Does anyone have suggestions for potty training a stubborn three and half year old? He does it on purpose!!! NO accidents at preschool, but when he comes home, he goes in his pants then brags about it!!!

Rachel - posted on 11/03/2008

I tried once too early and it didn't work. Then I tried again!! About a month before my son turned 3 I started priming him by telling him that 3 year olds don't wear diapers. About 2 weeks before he turned 3 we started practicing. The first day wewore underpants for about 25 minutes, the second day we wore them for 45 minutes. The next day I broke out the "potty prizes" I had a bag of prizes that I had bought at the dollar store. Little things that I knew he would want, hot wheels, crayons, stickers, silly toys...Everytime he was succesful he got to pick a potty prize. He was so excited about the prizes that he hasn't had an accident since we started. He didn't poop for 3 days but when he did he got a bigger prize! As for him going at home, we do the "don't pee on diego, or don't pee on thomas" depending on which underpants he has on.

Anyway, good luck.

Kristin - posted on 11/03/2008

once upon a time i took a course in early childhood development. the one thing that i have learned and that has rang true since, including when i worked in a daycare, is potty training is a very stressful time for both the parent and the child. The most important thing to remember is a child will eventual potty train when they are ready both physically and mentally, not when the parent is ready. I found it very interesting that potty training is actually very physically challenging because it requires the use of many groups of muscles that do take a long time to develop and learn to control. These muscles and groups of muscles include the external muscles for getting on the potty to the internal muscles that control the flow. I also learned that mothers in other countries, such as some countries in Africa, start potty training at 3-4 months by training them to go when they are outside the house or hut. Just some interesting tidbits.

Alissa - posted on 11/03/2008

definitely positive reinforcement. If he has an "accident", just basically ignore it, clean it up without making a big deal of it and walk away. The more you make a big deal out of it, the more he knows he's got you! Good luck! My now four year-old little girl was stubborn too until I said "That's it, no more pull-ups, I'm not buying them anymore! You have to wear underwear." She hasn't peed in her pants since. LOL

Stephanie - posted on 11/03/2008

Make a sticker chart......... Aloow the child to place the stickers on a big piece of bristol board all labeled up in big letters and place it and the wall so the child can read it after a full row of stickers treat time.... could be a movie or a walk to the store something to grab the attention... Good luck

Michelle - posted on 10/31/2008

My son got potty trained by going outside in the back yard. He loved it and thought it was the coolest thing! Even in the winter he still to this day tries to go outside. Like everyone else has said though, accidents happen. Don't give him a reaction when he brags about it, ignore him. My son used to have this laugh he'd do when he did it, like haha laugh. I just stopped saying anything and eventually he got the message. He's not getting a response out of me. He's almost 5 and never has accidents except at night sometimes. He will get there and so will you!

Lorrae - posted on 10/30/2008

My daughter does the opposite. She'll do it at preschool and is great at home. It is a control thing (in my opinion). I've tried incentives (a weekly sticker chart with some reward at the end of the week), daily reinforcements (2 tic tacs for staying dry), minimal attention for it (to go so far as when she wet her pants as soon as I showed up I asked for a plastic bag and had her sit on the plastic bag in her carseat for the ride home..which was like 5 minutes....and she stayed dry for about a week and a half); now it is to the point (I think) that if the daycare puts her in pull-ups before she wets her pants she will stay dry (because she didn't control getting them put on her). I am at a loss for the most part. I think it is a control thing since I've attempted to look into every other facet it could be (change in routine, places we've been, people she's interacted with, activities, etc. etc.) Good luck!

Jen - posted on 10/28/2008

Thanks to all of u for ur suggestions. I think my negative tone and frustration have been a problem as I have been having a lot of stress. I will try to not have a negative tone and act like its not a big deal when he goes in his pants. i have tried the no pants in the house thing and he just goes on the floor or on his brothers!!! all of u were a lot of help and thank u so much!!!

Kristin - posted on 10/28/2008

no pants in the house works for him for some reason. when he wears underwear he thinks it catches the peepee and poop like a diaper. when he has nothing on he is afraid to go on the floor and so he pays attention to when he needs to go.

Alisha - posted on 10/28/2008

i taped a big peace of papper in front of the potty then they got to pick stickers when they went i just took the dippers away they did have accsidents 4 the first week but after that it was good

Maggie - posted on 10/27/2008

Well when I started potty training my son, we said bye bye to the diapers & I never put another diaper on him. It was a rough start, but I kept it going & stayed consistent. Our issue was poopy. So, I resorted to bribery & did a prize basket. If he did poop in the potty he got to pick out a prize. Before I knew it he was pooping like it was nothing.
As far as your situation goes, if he is bragging about it at home.... it sounds like maybe he is getting attention from it?? Even if its negitive attention.... it is still attention. I would maybe ignore him if he messes his pants. Act like its no big deal & that it doesn't bother you. Then when he stays dry or does go in the potty reward him with positive attention.
I hope that helps.

Valerie - posted on 10/27/2008

no pants in the house!!

Kristin - posted on 10/27/2008

I agree with the cheerios thing, although I used fruit loops, because they're more colorful. My son likes to pee outside (I don't know if you're comfortable with that), and whenever we're at home, I keep him in underwear just to take away the temptation to just go. Of course, you have to be ready for accidents that way too- I recommend putting some kind of pad on your couches until he gets the hang of it!

Mandi - posted on 10/27/2008

I agree with these ladies that positive reinforcement is the way to go. My ex-husband and I split up right in the middle of potty training which meant it was thrown out the window. When we finally got back on track, my dude was like, "No way, Mom." It was a process, but we finally got there. It was a lot of trying everything, but the stuff that didn't work at all was using consequences, a disappointed tone, or freaking out.

He's six and doing fine, so take some relief in that eventually it will happen. Maybe a "this too shall pass" mindset, might help.

It seems like your guy is looking for a reaction. I might try keeping my reaction to it calm and business like. "Oh, you had an accident. Hmm, well, guess we should get you changed." And then move on, like it ain't no thing with maybe a little reminder like, "Hey, dude, there's a toilet in that little room at the end of the hall. Try it out next time." Children of single parents will find a hundred million inventive ways of getting our attention, and with diapers being a billion dollars and everyone else pressuring us to raise our children "perfectly" we feel a strong urge to potty train when we're "supposed" to. Sounds like your dude is asserting his own will, certainly inconvenient in this circumstance, but something to appreciate. Sometimes we forget that our little ones are human beings with agendas of their own. I do it all the time. I'll be running around, bossing about this or that, trying to get out the door, and my son will stick out his chin, cross his arms, and find some interesting way of letting me know what's up. It can be challenging, annoying, and overwhelming, but a great place to let your son know that you respect him.

Kristin - posted on 10/25/2008

I took my son's pants and underwear away as long as he was at home and let him run around naked. He has never had an accident when he was pantsless. A friend of mine through her son a potty party complete with cake and the people closest to him to help him realize what a big deal it is and help him celebrate his accomplishment. Just remember not to make a big deal out of his accidents, just change him and move on. He is doing it for the attention from you. Take away the negative attention and it will be less appealing.

Dawn - posted on 10/25/2008

what i did was make pottie time fun. put drops of food colouring in and when u pee it changes color. we also took cherios and made a game out of it.