ex-husband's wedding

Debra - posted on 05/13/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My ex husband is getting married this august 2009 and wants the kids to be in his wedding and i refuse i dont like the fact that its happening and told him am i wrong for doing so or should i just give in and let them be in there father's wedding please help

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Samantha - posted on 05/15/2009

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It is important to try to have an amicable relationship with both your ex husband and his soon to be bride. They are going to be apart of your life and your children’s life for the rest of time. Wouldn’t it be better to try to get a long? You do not always have to agree. However, whether you like it or not she will be a part of the children’s life. It is not fair to the children for you or their father to show jealous, or anger or any negative feeling in front of them. You cannot make them feel guilty for loving someone else. You will ALWAYS be mom, you will not lose them, unless you are mean and spiteful, eventually the kids will begin to resent being place in the middle. It is our number one job to love our children, protect them, and teach them to be healthy members of society.

TINA - posted on 05/15/2009

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My ex is also getting remarried in august and wants the girls to be flowergirls, i wud let them decided 4 themselves if they are old enough. my two actually choose not to go because they dont like the woman he is marrying, but all situations are different and as you are the main carer its up to u to decide what is best for your children good luck

Alexis - posted on 05/14/2009

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i agree with the other ladies.. let the kids go.....

it dosnt matter wheather or not we agree with the wedding... he is the kids father and he wants them to share a special day in his life.... im sure when and if you get marred again you would want the kids there.....

i have been married twice and have had kids to both my exs.... my older two went to their dads wedding... i didnt agree with it, i live 3hrs drive away from him. he had to organise to collect the kids and bring them back again....

this was 8 or so years ago now and now my kids are 19 and 17 they are happy they were there.... im sure when my second husband gets remarried he will want his kids there....

at the end of the day its the relationship between a father and his children..... if they are both willing parties then why stop it.... it will only come back to bite you on the bum...

sorry if i was a little blunt.....

take care alexis

Robin - posted on 05/13/2009

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Everyone is forgetting one important issue here!! The Kids. Ask them if they want to be in the wedding. Don't force them if they say no and if they say yes ,consider their wishes. This new woman could be mommie dearest. Kids can sense things that some adults are too involved to see.

[deleted account]

Whether you agree with the wedding or not they are his kids as well and he has a right to invite them to participate. Much as we would like to see our exs live in misery because they are without us it rarely happens that way and life sadly goes on. You have to be an adult about this and keep your personal feelings out of it, because you don't want to hurt your childs relationship with their father or it will come back to haunt you eventually. If he is an asshole they will learn it on their own without your help, and if he is not then you can teach them much about adult relationships by being civil. You certainly don't have to attend the wedding, but don't hinder the plans either. Treat him in the way you would like to be treated if the situation was reversed. Good luck.

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Toni - posted on 06/19/2013

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I'd like to ask some advice along the lines of this post.

My ex is suddenly getting married in 3 mths, having known his new wife for 2 months, our sons (10 and 12 yrs) have stayed at her house with her 2 daughters similar age only twice now.

I have been invited to his wedding but don't feel it my place to share in his special day as if I was in her position I wouldn't want the ex there.

I was invited to look after our sons who the ex wants at his wedding.

Knowing I'm not going, our boys don't want to go so he is hurt saying they don't want to be a part of his new family (as he has always used emotional blackmail).

I told him he needs to sit and discuss the whole arrangement with them and let them know why he wants them there, what will happen when everyone moves into the old family home which they will visit every second weekend and reassure the boys they will be looked after by a family friend.

Am I being selfish not going to his wedding so I can look after our kids who he wants there? I truly have no hard feelings but just don't feel comfortable arriving as the groom's ex, I haven't even met the new lady.

Lori - posted on 05/13/2009

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Definitely let the kids participate in their father's wedding. It shows them that you care enough about them to put your personal feelings aside. There are so many good things your children can take away from the experience and it will help you let go too. As the child of divorced parents who both remarried my sisters and I participated in both weddings. It helped us realize our parents are still our parents regardless of who they are married to. If you are having trouble getting past your divorce or your ex husbands decision to remarry, seek counseling but you don't have to tell anyone. Plan your sessions for when the kids are with their father so you can keep your turmoil private and deal with yourself on your own terms.

Chelsea - posted on 05/13/2009

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I would let the kids be in the wedding. Why are you doing it, are you trying gto hold on to something you don't have anymore. I've been there, done that you might as well let it go and get on with your life.

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