Ex wants the children to be Homeschooled..

Simone - posted on 07/23/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hello All.

Im facing a dilemma. I have three beautiful daughters ages nine eleven and thirteen. Ive been divorced from their father since my oldest was six. Every year we go through the same struggle. He does not want the children to attend public school. He wants them to be homeschooled. Every year I consider it, then I change my mind. He gets angry threatens to take them from me, doesnt contact them for a couple of months...then it calms down. He doesnt involve himself in their education because he doesnt want them in public school. The children do so well in school. All are honor students, top of their class. It makes me sad when he doesnt get excited over their accomplishments. But if someone were to tell him something negative, he picks up the phone to call me right away.
Im considering homeschooling this year because I cannot take doing this alone anymore.
i need his help and involvement. This past school year I felt so overburdened with trying to be on two PTAs, atttend all of the school functions etc I ,have the option to work from home but even that will be a struggle if I homeschool the children. Im very torn

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Marian - posted on 08/01/2012

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My recommendation is for you and the girls' father to sit down with a mediator and talk about the educational goals for your children. It is truly important that both parents be 150% involved and supporting their children's education. Once you have determined a clear set of goals, then discuss how each of you will assist in making those goals happen. If Dad is so admit about the girls being home schooled, then he needs to avail himself to be part of the process. You can't do it all, especially not with three kids. But, again, get a plan on paper and get Dad's buy in.

Faye - posted on 07/26/2012

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Sounds to me like HE needs to be the homeschool teacher! If that is what he wants then HE needs to make sure it gets done with him as the teacher! Oh he has to work so he can provide health insurance? TOUGH! He wants this so much he raises hedoublehockeysticks with you EVERY year, then he needs to man up and be the homeschool teacher! He is blowing wind! Let him and enjoy your children.

As far as attending PTA at two buildings and all the school functions, you will need to choose which PTA to support this month. Nothing within the PTA rules say you must attend EACH AND EVERY meeting! Be a member and help as you can.

Our school district does its best to not schedule two schools activities on the same night. We have 3 elementary (k-4), 1 intermedate (5-6), 1 middle (7-8) and 1 high school (9-12) so the schedules could be very full if I would have a child at each school level.

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Amanda - posted on 08/30/2012

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What if he doesn't involve himself even when they are homeschooled? Why is it so important for the children to be homeschooled? How will it affect your children?



I would sit down and have a talk with your children, a serious one, and describe the homeschool setting and what all would change in their life. It should be up to them if they want to attend school or not, especially the older two. A 9 year old would probably be able to make that decision as well. The kids are all old enough to know whether or not they would want to attempt homeschooling. Worst case scenario is they hate it, they go back to school. Fortunately none of them are in high school yet, but this decision needs to be made before high school (the 13 year old will be there within a year or two) as homeschooling can affect college.



Another worst case scenario is you juggling all of the children's studies and your job. All while maintaining a home. Those are two big what-ifs.



I would let the children attend public school and screw what the dad thinks, but my daughter's father sucks. :) I homeschool her for right now (she's only 5 and I dislike my school district) but she will be in public school before middle school as I believe it is important for her socially, as she is an only child.



For you, though, it's too many what-ifs to take the risk, but follow your heart. Good luck.

Threenorns - posted on 08/03/2012

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i homeschool my 5yr old and, quite frankly, if i had to do it with three kids, i'd probably be found in the bottom of my bedroom closet in the foetal position curled around a really big bottle of something alchoholic. homeschooling is HARD.

the worst thing for me is not that the actual technique is difficult, bec it isn't. the problem is that there's 987 things calling out to be done while i'm "wasting" time teaching my daughter. housework doesn't get done. the dog doesn't get walked on his usual schedule. meals are hit or miss. at the end of the day, the place still looks like a bomb hit it but i'm *bone tired* and all too anxious to get away from my daughter and her incessant questions. i sure as heck wouldn't be able to work from home on top of it!

this year, she goes to french immersion. she's got asperger's so hopefully that will work but if it doesn't, i will home school her again bec bottom line is that what is best for her is what is important.

if your children are doing well in school, don't fix what isn't broken. you're the one that has trouble trying to be SuperhumanMom - so fix what's not working for YOU.

there's no law says you have to be on two PTAs or one PTA or any of them. you don't need to attend ALL of the school functions - pick the important ones and let the rest slide. and really don't expect anything from him - if he wants teh kids homeschooled so badly, tell him to pony up for montessori.

Chrissyomari - posted on 07/27/2012

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Simone - Homeschooling is a viable choice if you have the desire to do it for yourself and your children, BUT he will not be involved. People who want to be involved are. I don't know the specifics of your situation, but it is highly possible that he is using the homeschooling as an excuse not to be involved. Homeschooling is going to be way more challenging than being in two PTAs and I would bet half of my last paycheck they your ex will not get more involved because of your choice.

If he really wanted to be involved, he would do what Chaya sail. I mean literally. After school, he could spend about 4 hours with them reinforcing what they learned and adding what he wants and/or have a class/learning session for 2-4 hours on the weekend. In fact, I think before you take them out of school. You should tell him that if he does Saturday school with them for four hours every saturday and sunday, then you will homeschool them. I'm 99.8% percent sure that he won't be consistent for the entire semester.

Please make your decision based on you, not on what you need from him. Any dad who would go months without seeing his kids (unless he's in the military or working out of town) is, well . . . I don't need to go there.

Chaya - posted on 07/26/2012

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I realize it can be a very good experience, but most of my friends and I haven't had that experience

Simone - posted on 07/26/2012

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Thanks for your advice Chaya. Sounds like you had an interesting experience with homeschooling and missing your Dad it must have been very tough for you.

Chaya - posted on 07/26/2012

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My friends who are/were homeschooled, and myself included would tell you that homeschooling is a lonely existance. The have their siblings, but not much outside contact.
It could be better for some children, depending on a variety of stuff. One of my friends homeschools because her daughter is diabetic, but the family has four members, three of whom are disabled. Mom's too sick to teach the kid, so she's seven and can't read.
I would reccommend that you tell your husband if he wants to homeschool, he needs to do it himself, you can also tell the children they are under no obligation to cooperate. I would venture to guess he'll refuse, but just agree to do it for half the year,it may be just what your children need.
My issue was that I went to the missionary kids school, but I missed my dad terribly, so my guardians, not my dad, homeschooled me. The real solution, had it been possible, was to get my dad clean and sober so he could take care of me. Homeschooling wasn't the issue.
There are homeschool coops, and that's a good idea, if the parents talents are varied enough.

Simone - posted on 07/26/2012

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Thanks for your response Chrisdee. Really trying to figure out what to do Still not sure

Simone - posted on 07/26/2012

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Thank you Faye for your reply. In terms of PTA I was on the PTA for my oldest who is in middle school and my two younger ones in elementary school. The schools are in the same building and they are careful not to schedule events on the same night but sometimes it happens I found myself running ragged. Forgetting meetings etc so Im sitting this year out. No PTA for either school.

Chrisdee - posted on 07/24/2012

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Simone,

What assurance do you have that your ex will be involved in homeschooling your children as he is not currently involved in their educational pursuits at all? It may become even more of a challenge to fully support the education of your three daughters in the home school environment. I know that you will make the best choice for both yourself and your daughters.

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