domestic voilence

Shannen - posted on 12/17/2008 ( 12 moms have responded )

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hey iam a young mother i was with teh father but i recently left as he always emotionaly, finically and hurt our son phsycailly and emotionaly. i got the courage up to leave and now its a messy process through the courts. now everytime i c the father he plays mind games again making out its all my fault. i ask has anyone been in the same situation or simaler and how did they get through it?

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Tammy - posted on 12/28/2008

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Just wanted to say how proud I am of you all. I was in an unhealthy relationship far longer than you (16 years between dating & marriage). I thought that I could fix him and constantly rationalized his unacceptable behaviour. I only left when I realized that this was not the model I wanted for my daughters. I would advise you to stay strong-- call him on his mind games, "I am not going to listen to this nonsense," and hang up- it's empowering I promise.

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Charlotte - posted on 06/25/2012

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Hey Shannen, first of all I commend you for your strength in leaving your abusive relationship for the safety of yourself and your son. I have also been in a similar situation and left with my children 5 years ago. I understand the process is difficult as far as getting an order of protection/restraining order and figuring out custody of your children, but hang in there and have faith because the situation will get better. Eventually the mind games and drama will end and you will be free to live your life and raise your child in a healthy environment. I wish you all the best for a bright future.

Charlotte
http://momonthegrind.blogspot.com

Kristin - posted on 06/25/2012

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The father of my kids was very emotionally abusive, controlling and manipulative, I left as I felt that it would be better to be on my own and happy than to be with someone and miserable, plus I dont feel that my kids needed to be around a father who had nothing nice to say. No one deserves to be beliitled or walked on. That is those guys issues not yours. When my ex contacts me I am very civil to him and tell him that I will only talk to him regarding the children. If he goes on a tirade about how bad of a mother I am or that I am a gold digger because I took him to court for child support I hang up the phone. I ignore all his texts and he eventually quits. I realized it is his issues not mine and he has insecurities not me and it is best to ignore them. Just remember that you and your kids deserve better and just stay strong and stand your ground and dont let him get to you. Do not get into a arguing match with him as no matter what you say or do he will twist it to satisfy and justify his own actions. Just ignore him and walk away and tell him you will not speak to him unless it regards the children and that he needss to be civil.

Folky - posted on 06/25/2012

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I suffered the same, I was a virgin before marriage and was beaten , slapped and poured alcohol in my mouth on honeymoon, as I found it hard to do sex. I was bleeding badly and was called hore. I really miss, why I kept myself safe for this beast.
I worked non stop on retail and was not given a penny from my salary, just enough food. I was beaten when I tried to stop my husband drinking. He drank every day, and beat me whenever he liked.he will ask for forgiveness and buy me gifts. I believed it was not his fault but alcohol. But hey ,I was wrong. He was scheofrenic. Never happy on anything and will ask me to wear make up and then taunts hat hore o make up. He threw away my high heels shoes as it was sexy n I was trying to attract unwanted attention. I was not allowed to talk to friends, family or make ork friends.
Why I suffered this! I was naive and inexperienced , my work colleague who knew my husband asked me to run away. Which I did. I went back due to his crying promises that he will seek medical help. I believed. I went to the trap, this was more fierce, he tried to kill m. Andtried to destroy my face. I have learnt now I left him in the early morning. Now m with a normal man who loves me but sometimes I feel so bad, why I did not loose my virginitywith someone other than my ex. Why I spent 10 months of abuse ? Where my mind was? Thank to women's aid who supported me and helped me restart life in another town.

Folky - posted on 06/25/2012

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I suffered the same, I was a virgin before marriage and was beaten , slapped and poured alcohol in my mouth on honeymoon, as I found it hard to do sex. I was bleeding badly and was called hore. I really miss, why I kept myself safe for this beast.
I worked non stop on retail and was not given a penny from my salary, just enough food. I was beaten when I tried to stop my husband drinking. He drank every day, and beat me whenever he liked.he will ask for forgiveness and buy me gifts. I believed it was not his fault but alcohol. But hey ,I was wrong. He was scheofrenic. Never happy on anything and will ask me to wear make up and then taunts hat hore o make up. He threw away my high heels shoes as it was sexy n I was trying to attract unwanted attention. I was not allowed to talk to friends, family or make ork friends.
Why I suffered this! I was naive and inexperienced , my work colleague who knew my husband asked me to run away. Which I did. I went back due to his crying promises that he will seek medical help. I believed. I went to the trap, this was more fierce, he tried to kill m. Andtried to destroy my face. I have learnt now I left him in the early morning. Now m with a normal man who loves me but sometimes I feel so bad, why I did not loose my virginitywith someone other than my ex. Why I spent 10 months of abuse ? Where my mind was? Thank to women's aid who supported me and helped me restart life in another town.

Folky - posted on 06/25/2012

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I suffered the same, I was a virgin before marriage and was beaten , slapped and poured alcohol in my mouth on honeymoon, as I found it hard to do sex. I was bleeding badly and was called hore. I really miss, why I kept myself safe for this beast.
I worked non stop on retail and was not given a penny from my salary, just enough food. I was beaten when I tried to stop my husband drinking. He drank every day, and beat me whenever he liked.he will ask for forgiveness and buy me gifts. I believed it was not his fault but alcohol. But hey ,I was wrong. He was scheofrenic. Never happy on anything and will ask me to wear make up and then taunts hat hore o make up. He threw away my high heels shoes as it was sexy n I was trying to attract unwanted attention. I was not allowed to talk to friends, family or make ork friends.
Why I suffered this! I was naive and inexperienced , my work colleague who knew my husband asked me to run away. Which I did. I went back due to his crying promises that he will seek medical help. I believed. I went to the trap, this was more fierce, he tried to kill m. Andtried to destroy my face. I have learnt now I left him in the early morning. Now m with a normal man who loves me but sometimes I feel so bad, why I did not loose my virginitywith someone other than my ex. Why I spent 10 months of abuse ? Where my mind was? Thank to women's aid who supported me and helped me restart life in another town.

Jenny - posted on 12/29/2008

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You have to keep telling yourself that the problem WAS NOT YOU. His behavior was and is his to own. Don't own it for him! Don't let him suck you into whatever he is doing. You were strong enough to leave......be proud of who you are and what you have done. Don't let him take that from you. Remember.....only YOU have the power to let him.

Denise - posted on 12/29/2008

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I was an abused wife for 19 years. I left in 1999 and have been single ever since. It does not get better if you return (I tried that before). In my experience I found that it was pointless to to try to explain anything. He would just manipulate the coversation and twist everything I said. It is best to say as little as possible and stay strong! After a while he will give up. It took a long time, because he was convinced I would give in. Eventually, he moved to another state and I never see him. He lost his parental rights, because of his abuse, so he cannot see my children either. It is a very long hard road, but it really can turn out alright. I wish you the best.

Andrea - posted on 12/29/2008

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dont let him push your buttons ...he's still playing games and thats not fair to anyone. he's obviously not grown up enough to act like an adult ... My son's father does this when i bring up the subject of money he starts brining up things and avoiding the subject entirly ... it's an escape root .... dont let it bother you and stand firm with your choice to leave you did the right thing ...

[deleted account]

Shannen, I have been a survivor of domestic violence since 1992, just stay strong and no matter what don't return, it only gets worse.

Jasmine - posted on 12/18/2008

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Hi Shannen and Beth, I have also managed to build the confidence to get out of an abusive relationship. This is the first Christmas that I will be on my own with my children and also it is the first Christmas I feel genuinely happy. I am going through the process of arranging contact for our children with their father and it is stressful and yes everytime I do have a conversation over the phone with him the manipulation and mind games start. I now however see them for what they are and refuse to let myself be dragged down by his nasty comments. It has a knock on effect, because I am happier my four year old son is happier and my 9 month old baby is completely uneffected as he has not had contact with his father since he was 10 weeks old :)

Beth - posted on 12/18/2008

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Shannen, just to let you know I am going through the same thing right now with my ex. We were never married and we are in legal limbo between 2 courts in 2 different states. He knows how to manipulate and make me feel like I am a terrrible mother for finally getting of out a unhealthy relationship. I did what I had to do! He talks to "our son" on the phone and tries to get information out of him. He is only 2 1/2. I will help you as much as I can...even if it is just a listening ear to hear your complaints.

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