Dating as a single mom

Devin - posted on 12/08/2009

I'm a single mom and I met my boyfriend on an online dating site. I really didn't take him seriously and probably talked to him online and via text for more than a month or two before we actually went out together. We've been dating just over two months now, and even though I barely get to see him (usually only on the weekends) it's nice because after being lied to and screwed over we're taking this really slowly. I think it's given us a lot of time to develop a friendship, which is a nice change from the users and players I'm used to. Even if you don't end up meeting anyone in person, online sites are great for some social interaction with the opposite sex... or same if you're into that, whatever. I used hotornot.com (main reason I didn't take it seriously) because I was really bored... beware though there are lots of scary dudes out there! Good luck with your search hon!

Marcia - posted on 11/27/2009

Wow! So good to stumble across this! I've been single for almost 2 years, don't mind that much really, but there are definately times where I think it would be nice to have something more than just a full time job and my wee boy! No idea how to go about things, but I figure, life's pretty good right now, I've had a while to sort myself out after leaving my marriage, which was definately needed. Baby steps forward I suppose!

Marie B - posted on 11/26/2009

am right there with you, but am scared one cause am still married the divorce hasnt gone thru and the other is the trust issue and plus am pregnant with me and my soon to be ex-husband baby and i jus feel like i dont know when will ne the right time or if i'll ever be able to date again. but if you feel like ur ready then try online dating, am just not to sure but i wish you luck

Rachael - posted on 11/25/2009

Take your time, dont jump in too quick. I went on Match.com, becuase of the lack of time. I was able to weed out alot of guys very quickly. the other I just chatted with here and there, until I wanted to meet someone. I have now been with a man for 3 months and couldn't imagine being happier. There are alot of looser like others said, but it is pretty easy to weed them out. It was about time, and efficiency for me. I would do it again in a heart beat.

Bianca - posted on 11/24/2009

I feel you girl. Who has time to play games today? I wonder what will happen to my child. Will she ever the like the guys I date. Will she give me a hard time. Its frustrating. Hopefully you find the right guy for you. Just don't try to rush into the relastionship.

Tamara - posted on 11/24/2009

It really is hard. I started dating a guy after 6 months of singledom, we met through a friend, and I let him know right away that I had a kid, so if he couldn't handle it then I was interested. He admitted he had never dated anyone with kids, but was willing to make an effort. We took things very slowly, because I told him i was fairly new at this. We didn't make things official until we had been "seeing" each other for a month and he didn't meet my daughter until then. Even after that he only breifly saw her for the first 3 months. Then we starting doing "family" activities, a little at a time until it became a weekly occurance. Now, after 11 months, he has decided that he is not willing to devote as much time as I need to the relationship. Now that my daughter is attached, he doesn't want to be serious. That's why I had a hard time starting the relationship in the first place. Guys can be so lame. There are guys out there who don't mind dating a girl with kids, but when it comes down to it, all they wanted was the fun stuff. All I know is that you don't know if you don't try. Maybe it will work and maybe it won't, but take things slow, especially when it comes to your kids. Don't worry about the hotspots... you won't find the right one... just learn to chat up everyone, from the 50 year old post office worker to the 16 year old bus boy. It will help give you confidence and your charm will show through and one day you will start chatting up the "right" guy. My sister snagged a man at a Community Choral rehersal!

Samantha - posted on 11/24/2009

i agree with you im on my own with my little girl and i cant see how im gonna be able to start dating as i cant just go out when aver i now have a little one to look after but there are mums out there are single women out there who meet and start dating but how do they do it id like to no that one to xx

Marion Janice - posted on 11/24/2009

Hi there...i'm a single mom for 6 years now..ive been through a lot of dating and getting into a relationship..i just broke up with my boyfriend for 1 and a half years recently..met him through chatting..at first it work out so well..till we came to a point that we need to part ways..but im happy i did that..i also realized that i really i want someone to grow old with and share my life, ..but u know what/ instead of worrying too much about looking for someone to grow old with, try to think that we are very lucky that we have our daughters and sons.. even if we didnt find someone for us, be happy coz our children will definitely be wtih us when we grow old...we can change boyfriends, or be in a different relationships as long as we want..but our children will always be our children, they are there for us no matter what..

Andrea - posted on 11/23/2009

Quoting natasha:

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I was in a 8 year relationship that I as well dealed with alot!! I actually started dating an old fling from middle school for a month right away. I realized that I wasn't ready and I wasn't gonna be ready for a long time. He was already telling me he loved me after only a month and was very clingy. I had just gotten out of an 8 year relationship, and on top of that, adjusting to caring for my daughter by myself financially and physically. I found myself trying to go out a lot, and realized that going through a big change like this, I needed to be focusing on my daughter, now that her dad wasn't around , it wasn't right to be leaving her for my own sake so I could date. My daughter is 2 by the way. Anyways, I broke up with the guy after a month and since then I have been keeping my eyes open and hoping to find someone, but I 've come to realize that I can't depend on a man to bring me happiness. I have a lot of goals that I wasn;t able to reach because of my past relationship, so Ive made that a new goal, instead of finding a new man. I don't know how old you are, or how long you have been single, but I believe when you start looking, you tend to settle, and when you settle, your only happy for a little bit, then your in the same boat!! You will find someone just focus on you and your child's life and find happiness in your life. You have been through alot and you deserve to be happy. Why take a chance in being unhappy or disappointed again. When you are happy, you attract happy people, and that special someone might come along too... thats just my theory sorry if it doesn't help, but from my past situations that is what my conclusion is for my own life. I have been through a lot and I'm just loving being free and I am so much happier. I do have my depressed moments. Granted I put so much effort into 8 years into a relationship, and now my daughter doesn't have her father around. Any new man that comes into our life has to be the "one" that is meant for us. So I can't go looking it just has to be meant to be!!

Candice - posted on 11/23/2009

i'd say if you do meet someone be honest that you have kid/s if they still interested then give it another date. make sure the kid/s dont meet the person until you are really sure that it'll work. i.e a year or so. i'm a single mother and have been since i found out i was pregnant. my lil one is now 14 almost 15mnths. it's a full time job finding someone. let people come to you, the right person will come in time.

Christella - posted on 11/23/2009

when you do have the time try and go out with your friends, if and when you do meet someone and the conversation about children comes up and you tell that person that you have a child if they react in the wrong way then you know that there not the one for you but otherwise dating now it's really hard but there is someone out there but it just takes time.

Andrea - posted on 11/23/2009

Quoting natasha:

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I was in a 8 year relationship that I as well dealed with alot!! I actually started dating an old fling from middle school for a month right away. I realized that I wasn't ready and I wasn't gonna be ready for a long time. He was already telling me he loved me after only a month and was very clingy. I had just gotten out of an 8 year relationship, and on top of that, adjusting to caring for my daughter by myself financially and physically. I found myself trying to go out a lot, and realized that going through a big change like this, I needed to be focusing on my daughter, now that her dad wasn't around , it wasn't right to be leaving her for my own sake so I could date. My daughter is 2 by the way. Anyways, I broke up with the guy after a month and since then I have been keeping my eyes open and hoping to find someone, but I 've come to realize that I can't depend on a man to bring me happiness. I have a lot of goals that I wasn;t able to reach because of my past relationship, so Ive made that a new goal, instead of finding a new man. I don't know how old you are, or how long you have been single, but I believe when you start looking, you tend to settle, and when you settle, your only happy for a little bit, then your in the same boat!! You will find someone just focus on you and your child's life and find happiness in your life. You have been through alot and you deserve to be happy. Why take a chance in being unhappy or disappointed again. When you are happy, you attract happy people, and that special someone might come along too... thats just my theory sorry if it doesn't help, but from my past situations that is what my conclusion is for my own life. I have been through a lot and I'm just loving being free and I am so much happier. I do have my depressed moments. Granted I put so much effort into 8 years into a relationship, and now my daughter doesn't have her father around. Any new man that comes into our life has to be the "one" that is meant for us. So I can't go looking it just has to be meant to be!!

Ashley - posted on 11/22/2009

i am girl and all i can say is just wait for it to come to you thats what i had to do but tell them up front that your a mommy to see where there head is at

Jennifer - posted on 11/22/2009

Check out your friends facebook friends....Sounds vain but I met a amazing men from doing that! And if your lucky enough you can ask your firend for information. At the end of the day you may just gain a friend but you also may met a wonderful men! I did it thinking I would gain a new firend... a few months later I have never been happier! Most importantly go slow....Slow he's a single father as well that raises his son solo so he's been there and understands the fun things that happen as a parent. Most importantly our son's come first then us. The difference dating now is time single parents don't have any! So I see him once a week it works for us there's always texting, emailing and ofcourse telephone. And no he's not married he's a shift worker. I'm lucky enough to still be on maternity leave but we know it will only get harder to see eachother if its meant to be it will be. Best of luck :) 8 months ago I said I would never date again I wasn't looking it just happend...so I don't recommend going on the prowl. My best friend just married a men she met on "something fish". You will just know. Your number one

Jennifer - posted on 11/22/2009

I am. My problem mainly stems from "wanting my family back". I am lonely. But, the truth is I am fearful to allow someone close to me again. I worry that I will not choose wisely and cause me more hurt and hurt to my children.

Markéta - posted on 11/22/2009

I have been wondering about this lately, too. The question is HOW? I´m a single mom since when I was 2 months pregnant. My daughter is a year old now, and I start to feel ready for a new relationship. The problem is, that don´t have a babysitter, no money to buy fancy dress and makeup and everywhere I go I have my daughter with me, so I don´t really look single. I don´t believe in dating websites - it takes all the magic out of it and probably most of the guys there just want to have a one night fun, or they are truly hopeless cases. All I feel I can do is try to be happy with my life as it is aand hope for a miracle to happen. Please somebody come up with a better idea!!! :)

LAVONNE - posted on 11/22/2009

of course. i am on the "up side of 30" and it gets very hard. its hard to trust people these days. and also i want to know that its real before i envolve my son. children become attached easily and i dont want my son to be hurt if it doesnt work out. take your time. date. have fun. and the right one will come. oh yea....and keep the cookie jar closed until you know its real! ;-)

Crystal - posted on 11/21/2009

i can relate. i was a single mother of 2 children. its going to be hard for awhile. but just hang in there. you will meet a really awsome guy. i found that if your honest and upfront with him and let him know. and if he happens to run off then you know that it wasn't ment to be. just don't let it get you down. keep on tring.

Maya - posted on 11/21/2009

YES! Very much so. No time, rarely have a babysitter. And I haven't been on an actual date in so long, I don't think I remember how! lol I hope someone on here has some good advice! ;)

Maggie - posted on 11/21/2009

I've been single for about 5 months and have definitely thought about dating, but I am way too nervous to take the plunge. I know there are nice men out there, but I don't know how to meet them. Speed dating? Internet? Dog obedience school? (I just mention that last one because a guy asked me out once while I was at a dog training class. Unfortunately, I was still married at the time. Too bad becasue he was very cute) I know that bars are bad. Most men go to bars hoping to score. Sorry I can't help you, I'm just as much in the dark as you.

Lucky for me, I don't really want to date that badly. My marriage was just a wreck, and I need time to get over it. I wish you lots of luck in your quest. Someone will come along who is right for you.

Corey - posted on 11/20/2009

I'm a single mom of a 5 year old and I've not been dating until just recently. There is one site that is free but so far not a lot of luck on my part. It's called www.plentyoffish.com. You can at least try it out and see what you think and you're not spending any of your hard earned money. Best wishes to you.

Natasha - posted on 11/20/2009

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I was in a 8 year relationship that I as well dealed with alot!! I actually started dating an old fling from middle school for a month right away. I realized that I wasn't ready and I wasn't gonna be ready for a long time. He was already telling me he loved me after only a month and was very clingy. I had just gotten out of an 8 year relationship, and on top of that, adjusting to caring for my daughter by myself financially and physically. I found myself trying to go out a lot, and realized that going through a big change like this, I needed to be focusing on my daughter, now that her dad wasn't around , it wasn't right to be leaving her for my own sake so I could date. My daughter is 2 by the way. Anyways, I broke up with the guy after a month and since then I have been keeping my eyes open and hoping to find someone, but I 've come to realize that I can't depend on a man to bring me happiness. I have a lot of goals that I wasn;t able to reach because of my past relationship, so Ive made that a new goal, instead of finding a new man. I don't know how old you are, or how long you have been single, but I believe when you start looking, you tend to settle, and when you settle, your only happy for a little bit, then your in the same boat!! You will find someone just focus on you and your child's life and find happiness in your life. You have been through alot and you deserve to be happy. Why take a chance in being unhappy or disappointed again. When you are happy, you attract happy people, and that special someone might come along too... thats just my theory sorry if it doesn't help, but from my past situations that is what my conclusion is for my own life. I have been through a lot and I'm just loving being free and I am so much happier. I do have my depressed moments. Granted I put so much effort into 8 years into a relationship, and now my daughter doesn't have her father around. Any new man that comes into our life has to be the "one" that is meant for us. So I can't go looking it just has to be meant to be!!

APRIL - posted on 11/20/2009

i recently became a single mom 6 months ago.i am dating somebody(3 mnths.)now,i met him at the store one day.you can tell if a guy is interested,so go ahead,make a move.the worst he can say is no.as for children,my boys only met the guy i'm seeing once.take it very slow,they get attached to.good luck

Elise-Anna - posted on 11/20/2009

Hi,

Don't go on the dating websites unless you are only willing to play. Half of the guys on this internet dating sites are serious the other half are only trying to get busy. Please take it from me and my circle of friends, all races, all ages and all income levels. My best friend a 51 year old male therapist with a PHD to show for.. pays thousands of dollars monthly to go on the fine dinning dates but he does not take anyone serious. He only wants the flavor of the month. He enjoys his independence and wealth and is not willing to share it with anyone else. People are just selfish now, men in particular are just huge assholes. Please have fun if you decide to try it out but know that you need to learn how to play the game. Is a huge game out there! don't get hurt - be safe and have fun.

Mary - posted on 11/20/2009

I totally understand what you mean. Being a single mom doesn't allow for much social time. I really don't have any good advice to give but I do understand. I've never been on a dating website but I know people who have and seemed to enjoy it. It just gives you the opportunity to meet new people even if none of them end up being "the one". I am lucky enough to have my mom keep my daughter if I want to go out with friends but still, meeting a good man is like a job because there aren't many out there.