Father wants 6 month old baby girl for a few days!

Dee - posted on 01/05/2011

You can "borrow" the white goods for 12 months as maintenance? Then what - you have to give them back? Jeez. Not only would I only let him have supervised access (and he'd be lucky to get that!!), but I'd get the CSA involved so you get some regular proper payments ... and tell him it's his responsibility to make sure that the mother of his child has a fridge, freezer and washing machine!!

Aside from that - all of the recommendations are that a child should not be separated from it's primary caregiver for overnight visits until at LEAST two years old.

Be strong hun x

Tracy - posted on 01/04/2011

leaving is leaving.....you dont trade off support of your child for material items after splitting. These items were purchased together i assume.
As for her going with dad. I think your good on the asking his mom kinda idea. Call his mother and explain the situation, maybe someone else on your side will let him see the light on the situation. I think a few hours at grandmas, lets everyone see her really too. Until the man has showed some kind of change, a 6month old doesnt belong in the arms of a drunken man. no need to be in an enviorment that isnt safe for her.
Get some legal aid counsel if you can, find out what your rights are. Tell him to take you to court if thats the case, keeping your baby girl safe is the most important thing.

Michelle - posted on 01/04/2011

I don't know where you live, but I live in Canada. My ex and I have been split up since my daughter was 3 weeks old. He requested to take our now 6 month old daughter 6 hours away (to his parents' home in the next province) for a 48 hour visit. I refused because, like your ex, he had never provided care to our child. He took me to court over the matter and the court denied his request. Instead he was granted a 4 hour supervised visit in my city (supervised by his mom).

As far as child support/ maintenance, he cannot make that type of agreement either. I would hold your ground. Get some legal advice, but leave it to him to initial any legal proceedings regarding a 4 day visit. He will have to prove to the court that it is in the child's best interest to have a four day visit versus you having to prove that it is not in the child's best interest.

The Parenting After Separation Course that is court mandated in my province stipulates that for infants under 1 year old "short frequent visits" are ideal as if an infant is separated from their primary caregiver for 72 hours or greater the child actually starts to grieve and mourn the loss because the child basically thinks you are gone forever.

If you are breastfeeding the court will not grant that type of visitation (or really any visit longer than four hours) either.

Jennie - posted on 01/03/2011

Save those texts and go apply for full custody! Gather any evidence you can about his drinking, drug use and temper. Ask for supervised visitation and regular drug tests. If you do not have a custody agreement he has no right to your child. Do not feel pressured to put her in danger! Stay safe and stand your ground. If he gets nasty or threatens you call the police. Get an order of protection. There are stalker laws now also. Don't be afraid to use them. When you go to court you need to prove that you stayed away from him for your safety and the safety of your child.

April - posted on 01/03/2011

Hi there I am going through something quite similar you will have to take him to court to have it dealt with efore he becomes to agitated and immediatley put in a request for supervised visits...and make sure you save all the text messages for court and do not say anything that you cannot back up from either witnesss or some sort of documentation I hope this helps good luck

Justine - posted on 01/01/2011

I went through this exact same case three years ago, except my ex-husband also threatened to stab me in the head unless I signed away full custody. I had never felt so scared and alone in my life. Especially at night. I contacted a lawyer and told her everything. For the first two weeks after the appointment, I was awake all night, worried that I may have angered him by getting a lawyer, then slowly I began to relax. Men like this are cowards. They like to intimidate to get their own way. The courts can see through this. I was going for supervised access, but the judge ruled no contact whatsoever.
You really just have to do the best you can by your children, thats a mums job, and trust in the law. Keep proof, and when you think you don't have the strength or courage to carry on, just look and your child - you are their voice. If you can't handle living with him, your child should not have too.
Be strong, and take one step at a time.
You can do this.

Dionne - posted on 01/01/2011

Keep him away from her. He is not ready to have her alone. He needs to get help before he can get near her. He is dangerously angry and he will take it out on her.

Christina - posted on 01/01/2011

If he is on drugs of any kind, then don't do it. Tell him that since he hasn't had her over night before, that you just can't do it. If he pushes you legally, have them do a hair follicle drug test on him. It's very hard when one parent is not fit. In this case, you are right to keep him from seeing her alone.

Court - posted on 12/31/2010

It's like we're all dating the same alcoholic pothead... ugh.
Get custody and let the courts have someone supervise the visits.

Ramona - posted on 12/30/2010

Ignore him and, if he persists, get a restraining order. I am in a similar situation and it's no fun, but I would not allow him to take your child for 4 days, especially if he has never taken care of her in the past.

Crystal - posted on 12/30/2010

As the custodial parent, you have the right to make the rules. If he wants his drug and alcohol issues brought up to the courts, beg him to keep pushing with the tantrums.

Btw, you have the right to record your own phone calls. Save those texts too. Be prepared to get as nasty as you have to be legally, but don't engage in his hostile behavior.

Can you imagine what this personality type would do to a child who demanded their mother and didn't want to go to bed?

Louise - posted on 12/30/2010

i must add now that he says hes going for full custody!

Nicole - posted on 12/28/2010

Save the text messages, and any emails you receive. Document everything.

I would suggest going to court, filing for full custody, guardianship and supervised access.

Cassandra - posted on 12/28/2010

I just recently went through a custody battle with my son's dad in Sept and the judge said that infants weren't permitted overnights with the non custodial parent. She also said that my son could only be allowed 6hr visits with his dad at a time, I said that I would give him 8hrs (the time I was at work) twice a week. Just remember that every custody case differs from state to state and sometimes on the judges mood. My son and I moved out when he was 6 months old after his dad threatened to kick us out. I was the sole provider and caregiver for my son, even when we stayed with his dad for a few months when I was on maternity leave. Make sure you document EVERYTHING, just in case you have to go to court. I helped me immensely!!!!

Amber - posted on 12/28/2010

In my opinion I wouldn't let her go with him for four days. I have personally experience with an Alcoholic and pot smoker. My "sperm donor" was one too. He would "want" to spend time with her then when i dropped her off his mom would keep her so he could drink. She stayed the night with him one night he instead of taking care of our daughter he decided he would get drunk instead and when I found out that he got drunk when our daughter was in his care I hit the roof. My point is until he gets help then will choose the drink over the kid. It's very sad but letting him keep her for a couple of hours a week is better then nothing. He shouldn't get mad over it. Atleast he gets to see her.

Good luck. Message me if you ever want to talk.

Danielle - posted on 12/28/2010

i think he should be greatful to see her at all. if i were you i would NOT let him have her on his own at all let alone for 4 days. if he really wanted to see her he would be greatful with what you offered. he needs to learn how to look after her before even having her for an hour on his own. if he heavy drinker and smoking drugs to me thats a no go. i dont let anyone thats been drinking near my baby and def wouldnt let them look after her.