Tiffany - posted on 03/30/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )
Tiffany - posted on 03/30/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )
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Jennifer - posted on 06/18/2011
my boys father has been in and out of there lives since theyve been born and the gf hes got now he was around like 3 yrs ago or so than they broke up and he stopped seeing them blaming it all on me like it was my fault i never told him he wasnt allowed to see them at all i started dating my bf 2 yrs ago and the boys started to call him daddy i corrected them for a little while than i was thinking why correct them when there father isnt even around theres no need too..so i just let it go hes also got a son whose mother isnt around and i have been in his life since hes been 16mos old and hes now 3 and his mother has seen him a total of like 3 times in 2 yrs or something she lost custody of him is only supervised.. my boys father i have sole legal physical legal custody anyways he started comming around like a mo or so ago when he got back together with his ex my boys dont know there father but know there step brother but really havent put the two and two together cause they have disablities..so i am letting them see him everyother wkend for 3 hrs supervised by us than in a few mos if they are comfortable i will move it up to 8hrs if they want to be alone they can if not i will be there all day..i however will not tell them who he is unless i know for sure that he is sticking around and i told him in a yr if they are comfortable and hes hasnt abandoned them they can spend the night however he needs to have beds dressers and clothes for them how pathetic it is when i needed it court ordered that he had have beds clothes and dressers for them cause he refused to thought that i needed to get it all and i refused told the judge not my responsiblity at his house it was his responsiblity im not gonna support them here and there not happening now lets see if he actually does it cause if not they dont stay the night my rules dont like it than he dont see them i dont have to let him see them cause i have all the say the school doesnt even need to send him anything at all.. he hasnt gotten anything from the school since 2009 i believe and i dont care what he says you didnt want to be a part of there lives than but you do now its not gonna change anything.. if its the kids choice to call you mom and dad than let them however i dont think that she has a right to say that they cant if she really doesnt even see them and she doesnt have custody of them.. nor does she take care of them shes got no business i would make it that she has no say whatsoever in what them kids do..
Kayla - posted on 06/17/2011
I, like everyone else, think it depends on the situation and those involved. If a child was abandoned by a parents and calls their step parent as mom or dad I really see no problem with it so long as the child wasn't forced to do so. I've also seen people who have a great relationship with their ex and their new partner so they don't mind when their kids call them mom or dad, or they come up with a variation (such as using the first initial of their first name).
I never even thought to call my step parent mom. My mom was very involved though, more so than my father. I don't see any of my father's side of the family now.
That being said I would be completely heartbroken if my son called another woman mommy. He is 2 and I'm not with his father and his father isn't fully involved, but I could see him trying to push him to call someone else mom. It's just that I did give birth to him, feed him, nurture him, get up at night with him as a baby and now. I take him to daycare, I teach him things, explore the world with him, know how to calm him down, cuddle him at night, kiss him better, I know the songs to sing, and I am always there for him.
No one will replace me as his mom, and I know that because I wouldn't let it happen. I am hoping that when the day comes that my ex is married or whatever that she will be an ally to parenting and not the opposite. I hope she will respect that I am mom and she is step mom. It would be different if I weren't around. And I agree with Brooke. One of the best moments of motherhood, one that can make your heart melt and make it all worth it is when they look at you and call you mommy. It's a title I earned (which I believe can be earned more than one way, such as birth, adoption, or even step parenting in certain situations). But I've earned it and I would never force my son to call anyone else dad either.
Amanda - posted on 06/15/2011
I am a stepchild as well as a single parent. Personally I never called either of my stepparents Mom or Dad I called them Lee and Mary, I do believe it is a matter of respect because we ( my brother and I) have a mom and dad.
Likewise I would not be ok with my son calling someone else mom but I would also NEVER allow or encourage my son to call someone else dad.
Yes children can be loved by many many people and they can have multiple father/mother figures in their lives. I have three "Dads" (my mom's 2nd husband is still in our lives).
Brooke - posted on 04/01/2010
I agreed with parts of all the posts here, it is obviously a very personal issue and nobody is right or wrong, we all have our opinions.
I was devastated when my son piped up about 18months ago with "Daddy said I can call (his girlfriend) Mummy." I thought it was really wrong of my ex to encourage that in a child who lives with his bio mother full-time. I guess to some it sounds silly but hearing your child call you "Mummy" is one of motherhood's joys and, I believe, privileges! And it hurt to imagine my only child calling someone else that same title.
My ex married his then girlfriend so I guess if I wasn't in the picture, like others here have hypothesised, it would be ok for Jarrah to call her mum. But while I'm alive and kicking, it's not on.
Luckily for me, as Jarrah has grown he has learned that his dad's wife is his stepmother; and I know as much as he loves her and his stepsister, I will always be his special Mummy. :)
Stephanie - posted on 03/31/2010
Totally depends in my opinion with my daughter its up to her and i honestly dont agree with it at this time cause of how young she is, she wont understand and i know she knows who her mommy is. and so does you little one. so no worries allow your child to make the choice but also tell you little one that its okay and u be bad but just remember im your mommy and i love you and think about you when you not here. as long as you keep reminding him/her how much you personally love him/her you child will know the truth weather to call that spouse mom or dad.
Tenille - posted on 03/31/2010
You are alright every situation is different. I just recently went through this with my ex and his wife that i cannot stand. I knew that she was just doing it to be spiteful towards me however, after thinking it over and knowing for sure that my son knows the difference i have gave him the okay. Do i like it? Hell NO! I just think that we as adults need to learn to put our feelings aside for the childs best interest. I explained to my son that she is not his real mom and that he has only 1 mom and 1 dad. When he speaks to me about her he refers to her as her first name or "the other mommy" I personally think that it confuses the child especially when they are young. I would never allow my son to call another man daddy unless his dad was not in his life ever and I were married.
Melissa - posted on 03/31/2010
my daughter will never know her real father as he chose not to be a part of her life, so she'll easily be able to call my partner (when/if i get one) daddy if she wants to :)
i dated a man with kids, and the came up with their own nicknames for me (they were 5 and 3 at the time) so we didn't have a problem with it :)
Amber - posted on 03/31/2010
If they are married or in a longterm, stable relationship and the it's the child's idea, then yes. I don't have to worry about that because my childrens father is not in their lives, but if he was and was married, it wouldn't be my place to tell them not to call a woman mother who was helping to raise them. Of course if it was a string of relationships, it would be wrong to encourage them to become that attached. I'm sure hearing "Mom" would be devastating, but another name for example Mama ____ gives her due as stepmom without taking your place.
Aimee - posted on 03/31/2010
If they was in there life,yes.
Jade - posted on 03/31/2010
if children are adopted so be it, they have every right to be called mom or dad, but my son is not adopted. he has a mother, father and step-mother. If i were no part of his life, then fine call her mom. but that is not the situation. he lives with me and i am the one who spent sleepless nights with him, gave birth, not her. It is different than being adopted. those children generally know only their adopted parents. if the birth parents are an active part of the childs life then they are the ones a child should call mom and dad
Nancy-lee - posted on 03/31/2010
i do agree with you lisa. i know a couple who have 4 foster kids and they get called mum and dad. Why not? they did all the hard work.....spending night after night awake when the child is going through withdrawals coz the mother was a herion addict. But in saying that i would never allow my daughter to call her fathers fiance mum. But i am lucky enough for her dad to agree and she calls her by her first name and she calls my partner by his first name. I call my mums bf by his first name....and like i have said to him...your not my dad but you will always be one of my parents. Maybe you need to understand how the child see's that person? Unfortunatly there is alot of factors that kick in.
Lisa - posted on 03/30/2010
It depends on the situation and the people involved in those situations! Those who are not comfy with it, so be it!
And since those who say that they have no right to call them mom because they did not carry them for 9 months, give birth to them, wake up in the middle of the night caring for them, what does that say for adopted kids? Should they call their adoptive parents by their first names? But that's different right, not really!
Keale - posted on 03/30/2010
Personally I dont like it at all. I wouldnt allow my children to call another man dad for the simple fact that that isnt their dad. My niece lives with me and sometimes slips and calls me mom and it bothers me. there are some cases where I would think its ok like if the other parent is not in the picture and is being raised by someone else...
Nancy-lee - posted on 03/30/2010
i think if the child knows who their true parents are it doesnt really matter. but if the child is young and just learning to speak i dont see why they cant learn to call them by their first name.
Ellen - posted on 03/30/2010
No. The only person who has the right to be called Mom or Dad is the parent. My son will never call anyone Dad other than his father, and the same goes for Mom. A child has one set of parents, and they are the ones who deserve to be called Mom and Dad. I grew up in a family where my parents were divorced when I was an infant. Both of my parents re-married, and I never called a single one of my step-parents Mom or Dad I always referred to them by their name. When introducing them I would introduce them as my step-mother/father and their name.
Jade - posted on 03/30/2010
I do not think it is alright. My son's father lets him call his wife mom and I do not agree with it. She was not pregnant with him, give birth, or spend more hours awake than asleep with him. His father knew I was pregnant with his child and chose to be with his then girlfriend, now wife and not speak to me although we worked at the same place. My son knows who his "real mom" is but it still stings just a little when he cries and says he wants his dad and mom! She has a child with his father, if she feels the urge to be called mom, wait a couple months and she'll be saying it. I must say though, it would be a totally different situation if i was not a part of my sons life, but he lives with me. i have total custody and he has no visitation order.
Kris - posted on 03/30/2010
I totally agree Chelsa and it is the same in my mind of a mother. My kids (step) were abandoned by their mom @ 2 and 5. My son went to school and told his friends that his mom had died. Can you imagine. His father begged and pleaded and did everything he could to try and get their mom involved in their lives and her response to hearing the things they were going thru was "oh well". She has come back around but is still not consistant... Anyway didn't mean to rant just wanted to say that I agree with your thought process. Anyone can be a sperm or egg donor. It takes a real man or woman to be a parent!
Chelsa - posted on 03/30/2010
It depends on the situation. My son's father was in and out of his life for the first 2 years of his life. He had nothing to do with him for another year and a half and just now started coming back around. In the mean time, my son has started calling my boyfriend dad. We discussed it and since we are planning on getting married, did not see the need to correct him. My son called him that entirely on his own. We never told him to.
My son knows my boyfriend is not his biological father, but he desperately wanted a father. When his biological father stopped coming around entirely when he was 2, he had all kinds of questions about why he wasn't coming around. Where was he? Can he come over for dinner? How was I supposed to answer that? I don't want to put his father down, even though I think very poorly of him. Now he has someone he calls dad and all the sudden his biological father shows back up. I informed his biological father that he is welcome to spend time with his son; however, I will not tell him that he is his father until I know for sure he is sticking around this time. If he sticks around long enough for me to inform my son of this, it will probably be too late and my son will continue to call him by his first name and call my boyfriend dad.
My boyfriend has been more of a father to him than his biological father. In reality, a dad is not the biological parent, but it is someone who is there for the child. Someone who raises the child and teaches him right from wrong. He loves the child and encourages the child to be the best he can.
Kris - posted on 03/30/2010
I grew up with several dad and I called them all dad. I also have a child with someone that I am no longer with and should he marry I would be completely fine with that woman being referred to as mom so long as it is my daughters decision to do so.
Have you ever been close enough to a friends mom you called her mom? Or had a friend be close enough to your mom that way. How about inlaws do you call them mom and dad?
I guess I just dont think that to call someone mom needs to be such a critical thing.
Meghan - posted on 03/30/2010
I don't think it is right at all. I was a step mom to my ex's son and I wouldn't let him call me mom. I am not his mom...I didn't carry him, give birth to him, wake up in the middle of the nite with him etc etc. I think it would be resonable to come up with another name or call that person step mom or step dad or whatever. Now that I am seperated, if my ex ever does remarry or have a serious relationship there will be no way my son would call her "mom".
Kris - posted on 03/30/2010
I think it depends on the situation as well. My stepkids and my bio daughter live with my husband and I fulltime. I have never instructed them to call me anything. I let that decision be completeley theirs. They started calling me mom as soon as their father and I were engaged. Their mom has had a problem with this and has requested that the kids call me Kris and not mom. So now they call me Kris when they are in her presence. It is still akward when we all get together at a school function or likewise because both myself and their mom respond to them when they say "mom".
I have little sympathy for their mom having issue with them calling me mom though... they live with us because she made the decision to leave them. She does not support them (never pays her child support) and it not consistant with visitation. It is really a matter of her having something better to do. She calls as early in the morning as she can on the day we are to get them back to make the arrangments (when she does take them). She is just a piece of work. And believe me we have all given her chance after chance and tried our best to give her the benefit of the doubt.
I personally think to her it's more of a power trip than a true desire to be the parent and deserve the recognition. I laughed to myself the other day when the kids called to talk to us and addressed me as Kris over the phone. I thought to myself. How funny it would be to have them call their mom Jenni when they are in our presence and how it might be for her to get a call from them addressing her as Jenni. I would never do that but it was a funny thought.
Alicia - posted on 03/30/2010
I really think it depends on the situation. I have children from a previous marraige and so does my boyfriend. We have told the children that they can choose to call us by our names or mom or dad. Whatever they fell comfortable with. His kids call me mom and my kids call him dad from time to time. We just want the kids to feel comfortable in our house. The children asked us if it was ok when we moved in together 2 and a half years ago, and that is what we told them. But when the kids talk to the other parent they call us the step parent, which is what we are to each others kids, so the other parents involved do not get hurt feelings and the kids understand that.