Does this seem fair?

Nicole - posted on 10/02/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Ok the situation is very complicated. Short version - BD is married, but up until mid-August he had been supportive of me and baby and kept saying he wants to be there for us and all that (of course it was all talk, he never done anything to prove he was actually being supportive other than someone to talk to). Well in mid-August he informed me that him and his wife were going to work things out and to do that he can't have anything to do with us. Then went on to say IF baby is his then he'll "do what's right". I've heard about his wife and have had brief talks with her and has practically deemed herself untrustworthy so that previous sentence kinda scares me. I don't know if he will fight for custody or try to give up his rights. I'm not sure if he'll have to still pay support if gives up his rights since I am on public assistance. I'm not worried about the support right now, sure it would be nice, but my main concern is visitations/custody. They told me if I want to talk to them I have to go through their lawyer, which I think was just more of a way to get me to leave them alone (not that I was harassing them or anything, just to get me out of the picture) and that the only thing left to talk about is visitations/custody. They didn't like my "if he wants to see his son he has to come here and she (his wife) isn't to be around my son." I think she just doesn't want him alone with me, which I then responded with they can be supervised visits if it will make her feel better. Haven't talked to them since.

But ok that wasn't so short, but it could have been longer lol.. ok The whole point of this post is because I made up schedule of what I would like for visitations.. not saying it's what's going to happen, but it's what I would like to happen because it would be the best for my son.


First 2 years to be supervised visits (BD Only) proving he wants to be an active role in his life..

0-6 months
Bi-Monthly 2 hour visits

6-12 months
Weekly 2 hour visits

12-18 months
3 – 2 hour visits & 1 – 2 hour outing

18-24 months
2 – 2 hour visits & 2 – 2 hour outings


2 year + schedule if there is continual progress of BD being a part of DS's life (showing he actually wants to be involved) and trust has been established with his wife allowing her to get involved in DS's life, otherwise the 18-24 month schedule will continue until then.

2-2 ½ years
3 – 2 hour visits & 1 – 2 hour outing

2 ½ – 3 years
2 – 2 hour visits & 2 – 2 hour outings

3 – 3 ½ years
1 – 2 hour visits, 1 – 2 hour outing, & 2 – 6 hour days

3 ½ – 4 years
1 – 2 hour visit & 3 – 6 hour days

4 – 4 ½ years
4 – 6 hour days

4 ½ – 5 years
12 hr weekends, every other (6 hours a day)

5 years and up
Every other weekends (Friday 6pm – Sunday 6pm)

I know it's a bit much, but DS hasn't been too fond of BD and he's only in the womb. I always found it interesting how he knew not to trust BD before I did. The 4 times we did get together in person baby would never kick, heck he wouldn't be active till after he left. I even noticed that when I talked to him (before kicking us out of his life) or talked about him he wouldn't be active. I just want to know he (& her) can be trusted before I let my boy be with them. I've also decided to write up this schedule since I know that if his schedule is anything like last years he wouldn't have time for baby beyond the visits. So he's going to have to really prove himself he can take the time for him.

I'm just wondering if that schedule seems a bit drastic or fair considering the situation. There is more to it, but I think I gave the jist of what is going on.

I do plan on getting a hold of a lawyer at some point to see what my options are and all that. Hopefully can get the inside scoop to what they are actually planning so I can prepare accordingly.

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Nicole - posted on 10/03/2010

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Also before I get jumped on about the "supervised" part, I only put it there as something to ease their mind, not mine. Wife has uber trust issues, so I figured supervised visits would be acceptable. I'm not requesting they have to be.

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