do men just expect sex from you because you a single mom?

Andrea - posted on 03/22/2011 ( 13 moms have responded )

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why is it every time i meet a guy they think just because im a single mom ill just jump in to bed with them, its like me having a child makes me a slut or a free pass to sex and when you dont want to jump in bed with them (hallo i have morrals) then its why not...i want to be in a relationship with some one i trust and respect befor i sleep with them is that so bad? or does that not happen now days?

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Jennifer - posted on 03/25/2011

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I dont think its the kid as much as it is that other women out there are willing to sleep with a guy on a first date so most men 'expect' it. If you dont sleep with them you are a "insert nasty word of choice here". I myself run into the same problem when trying to date. I have also talked with some men who I didnt date and tehy all seem to tell me the same thing, women are easier now a days. We gave up the power of our body by using our body to try to get the man. Now they have the power. Women have to stop being so willing and go back to how it was 20+ yrs ago and make a man date her a while before she jumps into bed. I want a man in my life but not at the loss of respect to myself. That is why I have decided to take my grandparents route. They dated a year once a week then got married. I figure that is about 4 - 5 hrs every sunday they spent together. that comes out to about 9-10 days spent together. I think if you 'lived' with someone for 10 days straight you will know hes the one or not. So IF I meet a guy who is willing to wait until we have spent approximately 9-10 days worth of time together then I have met someone worth being with. I calculated it that way because if you do meet someone where you spend every night having dinner together and hanging out well you might emotionally progress faster then seeing them one day a week.



Not saying its a good theory for everyone but I got sick of feeling used and like I was a 'slt' so decided how can I feel good about myself and set a standard to mark any future relationship with.

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Linda Tonderai - posted on 03/01/2013

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Jennifer, thank you for the tip. I have recently met someone and I will put it into good use. Ladies, I will be back with feedback. Xoxo

Lorie - posted on 03/28/2011

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@ Jennifer, I couldn't have said that better! Your words were very encouraging for Andrea :-)

Tiffany - posted on 03/26/2011

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I don't think it should be so much about "making men wait" or what other women choose to do. If you're a person who doesn't believe in or have any desire to sleep with strangers, why would you want to be involved with a man who does want that? If his values and desires are for instant gratification with no depth or substance, that's going to cause a lot more problems in a relationship than just how long you wait to have sex.

Easy availability isn't an excuse. Drugs are easily available, but lots of people choose not to use them. Alcohol is easily available, but you wouldn't excuse a guy who drinks every day because there's a store right there.

Instead of trying to control how long you can make a guy wait, why not just hold out to date men who share your values?

Nikollete - posted on 03/26/2011

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I understand you completely. Guys see that Im pregnant and automatically it makes them think that I'm some kind of ruined woman, and all chance of romance goes out the door. I just hope that thers is someone out there for me, that loves me for me, and not for what I offer to a relationship.

Crystal - posted on 03/25/2011

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Unfortunately for some men, sex is all they want - whether it's a single mom they are hitting on or not. I want to tell you how wonderful it is that you are standing up for your values and beliefs! It takes courage to tell them no and wait for someone you can trust before making things more complicated with sex. Keep your eye set on having a trusting, respectful relationship with someone and it WILL come along.
In love and light,
Crystal | www.whydidichoosehim.com

Andrea - posted on 03/25/2011

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Jennifer you are AMAZING thank you so so so so much i love this sight you have helped me so much!!!!
blessed day to you and you child
mwah!

Andrea - posted on 03/24/2011

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Tiffany respect for making that decision i could never i realy think my daughter needs a father or a father figure at least and i dont like being alone even though i have my daughter i love her to bits i desire some male companionship

Tiffany - posted on 03/24/2011

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Well, no, that wouldn't be my approach. The fact that society holds some messed up "norms" doesn't mean we have to buy into them. I certainly don't. That said, I made the decision not to date while my child was young, anyway--I've been a single mom for seven years and only recently started to consider dating since my daughter is a teenager and is branching out into more interests of her own.

Andrea - posted on 03/24/2011

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HI YES IM A WORKING MOM. BARBORA I AGREE ITS REALY GOT TO BE WORTH IT FOR ME TO SPEND TIME AWAY FROM MY LITTLE ONE BUT I GET SO ANGRY WHEN I GO ON A DATE AND ITS A FLOP THEN I FEEL LIKE A BAD MOTHER FOR HAVING ROBBED MY CHILD OF THAT TIME WITH ME. TIFFANY SO THAT MEANS YOU SUPPOSE TO JUST HAVE SEX WITH THEM OR THEY ONLY BELIVE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP IF YOU HAVE SLEPT TOGETHER, THIS IS A TOUGH ONE COS I DONT WANT TO GET USED!

Junielyn - posted on 03/24/2011

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if a man truly loves u.. he will accept u and ur baby,, and of course wait for the right moment to act.. r u working?

Tiffany - posted on 03/23/2011

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I don't think that has anything to do with being a single mother. I run a relationship blog with a male friend and in that capacity participate in a lot of relationship and dating-based discussions and forums. I've been shocked to discover that the accepted norm seems to be that if you haven't had sex by the third date, there's "nothing happening" and you might as well move on because the other person isn't interested. That expectation definitely makes it difficult for anyone who believes you should spend more than 8-10 hours with a person before getting naked, but it seems to be the typical mentality now, not anything related to being a single parent.

Barbora Milena - posted on 03/23/2011

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you're not the only one! it happend to me as well. they think we're desperate for some attention and we are easy target. sooo wrong. they're surprised when u r not up for a one night stand or just casual sex. they dont get that if i decide to spend time away from my child, it must be worth it, so i'll i invest that time to something meaningful and with future, not some s***.

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