do you ever miss him??

BeeJay - posted on 02/06/2011

I NEVER miss my childs sperm doner. But every situation is different. If you were once in love with the father of your child then there may always be a little love in your heart left for him. Thats normal.
In my situation, I will never miss him, never want him, and never wish he were here.

Barb - posted on 02/05/2011

I don't miss him he treated me so badly I was damage from him after I finallly got the guts to leave him. I can't think of the good things cause we only had a year of good and almost 4 of bad it was really bad when I was pregnant. I understand I think about him more like worry and dreams of him coming to get me. I am scared though he is not well person and I only think of him cause I am scared.

Joey - posted on 02/03/2011

my situation is different from most of you, my pregancy was a result of a one night stand. But i do miss the fact that my daughter will not have a dad in her life. But i think sometimes it is for the best, when hearing horror stories that my freinds are gong through or went through. And to hear a little bit of what you went through with your guy i think it is for the best. I think you honestly do miss him, he is the father of your child, and maybe just maybe a part of you still have feelings for him.

Melissa - posted on 02/03/2011

I totally agree with how ur feeling honey...my sons father walked away when I was 6 mo preg and has never acknowledged his son. He has 3 other kids that he is a great father to...n that hurts. I still think of him almost everyday n if I c his picture or hear his name it still takes my breath away. I'm in another relationship with a great man who is a great father to my son and I love him very much but I always wonder...if it'll ever be the same kinda heart skipping a beat kind of feeling I used to get.....

Katie - posted on 02/02/2011

sweety its not that you miss him. Your just upset because your subconscience is telling you that nothing that he ever did that was good to or for you.... wasn't real... it was all just a lie. Don't think of the good times they were all just smoke and air... You need to move on. :)

Mikyala - posted on 02/02/2011

My son's father is a little different than some of the posts that I have read. We are still married but have been separated for about a year now. He left when the babe was 5 weeks old at my request. Like another person, I actually expected him to fight for us and stay. I had this expectation of what I wanted a family to be...dad, mom, kids. I am so unhappy that it has not turned out that way. Although most of last year I could not stand my son's father due to numerous things he has done to let me and my son down, more recently I can't stop thinking about him. I too constantly remember the good times. I know that he has become a different person than the person that I fell in love with and the person that I married. I just can't imagine having kids by different fathers and doing the mixed family thing. I am a product of that but I wanted something different for my child. At the end of the day, I know that it's in my child's best interest for us to be apart. I also know that sometimes life throws you a ball that you did not expect but you can always come back from the hit. In saying that, there is no problem with thinking of your ex. I am sure that you all had some good times, as most people have had some. As long as you realize that he's not the best person for you, then you can always fantasize. Just eventually come back to reality. That's what I tell myself.

Mandy - posted on 02/02/2011

Absolutely, sweetie. You two made a child together, you are linked for life. My son is 5, and his father was a total ass to me since I got pregnant and is barely in his life... but I still find myself thinking about him. The good news is that you realize the bad side and it DOES get easier with time. It's totally natural, but just keep your head up and focus on your kid... a man that is NOT an ass to you will absolutely come around. In the meantime, it's completely normal to think about your child's father. Best of luck, hon!

Kelly - posted on 02/02/2011

Your having normal feelings, but you have to be strong. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I have two kids by my ex-husband. He is a liar, and never puts anyone but himself first. I was with him 19 years left him 3 yrs. ago. he does nothing to help with the kids, but like you I sometimes think about the good times and miss it . Are we crazy for doing that yes, but will we always do it probably. we just have to go on with life maybe find someone else or not but there will always be the connection of them being the ,as I call them, the sperm donors. i gets a little easy, but I don't think it ever really goes totally away

Anya - posted on 02/02/2011

I have the same issues, my husband walked out (out of the blue) when I was 2mths pregnant..... he got w/ his elephant keeper 5and a 1/2 weeks later after 8yrs 2gether..... our older daughter despises her, now they r getting married our baby was born autistic, & w/ other health prtoblems.... he is all i think about, & all my girls want & need>>> I haven't dated since he left & its been 3 yrs... he has been an absent dad & pays mopre attention 2 his girl then his daughters....... there r other people, but its hard...

Kasie - posted on 02/01/2011

I totally understand what you're going through. My son's father hasn't met him, he's 6 months old now, we broke up last January. He was a total ass to me and cheated on me too, though he keeps denying it even though I have proof, but I still sometimes think about the good times and dream about him too. I think it's kinda normal seeing as you have a kid by him. I think it's important to remember the good times. I catch myself doing that and then I remember why I left him and I know for a fact I would never get back together with him.

Donna - posted on 02/01/2011

My 2yo daughter's father wanted 2b seen as a "family man" but behind closed doors he was as cold as a fish on ice 2wards me & my older children. He cheated on me whislt our daughter waz only just 3mths old & leaving us when she was 5mths old. We tried 2 salavage our marriage when our daughter was 15mths old but it only lasted 5wks. I walked out on him on Mother's Day & havent looked back...
Now he drifts in & out of my daughters life when he feels the need 2b a "father" - never once any financially support 4 my daughter. He has bought the odd thing or 2 over the pass 2yrs but NOTHING for bday just gone & took me 4wks of nagging to get $ outta him 2 collect my daughters xmas przzie off layby from him. We have'nt seen him for 8wks rocks up un-announced otr nite 4 all of 5 mins & took me over an hr to settle my daughter down.
Currently going thru custody & divorce finialized in May. 2 tis day i still find myself thinking about him on occassion & dwell on our past 2getr & then I REMIND MYSELF y he left - the cheating, using, lieing dog tat he is. Me & my daughter & my 2 elder adult children r betr off wizout the loser BUT i just cant seem to get rid of him. I think I mostly miss just having some1 2 turn 2 & just the thought of being in love & not truely him becaz he in no means a "family man" like he protraded 2me b4 us getting 2getr.
YES i agree wiz otr mums here - there waz a point in time when we were happy & we made a beautiful baby girl 2getr & she reminds me daily just by me looking @ her in how lucky im 2 have had her wiz all the complications including severe depression & sudicial thouts due 2 my x-hubby (thru out the whole pregnancy right up till 6mths after him leaving). I sort & received marriage counciling 6mths b4 he left & 6mths after he left ON my own, plus health issues on top all tat ect ect & my daughter was born 5wks early via emergency c-section near lost her 3 times due pregnancy & while delivering.
I agree i have 2 much time on my hands 4 thinking & I spend every min of everyday wiz my beautiful 2yo daughter im looking @ getting back in2 the dating side of things again & my daughter goes 2 kinda once wk since October last yr & im only just finding my feet feeling tat little bit of freedom 4 just alittle while sure makes a difference in 1self. I feel wiz in myself tat im ready 4 tat next step in my life again & seek male companionship again but nothing serious slow, easy, steady till im ready 4 the next step.....

Alicia - posted on 02/01/2011

it's normal. you created something so precious together, how could you not? I still miss my ex sometimes too although I'd never go back cause logically I know it's a bad choice but sometimes my heart aches for the good times we did have together

Alisha - posted on 02/01/2011

I'd say this is normal, it's called grieving. I went through this for a long time even though her dad was and is what I believe an alcoholic and uses drugs as well. Feelings are very confusing because they change so quickly and can be multiple feelings at once especially conflicting. This is why I use the rule of thumb to not base decisions on emotions because they are probably not the best gage of what should be done. Look at the facts and what a person has been doing, and how they treat you or others. It is completely normal to grieve over not having a family how many of us mothers picture; a mom, dad and baby all together. It takes time to accept and get over that this will not be how our child/ren will have their life for now with their biological father. That doesn't mean you won't find someone great who knows how to treat you and your daughter. I think you miss the idea of having your daughter's father around to help you but your probably don't miss his actions and disrespect towards you. Just let yourself grieve and be sad about his actions, but understand that he will not change and you need to start getting over him and he is not the person you want him to be and not the person that your daughter needs around.

Sarah - posted on 01/31/2011

"i still miss my ex but my aim is improving" lol i don't miss him at all except for now theres a giant cyclone and my son and i have to evacuate because we're in a storm surge zone and yeah im scared so it would be nice to have someone help me

Julie - posted on 01/27/2011

Having feelings for someone you've given your self to...? NORMAL
Just don't allow them to draw you into living in a fantasy land existence...
You've got a precious little girl who needs you - focus on her and take good care of yourself for her ♥

Brittini - posted on 01/26/2011

I also think about ex. Even now I still have drama with him!! I sometimes miss him but I don't let that confuse why I am not still in the relationship! It's not weird all women sometimes have that feeling.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 01/26/2011

Yeah I miss him, but my aim's improving :)



Okay joking aside I don't miss him. When I first got divorced right before my daughter turned one I missed who he portrayed himself as.



He was emotionally and mentally abusive and would let our roommate talk down to me because 'he felt I deserved it' he still blames me for his affair 6 years after the fact, tells me that the reason I got full custody of our daughter was because the judge wasn't doing his job (Not because he nearly got himself arrested during the custody trials, but because the judge wasn't doing his job) and he allowed his new wife to send two emails to me about how it was my fault that I was divorced and he'd cheated when my grandmother passed.



Now it's been nearly 6 years and I'm expecting my 2nd daughter (my fiancè's first). I still have a lot of emotional issues due to what my ex put me through but I'm lucky that my new guy understands why I am the way I am. My experiances also helped a friend of mine deal with her break up.



In truth though I wish I'd known about everything before getting involved, but then I wouldn't have my daughter. It's just confusing. But no I don't miss him

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2011

with my ex its a bit easier...he went from being perfect to changing in just about every way...so in my head its like the man I married passed away and what's running around now is a type of pod person or something. I miss the man he used to be and its normal I think. there are so many emotions involved and they don't turn off with a switch or anything.

I definatly agree that those feelings seem to show themselves more when you are most definatly single.

Sarah - posted on 01/26/2011

Hey Hun it's so scarry that ur whole story is identical ti mine I haven't seen my b'sina father for two years I constantly fight with him to get maintnance from him yet I constantly think of hi and miss him and dream of how it should be or how I want it to be for my son and I'm sad to say even though he kept cheating on me I still love him I snt know if that's because I have his son but yeah I do so it's nor u at all hun cause yeah I go thru the same thing and I've found that it's making it hard for me to move on with other guys :(

Tiffany - posted on 01/23/2011

I am somewhat in this position. My son's father wanted to be in his life but he wouldn't change his ways in order to be a good father so I wouldn't let him see him anymore and havent heard from him in over a year.. I still think about him sometimes and dwell on our past together. I think I mostly miss just having someone to turn to and just the thought of being in love and not truely him because he in no means treated me right.. I occasionally have dreams about him too like you said.. but for me it is probably because I don't have a father figure in my son's life yet and not even a boyfriend in mine so I feel like I need to fill those spaces soon.. I know i dont actually miss him, but just the feeling I had when i was with him... at first I thought i was crazy for thinking about him too but I just think its because I feel i need someone here to love me and my son

Lauren - posted on 01/22/2011

I used to miss the asshole. But I realized there are other things to worry bout. I do not need to remember the good times anymore. My son is all I need. But for a while I did

Nikki - posted on 01/22/2011

I am so sorry you are dealing with these emotions Heather :( However, I do think it's just human nature and maybe a sort of "wishful thinking" type of thing . AS for ME , I do NOT miss my husband and father of our four year old son at all in MY LIFE . He left when our son was a baby (8 months old) because I asked him to leave . Yet I never anticipated he would abandon his son as well. He never looked back and never desired a relationship with our son which is what really hurt me . Because I love my son so much , the fact he ignores his very existence I have always been hurt by it as I know it hurts our son. Our son has to live with the "why" his father has nothing to do with him. I sometimes think his father could not seperate the two of us (meaning me and our son) so he chose to ignore our son as he could not handle seeing me . It hurt him , no matter what he tells others . I know it did as he told me so after we split up. I understand you miss the "good" times though as that is human nature and you both have a bond for life through your child :) I would suggest counseling for you in order to sort out your feelings. I think that would help you tremendously as sometimes it's human nature to actually "miss" the "idea" of him as a father and family man if that makes sense , even if they never were actually living up to that role responsibly. For me it was so easy to not have my ex in my life as I was so relieved because of the fact he only caused me tons of grief . He did so many truly horrible things that I surely did not MISS!!!! It is very sad though when a couple cannot work together to maintain a healthy relationship with each other and one that allows each parent to be a responsible , loving and supportive parent . When this breakdown occurs , it leaves ALL the responsibility on one parent and that has it's downfalls all in of itself . I know it is very trying to be a single parent . I have been one for the third time now! My girls are grown and super people , very well adjusted , loving Ladies . My oldest is harboring resentment over her father passing away when she was a baby and harboring resentment her life was not "picture perfect" so I pray for her a lot , yet my middle daughter and I are very very close and she is a great young lady as well :) They are both extremely smart and have made all the right "choices" thank GOd!! I am now raising my son alone to be a God loving little boy and so far so good :) He is the light of my life for sure . Just remember , you are not "alone" in your journey in this life as my son's father is "absent" too and our feelings (whatever they may be) are just that , OUR FEELINGS!!! so live each day to the fullest and sounds like you are aware you are dealing with these emotions so that is actually a good thing as you are not in denial about anything. I will pray for you and your child now and may GOd bless you :) Nikki

Billie - posted on 01/21/2011

Then I'd recommend you go to some counseling. Not that there's anything wrong with you, but through counseling you can figure out why you have these fantasies and resolve them. Truthfully you can be in a crowd of people and still be lonely. A busy social life should keep you too active to think this much about someone who has been absent from your life for so long.

Heather - posted on 01/21/2011

thank ladies. I have been dating again...Quanda, my social life is great. I always have friends around me, I just start missing him. Hopefully someday those feelings won't be there anymore

Jessica - posted on 01/21/2011

you are lonely and need a distraction. you have nothing else to think about so you think about him. i would try to distract yourself with starting a new hobby or try to start dating again. what ever you do, don't give in because you know it would be exactly the same as it was before. it is normal to miss him but to also remember why he isn't there. it is hard looking in your child's face every day knowing that you shared something with someone else that they are not apart of. and sometimes you see little things that remind you of them in your child's face... like the shape of their nose or their eyes or when they smile. it is hard to forget the other person you made a life with. but what ever you do, don't go back. just try to busy yourself and start dating! when your emotions are focused on something else, you won't think about him as much!

Billie - posted on 01/21/2011

Yes I got like this with my little one's dad and sometimes still do. Are you dating anyone? I find that this kind of thinking usually occurs with me when I haven't had male companionship in a while. What's the rest of your social life like? Do you spend time with friends away from your daughter sometimes? Do you have other interests in your life outside of being with your child?

Its a good thing to NOT think of your ex with animosity, but if he mistreated you and doesn't take part in his child's life, it's not a good thing to be fantasizing about him. You've got to refocus your energy and emotions elsewhere to something healthier. Good luck!

Blessing - posted on 01/21/2011

to add to what Amanda said hes also part of that little girl you love soo much so its not only not bad its a good thing.

Amanda - posted on 01/20/2011

i sometimes do think about my ex. not really the bad things but just how sometimes it was good and i feel bad that my daughter will never know her father, but i can tell her that she came from love at one point. i dont plan on telling her how her father isnt the best one ever. i think it might because she reminds me so much of him and thats why i think of him. i just know that we are better off not together. i dont think its anything bad to think of him he was part of my life at one point and i cant take it back