Daughters Grandmother taught her a different last name

Melissa - posted on 07/18/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




My daughter is 3 and has only seen her father for about 5 months total her whole life while he was in her life he requested for her last name to be changed to his since he is not on the birth cert. I told him no because I feel like it is to late for her to be confused by changing her name. Also he has not seen her since April because he doesn't have a phone and I will not allow her to go 2 hours away with no form of communication and he was not willing to drive to his mothers to continue visitation.The other day she went to her grandmother s house(his mom) and came home saying her last name was Harris. What should I do about his family teaching her that his last name is hers when it clearly isn't?


Brittany - posted on 07/26/2012




I would certinally address it with the grandmother. It's not right to confuss a young child of this. It could endanger her should she ever become lost and need to know her PROPER last name. Also as she is close to school age this could cause great confussion there as well. Let the grandmother know this will not be tolerated. She can explain to your daughter she is also part of the 'Harris' family - but she herself if a ' ___ '.... No, other explanation should be given to a child so young.


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Suzie - posted on 07/31/2012




Even though grandma blames other family members, you need to tell grandma that you feel it is going to confuse your daughter... and already has to some degree. This will really be confusing when she gets enrolled in preschool, school, etc. because the school will use her legal last name and thats yours!

Grandma needs to let the other family members know that this is confusing and causing your daughter problems and to please not do it anymore.

My daughter is 3 and she gets confused with my boyfriends last name and hers. He's been around since she was 18 months old and knows different. In fact, sometimes she says she doesn't want to be a XXX (her last name), she wants to be a XXX (my boyrfriends). IN our case, we correct her and move on. I guess what I am getting at, your daughter is probably old enough to understand people have different last names. So tell her. Dad is a Harris and you are a XXX. You are a XXX just like me!

Melissa - posted on 07/24/2012




Oh his mom has been around Leeya for her whole life and knows what her name is I have spoken to her about it but she put the blame off on her son and his other family who Leeya hasn't been around since April. But thanks!

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Is it worth talking to his Mum and seeing if a) she realises which surname that your daughter has and b) where you and her son stand. I'm not trying to take sides, but it could be a misunderstanding on her part, perhaps assuming that your daughter was given her son's surname.

Then once you've found out what her understanding of which surname your daughter is using, then nicely, let her know which is your daughter's correct/legal name. Talk to your ex's Mum, without your daughter present, and say that you want/appreciate it if Grandma uses your daughter's correct name with her.

Hopefully, it'll be a misunderstanding on the grandparents' side, assuming or being lead to believe that your daughter uses her Dad's surname, when in fact she has got yours.

Also worth talking/correcting your daughter to which surname she uses.

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