do i call the father of my daughter to come see her

Brittany - posted on 11/11/2010 ( 50 moms have responded )

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he told me to leave him and his new girlfriend alone .its been two months since ive heard from him .and he hasnt called to check on his daughter .he just left for basic training what should i do.

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Olga - posted on 11/11/2010

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i think, there is nothing u can do about it,,,,,u cant make him be a father...if he is not interested in his daughter then,,,just remember u and ur little girl is a great team and u can do it.....Good luck and God bless :)

Eugenie - posted on 11/27/2010

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Hi Brittany, the sooner you realize that it's just you and your little girl, the sooner you will be able to direct your full attention towards you and your daughter's well-being. You can't make anyone do anything he doesn't want to do! Focusing on him not calling, caring or getting involved in your daughter's life will only distract you from the things you could be doing to enhance you and your daughter's lives.

I know it will be difficult at times, but I believe it is totally possible for you to raise a beautiful, confident, loving daughter on your own. It may seem like you and your daughter is losing out, but it's really him that will lose out in the long run - if he continues on his same path.

Brittany, it is so much better to have a parent who truly wants to be a part of your life than one who does not want to be and is being forced. Every child needs at least one parent on whom they can rely, and you have to be strong and be that one for your daughter.

Trying to force contact will not be good for you mentally or physically. Your daughter needs a whole person and not someone who is distracted with trying to do the impossible. Pray about it, leave it to God and stay focused on the great things you would like to accomplish for yourself and your daughter.

Be the best mom you can be! Moms rock!!!

All the best!!!

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50 Comments

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Georgetta - posted on 05/14/2013

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Hi, Brittany, he seems like you got a lot of terrific and great answers. For one men are so funny, As soon as they get SEX, MONEY, and the GIRL GETS PREGNANT, they head for THE HILLS(RUN RUN RUN). If I was you I would just concentrate on your Beautiful Daughter. Let the JACK ??? ALONE. He will need YOU before YOU NEED HIM. TRUST ME. Like I tell other ladies you CAN'T MAKE A MAN LOVE YOU, BUT YOU CAN TAKE HIM FOR CHILD SUPPORT. It is his LOST and your GAIN. YOU KNOW WE DON'T ALWAYS DO WHAT WE WANT TO DO, BUT WE ALWAYS DO WHAT WE HAVE TO DO GOD BLESS YOU. Keep your Head Up. SassyMama

Charity - posted on 12/01/2010

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You just need to leave him alone..like all the other women said you cant make him take responsibility of his daughter...and hes the one thats going to lose out of her life...im going through it right now with my daughters father...he was in her life till she was 2 months old and then decided to get a new girlfriend and now doesnt want nothing to do with her and shes 11 months old now...so yes its hard, but my daughter means the world to me and she has me to care for her and love her the way she needs to be loved....if her father does grow up and matures and wants to see his child, then ill reconsider but only if they are supervised visits at first because im going to court with her father because its for my daughters best interest if his visits are supervised at first because he has no concept of taking care of a child...even if it is his own child he doesnt know how to do it, so i wish you luck, and stay strong...move ahead in life and things will get better for both you and your daughter im sure hunn

Shorty - posted on 11/29/2010

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Brittany: i would just keep record of when he does contact her and for now just keep your head held high and be the best mom/dad you can be. you cannot force someone to be a parent nor do you want to, that would be like making someone be your friend.
If you are or are not recieving child support i know that the military is VERY good and helping support a soldiers child. medically and financially.
I hope that you can keep a smile on your face and be a bright and shinning star your little one knows you are :)
~Shorty~

Alyssa - posted on 11/29/2010

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if thats the way he feels then you and your daughter are better off without him. . his loss, and he'll figure that out later.

Julie - posted on 11/29/2010

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Be sure to enroll with your State's Child Support Enforcement Bureau so you can get financial help from 'Daddy' - THEY do all the footwork, etc., and make sure he pays you support - ♥

Louise - posted on 11/28/2010

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dont try and force your daughter to see or speak to him ..ive been told to ask the child if they would like to ring dad ,,,forcing the ussue makes it harder on you and your litte one to accept change trust me .im in the same sort of pickle

Angel - posted on 11/28/2010

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Just leave him alone. It's obvious he has his head up his ass. If he ever feels like actually calling to see her let him. It'll piss you off but do it anyways. I do it with my daughter's dad. He shows up like every four months twice!

Julie - posted on 11/28/2010

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There is nothing more painful for a child than to be forced upon a daddy who does not want to be her daddy.
Leave him alone -
Who knows what he would say to her when he has her...so spare her the pain.
She will grow up not knowing her Daddy and when she is old enough she can seek him out if she chooses. This whole sceanario can be your pain as well, so keep that in mind. He did this and now can walk away ... I've been there... let him go. My daughter is 27 and has yet to meet her Dad although she has left the door open -
We can't make others love us ... and that is awful as our child does not deserve this.
I am truly sorry for both of you ♥

Kharen Ross - posted on 11/27/2010

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you know same goes here.. i asked him to leave us because he's seeing someone else and he opted to choose the other girl over us... at first it was really so hard and depressing... as time goes on, it's like i'm begging for him to have time for our daughter and i was able to feel that i guess it's really time t move on and leave him alone. it's up to him if still wanted to be a father but now he's not doing anything for her daughter...

Petula - posted on 11/25/2010

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Yea, I agree with everyone else. With my oldest, I never tried to make him take responsibility (except financially through the court system!) and he regretted it later. She's 19 now and I'm glad I focused on her. Like the other person said, the two of you are a team and you can't force anyone else to play. Take care.

Tamara - posted on 11/25/2010

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NO You should not call him, if he's in the navy call them. Put child support on his ass 1st then call them. any other time I don't believe the the AG office will do a damn thing cuz I'm on it for 2 of my kids and I ain't got nothing. But the Navy wont play with him. Call ANYONE THAT WILL LISTEN! FUCK HIM AND HIS FEELINGS!

Lisa - posted on 11/25/2010

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Well, I have experienced the same thing with my ex. However, I will tell you this, as unfortunate as it is for our children. If you can make your calls without the child knowing what is going on is your best answer. I have always left the door open with my ex, he's chose not to walk through it. When my son hears the conversations, he's extremely upset. Its best to do what you think is best, if that's contacting your ex. Please learn from my experiences, don't do it in front of the child.

NormaLinda - posted on 11/25/2010

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Dont bother him anymore. He said he has new girlfriend and new life, let him go. However, you need to contact your local Attorney General and ask them to help you get child support. Let them do the math, dont let him send you 100 here and there. Let the AG do it for you. And dont try to contact him anymore, all your doing is pissing him off. chin up girl!! You got your baby to take care of and you gotta take care of yourself too.

Betty - posted on 11/25/2010

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Brittany, your message struck me, 11 years ago I went through the same thing, I really loved him, so I left him alone, leaving me was fine but a child???? Leave him alone! make sure he is finacially responsible for your daughther and go on with your life. Just because he can have children does not make him a father. He sounds young. obviously he has a lot of growing up to do.Sometimes it is easier to raise a child by yourself, then to have a sperm donor causing havock. When my daughters father got married it killed me, he still does not see her, but he has been unemployed for a year now, they have lost their home. and where we arn't rich, my daughter and I have a tight bond and we are happy. You can't force someone to grow up, as hard as it is walk away, Your daughter needs at least one parent who supplies her with all the love she needs. It has to be you. in the end you will be glad he's gone. let his new woman deal with his drama. Just love your daughter and keep the drama away from her.

Natasha - posted on 11/24/2010

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leave him, mine has done the same, as most say spend all your time and energy on your child!!!!

N - posted on 11/24/2010

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Let him go. You and your daughter will be fine. He and his family are the ones missing out!

Sabrina - posted on 11/24/2010

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Looks like you got a ton of awesome advise. I agree with them all. I have been there myself. It hurts the child and breaks your heart seeing their heartache!! BUT! That man is digging his own grave enabling his daughter to push him in it. If he ever cares. Just surround her with love and others who love her and if she asks about her dad, just let her know that he is far away and won't be able to see her for a long time. You never have to lie, but don't ever talk down about him. When she gets older she will appreciate you and love that you respected her and loved her enough to not belittle her dad to her. (No matter what, a child sees in themselves what is portrayed about their parents. Whether they are involved or not in their lives.) LOVE, especially yours, will conquer. ;)

Hang tough!! ((hugs))

[deleted account]

He's a prick, but unfortunately, if he wants nothing to do with his daughter, then there's not much you can do about it. :( Let's hope he grows up and contacts you. But it has to be him. Just wait it out and concentrate on yourself and your daughter.

Alisha - posted on 11/23/2010

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That is so sad that he doesn't want to be there. I would see no harm in calling every few months but if he continues to ignore you or threaten you then perhaps leave him alone for awhile. His girlfriend may not even last and then who will he have? Maybe you could send him pictures of your daughter or trace her handprint/footprint so that he knows what he is missing. There is a point though, that you need to let him figure out how to be in his daughters life because you need to be there for her and it's not your job to help him to be a dad. If he wants to see her and be there, then let him, but you can't force him. Some fathers never get it but there's always a chance someday your daughter and her father may have a relationship.

Danielle - posted on 11/23/2010

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you cant force him to be there. the only thing you can do is raise your daughter. but word to the wise, dont let him get away with not taking responsibility financially. get child support so he at least helps support his daughter, even if hes an absent father. every little bit will help you with this long journey of single motherhood.

Kimberly - posted on 11/23/2010

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It's up to him to step up to be a man and step up to the plate. There is nothing you can do, except make it where he knows where you and your daughter are so he can contact you. If he is in basic training, he won't be able to contact anyone for awhile except through letters. If you know how to get his address, write him and let him know that, when he's ready, he can see his daughter and leave it up to him to do the right thing.

Miaesha - posted on 11/23/2010

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Leave him alone as he asks, and file for child support. Make sure that you have help supporting your daughter. Since he doesn't want to work with you, then let the courts handle it.

Ebonique - posted on 11/23/2010

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Don't contact him anymore. As long as he knows how to contact you let it go. I tried that with my oldest son's father way too long. He is 15 now and has formed his own opinions about his father on his own experience with him and knows who has been there for him. My mother did the same for me. My father was not great growing up but in the last 4 yrs we have grown to be very close. You cannot get a man to understand the importance of being a father. My oldest son's Father I have realized doesn't know how to be a good Father and sometimes not a good person as he has treated other people very wrong. Let go and let God and believe me everything your child will need will be provided. My only daughter has no Father since the age of 3 when he passed away in a car accident and she has had to loose her Father's father and also the great grandmother (Mother of the Grandfather) within 1 mth from one another a couple of yrs ago which makes loosing her father more of a reality.

Candace - posted on 11/23/2010

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Everyone here gave you the correct advise, you can't make someone do something they can't, just take him to court and make sure you get whats owed to you and thats that! It's his loss that he is missing out in your childs life and he is the one that will be really sorry later on. Don't go chasing after him because that is exactly what he wants, to keep you in his back pocket looking desperate and still interested in him.

Jennifer - posted on 11/22/2010

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I have the same thing . I wouldnt even bother with him . Raise your daughter the baest way you can . You cant change him to make him care .

Andrea - posted on 11/22/2010

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You don't need to do anything. He needs to step up if he wants to be part of the child's life. You can't force him to be a father. If he wants to be left alone, then leave him alone. You and your child will probably be better off without the selfish loser.

Jennifer - posted on 11/21/2010

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the only advice i can give you is to listen to your heart. i raised my son for 14 months alone until i finally couldnt stop thinking about his father. i contacted him as a type of closure hoping he would be an asshole but i turned out well for me. we are back together and trying to raise our son as a couple. it doesnt work out that way for everyone but if i had listened to everyone else and not what was in my heart i never would have know or gotten to the place where i am. good luck on whatever you choose

Tianna - posted on 11/21/2010

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You shouldn't have to call him. In my opinion if he wants to be there or know how she is doing than he should make an effort. I went through something similar with my son and his father.

Tiffany - posted on 11/20/2010

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I agree with everyone else...don't bother him because in the end it'll probably be more of a headache for you and you shouldn't be going through that. Im 7 months pregnant and my daughters' father wants nothing to do with me. In the beginning me wanting to be a family I would call and try to share info with him about the baby and everything and he didn't want to hear it, until finally I just stopped. I refuse to waste my time trying to get him to do something he should already be doing. So I left him alone and now I feel better than ever and am just waiting on my little sunshine to arrive. And I will indeed be filing for child support.

Diana - posted on 11/20/2010

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Leave him alone. Later in life he will regret his decision as all do. But go through the process of getting child support for your baby. That is the baby's right.

Lachelle - posted on 11/20/2010

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I am in that boat..my daughter is 15 and my son is 7. There father has only been out of there life for a few months but since our seperation 2 years ago he hasn't paid any child support and sees them off and on. My son seems to be getting at the age where he realizes his dad is making the decision not to call or see him and when his dad does call my son is cold and doesn't even open up and sound happy to hear from his dad. This hurts his dad very much but I have told him for the past two years that this was going to happen. So if it makes you feel any better a worthless father is going to get whats coming to him. I truly believe in Karma so just be there for your child and let them know that you will ALWAYS be there for them even if the other parent chooses not to.

Manda - posted on 11/18/2010

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I wouldn't force him to visit. You didn't say but if he isn't providing child support and you have a legal document showing he should, contact his commander and the military will send you your child support first before he gets his check. If you don't have an order go file. The government does not like it when their people slack off on their responsibilities. Try and be happy.

AnnaMarie - posted on 11/18/2010

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I agree with the comments to leave it alone. If he is not going to do it now you know he wont do it when she is older and then you will have worse problems. But I would go to the DA and make a a request for child suport. The millitary is really good at making sure you get your money.

Char - posted on 11/17/2010

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Best of luck lady. Do what's in your heart and soul. Be the best mother you can be and be strong for the two of you. Never bad mouth her father, because in the end - he is her father. You don't want her to start identifying with the negative things about him, because deep down, kids know they are a part of their parents as well. Of course, they are their own individuals, but they will come back to their parents. So, stay strong, stay beautiful and concentrate on being the best you can be. Best of luck. ( and know, we are all here for you in spirit). ~ N8iveSoccerBum

Maria - posted on 11/17/2010

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leave him alone. my daughters father is the same way. in the end the child will be hurt. do your best and just leave him alone. we are strong women and dont need men.

Maxine - posted on 11/16/2010

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I would say do just that and leave him alone, why I say that when my daughter was a baby I faught with the father to come to see her. He did when it was convient, but there to many times he mad her cry because he did not want to see her .or other things was more important. .. So leave the looser alone and raise your daughter as if he do not exist. When he comes around later and she is old enough to ask questions give her the best answers you can.But make no mistake about it , take him for child support, this is for your daughter and she deserves it.

Amanda - posted on 11/16/2010

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don't call him. if he wants to come visit his child, he will. otherwise, don't push it. it will just cause unwanted stress.

Laura - posted on 11/16/2010

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I'm in a similar situation. I used to call him every few weeks and try to "remind" him that his son is here, growing, learning, etc. Recently I have decided that it isn't worth it. If he ever decides that our son is worth the effort that he will call and if not I honestly believe that my son is better off not having a father around who can't make the time for a phone call or a visit. Now that he is talking and asking questions, I wish that I hadn't talked to him so much about his Dad. I used to tell him every night that his daddy loves him. Now he's asking for him often and I can't do a thing about it. I'd rather have him not know about his father than feeling like he is missing in action all the time. I don't know if that makes sense or not.



Basically I'm saying that if he's not calling, what good will it do to call him? If he wanted to be involved he would be. Right? I'm still figuring it out too.

Janet - posted on 11/15/2010

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Do you get child support? If not, hit him up. If he cared, he'd be there. He's a looser, and will probably to the same to his new girlfriend. Protect your child from any negativty and move on. If you need to know where he is stationed contact the military branch he's in. If paternity is questionable, have a DNA test done, could he be doubting that it's his baby? No offense.

Nikkita - posted on 11/14/2010

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I've been there, and my daughter's biological father was my boyfriend at the time. He totally ignored me during my pregnancy...he even disowned my daughter (the DNA test proved him wrong though). He would occasionally call and say he wanted to come see her. Then he never would. I just stopped trying to contact him, and everything. I realized that you can't make anybody do anything they don't want to do.

Sonya - posted on 11/14/2010

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i say leave alone because even if u do talk him into seen his child n really doesnt want to he will jus take it out on the child and the child will know. . you and your child are better of without him. . . all your child needs is you i knw it will be hard but will be so worth it. . . :D best of luck

VANESSA - posted on 11/12/2010

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I wouldnt contact him anymore, I know its easier said than done, because I have made that mistake with my daughters dad. But I will tell you this, I have been in the military ten years..and if he left for basic training I am guessing he joined the military??? If he did and you want to take him to court for child support, the military will make him pay....JUst something to keep in mind. In the end just pray, focus on you and your kiddo, and BELIEVE evrything will be alright. Trust me its better to have a reliable loving parent than a parent that doesnt want to be there:)

Mary Gail - posted on 11/12/2010

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First of all, you cannot make someone accept the responsibilities they should if they are not interested. Yes, it is sad for you & your child, but the facts are the facts. You need to move on with your life for your child's sake. And, do everything you can to secure financial responsibility from the father even if his wages need to be garnished. Contact his branch of service and understand how to make this happen because you need the money to properly raise your child and will need his benefits to cover the medical expenses. He sounds like a total deadbeat. Do you really want him in your child's life? I had one like that. Trust me - you are better off just moving on, getting the financial support allowed (child & spousal support if local laws allow) + medical coverage. Get all you can because this "father" is not interested in being a Father it sounds like. But, if he changes later in life, you have to bury your feelings of resentment for your child's sake. Again, move ahead with your life & build a positive one for you & your child. Best of luck! I did it! My son is now a college sophomore and someone I would like if I met on the street. If you choose to date/marry again, be smart next time because now you impact another person's life who is depending on you. God bless!

LGM - posted on 11/12/2010

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For your daughters sake put all your energy into her not into someone who is not worth it. He is the one losing out big time! Just love your daughter with all your heart and protect her and teach her the ways of the Lord and she will never get lost, ever.

Cathy - posted on 11/12/2010

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Been there, done that and in the end you are worse off for trying. For months i have phoned my sperm donor and everytime he makes promises to come but doesn't. I say don't call him. If you force him on your baby, you will always wonder "is he there because he wants to be?". Your silence will eventually get to him. But from personal experience, my advice is. Leave well-enough alone and move on with your life. It's not nice raising a kid without a dad but your daughter will be fine. I am from a single parent family and i'm fine. Good luck

Deserrae - posted on 11/11/2010

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LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! You can't force someone to be involved in your child's life. I know this because my daughter is gonna be 2 inc a couple of months and her father has no involvement because of his fear of loosing his other kids, who live eith him along with his girlfriend (she has alot to deal with him not seeing my daughter). He will regret it one day, and you dont need the extra stress of dealing with the drama that im sure they will bring onto you.

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