Dating Again?

Marketta - posted on 04/02/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 3 months and I am reserved about dating other men especially when she hasn't met her real dad yet. When did you start dating again, if you did?

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Gisela - posted on 04/03/2010

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I agree, there is nothing wrong with dating once YOU feel ready for it and that you have to be careful for more than one reason to introduce your daughter to the new man in your life. You don't want your child to have to go through a separation if things don't work out and also, because there are way too many creeps out there that abuse kids in one way or another. Unfortunately, the majority of them look and act like nice guys, at least in front of other adults. Be careful, and good luck to you :-)

Deeney - posted on 04/02/2010

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My only advice is to be careful who you introduce to your child. I made that mistake and let someone in to quickly. Things didnt work out and now my son misses him.

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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 09/25/2010

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My divorce was finalized before my daughter was a year old and I didn't start talking to my fiancè until she was almost 3. I worked too much in the beginning to date anyway and besides my daughter's father would've made it a morality issue if I'd started dating never mind that he had an affair during our marriage. Everyone gets ready for a 2nd go round differently. Just take your time. I waited 2 years and am now engaged to a really great guy who treats my 6 yr old like his own

Julie - posted on 04/17/2010

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Enjoy your daughter... many moms stay single until their child is grown ... it is far less complicated that way - You will develop a bond with her that will endure for life.

Don't use the fact that she's not met her real dad... A nice young man you may marry may become her 'real' dad.

Rachel - posted on 04/11/2010

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My daughter is 16 months old, and I have not dated yet. Her father left me when I was 5 months pregnant. I feel like my little girl takes up time, and along with school a man doesn't really fit into our lives yet.

Dominique - posted on 04/10/2010

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to be honest if he is not tring do hold yourself and your child lifetime of happiness back my child is 1 and her real dad said he did not want her because of his current girlfriend so i prayed and god send me a man that i love and now is raising her as his own she was 6 months and she is the apple of his eye so dont let that hold you back from your happiness

Aliyia - posted on 04/10/2010

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You will know when the time is right to start dating...my son is 14 and I was with his father till he was 4, I was young and started dating quickly but never introduced my son to anyone except my ex-boyfriend and that was after dating for 2 years. I am currently dating but will not introduce my son to anyone else unless I feel the relationship is going somewhere...so my advice is to date just be mindful of introducing your child to anyone!

Trena - posted on 04/07/2010

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I haven't yet, but would if I found someone worth dating. I am more sceptical and very cautious with any man since I had my daughter. :)

Marketta - posted on 04/06/2010

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Thanks mommies!!!! :) After today, I am glad I read something uplifting from you guys! :)

Meredith - posted on 04/05/2010

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I started dating my now b/f when my daughter was 4 months old. She is now 9 months old and he is like her father. I in no way tell her that he is her father but he picked up and took that roll of being her father and she loves him to death and he loves her. I have no talked to the father of my child since I was 6 1/2 months pregnant and we were engaged and dated for a long time. The only things I hear from him is what he says at his work because my now b/f works at the same place. (her father is a paramedic/firefighter and my b/f is an EMT/firefighter) It was really hard but things happen and life moves on it is my preference to let my daughter know my b/f is not her father and for whatever reason her father has chose not to be here obviously she doesn't know what that means now but in the future when she understands that is what I will explain to her. Lanie did not meet my bf for awhile and I never ever leave her with him, not that I don't trust him but she is my life and I would never ever be able to forgive myself if something happened. I mean take the proper precautions and such but as far as you being happy you have to have a life and be happy yes a lot of things change when you become a mother and your child always comes first but you have to be happy to in order to be a sufficient mother. Just always make sure your baby comes first. It takes a special guy to understand that and luckily I found one and someday you will too! keep your head up!

Amanda - posted on 04/04/2010

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Maretta I do have to agree with your girlfriends. for almost a year i didn't go anywhere without my son. i missed out on alot. this i say to you... you don't need a relationship but get a sitter from time to time and go out for a few hours for coffee or just a walk with friends or by yourself. every parent needs at lest a few hours alone which is what my boyfriends mother always says to me. dont lose your friends like i did for not wanting to do anything. like you i didnt want to do anything unless it was with my baby but now i know i need time too.

Marketta - posted on 04/04/2010

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Thank you guys for the advice - I don't really want a serious relationship with anyone, at least not anytime soon. But I wouldn't mind going out with friends every now and then and having fun. I haven't been doing that even though my girlfriends say I should. Now that I have her, I am very particular about what I do around her and who I have around her. And I know me, I fall in love very easily and I don't want to keep introducing men in and out of her life. But I think I kinda agree with you, Gisela, I might just stay single for her sake. I love and adore her and sometimes I think she does need a good male figure in her life - you just never know what you're getting yourself into these days....

Amanda - posted on 04/03/2010

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i have a 21 month old son. i became single when i was 6 months prego. i was alos single until he was 13 months old. every person moves on differently. it took me a long time. when he was 13 months old i still didnt think i was ready but i found a really great guy who loves my me and my son.my edvise to you is dont move too quick and leave your baby with someone while you go on your date. let your date know your a single mom so you dont scare him off later.and just because your daughter hasnt met her dad doesnt mean you need to suffer or does your baby.my son barely knows his dad and my son thinks my boyfriend is his dad and when he gets older i will let him know that his dad is someone else and that man desided that his work was more important.

Gisela - posted on 04/03/2010

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I applaud you for your decision, Wendy. Once the trust is gone, you will always have doubts. I have stayed single ever since my divorce 22 years ago and have never regret it. On the other hand, there are still many "good" guys out there who would make a great (step-)dad, I was just to afraid to take a risk with my baby. My advise to any single mom is to chose very carefully and keep a close eye on our babies. Happy Easter to all of you, and God bless you

Wendy - posted on 04/03/2010

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my son didnt met his dad be4 too and i did have another r/s but recently we broke off..my son is 11month old and last month i broke off with him cause he kick my son cot when my son is standing in it just because my son is crying for his morning milk and wake tat idiot up...and i see it i immediately ask him to get out of my life...u see...having a new relationship now is not only between u and tat guy is also about ur child...and its not about how much the guy is serious to u is about how much he is serious to u and ur child..tat idiot he beg for forgiveness, he treat me very good...he really did take good care of me but...i cant trust him anymore cause he did tat kicking cot to my son even if he say he wont do it again but who can garantee it? i rather choose to protect my son and ask him to get lost...so if u really wan to step into a r/s always rmb that ur child is ur biggest priority, no matter how good that guy is he have to give the same love to ur child if he cant do it kick him out of ur life, dont just because u love him u cause ur child to be hurt...stay by ur child, dont be like me my son almost fall down from his cot when that idiot kick it just because i walk out to get my child milk for a few second...if i was late my son would fall n hit his head...and i regret that alot...and now i am single again and i am spending more time with my baby...i love it alot...itis actually quite tiring when u have to company ur love and ur baby...so now i rather choose to give my baby all my precious time..as for stepping into another r/s well..i will say i feel happier staying single now...

Jenn - posted on 04/02/2010

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I started dating my current boyfriend when my son was 5 months old. I wasn't out looking for someone, I honestly hadn't really thought about dating much at that point. The nice thing about dating when they're that young is that they won't be hurt if things don't work out and the guy disappears. As for the issue about her real dad, if she still hasn't met him yet you could be waiting a VERY long time if you want to wait for that. There's nothing wrong with dating so long as you're responsible about it and are ready for it.
A little tip: Be upfront about being a mother. I have a friend who used to wait at least a month before mentioning it and would get heartbroken when the guy split. If you're upfront about it you know right off the bat if they think they could be ready for that kind of responsibility or not.

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I say if you feel like it then go for it! but as for me, if a guy happen to come along, then i would take it slowly and would want him in a committed and serious relationship. and if it doesnt then i just keep on doing with i have to do, go to class and get my degree! =) i have a 7 months old daughter and i'm happy the way i am, single mother!

Katie - posted on 04/02/2010

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My son is going to be 7 and I was with his father until 6 mos. ago it took me a little while to start dating but I think the best thing to do is to keep it as seperate as possible until you know the guy and then slowly introduce them as mommies friend until you are more secure in the relationship...I hope this helps

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