does anyone think being a single mom is hard?

Sade - posted on 03/25/2010 ( 357 moms have responded )

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im a single mom of soon to be two and i seem to manage okay......but from reading these blogs alot of people seem to think differently so my question to u is "if u can do it all over again would u

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Naomi - posted on 09/20/2012

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No I wouldn't do it again. I LOOOOOOOVE my kids and they are what gets me going everyday(second to Father of course) but it's not easy. I don't feel like as a single mother, I'm giving my kids or myself everything we need and want. I'm struggling like it aint no joke and I see no benefits for kids to grow in a single mother/father home. I'm just hoping they don't make the same bad decisions or mistakes like I did

[deleted account]

From having been on both sides, YES, it is hard. If you've never known any different, than there's obviously no comparison. With children aged 7 - 23, I am now a single parent. I was a married parent for 19 years before losing my husband 5 years ago. Outside of the loss of my husband ( which came with its own issues), living on one income vs. two, being the sole caretaker of kids 24/7, being the only one in the home to handle all upbringing/discipline/scheduling/meals/sports/etc - it was much, much easier being a married parent. I definitely can do it and AM doing it. My kids are healthy and happy and pretty decent people whom I love with all my heart. But was it easier in a marriage? Yes. Absolutely. Sharing all duties within a good relationship - how could doing it alone be easier? If that was the question... I do support women who have to/choose to do it alone if they don't have a mentally healthy (non-abusive), responsible partner to to it with.

Kalle - posted on 03/25/2010

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I don't really find it hard being a single mom because I have wonderful parents and friends that give me all the support I could need. The hardest part is putting up with my daughter's father.
Bottom line, I would do it again in a heartbeat!!

Helen - posted on 11/19/2013

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hi there. l have 15 girl and 16 boy. l brought them up on my own nearly 8 years. l don't have family only brother ,but never see him. and l had a head injury 2010. moved lots. and my kids have hearing problems.bone problems. and tourettes. but l keep on going l have no choice. l really get down in my self. people pick on you because your alone through. but in the end they are just bullys. and they could not do it on there own. and still getting through my head in jury. still under hosptals.

Susan - posted on 02/10/2013

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I am a single mom and I have 17 year old twins who are leaving home this summer. Son is going to the marines and my daughter to college. Their father died last year at 53 years old. Although we have been divorced for 5 years, we had been together for 27 and were good friends. The kids are now happy, well adjusted, goal oriented and looking forward to their new lives.
Thank god I've been able to make it by on savings until they graduate so that i could always be here for them. But now I am faced with empty nesting, downsizing our home, their absence, grieving their father and needing to create a new career. I don't know where one stress starts and the next one stops.
Isn't it awful how stress manifests in our bodies? In spite of prayer, affirmations, meditation, girlfriends, exercise, etc.... I can't seem to find relief from grief, anxiety, fear or regret. I never imagined in a million years I would be in this position at 49 years old. And to top it off....here comes hormone imbalance, menopause, brain fog, loss of eyesight and lower energy.
I feel lost. My 30 year old self would be excited about new opportunities, exciting adventures, a redesigned life and freedom. But this worn out single mom, is truly in a quandary.

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Foxtrotter - posted on 06/09/2014

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I think parenting in itself is a huge responsibility whether you're single or not. I love being a single parent! I have no regrets and cannot imagine my life without my son. One of the best things about it: no one can veto my parenting decisions :-)

Ritty - posted on 01/08/2013

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It does have its challenges but its fun. I have had to fight depression so many times but my Princess makes every victory worth it each time.

[deleted account]

add to my post of 12-24-12 aside from the fundamentals. I loved my child of course and never had a bad moment , I did have hard times and I did have good times and sad times I tried to be as kind to her as possible to make up heart space due to divorce and not having a family situation with mom dad and a dog or cat brother or sister. but I also had better than that relationship with my child than most together parents ever know. There was more communication between us and less lack of respect or wanting to run away . We were already runaways and struggling in the world that does not really yet know how to treat single parents, divorced people, gay people or those who are not living the standard norm, there is ways people do have to provide for it. A lot of people who are single parents need to group and help each other with childcare services especially for single working parents . The lord helps those who help them selves and not to look to the people who only honor a standard life because they cant help you the don't have your situation.. Where there is a will there is a way but due to the rising numbers of single parents. Single parents need to get together and provide for their own kind. so that both parents and kids are not in any kind of turmoil. Within your area you need to post the need for someone in the neighborhood to start a 24 hours daycare that is trusted and safe and up to the business standard. that comes from amongst the group you belong to. Not the government or the church they cater to all the same. If you are not the same you need to provide for your own type and group . More women would have great kids and a better outlook on life less stress less tears and less problems even if you and your hubby or mate don't live together. You need to design a better life for your own selves and that comes from neighborhood meetings and asking in you own area. creating a place

Michelle - posted on 01/07/2013

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I think it depends on the situation you're in. I don't think it's hard, but it can be stressful. I know I'm stressed about finances, daycare (not having enough availability to switch jobs), child support not coming through, etc. However, on a day to day basis I love it. My son is incredible and keeps me smiling. He makes everything I do worth it. Would I do it all over again? Honestly, not by choice. If my son could have his dad around that would be amazing. He deserves to have his dad around.

Stevetta - posted on 01/05/2013

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Hi Sade! I can understand how you feel. It is hard being a single parent. I have a 7 year girl and a.3 year old boy and its challenging. I dont think i can do it all over again because as a single parent mother i have alot on my plate. Us as women have power and i do believe you can do it all over again :-)

Kathleen - posted on 01/05/2013

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Although I'd definitely do it all over again, I now know with my own two boys being adult ages of 22 and 27, many things I would NOT do. First thing would be to not feel so bad about being a single parent nor allow all the negative statistics about children from single parent homes to affect me. My boys happen to be almost 6 years apart, so they are like two first born children if you know anything about birth order. So I had my first son by myself as a single mom and honestly one was not difficult to manage at all. But when I had my second son and split with his dad while I was pregnant, it became a HUGE challenge. Like when one needed to be rushed to emergency in the middle of the night, what do you do with the other one? No one home to stay with the one who might have school in the morning...even MORE challenging if you are the one who needs emergency care. That's when family nearby or other close friends are vital to helping out. I also had a very demanding job which I felt I had to maintain at all costs due to the salary and benefits I received to support those two boys. My job often wanted me to attend nighttime and early morning hours....times when no day care was open. Produced a great deal of stress. But yes, I'd do it all over again, only I'd sure rather do it with the knowledge I now have then what I knew then. {:D My heart goes out to all single moms and I think we all need to just begin to say that there are many different forms of family...some have 2 moms or 2 dads (LGBT), not all families have a mom and dad present. Some families are grandparents AND moms and dads residing together. I believe this new way of viewing things would take a great deal of pressure off kids for when they go to school or even attend church where there's a huge stigma about being in a single parent household. Families come in all different shapes, sizes and colors and we should celebrate all of them!!

Ashli - posted on 01/03/2013

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I don't regret my son im pregnant with now, but if I could do things over again i wouldnt have gotten pregnant, He don't help me and im 7 months along. im doing it all on my own. with my daughter i wouldnt do things different just the way things ended up in our marriage.

Shanna - posted on 01/02/2013

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I was just telling a friend that being a single mom isnt really that hard. When I was with my ex there had to be a meal on the table, but as the only adult in the house...I make the rules!! So if I don't feel like cooking...guess what...I don't! lol AND...to them I am the most awesome mom for giving them cheerios for dinner..haha!!! In a way with the ex I had...its easier.

[deleted account]

yes i do think being a single parent is hard. If I had to do it all again would I ..no I would not. If I had my time again I would have chosen a better husband and father and brought my child up in a more stable envoirnment. Do I love my child? Yes for sure with all my heart, I work hard and think I am a good single parent but no I would not do it the same all over again...just being honest :)

Elena - posted on 12/27/2012

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So, I guess there is many different answers to answer this question. I am 47 years old and I have two children, 17 & 14, and I became a single mother when I was aboout 8 months pregnant with my second child. However, I did not choose to become a single mom, nor do I regret being their mother at all, I adore my kids...I love love them, but no I would not do this again. I think to me, I was forced into being a single parent because being married to someone that didn't wnat to be married to me, and didn't want to be a father or husband. I couldn't force him to stay in the marriage, nor was I going to beg him, because my focus was my children. Being a single parent, working full time, is very hard. but you do it and my kids are great. I see so many girls having babies at such a young age, purposely, and think, why, why do they want to be such young single parents. I struggled financially for so long, but there are couples that struggle financially, there are bad parents and there are incredible parents and then there are children with no parents. So, I think choosing to be a single parent is something that really, really should be thought over and over. Sure, the Celebrities can do it, of course they can...they have the money, the Nannies, the power, but we can't ask them if being a single mom is hard. So to answer your question, yes, being a single mom is hard ...yes it is....

Mia - posted on 12/27/2012

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I have been a single parent for roughly 9 years. I have 2 girls, they are now 11 and 9 and being a single parent was hard for me, yet I would not have had it any other way. I did not have a large support group (although I did have support at times).

My relationship with their dad effected the level of difficulty I feel I had being a single parent. We fought, he had many girlfriends in and out of their lives (and he still does). I am sure that a lot of people have experienced difficulty with their ex, otherwise they would still be together. Not to --mention I had to get used to not having the girls every other weekend--which I found difficult since at the time my kids were 6 months and 2 years old.

I had a friend that was very supportive and not supportive at the same time. She used to always say she wished she were a single parent so that she could not have her kids every other weekend, but then she would complain if her husband had to work one night because then she had to give both of her kids baths...

I went to back to school, graduated, and now I have a pretty good job. I know I would not have accomplished this much if I were still with my ex. I have been able to teach my kids that hard work will go a long way. So while I have personally found it hard, I have found it rewarding as well.

[deleted account]

"if u can do it all over again would u" my reply is yes. I would be a single mom again any day. I was and am and had help and support from friends and relatives and raised a star. I support single parenting 100 percent. my only complaint which is not only single moms but working moms also is better childcare facilities. meaning a childcare center that is more like a home environment for tiny children who s moms have to work. Also 24 hour availability.

LaRonda - posted on 11/27/2012

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Being a single parent can be as difficult as you make it. I have been a single parent for 13 years now of a handsome 13 year old boy. He is my everything. I don't get financial help nor moral support from his father but I am okay. Everyday is not happy go lucky with him, but because he is such a positive teen with so much patience, charm, and wisdom for his age, it makes it a somewhat easy transition. He is very understanding about a lot of things that I go through and he encourages me from time to time. I don't know what my life would be without him. Of course he does some things that I don't agree with but we have an understanding and he is not a hardheaded child. Yes, at time I have to correct him, but that's with any child. I manage well with him because he knows who is in charge. We have an open relationship where he can tell me anything because I didn't have that with my parents until now and I am 32 years old. I always encourage him and tell him that being a black male he is going to have a lot of oppositions and trials to face but he can do ANYTHING that he sets his mind to do. So far he has been an A student and he's great with everybody. If I could do it all over again with him I would because I have learned so much over the years about what I want as a parent, not only for him but for myself. We as single parents only want the best for our children and to give them everything that we didn't have. I want him to have everything I had and more. I finished highschool and graduated college 3 times (one undergrad degree and two graduate degrees) even as a single parent because he motivates me to do better and have a better life for him. I instill in him values and responsibilities that can take him beyond his wildest dreams. I want him to always strive for more, to go above and beyond, and don't settle. I think that he has the right idea. No, everyday is not perfect as a single parent because we do have our struggles but I wouldn't trade him for the world. Other than God, he is my EVERYTHING! I love him with all my heart and I hope that this experience will make him be a better parent and person when he starts a family.

Denise - posted on 11/20/2012

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I love my son and yesI would do it again, but with the wisdom I have now - 22 years later.

Lulu - posted on 11/17/2012

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I'm going to be a single mommy. I find all these comments helpful and encouraging because nobody that I know in my family or friends have been single parents. I was raised by both parents, so this single parent lifestyle is brand new to me. I know is not impossible, but it doesn't take away the fact that I am still somewhat scared that I will fail at it. I have a wonderful family that has been so supportive from the get go, but there's times that I feel empty and alone because I'm not able to relate to anyone. There's a few time when I see my cousin with his wife and kids and how much he shows affection to his kids that I can't stop myself from thinking that my daughter will miss out on that, it is for the best because her dad isn't really worth anything. I guess this is just a feeling that as single mommy to be I can't seem to avoid at times.

Rose - posted on 09/19/2012

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Melissa - posted on 09/19/2012

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I never regret my daughter no matter how hard it gets - I am now getting a full amount of child support from her father who takes her 5 hours a week only. I am pleased with this, I am graduating from a school program in less than 2 years that will offer me pay start rate at $40,000 and move up to $60, 000 after 5 years-- I do this because financially its hard as a single mom yet I want to have more than enough money to support her dreams in school eventually and to support my own dreams.



The hard work is the discipline, and lack of time for myself, not able to go to the store for 5 minutes alone without getting her dressed to come out.

It's all the small things that add up to make it feel hard -- I wouldn't change it for the world, she brings out the BEST in who I am as a woman.

Melody - posted on 09/18/2012

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I am a single parent of a soon to be 8 year old little girl and I have no regrets! There are times when I am am stressed because I feel like I need to be in so many places at once however I also recognize that if her father and I were still together I would do the same, because he was not too involved anyway. When feeling this way I just remind myself life is easier now because I only have to take care of my daughter and myself, therefor less mess to clean up, cooking and laundry, so it evens out!

Tiesha - posted on 09/17/2012

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I'm a single mom of 3 and i think im doing pretty well by myself even though at times i do wish they had there father there to help me because it would be better at times but other times i realized what he's not doing im doing for them already so im becoming the stronger person while he's just becoming weaker and weaker day by day.If I could do it all over again yes i would because it made me stronger and wiser. I have also learned how to make better decisions about my choices I have made.by me making my previous mistake i learned from them so my next choice hopefully will be the right choice. I also agree with the ladies it is hard work but believe it or not being single makes us stronger.

Rose - posted on 09/17/2012

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Maybe but it would be nice if I am more financially comfortable so that I can provide for my children better education and comfortable life. I will give more love, understanding and support.

Lindsay - posted on 09/17/2012

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OMG THE HARDEST! ECS when the father hasn't reached out or even asked about Jake for 6 months. He has another baby boy thats 3 months younger that he's living with tho so I guess jake just doesnt matter to him.



Over it though, done trying- wish he'd just sign over his rights.

Tanya - posted on 09/17/2012

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Ummm...in a word YES! This is absolutely the hardest job I have ever had. Make no mistake I love my son dearly and I would not change having him for the world but I would definitely have done quite a few things differently in preparation for single mom-hood. I'm just saying...

Elizebeth - posted on 09/16/2012

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im a single mom of a 6 yr old and a 4 yr old and at times yes it can be hard but then times it can be great and smooth!!! i dont get much help from family or friends so i been doing everything on my own since i had my son at 18. So it can be challenging at times and i do wish i can get more help but i think now im so used to it bc i have delt with it on my own since day 1

Alyse - posted on 09/16/2012

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Yes! I'm a single mother of twins(one of them with health problems) with 0 help from the father. Little moments make it worthwhile, but it is no easy task!

Lynn - posted on 09/14/2012

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Having just become single I think it is quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever done.

Paula - posted on 09/14/2012

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I just launched my only child to college and have been a single mom since he was 5. My answer...absolutely!

Jessica - posted on 09/09/2012

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Fair comment, you don't need to get on with the dad but he does need to want to be involved.

All too often you hear of times when the dad wants to be involved and the mum does all that she can to obstruct his involvement. When mums (or dads) behave in this way in my mind it's a form of child abuse.

In reality I have very little to do with her dad the next real discussion will involve which high school we will choose for her to go to. The only other occasion I will see him is during mid holiday handovers or at school events every now and again.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/09/2012

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I just wanted to respond to the whole "it's easy because there are two of us who each get her for a week at a time" comment. The thing is that's fantastic for people who are amicable with their ex. I think that's amazing that there are people that can have their child's father still in their life and that they get the chance to have someone share in the responsibilities of raising the child. Unfortunately there are people out there, like myself, who don't have that option. My daughters father was very abusive to me while I was pregnant with her, and after I left him and he went to jail for 180 days because of what he did to me, he got out and was around for like a month. Providing nothing for our child and seeing her maybe twice. After that he fled, and left the country and I hear from him a few times a year, her birthday, the holidays, and my birthday usually...but never with money. Just with a phone call to find out if I'm dating anyone or that he heard I was out with someone. What's it to him? Our daughter is now 4 and a half and the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. And if I could do it all over again, to have this angel in my life I would. But it's not easy. I get no financial support from him and I get no back up. I have to be both the mom and the dad 100% of the time. I work full time and have to rely a LOT on my family and friends to help me out. To help with babysitting or the occasional bill that I just cannot afford. I think that this what the other moms are talking about when they say it is so hard. That they are alone while doing it. Not everyone has a phenominal or even a working relationship with the father. Some of us are truly doing it on our own and struggling every second of it. I really do think its great when the option to have both parents is there. I think that truly is what's best for the child. But like I said, for some that is just not an option. In my case, I just keep going and taking one day at a time. I know that I am the best mom to my daughter that I can be. And I know that some day she will have lots of questions and I'll be there to help her through it. I'm hoping when the time comes I will have someone else to be there with me to be a support system. But for right now, it's me, myself, and I trying to give her the best life because that's what she deserves! I think that's all single moms can hope to do. Their very best. Your child's smile will tell you that you are doing the right thing.

Melissa - posted on 08/28/2012

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He would say "NO" as he works around his convenience and he doesn't get a long with me :-(

Melissa - posted on 08/28/2012

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Yes Jessica, its always best to have both parents involved and I have just finished my first court session with her father and he is taking her 5 hours a week. :-( What a crying shame that is!!!

Yet hopefully he will realize through her love, that his feelings (unresolved anger) is less important than the needs of his daughter and she will come first?! Hope so!

Jessica - posted on 08/28/2012

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I know it would be much harder for me without her dad being involved that's why i think that having the dad fully involved is one of the best things for parents and well as the children.

Melissa - posted on 08/28/2012

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I am not sure why it seems a bit minimized that having one child as a single mother isn't easy. People have said a couple times on here that it is "Very easy with just one"

I wonder if their children are angels because I am a single mother - I get no help with the father - I have not gotten any physical breaks except 2 Saturdays in 18 months.

It's hard at times knowing I lack a social life where I can get out and do some real adult fun stuff with friends - all my social life consists of is places where it is child friendly.

I find it hard being the sole disciplinary - which means her back to back 10 minute increments of tantrums is solely on me to get through with her - that means the cooking and cleaning of the house as well is all on me. My daughter is a beautiful thriving and very advanced child, yet she is also extremely stubborn, very trying and strong willed as well.

Financially is the least of my problems even though I am currently a full time student with low income - the hardest part to me of being a single Mother is doing every thing on my own. Raising my daughter to the level where I can't ever use the excuse for any behaviors as "Well I didn't do so bad a single mother"- That's a cop out to me. I will not allow my circumstance to be the burden for bad behaviors when she is older. I stay as involved in her life as a father/Mother both would together - And I suppose that's why it isn't "very easy with just one" because realistically, being two people in one body is not ever simple - It's rewarding.

Mhairi - posted on 08/26/2012

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I've been single for a month and half and I have seen my two girls blossom. Talking, acting like a 2 and a 5 yo. I would certainly do it again. However, I feel guilty that I didn't do it sooner. I have to deal with my emotions, which are a roller coaster-- but to see my children and myself happier and smiling. For sure!!!! :)

Jessica - posted on 08/24/2012

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I am a single mom and it is easy. The main reasons it is easy are: there is one child, but above all our child has a full life with her single mom and her single dad. That mean's that every two weeks I get one full week to go to work to do things around the house to have my own life.

The weeks our daughter is with me i know that her Dad does the same. Moms i so often read about moaning about how terrible the dad is but my suggestion si that you stop thinking of whther you should allow him a life with your child but instead ask him if he will have your children for half the time. You and your children will more than likely be much better off for it.

Christina - posted on 08/21/2012

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Sade, My daughters are 13 and 8. One of their fathers is in prison and the other just couldn't care less about her. It is sad but I wouldn't have it any other way. If a man comes along I want him to really love and cherish my kids, not just slightly care or feel obligated to care for them. Until that day comes, my kids will never want for love. i have enough to give them for 2 people. Ill never regret having my kids and would do it again in a heartbeat. I regret getting with their donors, but never them. Being a single mother is very hard and tough. Its one of the hardest and most heartbreaking jobs out there. You want your kids to be happy, you want the best for them. You want them to have a father and the best life has to offer. But ill tell you a secret, the one truly great thing about being a single parent is, you get all the love, hugs, and snuggles!!!! :)

Yasmin - posted on 07/28/2012

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i am single mum of 2 boys it nt easy to raise a kid by ur self bt am stong enough. to raise them all alone.

Yasmin - posted on 07/28/2012

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i am single mum of 2 boys it nt easy to raise a kid by ur self bt am stong enough. to raise them all alone.

Alice - posted on 06/26/2012

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One is very easy... they just follow along with what you do and all of your time is able to be devoted to the one child. Once you have two... as a single mom, everything takes twice as long and you become a referee. There is no such thing as one on one bedtimes or quiet bath times without the other wanting attention too... Being a single mom of one is hard, but a single mom of two or three is way different and much harder (tho it seems it would be easier at the time, before the other one arrives). There are more people willing to help when you only have one as well. Family members do not have a problem looking after one for the afternoon. Once you have two... people even say to you.. if it was only the one, I can do that. Everything is twice as expensive... but on the flip side... when they grow up the bond between siblings can not be replaced. Everyone wants.. aunts, uncles and cousins.... I think if the father was not an absolute dead beat.. I would work harder to make it work with the biological dad and just do the best you can.

Wendy - posted on 06/17/2012

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I am now a single mom too. My first one is now 26 (married, college grad. and soon to be mom)and then I have 11 year old twins (boy/girl) and I am 49. I don't have as much get up and go like I did with the first one, but I love all of my children and I can't imagine life without them. It's a little harder because of my age.They have different dads but are both very involved with their kids. I'm thankful for that. No hard feelings between either of us and they are both remarried.

Stephanie - posted on 06/15/2012

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i would have picked a better man.. but i love my kid i just realy wish she didnt have to go through the whole wheres my dad, why is he not hear and duz he love me. but i do say things wouldent be as good as today is if it wasent for my past and what it made me today. i have an amaizing boy friend thats in the military he loves me and my child. my kid is funnie, cairing, smart, help full and just amazing. her dad missed out

Tamar - posted on 06/08/2012

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Honestly I LOVE my 2 boys with all my heart, but if I could redo the course of my life regarding my Ex, yes I would do things differently. They deserved better decisions on my behalf, myself being in an abusive and controlling relationship! I wouldnt wish a relationship like that even on my worst enemy

Darcel - posted on 06/05/2012

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the things that i've instilled in my daughter have been priceless.. i am no longer a single parent since i got married a year and a half ago...but my daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me and i'd do it over and over and over again...

Elizabeth - posted on 06/05/2012

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Being a single mom is the hardest job I've ever had. I love my daughter more than life itself, but there are times when I wish things were different. Especially like a lot of mom's have said when she is sick, or I am sick, or she's got an attitude or I want to go out and do something by myself but can't find a sitter, etc. I am truly happy with my choice to be a single mom. I know I did what was right for me and for her. But I don't get any support from her father and there are times that I get so angry with him for not being here. He is off living his life like we don't even exist and I am the one that is trying to afford everything she needs and wants. I am the one trying to work and better my life and spend time with her and have time for me. I'm not sure that if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would. Not in the way it happened. But, my daughter is my whole world and i don't know what i would do without her smile :)

Allyce - posted on 06/04/2012

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hi lm a single mum yes it hard at time but l would like to do it all over again my daughter is two and l would not change it for anything

Heathermoore881 - posted on 06/03/2012

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I wouldn't trade my kids for a second, I am a single mother of 2. The only thing I would have done different is never married the a-hole I did. My life would still include my babies. I know being a single mother is the hardest job and it's almost always one than none of us picked. Society has labeled us as bad mom's or had people say to us "you can't raise a child on you're own without being married". I have to disagree. I have seen many mom's do great, we may feel like we fail at times but if our kids are growing up happy and healthy then we are doing great.

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