Dont play games with someone that can play them better!

Jennifer - posted on 01/22/2010

I ran into a situation during my separation from my husband where I wanted a quick answer to a legal question to ease my mind about something. I found www.justanswer.com. For a minimal amount of money you can get a lawyer to answer your questions to ease your mind and help reduce your worry. Be strong for your baby and good luck!

Amanda - posted on 01/22/2010

i like plan B, as brandi put it. thats what i did with my daughter at the hospital birth registery. (the social worker suggested it lol) if i were you i'd change my numbers cut all contact, don't put his name on anything, if he's so unsure he probebly won't try that hard when the baby is born. don't tell him when she gets here make sure the hospital staff know he's not aloud in the room when you give birth. you can even sign a peice of paper and they can't tell anyone your even there. also, if you can, breast feed, 95% of the time the courts will not take a breast feeding baby from its mother. if he decideds to go forward with everything, its a long and complicated proceedure. even getting visitation is. so in that time you'll bond with the baby and he won't even know the child. you don't have to let him see the baby until he gets visitation, you don't have to answer his calls, nothing, if he starts calling constantly or pounding on your door or anything like that, call the police and charge him with harassment. anymore treats of suicide record. every call, every text, every email, record times and anything negitive that was said. the courts usually side with the mother. don't worry to much. just try and relax

Anna - posted on 01/19/2010

Why is he saying things like that for did you do something to make him say that? If you know you are a good mother then you will not lose your baby..I have read up on these things that both parents will share equal custody unless a parent is no good for the child and a judge does not care if a spouse has cheated just do some research on the internet trust me it will help

Candice - posted on 01/19/2010

first of all, there is no baby. second, if you don't live with him, you have the upper hand in custody. third...he's just trying to scare you (my ex pulled the suicide and custody threats too). and no, you don't have to put him on the birth certificate.
before you freak, wait till the little one is born. he can't do crap to you until then anyway, and then he'll first have to prove paternity, then fight you in court, and he would need proof to find you unfit.
breathe...and know he's just trying to control you.

Bobbi Jo - posted on 01/19/2010

Ashley...you get the "choice" of having conversations with his man or not. I suggest you just eliminate having any interactions with him period for the time being until you need to. Block him, delete him, screen him...Otherwise you give him the power to manipulate and emotionaly keep you trapped, which is exactly what he is doing by the sounds of things..and guess what...YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM!!! Your not married and the baby isn't born yet and until that happens really there is no reason for him to be in your lif eunless YOU want him there.
This is a time in your life when you need as little stress as possible and to appreciate the miracle you are growing. Its time to focus on you and your baby and not someone else's instability...too often we take care of others, especially men and we have the inability to recognize what we are sacraficing for ourselves in the process....
I know its hard, especially when you are so emotional and hormonal and want to defend and want to react. Your hurting from the reality that you are doing this alone, abandoned and he is not standing by you during this time when you likely feel like you need that strength and support from a partner. But you have to ask yourself...you are not together today and why?? was he ever really the partner you needed him to be? did your relationship work for you? and what type of realtionship do you want for you and for your baby? and then remind yourself what is best for you, and in turn for your baby?... you will work this out...you will survive...this will not control you or kill you ...you just have to not let it. We cannot control how things will end...we can only control how we choose to react.
Try to stand strong...and dont give him your power and spirit and keep doing your best and you will be okay!
As to your baby and the legalities depending on where you are and how the Family laws work you will have to cross that bridge when you come to it. But you do have the choice of naming him on the birth certificate. You will be this baby's guardian until you get to the courts.
He has the right for paternity testing but then that also takes time...and so let him be responsible for handling these matters. It will become very clear very quickly how much was just threatening and how serious he is about the matter. If he is serious then you will be able to work out an acess schedule that works best for the child...and that is what essentially happens it becomes what is best for the child. And as hard as this is...your child does have the right to have both parents in their life. But both parents have to be doing their best as well and providing and keeping them safe. There will be so much to be condsidered...like will you be nursing, this will be trust me a slow process if he is granted access...as its about the baby and these things take times especially when there is no bond or relationship established at birth. There are ways to have supervised access as well, which is why getting in touch with a lawyer or legal services would be benefical to you. Information is power....
One of the hardest things when you are dealing with seperation or divorce is the instant reality that you no longer have full control over your children and you get forced to have to "share". Someone can mutter idle threats , but they too have to be able to back up why you are being considered a unsuitable parent and as long as you do your best this will be clear to everyone around you.
It is generally very rare for the courts to remove a newborn child from the mother, even older children, unless there is serious and factual causes for removal of the child for safety reasons...if he contests and seeks acess of the child it will then go to court and things will be considered. But he has to prove that he can be a responsible parent as well. Also with this comes child support which he is completly responsible to pay and it has NOTHING to do with access or visitation.
There are many womens services where you can recieve free legal advice and I would suggest calling and learning your legal rights.
I do suggest saving conversations, texts and messages for future reference and also start a journal of events with dates and times if he continues to harass you and demonstrate any inappropriate behavior. You have the right to report to harassing or threatening behavior to the police and they too will keep record and they will advise him that he is breaking the law...so don't fear doing this niether and You always have the right to file for a restraining order.
And...if he calls you threatening killing himself call your local crisis center and report this ..it will be annonomyous and then deals with the issue first hand.
You have many many options its just about getting out there, locating them and putting them to your use. Talk to your doctor, friends and family. The more conversations you have the more you will find your direction.
Confidence in yourself will get you very very far. when you show that what he is saying upsets you and you argue back you just continue the pattern...but stopping the pattern or behavior will give you back your power for you, dont be afraid to take it back!!!
Hopefully this helps and empowers you! :)

Brandi - posted on 01/19/2010

sounds way so familiar. 1st check your state laws. 2nd if you 2 are NOT married you do not need to add him. but like i said check you state laws. Yes in most states someone will need to file "full" custody. Keep a log of everything he says and do. If you can record then better. But in most states the courts usually give custody to mother unless the father of the child can prove she is unfit. Good luck!!!! then there is always plan "B" act stupid and say u dont who the father is when they hand u the birth certificate to fill out.