Ex's new gf advice

[deleted account] ( no moms have responded yet )

After months of fighting, my ex has now confirmed to me that he's with his other baby's mom a little while back.. I didn't care anymore because I am over our relationship and have been solely focused on trying to figure out our new co-parenting relationship of our daughter. He said his gf wanted to speak to me and I said I wasn't ready to (he essentially cheated on me, carried on relationship with both of us, and had babies with both of us in the same year and didn't tell me) but a couple weeks later she got my number from his phone and called me anyway. We shared stories and basically figured out he was lying to the both of us and playing us both the whole time by saying the other person didn't mean anything but she stayed with him anyways even after hearing what I had to say. Through the conversation with her I found out he has been living with her for a year and lying to me about it; he was leading me to believe he lived with his family still because that's where I was sending my daughter to to spend time with him. (This phone call happened a month ago.) Now that I know the truth from her, he expects me to be okay with sending my daughter to the place he shares with his gf that I haven't met yet and haven't spoken to since that phone call. I told him I wasn't okay with that because he and I haven't even worked out our coparenting issues yet and he has barely acknowledged everything his gf told me. He then told me for my daughter's birthday he wants to introduce his gf to her and take our daughter, his gf and their daughter they have together, out to celebrate. Am I wrong to say that I find that incredibly awkward because it is not about my daughter's birthday but more about meeting his gf for the first time.. I have no problem with him taking out his 2 daughters but I feel like an introduction between us should happen before she takes out my daughter. I have expressed to him and his gf (during our phone call) that I would hope she and I can have our own relationship outside of our shared baby daddy for the sake of our girls but I am not ready for that at the moment since it is still emotional for me. When I told my baby's father this, I feel like it fell on deaf ears and he doesn't understand why I can't "get with it" on his timeline now that his gf put all his cards and all his lies out there. Am I wrong? Irrational? I'm just trying to ensure my daughter sees healthy relationships all around.. (She's almost 2 and not very verbally expressive yet but definitely impressionable still.)

--- Let me also add that during the phone conversation, she told me they got into a physical fight in front of their child and that's why she was in the car with the baby while talking to me. This is the only thing I know of their relationship and while he may deserve an ass kicking for what he's put us/her through, I'm also concerned where would my child spend time at and what will she be exposed to in their care when I'm not around since I wouldn't know if that was a regular occurrence.
-- My ex has also not been the ideal father, not contributed to her, and flat out didn't want to pay child support or be acknowledged as her legal father for parental responsibility.. He's only now saying he wants to fix that but he wants to fix that by having immediate overnights/time with his gf at their place and doesn't care when I say I need to see consistency from him first and would like to see a development with increasing responsibility of her care over time. (We have no court order, no visitation, no support in place because he doesn't want to go to court.. so, if he doesn't want to go to court and have agreements in place, or answer me back when I ask him to talk about our daughter, then why is he so surprised when I feel strongly about certain things involving her care?)

Thoughts? Advice? --mainly on how to approach the gf issue, did I handle it well? am I being unfair/unreasonable? what's typical of this situation? (the few people I've told, tell me that they would never allow their child to see the dad but that's not what I want for my daughter... I want to make sure she knows her dad, knows her sister, and obviously her sister's mom as well..

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