Daughter HOME ALONE

Alisha - posted on 11/06/2010 ( 39 moms have responded )

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My daughter's father left her home alone for 'just a few minutes' while he went to the gas station (which I think it had to be more like 10-15 because of where the gas station is). She is 4 years old and I am very concerned about his judgement regarding her safety. She told me about it and I confronted him and he said it was just a few minutes because she was watching a movie and didn't want to come with. I told him that's illegal and I hope he gets how serious it is.



What would you do if this happened to you? I am now requiring at least one of his parents to be there when he has her because I just can't trust his judgement. Who would think it's ok to leave a child alone?!? Not to mention it's child neglect.

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Nicole - posted on 11/09/2010

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i would never leave my children home alone at age 4. i don't care if they don't want to go or not.. they would be coming with me. i don't know what i would of done to me ex if he would of done that.. i think you get need to explain to your husband that next he takes her with him. he could of gotten into an accident and then what. i don't want bring bad new but if she could of hurt her self while he was gone. i did not start leaving my kids home alone for more then a few hours now and they are 13 and 14. just my thoughts on the situation.

Tammy - posted on 11/08/2010

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For sure dont let him just leave her she is so little and it only takes a second for something to go wrong.

Denae - posted on 11/08/2010

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Well if I was in your situation, I would imediately stop letting him see her, until you can get it changed through court for supervised visits. Thats just ridiculous to leave a child alone, who cares what she wants, hes the parent, either make her go or not go at all. Pretty bad judgement.

Mary - posted on 11/07/2010

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That is downright criminal. What would have happened if he came home to find her missing or better yet not breathing because she got into something while he was not home. I have a 7 year old that i would not leave home for 30 seconds let alone 15 minutes! She is to young.

Sherayna - posted on 11/07/2010

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Not at the age of 4, DEFINITELY NOT! My eldest child is able to stay home by himself, but I won't trust him to watch my younger sons for more than 90 mins. Leaving a 4 year old alone is downright criminal....

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Alisha - posted on 11/21/2010

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@Jennifer Zeh. Yes I told him it was child neglect and that he better never do that again, he just said ok. Yea I shoulda talked to the cops about it, maybe just to ask them what could be done if that happened again or what their policies are about it just so I know the facts. His parents are now required (by me) to supervise him and be with my daughter when he has her at all times.

Alisha - posted on 11/21/2010

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@ Diana Thomas. Her father is 23 and I'm guessing he went to get cigarettes.Yes I wrote him a long letter of my concerns and what could've happened along with about 12 pedifile profiles that live around his house that he was not protecting her from. He agreed with me (supposedly) after the letter. He is now required (by me and his mom) to be supervised when he sees her. His mom and/or dad will now be around, he will take her to their house.

Jennifer - posted on 11/20/2010

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wow 4yrs old being left alone is definalty illegal and is child neglect and i would make it well known to him that he cant do that and if he does threaten him cops or something.. to make him understand.. i have two kids and wouldnt even dream of that.. thats definatly a safety concern and a major safety hazard.. he needs to be treated like a kid to take care of his own kid..than he needs a babysitter..

Diana - posted on 11/20/2010

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OMG --- IS HE CRAZY. how old is this father? 4 years old and she was watching a movie. Tell him she could of gotten board and went to the stove and turned it on. Opened the door and wandered outside. Found some stuff under the sink and drank it. GEE'S I WOULD OF YELLED AT HIM. I am sorry I wouldn't leave my kid with him any more. what was the reason why he had to get gas that time? he should of gotten someone to watch her. DUH.

Alisha - posted on 11/15/2010

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@ Ursula. Yes I understand that a lot of moms have it worse than me, but this is what my situation is so I have to judge it according to how I'm used to things I suppose. He's always doing something that isn't in her best interest and I get fed up with it. Leaving her alone though is a battle I am willing to fight because that is putting her safety in jeopardy which I will not back down on. When I take the garbage out she will sometimes want to stay in the house, but then will always follow me. I picture her trying to follow her dad and going in the road not thinking about cars just wanting to go by her dad and not to mention he has a pedifile that lives a few houses down.

Ursula - posted on 11/14/2010

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Sweetie don't get so overworked over it please learn to pick your battles better. Yes it is crazy to leave a 4yr old alone but if it is the only thing so be grateful it could have been a lot worse. Count your blessings that she told you since it seems he didn't.

Sonya - posted on 11/14/2010

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really stupid thing he done and my opinion is he is not fit to be a dad like he does had the brains for it at all. . its not hard to take a child with u like yea she was watching a film just tell her she can watch it when she gets bac, no biggie. its unreal that social workers wont do anythin until its too late like she really could of got seriously hurt :( i havnt went through anythin like this but i really dont wanna know what you must have been feelin when you heard bout it. . . good call on supervised visits and that. . . :D

Jennifer - posted on 11/13/2010

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Unfortunately for it to be made a big deal you have to call and have them go (meet you) while it is happening. I think you need to schedule an appointment with a court mediator though. If he did this what other decisions is he making that are inappropriate and not mentioning

Alisha - posted on 11/12/2010

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@ Deb Kelleher. I contacted social services and they said they weren't going to do anything except make a record.

Mary Gail - posted on 11/12/2010

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OHG! This guy is a lunatic! The "child" is four years old! Scoop her up and take her with you! I would totally freak out on my child's father if he did this. You are totally right not to leave this "man" alone with your child. She is more mature than he is!

Dana - posted on 11/12/2010

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I've always had sole custody of my son now who is 16. I had left him once when he was 6 when we were out of OJ and milk to go pick some up. Murphy's Law happened and his Dad called that am. So you can guess what followed. At the same time I had made him repeat the rules to me before I left that am. I was a child in the early 70's and was left alone in my mothers bedroom while she and my Dad went on date nite. I think once does not make it habitual. Usually with a guilty conscience a person tries to figure out how to be more organized so that extra trips out of the house aren't needed.

Samantha - posted on 11/12/2010

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Hi

I am a single mom myself with a 3 year old son and i think its completly out of order to even leave a 10 year old in a house let alone a 6 year old. I think your doing the right things by having one of his parents there when he has the child. She could have got up to anyting like tv fallin on her or burning herself from the cooker.

Deb - posted on 11/12/2010

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It is illegal and dangerous. As a social worker, I can tell you that he would be charged with child neglect - a charge which would leave him with a substantiaion in his Child Protective Services file. this would mean that if he ever tried to get a job that had anything to do with children or protection of any vulnerable population (like the elderly) he would be prohibited by law from obtaining that job. Perhaps if he is not clear about his obligation to protect his child, potential loss of income will prompt him to make a better choice next time.

Jennifer - posted on 11/11/2010

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Good for you - requiring someone else be there. I would most definatly tell him that if he wants continued contact with his daughter at all, nothing along those lines should ever happen again. whether it was 5 mins or 20...so much can happen with a child!

Deserrae - posted on 11/11/2010

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That is a major red flag. Yes she is young, but my step daughter is 3 1/2 and they know exactly what is going on! Its great that she told you, but because of little curious minds, so much could have happened to her. Im sorry to hear this, but I would have gotten legal personnel involved.

Roz - posted on 11/11/2010

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Hi Alisha
So sorry to hear that - that's completely unacceptable ! If that happened here in NZ the child would be removed from the father's care by CYF (child, youth and family). It's completely irresponsible and neglectful and if it was me, i'd be beside myself and have my child removed from his care if it happened again.

Michelle - posted on 11/11/2010

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Ugh - my ex did this when my daughter was about the same age. I went ballistic and he seemed to treat it as no big deal. We didn't speak for a while because I told him if it ever happened again I'd be calling my lawyer. So now I know he's dropped her with her grandma to run errands (not really the point of visitation for him but at least she's safe).

Sarah - posted on 11/11/2010

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well if he got caught you could both lose her he is a idoit for leaving her alone. i wold personally kick his butt or chew him a new ass but having some one there is right. and why is it so hard to take her with him? ask him if he's brain dead for me.

Alisha - posted on 11/10/2010

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@ Stella Ella Dube.. what did you do after that? Does he still see your daughter and how old was she at the time? Wow that's even worse that he thought it was funny! It's terrible what some people don't take seriously. I'm sorry you had to go through that!

Stella Ella - posted on 11/10/2010

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my ex did the same when our daughter,it was on a saturday and i was on an early shift so he shayed at home with her.he told me he had gone to town and left her alone i thot he was joking,called on the housefon and she answered and confirmed my worst fear.i went home straight away but he found it funny and laughed it off

Alisha - posted on 11/09/2010

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A clarification: I am not with my daughter's father. We broke up about 3 years ago. Thanks for your comments ladies! I called crisis and they made a record of the incident but basically they are not going to do anything. I wonder what the police would do?!

Deborah - posted on 11/08/2010

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The thought has crossed my mind to leave my 3 year in bed sleeping while I nipped out to the shop (which is literally a 5 min trip)

But then I got to thinking, what if something happened, what if I was in an accident, what if... so I woke her.

I definately would not, under any circumstances leave a 4 year old awake in the house on her own, what if she got hungry and turned the oven or something?!

Alisha - posted on 11/08/2010

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Thanks for your comments! We actually don't have anything worked out through the court, we are just supposed to set up our own days in which each person has her. I have primary placement which means she lives with me most of the time and we have joint custody which means we both make decisions for her but he hasn't really been a part of any decisions as far as school, daycare or anything else.

Christina - posted on 11/08/2010

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In Texas, there is no age limit for leaving your child home alone. Your kid has to be mature enough to know what to do in an emergency. A four year old is too young to know what to do.

[deleted account]

I would seriously think about what could happen to your little one. If that happened with my child I don't think that I would ever be able to trust leaving her with her father alone again. If he did it once and thought that nothing was wrong with that then he is likely to do it again or be careless with her in some other way. He may leave her at a friends house or with someone who she doesn't know. You really have to protect your children and it sounds like if you leave her with him then you are really putting her in danger. It is a serious issue not to be taken lightly. She could have really hurt herself or someone could have hurt her. It is scary. So many people/ children go missing everyday. It is real and it happens all the time.

Alisha - posted on 11/07/2010

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Lexie- I have no idea why he left, I'd say because he's selfish and didn't care if she didn't want to come with he was going to get what HE needed (probably cigs)!

Alisha - posted on 11/07/2010

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He's not my first pick of a father for my children now that I know better, but that's what happens when you pick a guy when you're 16.

Alisha - posted on 11/07/2010

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I honestly have no idea why he needed to go but I'm assuming cigs or something. He didn't tell me but I don't understand why he wouldn't take her with. One of my friends told me to look up child molestors around his house and print their info out and give it to him. There is one less than a block away from his house and I also printed like 13 other preditor profiles in his area so he can take a look at who's out there he's leaving her subjected to. He doesn't think things through!!!

Lexie - posted on 11/07/2010

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Just curious, but WHY did he need gas at exactly that moment? Good call on supervised visits. Although, I think he's lucky to even get that after the stunt he pulled.

[deleted account]

It is definitely not okay that he left her alone. There are so many things that could happen to her! That is scary. I don't think that he is using the right judgement with your daughter. She is only 4 years old. It is your job to protect her and his as well. I would not let it happen again. I would only have supervised visitation.

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