Custody issues

Battlekanisha - posted on 03/15/2017 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Here my story. So I was married to my soon to ex husband for 3 year we have a daughter together. During this time I was the provider and he was in school We have been separated for a little over a year now. So I keep my daughter for about 2 months straight and then me and him started visitation he would get her on the weekends . I had a job offer in California and I decided to take it. Me and my ex did agree on a rotation schedule. I start my new job and got my place. Literally a month later I got custody papers of my ex trying to take my daughter away. I decided I needed to come back to North Carolina. Before I moved back we did have our court hearing and the judge didn't wasn't to take her out of the state. During the 3 months I was gone I was denied visitation. I moved back to North Carolina got a job place to stay and day care. He refuses to communicate. He refuse to Share medications and inform me of medical issues like trips to the emergency room. She have been to the emergency room maybe 5 times and I've only know about 1 and it was because I Skyped her and she was extra Winnie. He filed for child support. Mean while I'm paying for health care day care and paying my bills he had none of that. We wen to court for child support he was granted it but magically he went and got insurance and daycare they same week before court and the court took it. I did see how much he mad a month which was around 7000 a month. Yea that made me so mad. So we had our 2nd hearing and he wanted to take my daughter to live in Cleveland OH. During the hearing his lawyer made it seem so bad for a woman to work and pay bills And the judge let him take my baby with no job no place to live no health insurance no daycare.like I'm on drugs or have a addiction. With me I provide all things that is needed I didn't have a lawyer at the time. He stated he want to move for better opportunities and he had a job offer I found out today he has a job working at HCL Technology. Which is not the company he said he had a job offer for and it is also in the the state of North Carolina 10 minutes away from where he lived. How can a judge rule that it's better to be with the parent that has no job didn't get one til a month later no insurance for the child or day care as I also found out that he is dating the same girl that he said was his friend. She stayed with him for a month literally 3 months after I moved out. She has tried to have words for me but I called her and told her I would file for harassment and it stop real quick. I honestly think they live together and we are still married. I also think she was pregnant and had a miscarriage because some of my friends saying he posted on Facebook stating I have a son and the couple months later rip little one. This is still adultery right? I am thinking about sueing her because he receive money for being married from the va and I don't see nothing and it's being spent on her. Also I think that's where our money was always magically disappearing too. I'm stuck I feel hopeless I'm trying to save for a lawyer but it's hard I need encouragement right now!!!!! I need to know what would you do in this situation?

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Ev - posted on 03/16/2017

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{{Here my story. So I was married to my soon to ex husband for 3 year we have a daughter together. During this time I was the provider and he was in school}}
--I am posting this whole thing with my answers so I can keep it straight.

{{ We have been separated for a little over a year now. So I keep my daughter for about 2 months straight and then me and him started visitation he would get her on the weekends .}}
---Did you get this court ordered or just make an agreement between you? If you did not get this taken care of via court orders, then either of you can have the child and not work with the other parent. Verbal agreements do not get considered as legal arrangements where children are concerned.

{ I had a job offer in California and I decided to take it. Me and my ex did agree on a rotation schedule. I start my new job and got my place. Literally a month later I got custody papers of my ex trying to take my daughter away.}
---He had every right to do that. You left the child in his care and he did not know exactly when you would come back either. Also, he is protecting his rights to be able to be part of his child’s life.

{{ I decided I needed to come back to North Carolina. Before I moved back we did have our court hearing and the judge didn't wasn't to take her out of the state. During the 3 months I was gone I was denied visitation.}}
---The judge had every right to keep the child there in the state of NC because that is where she has lived her entire life and everyone and everything she knew was there. Also dad had right to parent her. The judge may have also deemed the move advisable to do for the child and that it would not benefit dad’s rights to see her either. You moved. You made the choice to take this job in California to better yourself. It might have impeded dad’s rights to visitation. Why did you get denied visitation?





{{ I moved back to North Carolina got a job place to stay and day care. He refuses to communicate. He refuse to Share medications and inform me of medical issues like trips to the emergency room. She have been to the emergency room maybe 5 times and I've only know about 1 and it was because I Skyped her and she was extra Winnie. He filed for child support. Mean while I'm paying for health care day care and paying my bills he had none of that. We wen to court for child support he was granted it but magically he went and got insurance and daycare they same week before court and the court took it.}}
-----That is good you returned to NC and got a job and place to stay. Does he have court ordered custody? What kind---full or joint custody? If he has full custody and legal custody he might not have to tell you things or have your consent to do things with her if he has full decision making for the child. He has rights to file for child support. He can get health insurance and child care as he wishes. Also how can a three year old child tell you she went to the ER? She does not know what that is. When he sent you the papers and so on for custody, did you show up for that court date….the hearing? If not, he would have gotten custody and child support and you would have gotten visitation. So what is your point?

{I did see how much he mad a month which was around 7000 a month. Yea that made me so mad.}
---So he has 7000 a month coming in. What of it made you mad? Because you were ordered to pay child support?
{{ So we had our 2nd hearing and he wanted to take my daughter to live in Cleveland OH. During the hearing his lawyer made it seem so bad for a woman to work and pay bills And the judge let him take my baby with no job no place to live no health insurance no daycare.like I'm on drugs or have a addiction.}}
---It is not bad for a woman to provide for her family. That has nothing to do with it nor does it if this man has money coming in as you said and he got custody. He was there for court to try to get custody and he got it. Judges do give dad’s custody now. It is not like your ex has a bad side that makes him unfit to be with the child or to raise her. You are just mad because it did not go your way.



{{ With me I provide all things that is needed I didn't have a lawyer at the time. He stated he want to move for better opportunities and he had a job offer I found out today he has a job working at HCL Technology. Which is not the company he said he had a job offer for and it is also in the the state of North Carolina 10 minutes away from where he lived.}}
---He must have been able to provide something while you were gone those 3 months if he had the child while you were gone. Also you just said earlier he had 7000 a month coming in. So either he is broke or he has money?


{{How can a judge rule that it's better to be with the parent that has no job didn't get one til a month later no insurance for the child or day care as I also found out that he is dating the same girl that he said was his friend. She stayed with him for a month literally 3 months after I moved out. She has tried to have words for me but I called her and told her I would file for harassment and it stop real quick. I honestly think they live together and we are still married. I also think she was pregnant and had a miscarriage because some of my friends saying he posted on Facebook stating I have a son and the couple months later rip little one. This is still adultery right? I am thinking about sueing her because he receive money for being married from the va and I don't see nothing and it's being spent on her. Also I think that's where our money was always magically disappearing too. I'm stuck I feel hopeless I'm trying to save for a lawyer but it's hard I need encouragement right now!!!!! I need to know what would you do in this situation?}}
---Judges rule as they rule. I have no idea why the judge let dad have the child other than you were not there maybe when the ruling came down until you were able to get back. You never did say for sure you were there for the first hearing. If you were not, the judge is going to let the parent that is there have the child. Just because he dates another person does not make him unfit. Just because that person lives with him does not make him unfit. Being married still, might make a difference but did not seem to with this judge. It is adultery but it depends on the state laws for divorce and custody and I have no idea what those are in NC. He gets money from VA for being married….that makes no sense to me unless he is in military.

What you need to do is check with lawyers in your area. Usually they will give you a free consult. If you can not afford the lawyer try legal aid. At the same time you have to understand that father’s are just as good at raising kids as moms are. You also need to get over your anger for the child’s sake because this is about her and not you as it sounds more about you than her because you did not get custody because you chose to take a job out of state across the country 3000 miles away. You left her with dad….you chose that. You just have to do the best you can. You also need to abide the decision of the judge and for the sake of the child….do not fight this her entire life. It will only hurt her in the long run.

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