Does it get easier to accept the father wants nothing to do with his own child??

Summer - posted on 09/12/2009 ( 128 moms have responded )

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Does it get easier knowing that the father of your child wants nothing to do with him?

I haven't heard from my ex since Jan when i was finding out what i was having. My son is now three months old and it bugs me that he will never know his father. I know it's for the best, but i just don't understand how someone would choose not to love a baby. Thanks.

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Sara - posted on 06/20/2011

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I don't know if easier is the right word. I think acceptance and strength might be better. I have a son born may 2009 his father came around about 3 or 4 times throughout the pregnancy and only saw him in the hospital and then one time afterward. He signed off his rights in September 2009 and we have not heard from him since. I was very angry (and still am at times) to even imagine how anyone can deny their own child and not love them. But then I sit back and think about all the hurt and pain my son will never have to face in the future from having a part time father that really never wanted to be one. and honestly I am pretty selfish ... I wouldn't want to share my child with anyone. I love him enough for me ... enough for the father that his father wasn't man enough to give and enough for the world. Everyday is a different challenge and the memory of my anger fades. Forgiveness still hasn't come but I know it will. Accepting what is and having the strength to move forward will allow things to seem easier.

Eronne - posted on 09/13/2009

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One of the saddest images stored in my memory is my 8 year old son chasing his Dad's truck down the street. A part-time dad or one who doesn't care can do so much more damage than no Dad at all.

Stella - posted on 01/07/2013

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Yes it gets easier :-)) I know right now it's hard to imagine the day will come but it will. Some men are just not wired for fatherhood. The reasons for this are numerous and don't apply to all dead beat dads. Look at it this way, if he's really so irresponsible that he can't find it in himself to be a part of his own child's life, your son is not really missing anything. A man like that doesn't really have anything to offer a child. The child is well and truly better off without him. I'm sorry, but try and remember you're not alone. And that you have the power to make a life for yourself and your son, mind over matter and all that. Forget about him and focus on being the best mother you can be, he needs you.

Michelle - posted on 01/07/2013

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It does get easier. Focus on your son. Just know that his father's decision not to be in his life is his own decision and isn't your fault or your son's. Feel lucky that you have an amazing little boy that will grow and learn from you. It's a hard thing to accept, but you can't change how things are so you must make the best of it. Try to be the best mom and dad you can for him. My son is almost 4 and his dad hasn't been around since he was 6 months old. He just got out of a half way house around 8 months ago and has only seen him a few times in that time period. It's hard, but you are doing the best you can. Keep your head up and just know you're doing an incredible thing. I don't understand how anyone can walk away from their own child, but they do and they have no idea what they're missing out on. My son is what keeps me going on a daily basis and why I work so hard to get to a better place for the both of us and I know that even though his dad doesn't want to be in his life, I am the LUCKIEST WOMAN ALIVE to have such an amazing little boy in my life :)

Carol - posted on 09/19/2009

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yes it get alot easier that is just how somefather are and belive me my older son dad wented nothing to do with him and i think it made him stronger cuz now he in the army and has to wonderful kids of his own

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Becky - posted on 04/01/2013

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I had a baby girl.by the time i had her he was living with another women four doors down. they made my life hell. By the time i had my little girl. the new girl friend was pregant. to thindgcomed down once they moved he a friman me and my little famly went along in life and all of that got sweeped unger the carpet so i thought she had a lot of problem. on ahd of thinking was that the reson? She now sixteen she dont do what other girls do, but having a easter dinner yesterday me and hae as her brother haved moved out. we were enjoying it when bang she starts on me ect then she up in her bedroom She dont have to say why she like she dont have to. it,s that grat big bloody elephant in the corner. Some tmes I find myself asking should I had done what thy wanted me to do. was I selfige having her. she would'nt had carried these weight around with her days when they would make father day cards at school... Did I do the right thing I not sure.

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/12/2013

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The father to my kids didnt want to be a dad so ,I left and never looked back and we all turned out just fine....why push a square into a circle......It didnt feel very good but it passed ,and I found a man that could do the job just fine,the people that are there for you are the ones that matter....my daughter is the only one who grew up and wanted to see him and she came home and said yep hes not a dad and gave us a great big hug......

Countess - posted on 01/06/2013

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Don't worry Summer, at this time you'll never understand why these things happen. But the never ending suggestion from your friend, that things happen for a reason is true. I'am a single mom too, my daughter is abandoned when she was still 6 mos. old, and the father justifies his cruelty more tenaciously. However, you'll never understand it unless you decide to accept things as they are. And when you do that, things that have been lost will come back to you a thousands fold. There are times especially at the moment of struggling in life, the past will haunt you once in awhile, but you just smile, and everything you wish for will come true. Be felt blessed when you meet people just like our exes, because there is always something they will teach us, to be brave and and to be independent. AND WHEN you realize your worth, it will satisfy you more than the things you long to have for.... trust me....

Sonia - posted on 06/20/2011

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well my sons dad saw him for 5 years then when my son was 7 he stopped seeing him and my son got so upset so i had to reasure him that i loved him so much! it does make u angry but for get the father and say nothing about him as ur son is little and as no memory not like mine who was 7 but now my son 13 and as hate for is dad and he says he dont care for his dad but down deep inside i think he does! i just wish my sons dad would of gone out of site when he was tiny!! he is just a sperm doner thats what i tell myself and it takes a man to father is baby and my ex is not sooo!!!

Eronne - posted on 06/19/2011

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No matter what the situation is the most important thing is that you accept it completely. Do not pine for what won't be nor rage at what has been. Your child needs you to be happy and to believe that his family's life style is okay. As long as you hold hostility towards your son's father, it will hurt your boy. Be as joyful as you can around your son. He is going to grow up with one parent, now you have to be the absolute best you can. When he's old enough to ask, be as honest as you can. To most questions your answer will be "I don't know".

JoAnn - posted on 06/19/2011

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No it does not get easier. Every day is a struggle, having to make excuses for HIS absence. Every day is a struggle when your child comes home with a card for 'daddy', or why isn't my 'daddy' here.

Nicole - posted on 10/11/2009

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My son's father was the same way. When he found out it was a boy he ditched. Its hard sometimes... some people i know constantly bug me about his fathernot being around.... but that is his choice. My son is fine without his father. Any guycan be a father, but it takes a real man to be a dad. My son has plenty of dads. Alot of my guy guy friends are there for me and my son. It hurts me sometimes when my son asks where his daddy is but.. and im still trying to figure out how to answer that question? I just try to be strong for my son and not let it bring me down.

Samantha - posted on 10/10/2009

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I can agree with what your saying my son is almost a year old and his father wants nothing to do with him. i last talk to him in march and thats it. just know that ur doing ur best being a mom and a dad for ur son and that u will meet some1 who will love the both of u

Linda - posted on 09/21/2009

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It does get easier. Although my heart still breaks when I think of how he could NOT want to spend time with my daughter, it just makes me want to love her even more, and try even harder to make sure shes happy. Its his lose, when her father does decide to come around it kills me because he doesn't even understand her when shes talking, where as I understand everything of course, he has to ask me what shes talking about. Hes just a waste of air!! Just always look at how great a job your doing on your own and that definitely helps relieve some of the pain.

Summer - posted on 09/21/2009

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Quoting Bianca:

Hi.
I have a nearly 11mth old little boy and his father lies and is always in and out of his life. I have told his father you be there (has told me his comin to see him then not turn up) or have nothing to do with us. He just tells me he is allowed to see his son whenever he wants to. I know this isnt helping you, but believe me this is nasty, i would prefer my son not to have anything to do with his father as i believe when my son gets older his heart will be broken by the promises his father makes but never keeps.
You can do it. Stay strong and your little man will love just having you and the other people around him that LOVE him.



It sounds to me you need to put your foot down. Give him the chose, 100% dad or get out. I don't feel a man should be a 20%, 50% or even 70% dad it is 100% or nothing for me. I'm taking nothing cuz it is far better for my son to have one 1000% parent then one that comes and goes as he see fit with no care about how the child is feeling or thinking. My ex is NO dad. I know this now and am ok with him not being around.  At 11 months your son won't remember how his dad is but he will when he is older and it will effect him.

Breanne - posted on 09/19/2009

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I'm in the same spot as you are almost! My son is 14 months old now! His father has already been in and out of his life! I want my son to know his father but then again i don't because I'm scared too! His father hasn't seen him in two months and its hard on him because he keeps saying dadda and stuff and i don't really know what to tell him! I know its not mine or my sons fault that his father isn't here for him! Its his choice not mine! His other baby momma keeps him from seeing his son! They have a kid younger then my son and so he don't want anything to do with my son! so i cant really tell you that it does get better all i can say is just don't think about the what could have been's or what if's!

[deleted account]

its so nice to come on here and realise im not alone in this, my biggest worry is wat i am goin to tell my daughter wen she asks about her father. i hardly think about him now unless somebody says they've seen him or how much she looks like him but must admit i do get upset wen i see proud fathers in town all proud pushin or holdin their babies but end of day i cant false him to see her i shouldnt have to bcos he should WANT to but end of day its his loss xxx

Shawnna - posted on 09/19/2009

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My son is two now. It was very hard for me in the begining when his father showed little interest in him. He hasn't seen our son in over a year now and I'm happy for it. I'm still angry about it b/c I feel like he is treating the person I love the most badly by not being a father to him. As time went on I realized that is not the kind of person I want influencing my son and now I really don't care if he ever sees him again. So yes I believe it will get bettter. You can't force him to be a good father or decent person. Focus on caring for your child and the people in your life that will ALWAYS be there no matter what. Such as your parents, family and friends, they can't replace a father but they will always be there for your child even if the father is not.

Mary - posted on 09/19/2009

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yes it gets easier for you to accept.You'll never understand it,I don't and it happened to me Twice! the pain arrives when you have to try to explain it to your child. Do the best you can,take your lead from your child,be the best parent you can be and they will feel the lack of their dad less. Positive male role models in their lives help.My dad and my brothers have been terrific with my sons and my teenager has even mentioned that he doesn't feel he needs a dad because of the decent ,supportive uncles and grand-dad he has. The best of luck to you,enjoy your baby ,believe me,thry grow up far too fast.xoxox

Patrice - posted on 09/19/2009

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It does get easier. My oldest child is 19 and his father really has had nothing to do with him. It bothered my son for quite a while, but he finally told him that he didn't want anything to do with him either. And he actually had the gall to say his feelings were hurt. My son has turned out just fine and is in his second year of college. Yes, it hurt him but he realized that you can't miss what you can't measure.

Keep your head up and God will guide you through. Yes, its hard but as women we can make it through the toughest of times.

Patrice - posted on 09/19/2009

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It does get easier. My oldest child is 19 and his father really has had nothing to do with him. It bothered my son for quite a while, but he finally told him that he didn't want anything to do with him either. And he actually had the gall to say his feelings were hurt. My son has turned out just fine and is in his second year of college. Yes, it hurt him but he realized that you can't miss what you can't measure.

Keep your head up and God will guide you through. Yes, its hard but as women we can make it through the toughest of times.

Satrina - posted on 09/19/2009

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Yes, end the end hopefully one day he'll grow up and realize that he's the one missing out. My oldest children are three and four and their father has been in out of their lives since before my three year old was even born. (he didnt even show up when he was born he showed up like three months later like where's my son? an d then disappeared again) But in the end no its never easy to accept that the father of your child doesnt want anything to do with your child but you accept it and move on eventually... It gets easier, and you'll be blessed enough to find someone that will love you and your child just as their own....

Dannielle - posted on 09/19/2009

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Summer, eventually it will get easier to accept that your son's father is not in the picture nor does he want to be in the picture. It's not something you will forget as there will be a time when you son asks you about his father, but at that time due to your son being so young, you'll be able to answer that question with love and understanding. The anger and frustration will be gone. I agree with many of the moms below that you've been given the greatest gift of all and I know you'll be the best mother your son could ever ask for.

Aisha - posted on 09/19/2009

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Well I must say it does get a little easier I was with my sons father for 13 years he did much of nothing but he was around my son has been in high school for the past two years and his dad has been to his school twice with all of this being said I find it easier cause he's a semi part time dad but overall its best for the kids they dont have to go through the in and out of my life pain so if your doing it without him it could be for the best... Good luck summer

KC - posted on 09/19/2009

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My son will be 6 in Oct. and has never known his Dad because when he found out I was pregnant he disappeared,even tho he chose not to be a part of his life I emailed and sent letters during my pregnancy. Called when I had my son even tho I knew he didn't care.The reason I did it was because that way he could never tell my son ( if and when they ever meet) that I didn't tell him anything. It's been hard at times not having him in my son's life because it's not fair to the child. I finally accepted it when my son was about 3 but still don't talk bad about his dad in front of him and he knows who his dad is,has picture of him and I, and knows his name. He also has days where he will ask for his Daddy even tho they have never offically met, he sees other kids with their dads and then wants his but I explained to him that some Mommy's don't live with Daddy's . So just take it one day at a time and stay strong, because no matter what your child is always going to know that YOU were there for them taking care of them and supporting them through life and nothing can come between that bond of mom and baby. Take care : )

[deleted account]

im goin through exact same thing my daughter is 7 months and her dad saw her when she was 5 weeks old but then the new girlfriend found out so he changed number and hasnt been in touch since, all i got was a txt from her sayin that he wants nothin to do with..and i quote...'YOUR kid'....especially now they tryin for a baby. what a lovely mature adult thing to say. but i dont think bout him much im just enjoyin my beautiful princess and get to have her all 2 myself :-) xxx

Carly - posted on 09/19/2009

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It is soooo much easier. My daughter's father walked out on me when i was 2 months pregnant, i have never seen him since....ever! I was very scared at the time, I was alone and living 2 hours from my family and friends, i went through my whole pregnancy on my own with no one and i had my mum with me when i gave birth. After i had her i moved closer to my family and they helped me. I am now getting married to a wonderful man who really wants to be my daughters dad, and he chooses that. However he has 2 children to a previous marriage and its verry messy, since i have seen what we have to go thru dealing with his ex i am more sure than ever that it is so much easier without the stress of my daughter's father, be strong and as your son grows he will know for sure that he was wanted more than ever and that you had more than enough love for him to compensate for his father not being there, my daughter is now 3 years old and very happy and emotionally adjusted.

Morlando - posted on 09/18/2009

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Ladies i know what u are all going thru.. my daughters are 5 and 7.. and there father wants nothing to do with them.. he says to me does but being a part time dad is not what they need.. u cant come in and out of there lives its not fair.... i am soooo happy without him and the kids dont care either... life is hard but we all get thru it...

Mellody - posted on 09/18/2009

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Everyone is different, its not for me to say that it will or wont get better for you. But I do believe that you can make it better. And I can only give advice based on my experience so far. My daughter is 8 months old she hasn’t met her father, and right now everything is fine. I can’t say years down the road that everything is going to be peachy keen but all I can do is take care of the situation as it is now. And plan as best as I can for the future.



In the beginning my ex said he’d rather shoot himself in the head than be a father, so I told him if I had a gun I’d give it to him!. From that point on he tried to convince me of an abortion as well as his mother and my mother and father. But of course I didn’t. and because I chose to keep my daughter, he left after a fight and didn’t contact me for several months. I was happier that way. For the most part I didn’t even think of him. There were a few times I would be upset, or worried about the situation but I just had to remind myself that although I kicked him out, he had made the decision not to contact me or try to come back. He eventually called and threatened with court and all that bullshit and I basically said, ill believe it when I see it.

He persisted with the threats for a few months and then I heard nothing from him until my daughter was probably about 2 months old.

When we finally talked again he made it seem as though he was interested in being a part of her life and told me that he wanted to meet her. I ever remember him saying he understood that I didn’t want to have him in and out of her life and that i didn’t want her to see him only at his convenience. To which he said “but I live hours away and its not easy for me to drive to come see her” (obviously everything would be at his convenience)

Against my better judgement I agreed and started sending him updates and set a rough date in May for him to come meet her. However he never seemed to show any interest in his replies, and when may rolled around I never heard from him. Its now September and I still haven’t heard a word from him. I stopped sending updates and he hasn’t tried to reach me as far as I know.

Day to day I still don’t think about him, and only once in a while when someone else mentions it does it start to get me thinking if I’m really doing the right thing. And I worry about him taking me to court. But I want nothing from him and I think its best that I keep him away from my girl. I don’t even collect child support from him. I don’t want to have to depend on him. Its hard getting by but I feel a lot better knowing that in the end my daughter will have what’s best for her.



Instead of having a dad who’s never there. She can at least have a mum who loves her with all her heart and will be there when she needs. And of course ill find some one sooner or later who will love the both of us and be what her father couldn’t. And so will you!! All you have to remember is that your doing what is best for your son. And you don’t need a man in your life to provide a father figure for your son. My daughters “father figure” is my best friends boyfriend. As strange as that might sound to some. He is her “uncle Drew” and that’s all she needs right now. Babies only know what’s around them. she doesn’t know that she doesn’t have a father, she doesn’t even know what a father is, so how can it affect her. All she knows is that she’s got someone there everyday who loves her and takes care of her, and right now that’s all she needs.



Your love is all your son needs. You are what is best for you son!! Don’t worry about a “dead-beat dad”. Just take care of you and that sweet little boy. That’s all you have to do.

I wish you the very best in everything situation you will encounter. Have strength and hang in there. Just believe it can only get better.

Bernadette - posted on 09/18/2009

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Hello

I feel your frustration. Sad to say but it gets way easier. Single Motherhood is a lot of work. And the more work that you are doing alone, the more it makes you wish that he were not around..... at times. My child's father wants to treat my child as a zoo pet. Just come and se, say oh, ah then leave. Anyways, he has not sen my son in about months but quiet honestly, i no longer care. Taking care of him cost much money and sacrafice and Im not giving that up for someone that just wants to say hi and bye. It'sgonna hurt him later on in life

Alisha - posted on 09/18/2009

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I think that it would be eaiser for me if my daughters biological dad didnt have anything to do with her. He has not been in her life for the last 6 months and now all of a sudden wants something to do with her. So I dont know if that was much of any help but I think that maybe this is for the best you dont want someone jumping in and out of his life its no good for either of you.

Jessica - posted on 09/18/2009

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I've done everything I can for the past year and a half to get my daughter's father to be involved in her life. I've completely gone above and beyond and out of my way to try and do this. I've finally begun to realize that nothing can be done. My daughter is not suffering because of this denial, only I was in thinking that if her father wasn't part of her life that she would be inadequate in someway. But my baby girl is thriving!!! I realized that I needed to just let the chips fall where they may and stop the worrying because it wasn't helping me a better mom in the least. Good luck!

Krystal - posted on 09/18/2009

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NO!!! My oldest daughter is 6 years old and her dad left before she was born. He pays child support now, after trying to locate him for 5 years!!! He still wants nothing to do with her and he doesn't even try to see her or call her. All she knows about him is what I say and her Grandparents say. She doesn't seem to care right now, but someday she will and I'll just have to explain the issue to her. I hope this helps!!

Jamie - posted on 09/18/2009

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In my experience it hasn't gotten any easier over the years. My childrens father took off 5 1/2 years ago and he never calls or writes or tries to see them. No surprise he doesn't pay child support either. If you're anything like me you'll find yourself blaming him and being angry with him when times are hard. The only thing that I do appreciate and thank him for (other than my beautiful babies) is the fact that my kids will be raised exactly the way I want and I never have to share them with anybody.

Sue - posted on 09/18/2009

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It does get easier. But there is never any logic to how someone can just not want to see their son. I have a 9 year old son who just met his father last year. He always asked if his father loved him and why he never came to see him. He would see all his friends with their fathers. I told him that his father did love him in his own way. But I also was honest with him and told him that I had no idea as to why he did not come around. That his father would be the only one who could answer that question. But not to worry about it because his father is the one who lost out on watching a great kid grow up. The first time he met his father he actually asked him. His father could not give him a reason. But no matter what your son is lucky because he has a mother who loves him. One parent around loving a child is better than none.

Jennifer - posted on 09/18/2009

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The father has to be in or out...no in between. Its been such a struggle for my son because his father is in and out of his life. My son as he gets older questions his father's love for him. It's easier for me because I don't want this man to influence my son in any way but My Son wants a father. If you think its better The Father isn't around from day one, you are mistaken. Children know there is a mother and a father and wants to know why daddy isn't around. There are advantages and some disadvantages in a one parent home. It would be awesome if Dad would wake up and realize a great child he has, which will benefit the child's emotional well being.

Tahndrea "Nicky" - posted on 09/18/2009

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Sometimes it is easier when you know that they are not going to be there morally or financially. Family will always be there no matter what. I have 3 beautiful children, 20,16, and 13. It was hard in the beginning, but I learned to manage and maintain. For me, the hard part is over, now "DADDY" wants to come home. My thought of that is"GO HOME TO YOUR MOMMA". Times have changed alot. I used to go back to him, but my kids are older. So he needs to bounce.

Sarah - posted on 09/18/2009

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You just have to trust that he has nothing to offer and your child obviously doesn't need what he does have to give. In the long run it can be a lot more stable for him not to be involved, especially if he is unsure, no father is better than a useless father....surely!?

Laurie - posted on 09/18/2009

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I will say htat YES it does get easier in a lot of respects. My son is 12 and his dad walked out on us when he was 2 years old. He came around in the beginning, but started a roller coaster ride with us, when he was not there for my son when it was his "day". Saw him once or twice a year after that and now my son hasn't seen nor heard from him in over 5 years. I had told his dad that he was eithir IN his son's life or OUT of it because it was not fair to ride this coaster with a child. The child cannot handle it. It makes it easy on me because I do not have to spllit holidays or weekends, which would have killed me. Take heed to the comments below from Rhonda Crick, as I believe she hit the nail on the head. Don't speak bad about their father, because no matter what this parent does, a child will love that person, because it is a part of them. Hating thier father is like hating themselves. I am waiting for the day when his father says he is getting back on track, and wants to be part of his son's life. I prayed that it would happen when my son is old enough to figure it out on his own, and that I can leave it up to him. I will support my son's decision, and will be there to pick up the pieces as I believe it won't last as Rhonda stated in her comments. You will say a child is better off without these deadbeats, and perhaps they are, but it is a blow to the childs own esteem to think that a parent of theirs is no good. Keep positive people in their lives and they will gravitate towards those that give them encouragement. It will be a tough time for all involved, but it does get easier and I do not think you will EVER understand how a dad can choose not to love his child. THAT, my dear, is still beyond my comprehension! Just LOVE them dearly as they grow up way to fast as you will find. Good Luck to you and your baby and may God bless you in your life!

Antonia - posted on 09/18/2009

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My daughter is over a year old now and her father wants nothing to do with her, he has never wanted anything to do with her since I found out I was pregnant. He won';t even let his family see her or mention her. Sometimes it does not bother me cause she is so special to me I don't even want to share her but there are times that I feel so bad for her, like she is being rejected for no reason but living. It makes me so angry and sad but I too know its best but I don't think that pain can ever fully go away

Stacie - posted on 09/18/2009

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Summer, I don't believe your Son's father doesn't love him. I often hear... " Anyone can father a child, but it takes a Man to be a Daddy. " I completely understand what your going thru. I left my Son's father when I was five months pregnant. Our relationship was not good at that time, he was influenced by drugs & alcohol and I could not accept that lifestyle for our child. After many nights of arguing the physical & mental abuse started. My family saved us from what could have been the end of our lives before my Son's life even started. The last time my Son saw his father...he was only a year old. I never looked back....of course we hurt thru the years....watching our Son's grow up, thinking about what their father's are missing out on. Knowing that one day he will need his father for something leads you to moments of second guessing yourself. I'm only saying this to you because I look at my Son today (19 yrs later).....and He is an amazing young man. Letting his father go was the best choice I ever made.



Your Son's father is less of a man for the choice he made. You are more of a woman for loving your Son as his Mother. One day when he's older & you can tell him the story he will apologize for the pain his father caused you. Be strong. ~Hugs~

Brittany - posted on 09/18/2009

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Yes, my daughter is now 8 months old and her dad hasn't seen her since he walked out the hospital door the day she was born, it was really heard at first because everything was great, but then he left the hospital to go to work and never came back. I believe that the father just done you & your son a favor by walking out before your son got to know him and his whole life would have been full of dissapointment if he had walked out later.It does get better just remember that, especially if you have a good support system.

Krystal - posted on 09/18/2009

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and i really like what jillian had to say..those stages are exactly what im going through now. i truley believe you'll be a parent being both, mother and father then if you had the father in the picture and you only got to be the mother..good luck girlie.

Krystal - posted on 09/18/2009

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girlie, i am in the same exact boat as you, my baby girl is five months old and i have spoken to the father since i told him i was pregnant..it frustrates me beyond belief that him and i created this perfect princess and he wants nothing to do with her! but i just remember that i never knew my father and i turned out perfectly fine.. and really now i appreciate my mother in such a different way for being single and doing everything on her own..so i think in the end they will turn out better without the father, its better to not see a "messed up" relationship where you fight with his father to see him..i think he will end up appreciating you more in the end. =]

Lisa - posted on 09/18/2009

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Quoting Jillian:

It does get easier! My daughter is almost 7 months old now and we have not seen or heard from her father since she was 3 weeks old. It is really hard knowing that the father is out of the picture and I found myself right around the 3 month mark yearning for him because I didn't want her to be fatherless! I tried to stay focused on her and what is best for her and came to relize that he is not good for either one of us and we deserve better then him! Around the 4 month mark I grew to hate him and that wasn't good either because I was just angry at everyone! Then at about 4 1/2 months, I let the anger go! He might be a terrible excuse of a man but he gave me the best thing ever and that is my daughter! With that I forgave him, no longer yearned for him, and moved on with my life and accepted the fact that I am a single mother. Now, I don't miss him or wish for him to be a part of my life. My daughter and I are fantastic and don't need him to make a perfect family. We are perfect just the two of us! Keep your head up high, you are doing what you are supposed to be doing.


Jillian,its good to hear from a mom who is going thru they same thing as me nd know that in time it gets easier i still got hurt for him which am trying to get tru,my son is 6mths this satursday,his dad last saw him wen he was 3weeks too,its true he might be a terrible excuse of a man but he gave me the greatest gift any mom wld ask for.its there lose not being in there kids life.

Bianca - posted on 09/18/2009

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Hi.

I have a nearly 11mth old little boy and his father lies and is always in and out of his life. I have told his father you be there (has told me his comin to see him then not turn up) or have nothing to do with us. He just tells me he is allowed to see his son whenever he wants to. I know this isnt helping you, but believe me this is nasty, i would prefer my son not to have anything to do with his father as i believe when my son gets older his heart will be broken by the promises his father makes but never keeps.

You can do it. Stay strong and your little man will love just having you and the other people around him that LOVE him.

Heidi - posted on 09/17/2009

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I have two children by different dads. My daughters father floats in and out of her life every 6 months and thinks its okay. He hasnt seen her since feb and never called to wish her happy birthday. And my son's father who lives 5 minsutes away did the same thing but he is starting to come around more. But it is very hard but it is for the best because you dont want to have to deal with the let down that comes with a dead beat dad. WHen my son's father comes to pick him up my daughter tells me that she wants to go with her daddy and I have to tell her that her daddy isnt here and she cant see him. She knows who her dad is and I am thankful for that I guess. But what you have to remember is that you have to be a strong woman and show your son that you can be both parents , I have been doing it on my own for 4 years. And he will grow up and realize what his dad is. It isnt your fault and you should never let it bring you down. When your son gets older, he will look up to you and be thankful that he had a mother that cared so much about him and he will appreciate it!

Nikkita - posted on 09/17/2009

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Summer,

I'm almost 5 months pregnant (less than a week to go). I told the fater of my child, who was my boyfriend at the time, that I was pregnant. He has not been there at all. He even refuses to come to appointments. I told him that we don't need to be together, but I do want him tp be there for his child. I am now at peace with it all... I have realized that I have done all that I can & now it is up to him. I don't stress it because it won't change anything. I know that God doesn't make mistakes and everything happens for a reason. He allowed me, His child, to be pregnant & I know that He won't give me more than I can bear, nor will He leave/forsake me, so my child and I will be ok. Just have faith that your situation will work out for the good of you and your son. Peace & blessing.

God bless,

Nikkita

SCHANDRILLA - posted on 09/17/2009

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Summer it will most exceedingly become easier as time passes. I am currently going through the same situation and I have discovered that as long as my son knows that he is receiving all the love he needs and is not lacking in any area, nothing else matters. Keep Christ first and trust me the hurt will fade and everything will work out for the good of you and your son's well being.

Lena - posted on 09/17/2009

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Yes...I accepted that its me who is sad that my boy doesnt have his dad, when I realized and was told by many that he only needs one GOOD PARENT. I used to be really saddened by the situation but now he is 4 years old and honestly I watch my friends fight with baby dads and I watch the deep affect it has on the kids and you know what my son isnt going through that and that is what has made it easier. He is noticing that other kids have dads and he doesnt but I just remind him that we dont need one because we have grandpa and uncle, and that we are happy just us.. and believe it or not he is so perfectly fine with that. and because I devote my life to him he is very well adjusted!

Donna - posted on 09/17/2009

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congrats on your son! My son is now almost 7 and his father wants NOTHING to do with him. It was so hard for the first few years. However, it is now for the best. His father has been in legal trouble and is someone I no longer want my son around. I have done alot of praying and have men in my son's life to be good role models for him. It will get easier. Enjoy your little man..they grow quick.Good luck!!

Veronica - posted on 09/17/2009

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I went through the same thing , it gets better with time, when your child gets older and u start doing things with him and he makes u proud of him u know what ? he will miss out not u , so keep your head up and remember when he his father wants to come around u will realize that u and your son dont need him.

Ameel - posted on 09/17/2009

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No, especially for boys while their in young men stage and girls when their at the teen stages. They learn to leave with it, but it doesnt get any easier. So, if you have a chance to get married, then do it while their young. My heart still aches for them and they are 20,19,15,15!

Elizabeth - posted on 09/17/2009

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Hi Summer hope you and your little one is good ......
I know how you feel !!
I have a 7 month old boy called Lucas and his dad is not there, he has not even seen him. it has been so difficult and totally stressfull.
He left me when i was 6 months pregnant and we were so happy and living together and even worked together. He came to all the scans anti natal apps and bought him little shoes and stuff. He even named him Lucas, I did think he would be there for us but i was SO wrong............ The only reason im still sane is my friends support, i hope you have good friends by you !!!!!! ........ I am totally over it, i dont ever bring it up any more ....... i dont even think about him. and im a brill mam !!! ITS HIS LOSS XXX
Chin up xx take care xxx

Sara - posted on 09/17/2009

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Most men can only think about themselves, so thank god he's not in the picture I think it's easier that way and yes it will get easier.

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