Do you think my daughter is in Danger?

Amber - posted on 05/22/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Hey, i'm new to this site and i'm quite happy that I came across it I need your opinion on some things. Here's my story, I was with my daughter father for a year before I became pregnant. He put me out and didn't want anything to do with me because he didn't want children. I moved back home with my mother and he came around until I was almost five months then I never saw him again. He would say just about anything to try to run me away. I saw a side I never seen in him before, he told me he had a 14 year old out here and he don't know if it is a boy or girl and he don't give a *uck so why do I think he care about this one, he told me he will slit my throat, and he also called me the n word because i'm black and he is white this is all during pregnancy. ( i'm going to make this fast) So I had my daughter and called him when I was in the hospital and he replied oh u want me to come see the kid? That really hurt because I only been with him and he knew that also he was just being rude and ignorant. So he refused to come to hospital and refused to sign birth certificate. I called him every two months whenever she had doctors appt or if she became ill because I needed to know his family medical history. He continued to say hurtful things so stopped calling. She went to the potty for the first time and I sent out a chain message about it because being a parent it's exciting to see your kids grow. To make a long story short I emailed him a pic of her because he told me he was tired of me calling. When he recieved the pic he called me asap talking about how beautiful she is and he thought that she was going to come out blacker than me. He saw her a few months later for her second birthday that was the first time he ever saw her but he was not concerned about her he was on me saying how good I look and talking about the past. He disappeared.. *DECEMBER 2011* I recieved a letter from judge stating that my daughter last name is changed and he can have unsupervised visitation with her without me not knowing any of this I jus happen to get her a new birth certficate and her name was changed. Now he won't return my calls, I called his attorney and he told me he is going to advise him to call me but it's been a month and still no call. I'm just afraid because I don't know what this guy motive is if he wanted to really build a relationship with her then why was it so important to change her name? She is 3 and already know the name she was born with now she is confused. Also, why is it so important for him to get unsupervised visitation when he only saw her a total of five times and she is 3? She does not know him and I feel she is in danger because of the threats he sent me.Also, he said his house is empty and he is moving out of state. I'm afraid especially since the last time I saw him he said somebody is going to find me with a bullet in my head. I talked to a lawyer they said it's nothing they can do it's court ordered and it's out of my jurisdiction I have to let him see her or I will be in contempt. I don't mind letting her build a relationship with her father I just don't think he is mentally stable and it's something fishy about this whole situation the name change without me knowing it just scares me sometimes like i'm not going to be around much longer thanks to him. This dude has something up his sleeve, any advice or someone going through a similar situation?

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[deleted account]

From what you've said about him - he's disrespectful and racist. Calling you names just because of your skin is racist, no ways around it especially the N word. Certainly I wouldn't consider calling any of my black friends that word - I see them firstly for who they are then somewhere down the line their ethnic background.

Certainly there's enough to cause alarm - his racist abuse (even if it's just verbal, it's still racist). Then the thread to slit your throat - verbally life threatening whether or not he actually attended to carry it out or not. A threat on your life is still a threat on your life.

As for the court order claiming about the change of name AND the sudden change to visitation. Surely you would have got some sort of court papers. For him to get put on the birth certificate after the length of time, I would wonder if a DNA test would have to be done to prove that he is the biological father - if it hasn't been done, why not? As for visitation rights (supervised or not), again, why weren't you involved in the court proceedings?

Get yourself some legal advice and go from there

Susana - posted on 05/23/2012

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Your EX is planning.
Find a lawyer who will help you.
Move to a different house.
Document all your communication with him. That also means saving your phone records (I'm assuming you have a cell).
Continue to call him and ask for monetary assistance or whatever he AVOIDS helping you with.
Do NOT voluntarily leave your daughter with him. I would not be surprised if he decides to keep her without letting you know. It would be very easy for him since she has his name now. Can you change her name back?
He is obviously mentally unstable (and you said so yourself) so ASK YOURSELF why would you want your daughter to build a relationship with him? Be honest. If he wasn't your daughter's father and you knew he was mentally unstable, would you still want your daughter to even be around him?
I hope this helps a little.

[deleted account]

I live in the UK, so the laws are different. All I can suggest is that you get legal advice and ASAP. That way you have a solicitor who can help you to fight it. Make sure that you mention everything including the threats.

Certainly make sure that you keep everything and document things. That way it will help you to build a case. Stay to the facts as well.

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12 Comments

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Erin - posted on 06/23/2012

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No I don't thinks so! You contact the state bar immediatley the child's residence should be the jurisdiction of the court order something here is not right! You cannot get court papers without having been notified by way of an original notice of the court hearing. I think something is wrong here. Stay away from this man and contact the bar right away. File a motion in court against the order check the validity of the order by using the court and the case number on the case.

Samantha - posted on 06/23/2012

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after all this guy said about your innocent little angel i don't know why u would even have sent him a photo!! the thoughts of him looking at a photo of your happy little girl and slagging her off is horrible! so to be honest i think your a bit unstable yourself. u had it good when he was leaving u alone. your the one who wanted him to be a part of her life, and now that he is, you dont want that either. id just IGNORE him, n if he txts u then reply, but dont go txting him or he'll probably just decide to try get sole custody or take the child, remind him about maintenence aswell he mightnt wanna pay it.. or just move away for your childs safety
its not a game

Samantha - posted on 06/23/2012

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how did he just change her name??? u hounded this guy and bombarded him with texts calls and photos of your daughter, if u thought he was dangerous why did u go to such lengths to get him involved??? u knew he'd get the child unsupervised, so it seems u got what u wanted. and if anything happens your child, well your the one who pushed for him to be involved, even though u knew he was a racist who didnt give a f*ck about u or the poor child. whats YOUR motive???

Kelly - posted on 05/28/2012

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I would got to every attorney you can find andI document it all. Do not wait!!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 05/23/2012

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I tried to have my sons last name changed and they wouldnt let me do it without the fathers signature that had to be notarized. So I dont know how he pulled that one off, but that whole situation sounds a litlle fishy to me too. I would just try to avoid it as much as possible until you can find a good lawyer that will help you atleast get supervised visits.

Amber - posted on 05/23/2012

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Trust me. i'm doing everything possible and I am still looking into different options maybe I can charge him with some type of harassment. I can't get her name changed because he jus started paying child support this spring so they ssid it was legal for him to change her name, but I don't get it I thought maybe they would have warned me first or needed my permission idk i'm afraid I just filed for sole custody of her because in ohio we don't have custody of our children when we have them just physical custody which is weird. Hopefully, I can get in court so the judge can hear my side of the story since I was not served properly and missed a court date. I just keep getting these gut feelings to not let her go around him unsupervised, I just don't feel right when I last saw him he didn't look well like he is sick or may be on some type of drugs idk, I just want my precious girl safe she is my world. I'm calling a different attorney tomorrow maybe who speacialize in appeals. Thanks for responding :)

Elizabeth - posted on 05/23/2012

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What u need to do is get a lawyer for yourself.if he keeps threating u and ur daughter go to the court system with the proof that he is and get an order of protect for u and ur daughter. Show them proof that he changed the name with out u signing the birth cert.

Amber - posted on 05/22/2012

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I never was served properly until the decision of the judge, coincidently, I had 10 days to appeal and thank God my grandmother happen to call because by the time I got the letter I had two days to get a lawyer to file the objection :(

Amber - posted on 05/22/2012

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We got the DNA test right before her second birthday after i
emailed a pic
, never heard from him after that until he showed up before her third birthday, he sent the paper to my grandmother house stating the judge's decision knowing that I would never recieve them in time and also that was a shady move due to the fact I let him into my home so he knew where I resided and failed to serve me properly. I filed objections for the decisions but they were overruled. I just feel like it's something not right about the moves he is making. He went through all this trouble to change her name behind my back, get court dates behind my back, now when I call to ask when he want to see her and when can I get the insurance card I get no type of response from him. So it's def not me keeping her away from him. I called his lawyer today still no response and no response from him in a month. The last time I talked to his lawyer he said that he jus was trying to file another thing against me saying I don't let him see her but I told him i got proof I have been calling and texting him so he said he was going to call him to advise him to call me to set up a schedule, still no call from baby dad. What is his purpose it's like he got plans to try to take her because he was saying something about moving to a different state or mexico. Now i'm in a rut because i'm confused, with him sending threats to me, changing her name without my knowledge,not coming to see her but he want to build a relationship with her supposedly, for some reason my gut is telling me were not safe, or atleast me. It seem like he will hurt her just to get with me because the time that he did see her those handful of times since she was two, it was not about her, it was trying to get me in bed, or talk about the past. I think he changed the name because he felt like it would hurt, (which it did) but I didn't let him see it. If you got any type of resources that could help that would be nice. I want her name changed back to her original which is my last name.

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