took his son for a visit from his mother and didn't take him back and instead filed a court case in michigan (mother lived in illinois) and the court gave him custody bc they didn't have an existing order. if he wasn't on the birth certificate, he wouldn't have the right to do that, but since he is on the birth certificate, that changes things. Good Luck!! I am also a single mother and i feel for u. Hope everything goes good for your son and u.

Faye - posted on 12/30/2012

Oh yes, take him to court and file a child support order and the Court will establish you as custodial parent, and allow him visitation. Make sure that all payments are deducted from his payroll and direct deposited into your bank account. It is a headache to wait on payments to be handed, it is full of too much unnecessary psychological drama.

Cia - posted on 12/30/2012

ah the rub...some one's value of Loving the child might not meet the conventional criteria of "Loving their child."

Aeryn - posted on 12/30/2012

Yes he does because of the simple fact he signed the birth certificate. My case if very similar except for my son is 3 and the birth certificate was not signed but he does have his fathers last name. His father has only met and seen him twice and it was within the same week and my son was 6 months old. You need to go to court and petition for legal custody. If you are granted joint, have a schedule set up (which they will do but just get the papers as proof). That way, if he tries not to give him back you can bring your papers to the police station showing he is not supposed to have him. Best of luck. I'll be going through this in the next 6 months. I've been getting free consultations from lawyers for advice.

J M - posted on 12/28/2012

Really one may think would be the right way. Seek first from Family Courts advice/ Legal aid, then no room for doubts or mistakes. Most would agree to say ,yes anyone does.

However in the long run, be as willing as possible for the father to have access to his son, long as its not a abusive relationship, a child should have their rights respected despite of a breakdown in a relationship. (Unless the disagreements interfere with the Child's everyday wellbeing etc..


If both parties can agree to disagree of their own personal shortcomings and or differences about the nuts and bolts of their breakdown fine, but if they both equally Love their Child the same, and can agree for their child sake then it is kinder than not, for a arrangement for the child sake, as heard of Children not liking either parents because of their inability to sort stuff out.

Children can become bitter, don't need that, thus the very thing parents feel they are fighting about, they can lose far more.... their children's respect.

Have you had Counseling for any hope of Relationship been restored?

Alexis - posted on 12/28/2012

yes, dad can just come take him if he wants. you either need to get him to sign over his rights; this doesnt require a lawyer, and he will not pay child suport. or you can take him to court, this is very expincive if he fights though, then he will be required to pay child suport plus back child suport for the last 4 year but they may give him visitation if he requests it.

Nancy - posted on 12/26/2012

Its called CYA or cover your ass.It may be fairly easy but you never know.Go for sole custody.If he wants to fight,he'll fight.Find out what the laws are for your state.You should be able to look up the majority of stuff online.My daughter and I have found a lot of info.

Heather - posted on 12/26/2012

If you were never married- signing the birth certificate does not establish his parental rights in the eyes of the law. It will only establish him as the father for the purpose of child support- which is completely seperate from custody. Only a judge can establish paternity unless you were married. "Custody" always lies with the unwed mother in 49 states... until he asks the court to acknowledge him... then it will be up to the judge to allocate rights.tI cannoot stress enough that being unwed does NOT give a mother an advantage in custody actions! Once it goes to court, there is a presumption that both parents are equally fit. If you raise any issues about abuse, neglect, domestic violence then you run a very real risk of losing custody because of "friendly parent provisions". Look these up on the internet and talk to an attorney who knows how these work against mothers who are victims. Family court is dangerous for mothers and children unless you are prepared to sit on the stand and say he is a great person and you dont mind sharing custody with him.
http://coparentingwithsociopath.blogspot...

Star - posted on 12/26/2012

since he signed the birth certificate he does have legal rights to your boy but you can go through court to have him sign rights to you and you can get full custody of your son but there will be issues with that like visitation rights and the fact of paying money towards you and your son I forgot what that's called

Michele - posted on 12/25/2012

if his name is on the birth certificate your stuck. That is the biggest mistake I ever made in my life... My mother warned me, but I didn't get it. If i hadn't had him sign that, I wouldn't be suffering like i have for 10 years. The man lives to punish me. He is obsessed with it. He is psychotic. He hates me so much, .. his only goal is to "control". He thinks nothing of my children.. he tortures them, subjects them to emotional harm, and endangers their safety and doesn't care. They are just pawns and tools to him. they are weapons with which to torture me. May god in heaven protect my children while we are at the mercy of this inadequate court that doesn't provide protection and then claims "immunity": when your loved ones get murdered by the perpetrator you've been trying to gain protection from for years. When is enough enough? I am so insulted and angry.. I need to get this crap out of my head... I am so mad.. I have been tortured for years and I am tired of it... I have had enough.. I want justice. I deserve consideration not abuse... how dare they treat us the way they do.... hell no...