dads girlfriend

Ginger - posted on 02/24/2010 ( 33 moms have responded )

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dreading the day i have to allow my son to be involved in his dads girlfriends life, have any of you dealt with this? hoe did you cope? really cant get my head around letting another woman play mommie with my son, am i alone in this feeling?

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FoxyMom - posted on 11/05/2012

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I was in the same boat. My Ex and I had an agreement that our son was to only meet someone if they were around for at least 3 or 4 months and it was going good. The first time was REALLY hard but from the advice of a friend that had gone through the same thing she said just ask to meet the girl. I asked my ex and his girlfriend out for breakfast. I told him I wanted to meet who my son was going to be around and they agreed. Talk about an akward breakfast. But in the end she seemed like a really nice lady and I had to keep reminding myself she did not do anything to me and it's not her fault. My 9 year old thinks a lot of her and her kids and she loves doing things with them and seems to motivate my ex to do things also. The later kind of makes me jealous since he never did those things with us.



I also had to remind myself that he would have some of the same feelings about when I brought someone around my son and I acted in a way I would hope he would act although I can't promise that the inner witch don't come out every now and then.



In the end, my ex's girlfriend and my son have a decent relationship and I'm lucky my ex found a women that is accepting of my son. I don't like it but it's just something I'm going to have to get over myself with and deal with it. Now if my ex would of left me for her it would of been a WAY different story.

Lisa - posted on 08/27/2012

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yes when it comes to the kid just stay out of the battle between the kids parents, and what ever you do do not act like the kids mom in any way .

Amy - posted on 08/27/2012

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Now I'm on the other side of the situation I have a wonderful 5 year old stepson that I love dearly Dearly. at come to realize that most women don't look at the situation as I did. we get his son during the summer and when we picked him up and got home he was treating me disrespectfully told me he didn't have to love me or listen to me he told me that his real money had told him this. I just sat down with him and told him I could not make him love me or like me but he didn't have to respect me and follow our family house rules. and that I would always love him very very much it was no time at all before he was back to loving on me and telling me how much he loved and missed me. I don't understand why she would make it harder on her son to have to be. I don't know if she is jealous of my relationship with his daddy or with him. and I don't understand either 1 they were married for a little while and she decided to take the baby in move a cross country with him. I have tried talking to the woman and being friendly with her it just knows does not seem to work.

Cheryl - posted on 03/12/2010

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My son is 13 and met his dad's girlfriend and her kids this summer. They all went to a major league baseball game. I actually didn't know it was happening until after it was over....thought he was going with Dad and the grandparents. (this was just my assmuption) Any way, when I did find out I had a pit in my stomach. What I came to realize is, my son is pretty neutral about her. Never said much about her to me and well....I am still not thrilled about it but I also have to realize that it is a reality. So, I stay steady and unchanged with my son, and let the rest go.
I think the only way to really think about it is...how will you be towards a boyfriends children? Put yourself in their place. I know that I want to get to know my boyfriends kids but I don't want to be their mommy...they already have one.

Bonnie - posted on 03/10/2010

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Ginger, it does get easier but it takes a while. My daughter is 3 1/2 and her father left us a year ago and moved in with this woman 3 days later. I had a very hard time letting go of my daughter she is my only child and has never been away from me for more than a few hours. I fought her being around my daughter every step, I did not want another woman being mother to my child. I know exactly how you feel. Eventually I had to let it go somewhat, I still don't like it but really we have no choice in the matter. As long as she knows her place then I really can't say anything. It is not a good feeling at all we just have to hope that thier fathers use good judgement in who they allow around our kids. It broke my heart the first time my daughter said her name to me but she is respectful of how I feel and stays back whenever possible. It's tough but I think it will get easier for you as time goes on.

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Suzanne - posted on 12/16/2012

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You are the girlfriend or live-in. You are not their Mom.

Please be kind to my children. Don't have knock down cursing fights in front of them. Do not hit or spank them. Don't get jealous when Dad spends time with them instead of you.

You are one of many that have passed through our children's lives. Don't get too attached.

Tessa - posted on 12/13/2012

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I am so glad to see that so many women feel the same way I do. My ex and I were in a three year relationship and we broken up and have had very little contact for two years. I have full residential custody, but my ex is fighting for full custody because he and his newer girlfriend had a baby six months ago and they want to basically act like my son is theres and that I don't exist so they don't have to pay child support and in fact I would have to pay them. Obviously that is very hurtful for many reasons. I have always made sure that my son has been very well taken care of but it hurts when people lie to themselves and others so that they can disrespect others lifes/worth. I do kno that I will always be mom, and he will always love/d me first, its just hard when it seems like u always have to justify and reassure urself. It's also hard because my son is so young and easily manipulated.

Ashley - posted on 11/02/2012

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My daughter was 5 when her father and I divorced. It was extremely hard for me to let my daughter around his girlfriends but I really had no choice in the matter as I couldn't control what he did with her when he had her on his time. My husband cheated on my for 6 years, started when I was pregnant and I didn't find out about it until she was 5, almost 6. My husband has already been bringing my daughter around one of the girls as soon as we separated, unknown to me until my daughter started talking about playing with her kids. I talked to the woman as well as to my daughter, my daughter said she was really nice. As long as they were nice to my daughter I had no problem with them but when I got a chance to talk to them I did ask that they not discipline my child in any way that her father should handle it. He has dated several women since then and he and I have that understanding that he be the only one to discipline unless it becomes a situation where he is married to the girl. I still prefer she not discipline, but I feel a step parent can't be effective as such if they can't discipline so I will let go of that only when he chooses to commit to another woman...

I know how you feel and its terrifying. Its a little unfair for custodial parents to have to all the serious stuff and those with visitation get to do fun stuff all weekend, but my daughter will be 8 soon and she doesn't really want to go with her dad anymore. She has actually told me that she doesn't want him to spend money on her, that she wants him to spend time with her and he doesn't. He buys her games and toys, but won't sit and play with her or won't go somewhere and just pay attention to her. They realize who is important and all that "fun" stuff they get to do will fade when they see who really cares about them and cares for them. Don't worry. Mommy will always be his first love...

Julie - posted on 10/31/2012

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How often does your child see his Daddy?

Do ask that you are the mommie and should be called such and she can be called by her given name ...

YES - I have been there... and it is so painful - but you will survive!

Lynisha - posted on 10/31/2012

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I broke it off after 8 years with my sons father, moved out and two weeks later he had a girlfriend. Not only was she around my son from day 1 but she also moved into our old place a month later. All i hear from my son is this womans name and how awesome she is. Its been 8 months now since this happened and all I have to say is its a long and rough road. At the end of the day, YOU will always be the MOMMY no matter what, just have to be thankful that the new GF is good with your kids. Stay strong! I learned through everything that women really are the stronger sex, men cant be alone , once one's out they will get another to fill the spot.

Julane - posted on 10/23/2012

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It isn't that bad if you and your ex have good communication and the girlfriend has an understanding of your feelings. I have been on both sides of the fence with this. I was the mom that had to let my girls be around dads girlfriend. As long as she doesn't try to do the punishing and is a friend to the children I feel it works. I told my boyfriends mother I am not trying to be her childrens mom but I do want to be their friend. If you can have that kind of agreement and she is a good person then it works.

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when I told my ex to leave the family home, he moved into the home of the woman he was having an affair with. They (with her two children) picked up my eldest one day from school (with my permission). Don't think my eldest clicked who this woman was. I didn't comment on who she was or why Dad was with her. A few years down the road, he came for a visit with the woman who was to be his second wife for the day. My girls didn't pay much attention to her (too young to appreciate and take much notice). Anyway they only got to meet her the one time. On the next visit he was talking to the two eldest about being bridesmaids at his wedding to this woman they'd only seen on the one occasion. He made it clear that he only wanted the two eldest that I wasn't welcome and neither was the youngest daughter. Oh yeah, he'd look after the girls (as well as the odd family member of his). Answer - no, it was all three or none, and due to their ages I would be present (even if it was in the back), especially as he wouldn't be able to look after the girls (he would be too busy) and also the fact that they really didn't know any of his family.



Forward to now and after his second divorce. He's now got another girlfriend, who neither I nor the girls have met. Do I pass judgement on the number of relationships he's had in 8 years (4 that I know of and maybe a 5th, but not 100% sure), no. Yet he's kicked of about a rumour that he'd heard that I had a new partner and was forcing my girls to call him Dad. Only response I still have to the new partner - who is he and when can I met this 'new partner' that I supposedly had a few years ago?

Kristen - posted on 10/17/2012

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Hello, I am going thru a difficult situation also about dads and gf's. My daughter is 2, never married and it was a short mutual relationship. I trust him but he has no priorities in life or in our child's life. He has taken her overnight twice, she is 2. The first time was his house, the second time recently he tricked me into saying he was going to visit his parents out of town but sprung it on me that they kuldip be sleeping at his new girlfriends house. I let him do this and now have asked that to stop until I feel comfortable enough. I have never met this girl. Any advice?

Noreen - posted on 08/30/2012

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ginger ur not alone in this feeling however everyone has a diffrent veiw and a diffrent story on it.... i was fine with his gf at first but now we dont get along at all but if there is any advice for my post i have it would be greatly appreciated

Amy - posted on 08/27/2012

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Ive been on both sides of the situation. As mom I always wanted to know the girlfriend that was spending time with my child. I felt that made it easier for my daughter. and I would rather talk to the girl friends rather than my ex we could not get along at all. I felt that if we were on a friendly basis she would be nicer to my daughter. After all the girlfriend had nothing to do with our divorce. I did however follow my gut instinct feelings on particular with girlfriends I did not have to get Good feelings for. And my gut instinct was using right.

Have to admit if she called another woman mom It would bother me But also that told me That the woman was being good to my daughter and that is what counts And that she felt comfortable enough with the woman to call her that. My daughters always knew she had 1 mommy but other women that loved her to

Krystin - posted on 08/27/2012

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i hope I'm not stepping in somewhere I'm not wanted but I am actually a girlfriend of a single dad and I know all women aren't the same but I wish that his ex would actually acknowledge my existence. I by no means want to play her childs mom. is there anyway you could give me advice on what would make you more comfortable with your childs dad's girlfriend?

Ester - posted on 08/16/2012

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This is probably the wrong place for me to ask this question, seeing as this is for single moms. But I need an HONEST answer. I have been with my fiance for nearly 2 years. He has been divorced for 3. He was in a previous marriage 5 years ago. He has a 4 year old daughter. The reason for his divorce was his wife cheated on him, and during the seperation got pregnant by the other man. I have became a huge part of the child's life. In the beggining I wasn't around her much but now she asks for me. We don't live together, and don't plan on it until we are officially married. Recently, the last couple times the baby has gotten sick she has asked me to go with her to the doctor. I would NEVER under any circumstances, outside of extreme life or death emercency, go in the back with them. I usually sit in the car and just let her know that I am there for her before and after the appointment. I do not under any circumstances want to be disrespectful to the mother. My question is.... What is alright for me to do? The girl started preschool last week. I went to the orientation, sat in the car like I usually do, when the little girl came out she asked me why I didn't come in with her because she wanted me there, I made up an excuse about not feeling well, then I felt horrible about for the next week. My fiance and her mom took the girl to school on the first day, and again the girl asked where i was at. So as a suprise I went with my fiance to see her at pick up that after noon. It was followed by harassing text messages, and phone calls..Threats to have me banned from school, and to never let the father know of events. I want nothing more than to be a positve role model for this little girl. I know I'm not her mother, and I have never tried to be. Please can someone give me some opinions on the matter

Rosie - posted on 08/14/2012

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This isnt a reply. But it involves my daughter fathers girl friend. My daughter jasleen is starting kinder garden next week and my ex's girlsfriend came to the orientation with him. Im wondering if i can ask the teacher to ask her if she cannot be present. Only the parents. How can i ask the teacher without sounding like a jerk.

Dora - posted on 08/02/2012

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Angela, I can relate. My husband and I separated a month and a half ago and he moved in with his girlfriend a few days later. I am happy he is gone. If he has to be with someone else that's ok - because it means he is not with me!

But, like you, I worry about my child. She is 4 and doesn't really understand; she thinks of the other woman as Daddy's friend. At first my husband did not have this girl around when taking her for overnights, and I appreciate that. Now it seems he is getting more comfortable and the girlfriend has been there for the last few times during visits. She slept in a different bedroom during the visits so that is good. So far my daughter seems ok with that. I trust that my ex will keep my daughter safe, but it really upsets me that this woman gets to be with my daughter when I don't. I have never met the girlfriend, but I know a few things about her that do not garner my respect and that makes me worry. She has kept my ex occupied so that he hasn't been around much, but now I can sense a change and expect she will be spending more time with my daughter. I know it doesn't make sense to worry about things I can not control and what will happen in the future, but it is really hard not to think about it.

Angela - posted on 07/29/2012

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My son has just met the exs girlfriend last night and I feel sick about it. Im panicking incase he starts to call her mam,but its still early days I suppose I will just have to see what happens. I really dont want to even see her, the only good thing is that she has got him off my back as he kept trying to get me back (no chance lol).

Shelly - posted on 08/11/2011

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I have the same issue, only I am okay with her being around my child. The thing I don't like is how she tries to call me to say she wants to see my son, how she had to go with to Project Harmony (a place where they interview children that have been abused....he had issues at his last school) she has not been around my child long as his father has only seen him a handful of times in 4 years (his own doing) so I do not believe that she should have went there as it was a sensitive matter that did not involve her! I think it bothers me because he is my last child, my baby & her children are 16 & 18....she wanted a child with his dad, but he told her he did not want anymore children...so I do get a little nervous that she will try to be a little more than just daddy's new girlfriend! I hope as my son gets older that it gets easier (for me) Really nice to know that there are more mothers out there that feel the same. Oh, and I have brought up to others about my child getting disciplined at home with me and then going to his dad's & getting nothing but playtime since he only takes my child once in a blue moon.

Teri - posted on 03/12/2010

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Oh. My ex has a girlfriend- a "homewrecker" as she loooves to call herself. I do not dread the day that she meets my son... mostly because I have spoken to my ex and made it QUITE CLEAR that there is NO other mother in my childs life. Not only that, but I have made it MORE than clear, and will soon have a meeting with her, that if she crosses any line that I do not want crossed around my son, there will be a problem. I am not afraid to take care of it. My son will be raised to know exactly what kind of girl she is (since she is obviously not a woman), and my toes will not be stepped on anymore. Ma'am it is called "motherly instinct" and it's the reason that you do not approach a bear's cubs. :) Why wouldn't you make your feelings clear? You are definitely not alone in this. It is your choice as to the way it is handled- I am not stepping to the side. This child is my son and some other girl playing house with him is NOT ok. My son will know who his mother is.

Terra - posted on 03/11/2010

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i think the biggest thing you and your ex need to sort out is that she is not to be called mommie. from day one of my ex getting a new girlfriend i have stated this and we have agreed as long as i don't have a boyfriend that my daughter is calling dad everything will be just dandy.



it still sucks but its something that we all have to come to terms with being single parents with the fathers still in our babies lives.

Charlene - posted on 03/11/2010

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No Ginger you are not alone! My daughters father had his gf around most of the time when he had her. Never to spend the night, as is the law in al. But she was around for EVERYTHING. He never really had any alone time with our child. well i didnt like this and we sat down and discussed that our bf/gfs wouldnt be around her. That was OUR time with our child. Now If they get married there isnt really anything you can do but until then, just explain that you would feel better. AND MAKE SURE THEY BOTH KNOW YOU ARE MOMMY!!! NO ONE ELSE. AND YOUR CHILD IS NOT TO CALL ANYONE ELSE MOMMY. in fact it is illegal in most states for the child to call anyone other than the PARENTS by those names. Good luck.

Cynthia - posted on 02/28/2010

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I so know how you feel. My sons father is now going to a father again to another women child and my son has came home calling her "mama Sarah" its really hard. I dont know how i do it honestly. but totally know how you feel. Stay strong!

Naomi - posted on 02/28/2010

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it will be ok i be thru it jus let him go u know tht his farther is not gon let her do any thing to him or it could be tht u still have feelings for his farther in ur not ready to see tht theres another one around

Coreen - posted on 02/27/2010

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I think Heidi nailed it. It's not her fault. I have kids with comprimised health issues and my ex's g/f is a nurse. I had to stop visitaions as they were not following doctors orders for care and my kids were coming home sick. It does piss me off that she has my house car and life savings but then i sit back and thank her for taking that @$$hole off my hands, he is her problem now.

Lisa - posted on 02/25/2010

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iam going thur this now ! i feel she should not be around my son. till they are married do to the fact of if they break up my 3yr.old has to try to deal with the loss of another person. while he already moved on to another girl!

Nicole - posted on 02/25/2010

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This is somthing i dont wish upon anyone! I myself have not had to deal with this yet, but I was the "girlfriend" in my sons dads life before he was born. It wasnt fun! for me or for his daughters mom. if this happens, or when this happens you have to look at it from the dads view. We all move on (even though were not happy about them moving on with out us). He probably hates the fact that theres gonna be another man around his kid. HOpefully in the situation, everyone can get along, so the kids dont see anyone getting upset! Its gonna hurt, but remember no one and i mean no one can evere replace us as mother to our kids. and our kids will be the first ones to tell us that! If they go with dad and his girlfriend for the day, let them have fun. When your kid gets home, theyll be so happy to see you! Dont think about it, cause it will eat you up! Forget about him, hes no good anyways! lol i know from experience...we love them, but do we love them just cause were scared of being alone forever! Good luck! keep me updated! Hope i caused some ease to your problem!

KARMISHA - posted on 02/24/2010

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NO U ARE NOT ALONE I HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER HER FATHER LIVES IN ALASK AND WE LIVE HERE IN ARKANSAS HE WANTS HER TO COME STAY WITH HIM SOMETIMES BUT I DON'T LET HER GO BECAUSE WE HAVE HAD WORDS BECAUSE SHE CHOSE TO PUT HERSELF IN A CONVERSATION ME AND HIM WAS HAVING THAT HAD TO DO WITH MY DAUGHTER SO I HAVEN'T BEEN MUCH OF A FAN OF HER LOL SO NO YOU ARE NOT ALONE EVEN THOUGH U R NOT HAVING THIS PROBLEM

Meghan - posted on 02/24/2010

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My ex hasn't had a new g/f that I know of. I know that it will be hard when the day comes. I was a step mom to my ex's other child and I could just imagine how hard it is for his ex to hear how much the boy loved me and all those things. It must be hard on the child too...but here is my thinking. You carried this little boy for 10 months! You did the sleepless nites, you comforted him when he was hurt. Your son is always going to love you! Another woman, as long as she doesn't overstep her boundries, talk bad about you, and cares for your son is just one more person to love him. I might eat my words later but this is how I am trying to prepare myself.

Ginger - posted on 02/24/2010

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hi heidi, thanks for that, i no the girlfriend and i believe she will be good to my son, i guess its just my own insecurity thats the problem, dad is an ass he takes no responsibility when it comes to my son, he takes him at his convienence, which hasnt been much as he was dating, well now he feels its time four years later, and im not at all happy about it, she thinks he is father almighty,she is only going on what he leads her to believe,i guess i feel hurt that im the one that does everything and he takes him once every second sat night for fun and frolicks, and obv my son loves this, i guess i feel like i come second in my sons eyes after dad and now there is another person going to be spoiling him rotten! im feeling very threathened, silly i no, wish i could think straight

Heidi - posted on 02/24/2010

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i have done this time and time again.. it is one of the hardest things that i have ever done. my ex has a new girlfriend and it kills me to know that she is pretty much living at my house with my children, but the one thing that you have to keep in mind is that its not her fault. and as long as she is being good to your children that is the most important thing. some day you will find someone you want to share your life with and you will want him around your child as well. this is never an easy feeling and you are surly not alone i promise.

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