father visation rights..

Janellika - posted on 03/02/2010 ( 99 moms have responded )

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is it wrong for me not to let the father of my son not see him if he is not paying childsupport? even though he is ordered to.. and also in another fact he only wants to see him when he wants which is maybe once every 2months.. so i need some advice on this one.

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I would say no you are not wrong. Rasing a child does take support and it takes to two to make a child so if dad doesnt wanna help he losses his rights

Tina - posted on 03/08/2010

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i would let him but i wouldnt take it to the extreme of him calling him daddy only because he is not around for your son, and you don't wan't ur son to have that let sown feeling. or my daddy is never here thing going on so just let him see hom supervised of course and limit the time, or you can also tell him hey you need to work on our time( u n ur son)

Jennifer - posted on 03/08/2010

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I now its hard...but remember that he is trying to hurt you. He is making it about you and not about the child. So switch it up and make it just about your son. I know you are hurting now, but in the end he will be the one who has to explain why he has done what he has.....your son will love and respect you for what you did for him....keep on fighting....and don't let him get under your skin. It seems like they only want to hurt us. My sons father just had a baby with some gurl he isn't even dating...and my son is only 2....He has put me through it all....but when you let go of your unforgivness and just worry about you and your son it becomes so much easier. Don't think he isn't suffering inside. He will hit him like a jolt one day...as for him spending time with this other child and girlfriend....that will only last sooo long. Hunny if he did it to you, he will do it to her. They don't change that quick. Don't think their relationship is great cause i bet its really not....Just focus on yourself. When he gets you upset...just let it go and walk away. You have to show him that what he is doing is not affecting you.....I would try to do supervised visits but try not to be the one supervising. When he comes to see your son....don't be there...ask you r mom to be there. Its soo much harder when you see them....or just let him take him twice a month. If your not concerned about abuse...then let him have him....he will have to buy him stuff then.....and don't worry about your son being around this other girl...he WILL ALWAYS know who his mommy is.....I bet the other girl will start to get jealous that he has his son. This is probably one of the hardest things to go through...really...but you will make it through.....BTW All the advice I'm giving you...is things I have done personally and am still doing....I feel so much better about myself and I just love my son....

Angela - posted on 03/08/2010

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it is sooooooo dam sad how many of us are sharin the same struggle with these men...

Janellika i hope u lay a complaint about him not payin...i feel if there is no support as a father why should he hav the right as a father...

Valentine - posted on 03/08/2010

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amanda tell me something, how did you feel getting to know your father in your teens, i mean, were you angry with your mother for not letting you see your real dad from the word go?after getting to know what made her such a decision would you blame her for such a deceision. i need to know, for myself to make the right deceisions before its too late.i for one, doesnt want want my son to be associated with such a person in his life, i want him to be the complete opposite of an irresponsible man.i know with God's grace i will find him a responsible father for him. there are so many widowed/ man who cant have children who would want such a responsibility of being a father. the more my son's father calls my son the more i get angrier with him. a child doesnt eat or play football or clothe through the telephone. at one point i wanted to tell my son that his father is dead so that he wont keep on asking me where his dad is, but later changed my mind. he is 4 now and is growing older, more questions about his dad are coming, and what do i have to tell him especially if the father is not responsible enough to visit his child or support him financially?

Amanda - posted on 03/08/2010

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I have to say speaking as someone who even though I had a wondeful dad who raised me from day one till he passed away but he was not my real dad. I never knew my real dad till I was a teen and he was one of these part time dad's. He would only come around when he wants to, my half brother grew up with him in his life and he would tell u that it messed him up haveing a part time dad. Both o f my son's dad's are not in their life because they did not want to be full time dad's. You are a mother and a mother must do whats right for her child.

Valentine - posted on 03/07/2010

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i dont think its wrong.being a father is not just a name, it also means being responsible of your actions. a child needs to eat, clothe , have toys especially if the father is working and can afford to. he is just an irresponsible man who doesnt deserve sympathy of being allowed to see a child at his own will. if he is not willing to look after his child he might as well not see him because he is as good as dead in the child's life. his complete absence in the child's life will also giveyou less stress. remember these children will grow and when they do they will know what was going on and who knows , they might even blame you for not being stricter to their fathers. if the father was absent and they hate you for that, it really doesnt matter, you would have done your part by acting to their best interests whilist they were young

Kathryn - posted on 03/07/2010

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is it court ordered visitation...i know in the state of fl. visitation and child support are two different things..if it is court ordered visitation then you still have to let him see the child even if he isn't paying...if its not court ordered then i guess it is up to you...good luck!

Laura - posted on 03/07/2010

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I think if he doesn't want to keep a regular schedule he will do more harm than good for your son. I don't agree with absent parents not paying child support (neither of my daughters fathers do), but I don't feel that is a good reason to keep them out of the childs life. Your child will resent you if you make that decision. Set days for visitation and let his father hang himself. When you set the schedule, let "dad" know that after so many missed visits you will stop visitation.

Teri - posted on 03/07/2010

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My daughter's father comes to see her 3 or 4 times a week even though he doesn't pay child support. I can't keep her away from him just because I am mad at him. She adores her daddy and it would devastate both of them to not see each other. If your son gets really excited to see his dad, you should let him. Work out the money at court, but don't let your child be held for ransom.

April - posted on 03/07/2010

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In Ohio it's illegal for a parent to withhold visitation for non payment of child support. If you have an order for visitation from the courts you have to make the children available to him as ordered, or else you can get in trouble. I was told by my attorney that if my x doesn't see the kids for an extended length of time then I can go to court and have the visitation schedule amended. As it is now, he is following the standard vistation schedule. If he stops seeing them on Wednesdays for 6 months or a year and I have documented that he hasn't been taking them I can have the visitation schedule adjusted so he can't show up on a Wednesday and say he wants the kids after 6 months of not taking them Wednesday. If you don't have an order you don't have to let him take your son. But if you do that you run the risk of him taking you to court eventually. As for the child support, what I've done is if my child support is more than 30 days from the last payment I call the Child Support Enforcement Agency.
But if you really want to be rid of him and think he wants out too, you could offer that if he signs over his legal rights to the child you'll be willing to stop the child support.

Sydney - posted on 03/07/2010

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It can actually get you in trouble if you have court ordered visitation and you refuse to let him see him on the days the court has set aside. you can be fined or arrested. If you do not have a formal arrangement through the court for visitation then you need to see a lawyer and find out what your options are so you do not end up in any trouble with the attorney generals office. My son's father was not paying child support but i still had to honor the visitation schedule that had been set up in the child support order.

Charlene - posted on 03/07/2010

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If he is not paying support and not seeing him.... AND he asks to sign his rights away.... (by the way im going through it right now) THEN BY ALL MEANS LET HIM!!!! if you dont, then you will be waisting your time going to the mailbox seeing if the check is there then getting frustrated when its not. and then you can tell your son when he gets older... "this is what your 'father' wanted. I tried to help him be your daddy but this is how it is." I am going to be so glad when i dont have to worry about my sons father anymore. Some 'boys' are not cut out to be dads and WE as MOTHERS have the obligation to our children to save our children from that really un needed heartache. Message me if you wanna talk more.

Laura - posted on 03/07/2010

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To be honest I don't think it is right of you to determine the relationship between a father and his child on the basis that child support is not being paid. If the contact with father and child is inconsistent then you need to either set down strict but reasonable guidelines surrounding contact visits amicably and if this does not work then perhaps you may want to seek out the making of a legal parenting order which outlines what your expectations are for contact between father and child. In the long run your son will always know that at least you tried to help build a stable relationship between him and his father. Not receiving child support is frustrating and something that most single parents go through, it's not fair when the other parent doesn't contribute and I completely understand how you feel.

Kris - posted on 03/07/2010

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Does the state you live in have a Office or Recovery Services Department?

If so take your case to them on the failed payments of child support and they will garnish his wages. As for visitation if he can stick to a schedule then by all means let him see his child and his child see him. If he deviates from the schedule then he misses out. If he wants to change the schedule then it's at your own discretion.

Janellika - posted on 03/06/2010

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well here's the thing not only is he not paying childsupport but he does not see him on court ordered basis.. when i put him on childsupport we had to of course agree to how much a month and when he would have visits with him and not once has he followed to these rules that we agreed on.. i always told him that i wanted him to see and be apart of our sons life. there was plenty of times that he was suppose to see him and i would tell our son daddy is coming for you but then he would bail and i grew frustrated and told him if u mess up again thats it.. i wont allow you to see him.. he even told me once that he wanted to sign over his rights... he has also gone to jail for gang related issues drinking and driving on two occasions.. he's basically an alcoholic and it worries me to let my son be around him...so wendy before you have your opinions you should know the whole truth on what type of father he is being and by the way he is my ex by my choice because of the fact of him being so irresponsible as a father... i think im going to take some of the other helpful moms advice and get accompanied visations

Loni - posted on 03/06/2010

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im not sure what state your in but, in MN a child support order and visitattion order (parenting time) are two totally seperate court appearances meaning that just because their is a child support order in place it alone doesn't mean that they (father) has any legal rights to see the child(ren) and if "parenting time" is wanted the the father would then need to hire representation and bring the matter into court, personally, i have 3 boys(all different dads) and only one of their fathers pays support. the one that pays is the only one with no desire to see his son and the other two don't pay their support and do have involvement, i feel that the father/child involvement is much more important to the needs of a child than any monetarial amount and regardless of whether or not they pay (or if we are fighting) i feel that the father shouldn't be denied simply for that reason alone but we all have our own opinions and beliefs i hope my response has given you some insight and has helped answer your question loni

Kristina - posted on 03/06/2010

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It is wrong if there is a parenting plan in place that gives him specific days and times of when he can see his son because you will be in contempt of court and could lose custody of your if you don't let him see him. If there is not one in place than you don't have to let him see your son, but if he isn't paying child support and you don't let him see your son than the courts may look at that as bad on your part. If there is a court order than he is in comtempt and he will be held accountable. My kids' father doesn't pay child support either, but yet I still have to let him see his daughters. He wants to be involved so I let him because it is only good for my girls, yet hard on me financially. If there is not a parenting plan in place-get one so that he can't just take your son from you. You will most likely get what you want because he doesn't pay child support because the courts see that as being unstable and irresponsible. Money and visitation are two separate issues and you will have to file contempt charges against him in court. I believe that is the only way to hold him accountable, I would get legal advice. I am surprised that the state you live in doesn't have something strictor for dead beat dads. Good Luck!

Lhynne - posted on 03/06/2010

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Ladies, I'm in the same situation like y'all. My ex is not sending anything for my little girl and he is not practicing his rights that we have agreed on our parenting plan. He doesn't visit nor call my daughter for months now. I think it is very sad that he is not making any effort to have that relationship with her. Yes, it is not fair that he is not giving any child support but it is also not fair for the child that he is depriving her on the relationship that she should have with him.
I know ladies that you feel like you are being punish since the fathers of your kids are not being fair, but honestly, it is your child(ren) is the one being unfairly treated her. Keep on doing what you are doing, be the best moms as you can be, because someday your own child will thank you and the unconditional love will favor more on yours. Remember this, he is the one missing out on that child of yours.
I also agrees with Danielle. At this point, if the father is not following the parenting plan, document it and let the court handle it. You can change the parenting plan whenever you want and the court willo favor you just as long it is beneficial for the child.

Catherine - posted on 03/06/2010

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Depending on where you live, if you have a court order for Child Support and for visitation, you are required to keep the issues separate. It sucks, and I am going through it too, but they are unfortunately separate issues :(

Roseann - posted on 03/06/2010

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I agree with danielle cordukes i know it is hard when you dont get help with money its a fight for me very week but i still let my ex see the kids. but we have a plan too though and he sticks with it. so maybe thats what you should do, and he cant stick with it then you should do what is best! good luck with everything!

Wendy - posted on 03/06/2010

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so you use your child for money. you pick the man to have kids with and his your ex for a reason

Wendy - posted on 03/06/2010

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your the reason why children end up locked up as adults.
you don't take the child away you fight him for the money thru the courts.

Wendy - posted on 03/06/2010

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what does money have to do with being around the baby?
the child doesn't understand the money part. and what happen to supporting a child emotionally?

Wendy - posted on 03/06/2010

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it is wrong just because he is not paying. does your child get happy when he/she sees their father?
and he also has the order giving him rights to see that child
so both of yall are not following the court order. which only hurts the child.
let him get the child when he wants cause at least he is wanting to spend that time verse him getting the child and not wanting to spend time leaving the child with someone else?
and depending on the childs age once the child looks forward to visits and he doesn't show and the child is getting upset and crying cause he didn't show then i wouldn't send the child.

Melodie - posted on 03/06/2010

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I didn't let my child's father see him because of non-payment. HOWEVER it did come back to haunt me when we were in court and I then found out I was in contempt for not following our orders. So the double standard continues....He won't get in trouble for non-payment,but I was threatened with jail time because I didnt follow court's "orders" It's up to you,just be careful. Make the orders work for you! If he doesnt call the Wednesday b4 picking up the child,then its a NO. If its not "his" weekend,then NO. With my experiences,he will finally give up or possibly start playing by the rules and give you some help (chances r better with him giving up) Good Luck

Javonda - posted on 03/06/2010

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I think every single parent with custody issues have this concern. I am sort of in your predicament. He pays court ordered child support though it is only enough to buy a few outfits and maybe some shoes as my son is growing leaps and bounds. I settle for less than he should pay because I know and my son knows who takes care of him. He has court ordered visitation and it is supposed to be supervised, but the supervised visitation center closed due to funding. Since we live out of state, I take my son when I can afford to because he does little else. If he doesn't pay support, then prosecute. Make an effort to do visitation because it is actually a bigger burden for him to see your child than it is for you to abide by the order. After a couple of times, he'll be giving excuses on why he can't attend visitation anyway. My son's father screams about not seeing but makes no effort to do so. When I bring him up state, the man can't even spend more than a few hours with him. I take pleasure in knowing he's the failure and my son gets to see it without me being involved in any way.

Britney - posted on 03/06/2010

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I'm going through the same thing. My sons father doesnt pay any child support but the court ordered me to let him see my son.... its horrible... I support my son and take care of him all the time, but that doesn't count the only people that care is us, the ones going through it

Jennifer - posted on 03/06/2010

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I think most of us have this issue. However, it's no about us it's about the children. Therefore you should let him see the baby even if it's only once every two months. Our #1 thing for raising boy's w/o their father around is to put the around positive men. Like your father, uncles, brothers, cousins.. so on and so forth. Never show that anger you have inside for the child's father to your child. Just let him know when he does come around how great the two of you are doing and that you wish he could spend more time with his father. Don't even bring the issue of money up... most men come around due to guilt and eventually form that bond with their child.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/05/2010

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I'm actuqlly going through the whole custody battle right now with my ex. He doesnt have a job and i know he wont pay child support. He can go a montha and a half without seeing her but he says that he loves her so much and he always makes up excuses on why he cant make it. I think that if he cant pay, he shouldn't see the wonderful life that you both created, but your get to have all the special little moments that he will miss out on. Do what you think is best for your little munchkin.

Jessica - posted on 03/05/2010

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Child support and visitation are 2 completely seperate issues.
You cannot withhold visitation if he's not paying child support...and so on.

If he's not paying support like he's ordered to, take him back to court.

[deleted account]

Danielle is right, as frustrating and horrible as it is, access has nothing to do with child support. My lawyer told me very quickly, no matter how frustrated we got with his lack of responsibility it has no bearing on his access. Now in your case he's not around much, it might be helpful to seek legal advice and perhaps seek help with the Family Responsibilty Office - go on line - your child should get support that is his legal responsibility even if he doesn't want regular access!

PAULA - posted on 03/05/2010

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Just wanted to give you two examples: I have a teenage daughter whom has never seen her father. He walked out and I had to get the Child Support Agency involved to get pennies from him. So I have been receiving money for her but, as mentioned he has had no access. My son, who has just turned nine months, sees his father 1 full day a week, luckly he dotes on him but, I had to stop access for nearly two months before he would agree to help me moneywise. Alot of people thought that I was being really nasty but, I now get money and he gets access.
My advice would be to do what you feel is best for your situtation. You and your child's happiness matters most.

Kimberly - posted on 03/05/2010

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I have to tell you that in Colorado, you can not have a father's parental rights revoked. Even if the man is a total waste of skin and never pays you a dime, the courts feel that a child should have two "parents". (Personally, I do not feel that you can consider someone a parent if they never do anything parental, but that is just my opinion) I was told that if I re-married and the new man wanted to adopt my child, then my ex-husband could give up his rights for the adoption to take place. Otherwise, a parent always has rights and you have to bear that in mind.

Jennifer - posted on 03/05/2010

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Nope, I did the same exact thing with my ex-husband. Does your ex have a court order granting him visitation rights? If not, then you have ALL the rights. Dont ever go against a court order to let your husband see your child but always remember you have rights too and if your childs primary residence is with you, you have way MORE rights than the father does. Put your child first is the best peice of advice. No matter how much you hate your ex if he is good to his child than they should see each other. But, if your husband is a deadbeat dad who doesnt pay for anything or help out in any way than let me assure you his legal rights are few especially if your child lives with you. Get advice from a lawyer and have his rights terminated on grouds of financial abandonment if he is not contributing to his childs finances.

Shelly - posted on 03/05/2010

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Sorry but those who tell you that you should not let the father see his child are putting you in a position of disobeying a court order. Child support and visitation do not go hand-in-hand. He can take you back to court and demand a modification of the order. Yes he is breaking the order, but that does not mean that you should too. This type of situation brings nothing but the ire of the judge in question. This is a child and he/she does not need to be put in the middle of adult problems. Now you can bring it to the court's attention that the father is not following the court visitation and you can ask for modification based on the need for extra support if you need to pay more child care since the father does not visit his son as agreed.

Kimberly - posted on 03/05/2010

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my ex is a deadbeat also, and hasn't paid child support on a regular basis for years (nothing at all in the last couple of years) even though he is court ordered to do so. According to the courts though, I am required to allow visitation. It is not dependant on whether he pays, it's two separate issues. Before moving from CO to FL I was constantly feeling the same way as you. It was ridiculous that I had to be the responsible adult 24/7 while he got to be the fun guy (fungi?) a few times a month. It felt like he got all the rewards without any of the work... the best way to approach this is to tell him that you want to file a parenting plan with the courts; then set a defined schedule for visitation, a pick-up/drop off location other than your house, and add that any change of schedule must be agreed upon by both of you at least 24hrs before the day of visitation. If you maintain your calm and act like this is something good for him (cause it's always about them, ya know) he should go along with it. When he cancels or "forgets" the stuff in the plan, take note of it. Keep a calendar or journal of how the parenting plan is working. There will come a time that you can go back to the courts and say "he hasn't payed since (forever) and he blew off visits on these dates.

Vanessa - posted on 03/05/2010

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every child needs a father, the kids don't know anything about the money situation and it isn't their fault for their fathers lack of intrest. Making the child miss out on their father is the worst thing you can do for their development. I hate my ex, some days I wish he would just disappear, he doesn't pay child support and only sees our daughter maybe twice a year although he lives only 10 miles away. But when he does want to see her I let him because I do not want my daughter to blame me for her fathers absense.

Jeannie - posted on 03/04/2010

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Well put Danielle! True, if child support is ordered through court, you don't have a choice. Danielle is right, if you withhold your child from his father regardless of how you feel, he may hold it against you when he is older. This is a very tough situation and very emotional I am sure. Hang in there, and go legal whatever you do! Let him laugh, let him think he has the upper hand, but if you do it legal you will have the last say! The more you struggle with his dad, the more it affects him. Good luck, this has to be tough. I am so sorry you are having to face this!

Shelby - posted on 03/04/2010

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in my state (oregon) support & visitation are separate issues. that being said, you should see the district attorney about child support. here, after $2500 they get their license suspended. and if they don't make any payments after that they then get a warrant out for contempt of court. i would advise that you get a court approved visitation schedule, and if he breaks it repeatedly you can then modify it to deny visitation.

see legal aid in your area.

Vicky - posted on 03/04/2010

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Janellika, It's a difficult situation when raising a child alone. Even more so when the father is hurting the child by trying to hurt you. I'm not familiar with the laws of other states, however, in Texas, child support and child visitation are two separate issues and are not dependent on one another. This means that, even if the father were to not pay child support, he would still have access to visit his child.
What wasn't mentioned was the background on this situation - is there legal paperwork? Has he been ordered to pay child support? While I'm sure your reasons for wanting to withhold visitation is valid, if these orders are in place, you could be liable for punitive action (being fined and/or jail time). As mentioned earlier, if there is an obvious and direct danger to the child if visitation is allowed, by all means you'd bring more harm to your child by allowing this to happen. It's a fine line you're treading.
My advise, if there are no court orders, is to seriously weigh the options available to you. Most states still favor the mother retaining custody of the child, though there are father's rights advocates that would LOVE to make an "example" out of this case to further their cause. If you need the money, consider other options available to you as far as adding to your income or making this more economic for you. Document EVERY call he makes regarding his child and EVERY time you allow visitation or when he requests visitation. If you have a documented history and you do decide to take this to court, you'll be better prepared to show WHY he shouldn't be allowed visitation. Keep in mind, though, that your personal feelings towards him are not the court's concern. What's important for them is what's best for the child; and even they have their own agendas to push. You are your son's best advocate (even lawyers are limited in this knowledge) and it's completely up to you. Good luck and best wishes.

Nicole - posted on 03/04/2010

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It's not wrong to want to do that but legally you are not allowed to with hold visitation just because he's not paying support, i am going through the same thing right now. I am in the process of trying to set visitation and child support. You can go through the state to force him to pay child support. You should be able to look it up on your states DHS site, they will set it where it comes out of his paycheck, etc. so you will definately start getting paid. If he doesn't keep a job then come tax time when he files you will atleast get his return to go towards the amount of support he owes you. You should look into it. I wish I would have done it that way instead of getting a lawyer. Best of luck to you. -Nicole

Ericka - posted on 03/04/2010

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Im going through a custody battle right now....and here it dont matter if they pay child support....they could never pay child support but if u have court ordered visitation u have to let the child go with the father...by you not allowing him to see the child u are denying visitation and if he wanted to could have u put in jail for it....I know sounds stupid huh.....but that is how it works.....the only way you can stop the child from going is if there life is in danger....I have to let my daughter go no matter what even if shes sick she has to go....and the messed up thing is even if she screams and cries cause she dont want to go I have to make her or else I get introuble for it by the law.

Roni - posted on 03/04/2010

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Allison is right, if there is a visitation order you will have to go through the court system and let them handle it. Good luck with this.

Janellika - posted on 03/03/2010

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i totally understand the whole not letting my son get to know his dad and it makes me feel horrible that he doesnt see him... but yet im so angry with how his father wont help out financially and he doesnt care one bit i kinda feel like he's laughing at me every time he does get to see my son like as if he's thinking ha i dont pay you one dime and i still get my way... and what really makes matters worse for me and hurts alot is he has a new girlfriend who has a daughter whom he spends money on.. i think im going to have to call childsupport and try and do something about my situation

Alison - posted on 03/03/2010

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Is there a visitation order. If there isn't you don't have to let him see your son. Even though he isn't paying child support but if there is a order then you have to. I would do something about the child support he isn't paying.

Beret - posted on 03/03/2010

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Not at all, until he pays you, you ever right to tell him NO. It may not be fair to your son or daughter, but he'll learn, or damn she really means that she will take my child away if I don't start paying...I see it everyday at my daughters preschool.

Danielle - posted on 03/03/2010

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Dont get me wrong it is disgusting that he isnt paying anything to help raise your son..But i think that money is a separate issue.
However If he does want to see his son i would have rules that he HAS to follow.
Such as visiting once a fortnight or month ( whatever you both agree on) and sticking to it
maybe having a supervised visitation?
If he doesnt stick to these rules or breaks them like 3 times then i would go to a family mediation and make a parenting plan. You can actually get the document enforced by the courts so it is a legal bit of paper. then if be doesnt show another 3 times you can take him to court or whatever you feel is best.

it sucks he isnt paying money,.,and i totally get how frustrated you feel in allowing him to see his son when he feels like it and yet he wont pay a cent to help rais him or anything...But try and think from your sons persepective...He will love and admire you when he grows up and realises that you let him get to know his real father even though his fahter never helped you out in any financial way! even though his father watched you struggle week to week.
Every child has a right to know their father. And if you dont do it now, he will want to do it later and then may even hold some resentment towards you for not letting him grow up with his father in his life...

All this is just my personal opinion though...YOU have to do wat you feel is right for you and your son. No matter what you do im sure you will have your sons best interest at heart!
Good luck and stay strong!

Kristin - posted on 03/02/2010

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I have this problem too. If he is not paying child support and not making an effort to see your child i don't think he has any right. but that is my opinion. My ex was doing the same thing. calling every 2-3 months. He didn't pay or have anything to do with her for 2 years. I don't know your situation but i got him on supervised visitation so when he wants to see her he can set up a visit. I don't think it is right for him to be around the baby and then not have to have any obligations like supporting the baby. Its not fair to the baby. I think it is up to you. in the end you have to do what you think is best for your child.

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