depressed single mom doing it alone

Amanda - posted on 09/17/2009 ( 55 moms have responded )

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since my ex left me and my son about twon months ago i have been very depressed there are times that i cant eat or sleep and i cry sometimes for no reasion. he is still arround sometimes for my son but i feel like he doesent do enough or care enough and hes only arround because he feels he has to be. his whole famley is not involved at all they wont come and see him inless i bring him to there house they wont watch him for me to work and dont help at all with support. everything falls on my and on my famley all the financhial responcbilty has been up to me since day one his dad brings over formula once a week and thats supporting his son and since they don t help with child care its hard to make ends meet. i dont think i have post partum because my depresson hs nothing to do with my son and my ability to take care of him i feel like he is the only good thing in my life. but sometimes i rely on my son to much to make my happy that i tend to spoil him and i dont want to form bad habits with him help me with other was of dealing with my problums so my son doesent become to spoiled in the process

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Terri - posted on 10/09/2012

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Crazy how all these people are avoiding paying taxes, then the state has to flip the bill for insurance and food stamps or whatever other funding because cost of living is so high. The fathers need to man up! I understand in many cases it is just healthier for the mother and child to separate themselves from the bad influence these men are...been there!

Tia - posted on 10/02/2012

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First of all did you file for child support?Sometimes if you need or want help you have to demand it,and even then you still might not get it.I do spoil my son sometimes to because I feel like I have to by him extra things to keep him from thinking about the fact that he has a deadbeat dad who won't even meet him.When he gets old enough to understand,I plan on just telling him that he did not need the jerk anyway.You should not ever ever take your son around people(his dad and dad's family) who don't even want to see him.If they won't watch your son,come pick him up,take him out,or call about him then they don't care.I know it hurts,but no matter who you may have had good relationships with before,if they start to not care about you,then you have to let it go.



You should never have to beg people to be in you or your son's life.I suspect that you and your child's father's family either had no realtionship or not a good relationship before you had your child.If you did have a good relationship with them earlier,they would have probably been helping you out.He may have also told his family really bad things about you.Men lie a lot,and his family will believe him before they believe you.Just don't cry anymore.I have cried so many nights,but I know it doesn't help.You need to take hm off any Myspace or Facebook friend list that you have.Delete his number and don't contact him or his family at all.Tell him its all or nothing.There is nothing worse that a dad being around his child when he doesn't care to.The child will sense that.Try to get out there and meet some new friends,and think about your child having a step dad in the future and not his bio dad,because his bio dad may never care.He might move,get marries,have more kids and take care of those kids.So you need to do the same.p.s DO NOT LISTEN TO THAT OTHER COMMENTER ABOUT GETTING CUSTODY.IT COST A LOT TO PAY A LAWYER TO SUE FOR CUSTODY,AND UNLESS THE FATHER IS A CRIMINAL OR ON DRUGS YOU WILL NOT GET SOLE CUSTODY.THEY WILL JUST GIVE YOU AND THE FATHER JOINT,WHICH MEANS THAT YOU WILL THEN NEED TO ASK YOU EX FOR PERMISSION TO TAKE THE CHILD OUT OF THE STATE.AND IF YOU DON'T LET HIM COME TAKE YOUR CHILD ON THE COURT ORDERD DAYS THEN YOU COULD LOSE CUSTODY.YOU NOW HAVE FULL CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILD UNTIL EITHER HE OR YOU TAKE IT TO COURT.

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You are normal , no support from the fathers parents ,is so the norm , you need to think they are not there , at all and plan from that ! hard yes i have a seven year old i have never had her fathers parents involved , I now work the hours she is at school but was unemployed for the years she wasn't , drove me nuts , stick with it , they never tell you how hard it will be ,by yourself j

Christine - posted on 09/24/2009

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i can totally relate to what you are going through, i have been taking care of my five year old from the day she was born, i can assure you it will get easier with time. you cannot force the father to pay attention or take care of his son, at the end of the day its his loss, all that you are going through will be worth it because you love your child the way only a mother can.just try and keep yoself busy

Miaesha - posted on 09/20/2009

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You need to contact your local child support enforcement agency and find out how to go about filing for child support. Once you file for child support you should then be eligible for child care assistance and some other benefits so that you and your child can move on with your lives with some peace of mind.

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Tia - posted on 10/09/2012

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The state also needs to try harder to find these men and make them pay.I get child support every month,but I know there are many women out there who have been trying to get it for years.The state likes to tell them that there is nothing more that they can do,but I'm sure the government can find any one of its citizens anytime they want.They need to find a better way of tracking down these men because if they don't the state,government and taxpayers will be the one footing the bill.Deadbeats need to learn that they can't just have as many kids as they want and not pay for them.

Christine - posted on 10/04/2012

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I know what you are going through. I have been with my kids father for 8 years, we have 2 beautiful kids and now we are not together. Its been hard because its seems like i cant trust or see myself with anybody else but him. We have been broken up for about 2 months now and I cant just be friends with him. What can i do to feel better about myself and enjoy my life with my kids. I dont like feeling depressed, my body aches, I have headaches and sometimes i might take out my depressen on yelling at my kids with i dont mean on doing. I love my kids and I also love their father. What can i do to make things better and move on with my life with my kids?

Tia - posted on 10/02/2012

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Same here.If I could turn back the hands of time,I'd spend less time worry about my son's father,and more time taking care of myself and my son.Sometimes us single mom's do forget that there are benefits to being a single mom,and that's seeing your child everyday and having full control of where they go and who they are around.

Yanie - posted on 06/29/2012

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Dont feel too bad im 25 single mom of two boys..im true to get my rn but distracted..i feel so alone overwhelmed depression is taking ovet..i have fears that grow daily

Keri - posted on 09/24/2009

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i no how u feel the same thing happened to me only a few months ago and i have depression i am on meds for mine actually but ya u neeed to mvoe on it is hard i have three kids and child care is very expensive i was doin day home and chargin less than the average place cause i no what it is like i stopped for the summer and now i am debating tryin to find child care and go to work or see if the need for day home is stil out there and open my day home again. it is hard but i find if i have some one to talk to that helps a bit and i also lean to my kids to be happy as they are all i got and they are my life.

Michelle - posted on 09/24/2009

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It is hard being a single mommy! You do need to find me time. You are not alone. Trust it will get better. I have a 3 year old and now it is much more manageable. The only thing that got me through it was a strong relationship with God and great christian friends! This provides a nurturing environment for both you and your son. My advice to you is dont worry about the other drama. Let God work it out! I would try to file for child support for your son. I had to let go of my anger towards my son's dad and help build a relationship between him and his son. It was very hard, but worth it! Now it is getting better. He sees him every other weekend. Everything is a process. Things will constantly be changing. Trouble won't last always! You and your son deserve so much better than all this drama. It is hard. You will make it through! All things are possible! Be blessed! Take care! Oh, as far as spoiling goes, you can never give a child too much love! Hug and kiss him every chance you get! They grow so fast!

Shelly - posted on 09/23/2009

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As hard as it may seem, you need to move on. No matter how hard you may try to hide the frustration that you feel and how upset you are, your child feels it. If the dad is being that way, let him. Sooner or later, the child is going to grow up and know that you were there for him the whole time, dad wasn't and the dad is digging his own hole. No need to be depressed, you have your family and your son, that is what matters and yes, it is tough but you will make it through because you are a mom! We are Strong and always persevere through the toughest of times.

Cathy - posted on 09/23/2009

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I know exactly where you are coming from!!! Be encouraged, though, because you're not alone!! We single moms are taking care of our babies and we do this out of the love we have for them!! Please don't be depressed.....God says He will NEVER leave or forsake us, and we need to trust and rely on HIM!! We have put our trust in a man, that has let us and our kids down, but we need to look and search higher!! Girl, lift your head up and know that God is with you!! So are your Single Mom Sisters!!! Just know that your baby is not a mistake and one day, he'll make you very proud!!!! :) God bless!!!

Tarra - posted on 09/23/2009

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i understand how you feel. im a single parent of 2 with one on the way neither of kids father really help out much. after i had my daughter it was so bad that i was put on zoloft. now and then i get a little depress being pregnant and already having two little ones and knowing that im all they have. but thats what keeps me going is that knowing that im all my kids have and know that things will work out at the end of the day. just stay strong and keep your head. when your son gets older he is going to appreciate you and other woman because he was able to see how strong you were. things happen for a reason and your ex will get whats coming to him. karma is no joke

Danielle - posted on 09/23/2009

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Consintract on your support group. I have been doing it alone now for two years. The father and I have had a falling out and so I don't worry myself with his family to much. The father talks to me very badly and the family has decided that that is okay that he talk to me that way. So I have decided to stay away from it all. I do not have a family and so my support group is the best thing that I have. I have recently joined a church that I can get out of the house with my daughter and go talk and be together with my child and other adults. It is the first step in moving on. Go see a doctor about the depression their is nothing wrong with being depressed, but their is something wrong with not doing anything about it. I hope this helps you!!!!!

Bonnie - posted on 09/23/2009

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First of all, I commend you for realizing that your son is the best thing in your life. Ive been doin this single mom thing for about 5 years and I know how rough it can be. You need to speak to your doctor about your depression. You must realize that your moods effect your child. Being BiPolar myself this is one thing I truely understand. Another thing is you need to get to family court and get custody and child support in order. It takes 2 to make a baby. Dont let how his family cause you pain. Remember it is their loss that they dont want anything with your son. Things are gonna be rough for a while, but I promise it does get easier. Keep your friends close and keep reminding yourself that your ex doesnt deserve you or your son but he does deserve to help financially take care of his son. I wish you blessings from all sides and remember the only man you need is that little boy in the other room.

Crystal - posted on 09/23/2009

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P.S. Look up the Grieving Cycle. It may help make sense of some of the things you are feelings. Any loss causes grief.

Crystal - posted on 09/23/2009

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I am familiar with how you are feeling. I am so sorry you lost a husband. My husband walked out on me the same year my father died. The only way I can describe how I felt is worthless. I was so depressed, I honestly felt that not even God thought I was deserving of a man. When you experience a loss like this, even the loss of a husband, you have to go through a grieving process. Something that is often misconceived as only belonging to the death of a loved one. I feel the grieving process was harder letting go of my husband because he willingly walked out on me; my father didn't. Is there a lot of confusion as to WHY he left? Moving on and letting my marriage go was so hard and I think it was because he didn't explain why, I thought everything was fine, and then bam, one day, he says he's not happy anymore and leaving. I kept thinking what did I do? I finally figured out I didn't do anything. Being cheated on and lied to (which I learned later he was doing) made me feel even more worthless. But I know now that I wasn't to blame for him not being able to keep it in his pants. None of this was my fault. In divorce, we always look for someone to blame. As a parent, you tend to take most of the responsibility. Unfortunately, this is how society is nowdays. People don't feel that they have to stick around for their family anymore. There are too many options out there, which often confuses people in a marriage. Often, they end up not happy at all. Eventually, he will feel the guilt of abandoning his son and may even you. And if your searching for answers, stop right now, know that there is no one to blame for this, and this is a good opportunity for you to find a good husband and father for your baby that is STABLE. Obviously, you other husband was not stable enough to stick it out. I know mine wasn't. Mine has issues and he will regret it someday, but I won't be around. I know this is easier said than done. You will miss the good times. But don't forget about the bad times, cuz your probably better off. And forget about making all the effort to keep a relationship between your son and him and his family. That is not your responsibility! Believe me, you don't want people around your son who doesn't care about him. They won't give him the love he deserves. Do your best to move on, one step at a time, not all at once, for you and your son's sake.

Take Care of Yourself!
Crystal

Kathy - posted on 09/23/2009

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Well you have already taken the first few steps... 1) you have admitted that you are depressed 2) you have asked for help ...here is what I can tell you from my experience... if you wait around for people to help you raise your child or help pay you will have a long wait.You must step up and really take charge. Your ex is a jerk, formula is not enough. Take him to court and get some child support, that will help with the cost of some supplies needed to raise a child, it is the fathers responsibility to help. You did not make this child on your own so you shouldn't have to pay for it on your own. While you are there ask for a parenting plan... this will make it so that the father has set days to visit the child and set times, then maybe you can build a work schedule around that. Ask for help from the state... they can help with childcare to the point where you can have a relative go through some simple classes and they can get paid to watch your child while you work. You should see a doctor or go to counseling, explain to them that you believe you are depressed, they will ask you some simple questions and point you in the right direction. There is life after a breakup and there are people and resources that will help you. You are a brave and good parent to ask for help so go be brave and fight for you child!!!

Niki - posted on 09/22/2009

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Just like you have found a circle of supporters in cyberspace, you should find supporters on earth! LOL. I don't know how old your son is, but if he is attending any type of daycare or childcare, see if there are other parents who feel like you. I'm sure there are. Perhaps you could suggest a small meeting at the local library or park. You guys could get together with advice, support, love and prayers for each other. Or, if you attend church, see if your church offers support for single parents, if not, you start a group. It will take your mind off of your circumstance and allow you to give to someone else that which is precious: your time. Be Blessed!

Amirah - posted on 09/22/2009

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My ex and i have been broken up since i got pregnant i found out he was cheating on me the last 2 yrs and the first 4 months of my pregnancy i decided to leave and he continued,what made it worse was that this pregnancy was completely planned by him..and now he hasnt been there to pay for a single thing..strip clubs and drugs have been more important than a crib or bottle..& he thinks once my son is born im supposed to just let him have joint custody..when really i just want him out of my life all together..i say if he doesnt want to be there then screw them.i wish i could make him not want to be there bc i would rather him not be there all the time then be there whenever he decides he has time for my son..ive been so depressed for the past 7 months and will probably continue to be i try to be strong and thats really the best u can do is try and try to be strong and surrond urself with supportive people. Just all your heart and soul into ur son,not with spoiling but with bettering him and urself for him. Hope this is some sort of encouraging..it could always be worse

Jeanette - posted on 09/22/2009

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Unfortunately, things happen! The end of your relationship with your sons dad came to an end, but look at it this way... YOU are at the winning end! You are the one with the baby! A little angel who needed to come down to earth and picked you to be his mother. Now what an honor that is!! Think of this : "God does not put you through things he knows you cant handle", right? You are already a very strong woman as of the moment you had to take care of your lil one all by yourself. Now you just have to focus, focus, focus. As soon as you feel like a little feeling of sadness or negativity is coming your way... try thinking of happy thoughts...look for your child's face and use that beautiful image as a refill of positiveness. Surround yourself with positive people and environments. A very good friend of mine said to me when I was going through a separation myself, she said "Take care of yourself, pamper yourself, love yourself and your baby, then everything will eventually fall into its own place." and it sure did!!! A book which helped me do that and become a goddess in my own life, which you might want to check it out, called "Mama Genas School of Womanly Arts". Well, hope that everything works out for you and your lil one. I wish you the very best of Luck! and remember you are not alone......

Sarah - posted on 09/22/2009

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It will get better. Just keep doing what you are doing and you and your son will make it. It gets rough, but I have been going through the ups and downs for 9 years with my kids since their father and I split up in 01, and it is hard, but we are just fine.

Aida - posted on 09/22/2009

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When people say you are not alone, it means you are not the only one. Trust me there are people out there in worst situations. You have to focus on your little one who needs you to be strong. I am a single mother of 3. My eldest is 12 and I have taken care of him without ANY help monetary or otherwise from his father. My twins are only 10 months old and their daddy is practically non existent. It's hard, I'm not going to lie, but for me to get so depressed that I can't function and take care of those who depend on me is being selfish. I don't have the luxury, I wish I did, but you will see that it will get better. He's a Jerk and trust me life has a way of paying it back. Just keep on going. and don't look back.

Jennifer - posted on 09/22/2009

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I am also a single mom and I know how hard and tiring it can be. I hope that you have talked to your doctor about how you are feeling, you do not need to be ashamed, what you are going through is totally normal. There is help though. I went through the same thing after my boy was born and my DR. prescribed a mild dose of an anti depressant. It has helped tremendously. Please find some help.

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I CAN RELATE WITH YOU. I HAVE NEVER HAD SUPPORT FROM MY MOTHER AND THEIR FATHERS ARE NEVER INVOLVED. I USED TO BEG MY MOTHER TO WATCH MY KIDS ABOUT TWICE A MONTH OR SO JUST TO GO TO WORK. I HAVE BEEN SINGLE MOST OF MY LIFE AND MARRIED TWICE BUT NOT FOR LONG. MINE ARE 25, 20, 10 AND 4 /12. KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN SINCE I FEEL LIKE MY CHILDREN ARE ALL I HAVE. I GOT LAID OFF TOO RECENTLY AND WAS THERE ALMOST 12 YEARS. I HAVE HAD A GREAT SUMMER WITH MY GIRLS BUT BEEN STRESSED ABOUT LOSING MY JOB AND TRYING TO FIND ANOTHER ONE..

User - posted on 09/22/2009

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aw sweety
it's hard and it always will be i'm not gonna lie... but keep your chin up
try to concentrate on the positive notes as corny as it sounds
you've got your family for emotional support right?
some women don't even have that
and you'll find someone better than your ex who loves you for you and adores your son
may take a while but if there's one thing i've learned through all of this is everything happens for a reason... .there's hard times now so you really appreciate the great times ahead of you :D

Kristen - posted on 09/22/2009

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Amanda..I been there..It's def hard!!..But we are strong women..My suggestion is find local places around your area that can help with day care..Some places pay half the cost for a year. I didn't want to take my sons father for child support..but my lawyer came up with a good reason too..Eventually he will stop helping you out..and you deserve the money you need for your lil guy. Right now because your son is young..if you are able to work a part time job at night while he is sleeping is a good solution. There's lots of help out there..Not saying you need to be on welfare or anything..but theres alot of nice advantages for single mothers..Good luck

Jennifer - posted on 09/22/2009

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You will get through this time of loss and sorrow.... Be encouraged and peace to you this day.

Sarah - posted on 09/21/2009

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i can relate to what you are going thru.....i'm a single mother too, my sons father expects everything and gives nothing! i found putting my son in child care a couple of days a week gave me the break i needed and allows me to focus on my life..your son needs to know that you wont give up and you are worth fighting for.... now i'm back at uni, with all my old friends......if you decide to study or work ask centrelink about JET child care subsidy, its about $2.30per day!................ best advice i can give is, you are better than all this so is your child..... depression is a state of mind, get back into the land of the living and take charge of your life! good luck.............you can do it!

Gina - posted on 09/21/2009

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Hey, I am sorry that you are going through this tough time in your life. I can definately relate to the situatio as I am in the process of a divorce. I have 2 children with my husband and he is leaving me for his mistress. I was depressed at 1st but now I am starting to see that I am much better off.

Reason I say this is because every time he is around he is there for his boys. He loves them and is partially there for them. He is getting really close to our older son but ignores the baby to spend time with our older child. Right now, I feel sad at times but I remind myself that things happen for a reason and that I will do much better than he ever will. I will show him the I will be his loss and his regret for what he chose to do.

My motivation is to improve myself and learn from my mistakes and make a success of myself. I will not let this bump in the road take the best of me. I will give my best to my boys. Despite the divorce, I plan on keeping his last name for my kids sake. Until they are old enough to really & trully understand then I will change it. In the mean time, I think of myself as a strong mother even during the moments when I am not. I want to project to him that I am fine and will be better off without him. Make him regret and realize his mistakes but by then it will be too late cause I have moved on with my life. Our 1st court date is this Thursday, wish me luck as I will pray for you to do better and hopefully motivate yourself with all of the responses you get. We are here to help and support one another.

Gina

Diane - posted on 09/21/2009

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You have to be strong and pray alot God answers all prayers. I raised four sons. The oldest living son is now 37 and I am raising his oldest son who is now 14. When my sons where little the only person who helped was my father(him and my mother divorced when I was 9) I could never get any one to baby sit. When I started rasing my grandson it was the same he is ADHD he has been with me all his life. I stoppedgetting invitations because he wasn't welcome into their home. I learned not to count on MAN just GOD. You tell God all you troubles and ask him to help you. Once I did that lfe has been muh easier. Put your trust in HIM.

Ana - posted on 09/21/2009

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I am So SORRY, I understand how hard things are for you. But please know that you are not alone. There are alot of girls out there with the same problem. as far as solutions...there really isn't any. You can not make a Biological father be a "Father" or make his Family contribute. That should of come automatically, if they are decent people. If they are not ...there is your answer. Don't count on anyone, it hurts more when they pull the rug from under you. Take it one day at a time, and mean while,,, see if your emmediate Family can assist. Join a church, if you don't have one already. Look around you and see what rescources you can get assistance from. There are programs out there that can help with child care assistance, so you can work, school etc. If the "biological" father is only assisting you formula, great! However if he is working and can do more, then you can't ask from him. YOU have to TAKE it from him. This if NOT for you. But for your baby to have the basic needs like diapers, wipes, clothes etc. Don't waste your time in trying to be a Family with a "Boy" and his Family. Your Family is your baby and YOU now, you have to make the best of it. Pick yourself up, and be Happy , no one is going to make you happy, you have to do it. For your sake and your baby. Do what is best for your child. If you push him and his Family to accept your baby, you will only get recenment, and they will take it out on you and worse, your baby. Is it really worht it? Your baby will be affected by all the negative his Family feels for you,...it is not fair for him. I am Sorry, but that biological Father is not for you, or things would of been different already. He is not going to change, unless he wants something from you, and it will be too just get you NOT to take child support form him. Be STRONG. Move forrward with your baby. YOU DISSERVE IT. He doesn'

t love you, as hard as that maybe. Move on, you never know what is in plan for you in the future, you diserve it to yourself to find out what that is, instead of crying over someone that doesn't care about you. You have a healthy son, you are as well and you live in a place that you can get help. You are very lucky look and focus on that. Things could be worst. Good Luck.

Nicole - posted on 09/21/2009

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You should forget about him number one! All you should care about is your baby, family, and your well being! I'm a 20 yr old single mother of a beautiful baby girl..and her father hasnt helped out with her for the past 3 months of her life..and wasnt all that hellp full to me while I waspregnant..I did everything for him for the past 4 years of our relationship..n now i'm just realizing life would be much easier if he wasnt here..i feel the same way that he's only around because he feels like he has to be. His family hardly helps out too..they also wont come and visit her unless i bring her there..but dont think you owe theyre family anything especially if theyre not trying to help. I try and let my daughter see his family at the most once a week so (ava)-my daughter can know her fathers side, because it's not fair for her to miss out on that asmuch as i dont want her to...but if youre having money problems you should look for some assisstance..like WIC or welfare or unemployment.that's what i've tried to get..i have beenfortunate enough to have my family help ava and i alot! but i hope the best for you and your son, things will get better over time just keep your head up! any guy can be a father but it takes true love and care for someone to be a dad..dont think you need his biological father to make things good..YOU DONT need someone like that in your life every woman deserves the best and dont settle for less!

Amber - posted on 09/20/2009

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I was in the same boat and really what Kate from Jon and Kate plus 8 is going thru. My ex started cheating when my 2nd son was 1 yr old. Left me by the time he was 2 and then proceeded to act just like Jon from that show. Showing off his girlfriend, humilating me, and ignored his kids to take on hers. I am glad he isn't around, then my boys wont learn to treat women the way thier father did. I won't lie it was VERY tough at first. Cried ALL the time but mainly held it together knowing it would get better and i deserved better and so did my kids. Now i have that, someone who is a million times better and treats my kids as they should be treated.

Amanda - posted on 09/20/2009

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As a single mom to two boys under 2 years, I can sympathize a great deal. My ex-husband left me when I was 3 mos pregnant with my second child and ensued with a bitter divorce. You are completely normal to feel depressed right now and there are gonna be a lot of bad days ahead. You have to accept that. But there will also be a lot of good days. Those increase as time goes by.

There are steps you can take to get child support from your ex, and also there is financial assistance available. As a single mom, I've had to learn about a lot of these programs while I'm still getting on my feet. Help is out there!! I promise!

It sounds like you have a great support system in your family, and best of all--you LOVE your son!!! You even worry about spoiling him too much!! Think of all the babies out there who would love to have a mom spoiling them that much! It sounds lame, but it's true. There are so many babies out there who are not taken care of properly, and it breaks my heart (I work with kids, so I see more of this than I would like). You son is VERY lucky to have you. Don't worry about spoiling him, as long as you are putting him first, you will always do the right thing. You seem like a lovely person with a brave heart and amazing son. I hope everything works out for you, I will put you in my prayers. Stay strong and loving, because you will make it. Remember to smile every day no matter what. When you can't find a reason to, just look at your baby. That works every time.

Brittany - posted on 09/20/2009

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i know how u feel girl!! my ex left me bout a month ago but he doesnt even live in the same state as i do anymore so hes not even there for the baby its really hard yes but i had to teach myself to be surrounded by friends and family n when i need a cry i ask for help with the baby so that i can get it out

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P.S. Don't rely on the courts to be the big help they claim to be. I was awarded child support 3 years ago and haven't seen a penny because their father works in an industry where it's all cash-in-hand, no records kept. There's nothing the courts will do about that.

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You're doing great at keeping your mind on what's most important - your child! That's a hard thing to do when you're feeling like you just want to lay down and give up, so I applaud you. You'll work through this and be stronger for it, but don't be afraid to talk to someone, family or doctor, about your depression. It may seem manageable right now, but could get away on you before you realize. Your family sounds like a great support system - good luck to you :)

Brenda - posted on 09/20/2009

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I can say this that if he and his family want nothing to do with the baby then that is their loss. My daughters sperm Donor ( as i call him) hasnt seen her in 3 years and for the 1st 2 years of her life he was in and out! When i was pregnant he left when i was @ 3 months and only went to one drs appointment with me. He wasnt there when my daughter was born. My daughter has asked a couple times about her "dad" and i just tell her he loves her he just chooses not to be here. I have great family support on my side and that does help tremendously but i also have great friends who have stepped up and been the male role model in my daughters life! one day these men will have to answer to the children they have and until then we are the strong mothers that we are and will do whatever we need to do to give our children the best we can. Our kids know how much we love them! best of luck to you

Angela - posted on 09/20/2009

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I FEEL YA I HAVE BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT.. STAY STRONG HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH AND BE THERE FOR YOUR SON SOON YOU WILL FORGET ABOUT THE JERK AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON TRY TO REMEMBER THAT!!

Annie - posted on 09/20/2009

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You just have to muster up your inner strength..You have made it this far and you CAN do it..Relying on your family is a must, especially when they are all you have..If this child's father think's he doesn't have to help with the financial aspect of raising this child, he is sorely mistaken. It sound's like if you allow him to not support his son, he is going to continue to do it. It's hard, and harsh for me to say this, but, you need to file a motion in Superior Court for child support. Federal Law state's a parent obligated to pay child support must pay at least 25% of their income, unless they are unemployed or on a fixed income, and even then it is usually ordered as 25%..It sucks because this means there will be a bit more tension once you file this motion, but you also have to remember if he isn't going to step up to the plate and take responsibility for his son, the court's will order him to do so. These motion's don't cost more than one hundred or so dollar's and child support has nothing to do with custody. They are totally seperate..meaning..He can be ordered to pay support, but that doesn't give him custodial right's. You have full custody of this child right now, and if he continue's to think a can of formula once a week is helping his child, or you, You will have to take him to court. You are entitled to support and you should not feel bad for asking for it. Honestly, I went through this for almost five year's now I have been in a custody battle with my ex for our daughter, and if you don't cover your butt now It will be alot easier for him to discredit you, should he decide to fie a motion against you for custody. Usually, when you apply for some type of assistance like food stamps, rental assistance, they will automatically ask for dad's personal info and they will attach his wages through child support without even going to court. I hope this help's in some way, and just remeber to protect yourself and your son legally now while you can.

Brittany - posted on 09/20/2009

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Listen hunny.....you can't let ONE person make you feel so much like garbage. Believe me I've been down that road one too many times & it's really truely not worth it. I've wasted a lot of time and energy trying to work something out that wasn't workable. If I were you- for now keep yourself busy. Take your son out and do things. Go visit with people, keep busy around the house and just be strong. I know it's easier said then done but I promise you you will be a better person in the end if you just stay strong and do what you have to do for YOUR son. And you remember that as well, he's your son you went through it all and did it all and your "ex" just up n left. Guess what he's gonna have to deal with the consequenses now. It's not just come n go when you please...be strong! If you need to talk at any time just let me know :-) Hope this helps!!

Lisa - posted on 09/20/2009

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Quoting amanda:

depressed single mom doing it alone

since my ex left me and my son about twon months ago i have been very depressed there are times that i cant eat or sleep and i cry sometimes for no reasion. he is still arround sometimes for my son but i feel like he doesent do enough or care enough and hes only arround because he feels he has to be. his whole famley is not involved at all they wont come and see him inless i bring him to there house they wont watch him for me to work and dont help at all with support. everything falls on my and on my famley all the financhial responcbilty has been up to me since day one his dad brings over formula once a week and thats supporting his son and since they don t help with child care its hard to make ends meet. i dont think i have post partum because my depresson hs nothing to do with my son and my ability to take care of him i feel like he is the only good thing in my life. but sometimes i rely on my son to much to make my happy that i tend to spoil him and i dont want to form bad habits with him help me with other was of dealing with my problums so my son doesent become to spoiled in the process


am sorry to hear about your separation. it is always had to be single and have a child i know cos am too a " single mom ' . all you can do is be strong for your child. he is feeding on your emotions at the moment and its not healthy for him if you crying .you are stronger than you think you are and things never stay the same. it will get better with time. its sad that you dont get family from his family but am sure you have friends or your family that can help. make friends with others mothers and  you will find people that will help. surround your self with positive suppotive friends that can help you through this. stay blessed .



kawewa.

Stephanie - posted on 09/19/2009

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If you need help with formula and food go for WIC and then you'll get most of the food you need and file for child support cause that's the only way you'll get any money out of him.

Rose Ann - posted on 09/19/2009

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oh kirsten im sorry.. but i do know what you are going through.. my son is 17 now. and his dad missed out alot. its up to me to make sure he is a better father. and believe me when the time is right i will make sure... thank God your daughter has you!!! Karma will come trust me..

Kirsten - posted on 09/19/2009

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he is suppose to, but works cash in hand for his family, so no income no money think he is still suppose to pay around 30 a mth or something but only does it when it pleases him... and cant dob cause 1. i dont want to get his family in trouble and have hasstles with them, and 2. i wouldnt like to see what he would do if i did... its not about the money, id accept none if he would get out of our lives to be honest.. he doesnt even obay court orders, they were just a waist of time, he is the king of bribes and id prefer to do as im told than have my daughter miss out just cause he is a dick.. she is more important, so let him have his fun Karma will come one day.. i hope, lol

Rose Ann - posted on 09/19/2009

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omg kirsten what state do u live where he doesnt have to pay child support.. thats horrible

Kirsten - posted on 09/19/2009

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the only thing i can say is that you just learn to cope, my x came in and out of my daughters life when it pleased him, i think he does it more to get at me than from love to her.. he works cash in hand so he doesnt have to pay child support and never helps out when i ask, and thats when he will give me 1 whole min to talk to him... the way i see it is at the end of it when we pull through at least we can hold our head up knowing we did it by ourselves.... it takes time to heal, so go out with friends for a coffee even at their house or yours if money is tight, anything that brings you little joy will eventually get you through. until then try be strong and talk to a friend about it, even if she cant help at least you got it off your shoulders for a second... it gets easier and at least you can raise him the way you think he should be raised.. gd luck sweet..

Rose Ann - posted on 09/19/2009

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make sure you go to the probation dept so they can worry about collecting child support. u be there for your baby and forget about him. please he is not worth it if he can leave you and not see his son.. move on you'll be happy....

Karen - posted on 09/18/2009

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It will get better in time. me and my husband are seperated and I have 3 children to bring up on my own.
It is very hard at times and Its the loneliness at night that is the hardest.
have you got friends you can spend time with to break up your day.
give yourself time and be nice to yourself as you deserve that,. your son is your number 1 priority and you wont spoil him forever.
you will become strong in time and there are lots of us here to support you and share things together.
big hug to you

Janine - posted on 09/17/2009

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Firstly you are not alone as there are many women here that have been through the same thing and can offer you wisdom, encouragement, support and guidance. I would assume you are depressed because you are doing it alone and probably miss the man you thought you knew. A break up - one where you thought you were in love is tough on most. It is true that the best thing for you to do is just keep doing what your doing with your son as you are his rock, his protector and his sole reason for living. It does get better with time and your son will appreciate you and the efforts you have made later in life because of it. Hold your head high and keep believing in what you can offer your son and yourself today - think not of yesterday and tomorrow and live for the moment. Things could be alot worse but for now, you have each other - someone to love and someone who loves you unconditionally.... Never forget that!

Ashley - posted on 09/17/2009

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I can definately sympathize with you! I have a similar story. My son's father and I broke up when Jake was 3 months old. He didn't try to be apart of his life at all. I had no support from his family as well. The only support I had was of my family. I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 12 and have been on and off medication my entire life. After the break up, I fell into a deep depression. The only thing that kept me alive was my son. Honestly, it has been the hardest thing that I have ever done, but two years later I am doing better than ever. Jake is thriving and I have myself and only myself to thank for that. It is the best feeling in the world. It will get better! It may take some time, but as long as you concentrate on doing your motherly duty, it will all end up ok. Just remember to do nice things for yourself. Even if you can't afford a Manicure and Pedicure, or whatever makes you feel good about yourself, find something that you enjoy that is in your budget. Also when you get that feeling of being overwhelmed and wanting to cry, just try and hold it together until he falls asleep at night. Then let it all out! Take it from me, Getting upset in front of your son will make him upset. Childeren can sense moods, so just put on a happy face until you can release your emotions in private. I wish you and your son the best of luck!

Alisha - posted on 09/17/2009

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The best thing you can do is forget about the jerk and be there for your son. you have to love him, and i know you already do, but kids can sense it when their parents are lettin somethin like that bother them. i've been by myself for my child's entire life, and it's still hard. i get so mad sometimes and i jus wanna hit him and tell him how i can't stand him, but that's not gonna help matters. You jus have to look at the positives and not the negatives. i don't know if you're a christian, but i know God is the one who has helped me thru all my bad times. be thankful that ur both alive and well. i wish u luck...hope things work out for you.

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