DATING QUESTION

Tiffany - posted on 04/30/2010 ( 26 moms have responded )

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Do any of you have a hard time dating since your a single mom???? i do and i want to date but with my schedule and not having a "baby daddy" i hate asking my family to watch my son even though they dont mind...tips????

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Sara - posted on 05/04/2010

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Unfortunately, it is not easy. I have been single for almost 3 years and although finding quality people to date has never been a problem, finding ones that are ok with the kid factor have not. My advice to you is this: 1. never ever settle for someone who is less than what you want. You will find a quality man, it may be that you have to look in different places than you are used to. 2. Don't let anyone into your son's life too quickly. Make sure that what you have with this person is a solid relationship before introducing them. 3. This one may be the hardest...Be happy with you first. People always say this, but it is true, and I'm still working on it myself. But if you aren't happy without the company of a man in your life than you will let anyone in, just to fill the void of loneliness. Also the right kind of men, want a strong, independent, confident woman who knows what she wants and they can sense it if you aren't. So just give it time and be patient:)

Amy - posted on 05/03/2010

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My daughter's dad broke it off when I told him we were pregnant. I haven't thought much about dating just yet but the few times I've let my mind wander to getting into the dating pool again; it just sounds dreadful. I am so tired of telling my life story, I was crushed her dad and I did not work out. However, I know that I want to find love, one day get married, and find someone who loves Abby and I for who we are. So, you just have to dive in-ask your parents. Set it up prior so you don't have to ask each time. For example, at the beginning, say every first Saturday of the month you get to go out and do whatever you like and your parents will watch the baby. Then they expect it, and most likely look forward to their night with your son/daughter. I'm not sure because I haven't done it yet, but i'm sure the day will come. Good luck!

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26 Comments

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Kat - posted on 05/21/2010

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I have only been separated about 8 weeks, so I can't imagine dating, plus I'm 33wks preggers. If I can't get a man who loves & respects me to want me, how am I going to get a man who doesn't love me to want me. Anyway that's where I am at not you.
If your family don't mind then why not once a month. That's not a lot of pressure on them. Use it for dates or just a night out with your girlfriends. You deserve it & you owe it to yourself. If you can use Family once a month & a friend once a month, give yourself 2 nights opportunity to get out there. My girlfriend watches my daughter every week on a Thursday while I have appointments, and I feel bad. But I do mind her boy whenever she asks of me & always will.

Ebony - posted on 05/20/2010

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Un-fortunately there isn't much you can do to control the chaos of trying to date as a single mother. If you have friends that are willing to pitch in that would be great. Friends are there for these reasons, just don't make it an every weekend thing. I have the same issue with asking my family. They always say yes but I do limit how many time a month I ask period. If the person you are dating have a child, then try to set up play dates so your kids can have something to do while the two of you get to know each other more.

Ashley - posted on 05/20/2010

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I had definalty sworn off men after my separation. I didnt think I d even be able to trust anyone ever again. I was a single mom (still am sorta) for a year on my own and had one date that was horribly awkward becasue I was like 6 months pegnant and did just not feel right !!!!!!! I met my currnet and only bf after my separation on plentyoffish.com and am definatly not ashamed to admit it. It was extreemly safe, I was able to make a great friend online /phone before we ever met and we are one of the lucky couples that it just worked out right form the first date. My kids love him and he would do anything for them. (he does more than their dad!) dont feel guilty about it at all, you will know if it feels right or not. Best of luck to you!!!

Markéta - posted on 05/12/2010

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Thanks for so many encouraging posts! I didn´t have a date for 2 years and I start to feel really sad about it... Seems hard to find a guy who doesn´t mind that I have to plan the date for a few days to have babysitting - even if I am now looking just for little bit of grown-up company, not for this big husband-and-a-new-dad-for-my-daughter thing. Also I noticed I am more picky - don´t want to waste precious time dating a person who is not just perfect for me :)

Sue - posted on 05/10/2010

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I have the same issue too. I manage to get out every 4 months or so with a girlfriend. I guess I am using this time to do a part-time degree - no man to distract me!

Stephanie - posted on 05/09/2010

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okcupid.com is free too

i say just go with you gut and good luck ;)

i think if you don't put pressure on yourself and don't settle for anything less you'll be happy

... i am trying to take my own advice

Sara - posted on 05/08/2010

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I just started dating someone after being single for three years. I have two kids. It is extremely hard because I can only see him once a week due to my schedule and the fact that it will take some time before I let him meet my kids. If your family is okay with babysitting then I would take them up on it. I have family and a good babysitter although it gets to be expensive. It took me three years to find someone that might be good for me AND my kids. Good luck!!!

Julie - posted on 05/07/2010

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Look for other single mothers in your area and trade babysitting nights. You may be able to find groups at local churches or online somewhere, and build the relationships from there. You could also trade nights with couples who need a date night themselves. It'll be harder to meet quality men but worth the effort if you find the right one! I am still looking, but don't give up on it, one day your child will be old enough to move out and he or she will want you to be happy :)

Jennifer - posted on 05/07/2010

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I'm still going though my divorce ..so single life is still pretty new..and hard for me to except sometimes..but been going on lots of dates..I usually take my girls with me but they are 12 & 17 and very out spoken..lol..they are a much better judge of character than me. They let me know right away if a second date should ever happen..how a person responds to your child or how they respond to your date tells alot..kids see flaws in people adults don't see, especially if hes really cute..lol

Sarahkaye - posted on 05/06/2010

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I personally feel wrong dating right now with my ten month old daughter, and I don't have a "baby daddy" either. But, it really isn't wrong. I think it would be a good thing :)

JENNIFER - posted on 05/06/2010

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I THINK EVERY MOTHER ESPECIALLY SINGLE MOTHERS NEED THAT ADULT TIME.. ITS NOT WRONG TO ASK FOR HELP.. BUT IF DATING ISNT A MAJOR THING THEN JUST KEEP DOIN YOU AND WHEN THE TIMES RIGHT IT MIGHT JUST HAPPEN...

Jasmine - posted on 05/06/2010

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Aww Gracie that's so nice to hear. I've got a 15 month old and I've sworn off dating for a while lol (unless someone amazing comes along!!!) because of the whole scheduling thing. My mum looks after Bella while I'm at uni part time, so she gets too tired looking after her any more than that. She helped me out a few months ago when a guy I knew from a few years ago asked me out :) turned out that he had a sister with a 4 yr old (whom she had at 20 like me) and he expected me to parent the same wY she did - she worked a lot to save her money and left her daughter with the grandma and still does. So she had a fair amount of time on her hands to go out with friends and date Nd etc. I don't want to spend a lot of time away from my lil chicken so I figured I would just wait until she is older. But yeah. So we feel your pain!

Gracie - posted on 05/06/2010

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hi! im gracie.im a single mom for 12yrs and have been dating with a man for almost 10yrs now.he is not my son's bio father but he surely acts like one. even before he courted me i have explained my special situation-its pros and cons.he didn't have a hard time understanding it though sometimes he would want to go out and i couldn't coz i have to be with my son.he didn't get angry but later on we would have dates at home instead, just to be with me.i have always thought that when i became a single mom no man would ever date me again.but then i was wrong. we're getting married soon and my son is so elated because he knew him since he was 2 and loves him so much.good luck with u ad remember, no matter what ur son comes first!

Karmi - posted on 05/05/2010

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I also have the same problem. I haven't dated at all since I have my son over a year ago. I think I've only gone out twice for dinner with friends. It's hard, but I think if you are ready then take the step and ask family. You also need mom time and time to be yourself. I think you deserve to go out and meet new people

Catrina - posted on 05/05/2010

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i never really have anytime to go out. cant ask my mom cause she is my sitter for when i am at work. so she watches them 5 or 6 days out of the week and she is tired of doing that.

Catrina - posted on 05/05/2010

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i feel ya. i am always getting these guy telling me i need a man like them in my life. but that is not the type of person i want to be with. also if they knew about my kids they would probably be like aaah. i just want to be able to find a guy who loves kids, dont want any of his own(cause i cant have anymore) and would be able to look at me and say i need a woman like you in my life

Ellen - posted on 05/04/2010

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If they don't mind take some time out and go on a date, try to go one to twice a month but don't ware your family out. You deserve it so if they really don't mind from time to time then go. Have some fun.

Tiffany - posted on 05/03/2010

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yea im not dating either but sometimes i do want to its just that the guys that approach me i feel only want one thing...so id rather be alone than have a casual relationship with anyone that's just not how i roll being single isnt all that bad but sometimes i do want adult company i just can't find time to date

Jackie - posted on 05/03/2010

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No it is not crazy. And I know exactly what you mean. I wish I can help you myself, however, I am in the same boat and to be honest I am not even looking. I have too much right now just trying to get my babies ajusted to divorce.

Tiffany - posted on 05/02/2010

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lol thanks all!!! i guess im really not dating bcuz alot of the guys that approach me are no where near what i am looking for or attracted to and it just seems like sex is the only thing on everyone mind but mine...this is just crazy! lol

Nastasha - posted on 05/01/2010

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Wow I have not dated in 5 years.....I'll need advice myself If I ever decide to go that route again.

Rachel - posted on 05/01/2010

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on line dating then at least your talking to guys, if that's what you want to do. plentyoffish.com is free

Rachel - posted on 04/30/2010

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All I can tell you is that if a man ever tries to make himself a priority over your child(ren), then they are the wrong person for you. It's a good way to weed out the trouble makers early on.

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