Dad decides not to see his son, as he finds out he is having a new baby

Galina - posted on 06/22/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My ex has had very terrible time with me over the years, never married, kept me under control as he cheated and acused me for all he could,we have a 8 year old son, he has always been late or simply not showing up for parenting, only paying support when I am nice to him, but still him and our son had a loving connection. It was so hard on me all these years as finally i put a foot down and said "no more! grow up or be gone." So this is what he did: he is gone! Funny enough tho, the week he said I ve ruined his life his new girlfriend turns out pregnant. He has not seen his son in more than 6months and the new baby is coming very soon. I am very very hurt for what he is doing to us and most importantly to my son's world. How should I handle this situation? What will he feel like finding out one day that his beloved dad has a new child?! The dad that was all "his"? Its absolutely heart breaking.

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User - posted on 06/23/2012

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Galina, I know you are hurting, however continue to let your son's father see him. Its sad, but you know what, you are going to have to be strong and show no ill feelings. Even if it bothers you to death, do not show the daddy that this bothers you. Say what you have to say and let it go. Even if you have to go in a room and cry your heart out do NOT let him see this. People like to see people suffer.

Be strong, and it may take some time. I am going to tell you, he may never act like a father to your son again who knows, but if he doesn't then you will need to be mommy and daddy. You will need to really think this out. I will say you gave him an ultimatum and he took it. So you have to be careful of what you ask for. I know it hurts.

Since he has a new girl and you are tired of dealing with him, set some goals for yourself. If you want to be married, never be with someone this long again, because honestly 8 years is too long to be waisting your time with someone who didn't even want to be married. Start going out and if you want to be in a relationship, make sure you know who you are getting involved with. Make sure he is good to his mother and his sisters, trust, if he is not good to his own mother, he won't treat you no better.

CHeer UP Sweety!!

Erin - posted on 06/23/2012

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He's a scum bag. I'd keep your son away too. Kids don't need halfway daddys. Kids need real dads who are dedicated to them, if he can't show up to parent his own son I see no reason to feel sorry for him. As for the baby it's tough that your son may have a sibling they might not get to grow up knowing, but don't you take any of that on your own shoulders. A husband is supposed to have only one family and supposed to keep that family and to treat them as he would treat himself, with love, and respect and always take care of them. So since he can't even share time after divorce too bad for him.

Louise - posted on 06/23/2012

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I would tell your son that he has a half brother or sister it is important you dont keep secrets from him. Write to the new mum and offer some support as she is going to be in the same boat as you soon, when he leaves for yet another woman. Your son is not stupid he knows his father is a deadbeat and only comes to visit when he can be bothered. He also knows you have done your best for him. Tell him about the new baby and then tell him that you will always be there for him. If you can get him into some male led groups like scouts or something where he can form relationships and role models from decent men who have family values and respect.

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