feeling bad for being a single mom sometimes?

Julie - posted on 08/09/2011

I love fact that I am a single mom of four girls.. I just recently seperate and in process of divorce with my ex... I gotta say, I feel bad too.. Everytime I go places and see a couple happy together with their child or a dad plays with their child, it makes me sad.. Girls dad hardly did any of that when we were together.... Sad to say, but that is who he was and still is...I just got to think on positive side and be there for my girls...

Kayla - posted on 08/09/2011

I feel the same. i want my daughtrtave a good lie and it makes me sd when i see happy family's bause never dreamed of being loney,unwed or being clssifid a teen mom when i had my first child. It is hard and sometimes depressing but god will hep you cope

Lauren - posted on 08/05/2011

I feel exactly this... everyday i have doubts, there is always a what if.... i used to just sit thinking what if i could of done everything differently and not given up... but then i never did give up.. i gave up things for him whilst in the relationship to make him happy and gave him so many chances for us to be a family and all he brought was unhappiness, upset and drama to my life all through my pregnancy and afterwards. i feel numb to him now... nothing i can do or say will ever change the feelings ill always have for him... and at the end of the day its the choices he has made to not be a part now and carry on his single imature life.. some things will never change, but i am happier than i have ever been now and wouldnt change a thing im proud to be a single mummy knowing, i am stronger person and independent encourages me to always give my all.. and i know my lil one has everything he needs and more! :D some things in life just arent meant to be... and its a shame we always end up having the learn the hard way with love.. it never comes easy.. and things cant be forced... keep your chin up and all you lovely single mummy's ur all doing an amazing job and all your little ones will thank you when they are older, and always know you've always given 110% :) :) :)

Liyah - posted on 08/05/2011

I completely feel the same doll, I am proud to have raised my daughter but when father's day comes around I feel a sense of sadness for my daughter who is now 3.

Patricia - posted on 08/04/2011

ditto sista!!!! I'm right there with you!!

Quita - posted on 07/21/2011

Yes, honey i've been there but you have to look at it this way. Would you rather give a child a father and your unhappy and the child ends up unhappy. or would you rather to the best job you can as a mom and raise a happy child? i had to make the choice and I'm so happy with my decision. My daughter is happy healthy and i love every minute.

Lexi - posted on 07/21/2011

I always feel bad about being a single mom, but its usually for me, because i know that he is NOT a good person to have around my son. Everyone gets on me and tells me that "he needs a father". . .yes, he DOES need a father, but he needs one thats going to be there 24/7, no matter what, and someone that isnt going to leave when he gets bored or decides that its not fun anymore

Sarahlynn - posted on 07/21/2011

Ii think that all single mothers feel this way, I know that I do, I have 3 girls, so I feel bad constantly. Their father was absusive tho so I have no choice. Just be proud that u are doing the best thing for your children and hold on to that.

Miriam - posted on 07/21/2011

hey sabrina my name us miriam i be feeling the same way to. but dont thnk about if the father was here this is what could of would of happend cause as long you right by your baby side and you doing everything u can possibly do for your child you dont need to think about that just be a father and a mother to your child. a child dnt need to see drama and if thats what hes bringing around u i thnk u should just play both part of the baby life cause i was like that to until one day i put a stop into it

Marie - posted on 07/20/2011

the feeling is mutual,my 4 year old told me the other day that his friends dad is called "john"-what then is his fathers name-i laughed it off n told him am his father/mum but i know i will have 2 give a better answer in future.He had spent the whole day with his pal n his pals dad n the dad is so gud with both,i just felt emotional that my son will never get to enjoy that kind of love from his dad.
so sabrina u r not alone-i sometimes wish 'i could have,should have,should not have......",but the dice was cast,there's no turning back

DANIELLE - posted on 07/19/2011

I feel this way sometimes. My kids has never had their father in their lives. When my son was two he first met his father. Again at around 4 or five, he is now 7. He begin to act out a lot at school. I often wonder is this one of the reason. And the bad part about it there is no other male role model in his life.

JsMomma - posted on 07/19/2011

I feel that often but never for my sake. Always for my sons sake. I can see him looking at men, or fathers with there children in a way that I have never seen him look at anyone. I don't know if he is confused or sad, or just wandering what it's like to have a father. Its a sad feeling but with that said, I feel that both my son and myself are better off without his (my sons father) negative influences, and such.

Serena - posted on 07/17/2011

I do feel bad at time..But i agree with that when a partner isnt around, there is less drama, and u dont hv to argue with him on how to raise ur child

Tiffany - posted on 07/15/2011

Karen, your post was very uplifting. I just got off the phone with my twin's father. Most the time I don't even question or think about being a single mom. It's just the reality of it and I count my blessing every day for my boys and my life. BUT I can't say I haven''t prayed prayers for him to want to be with us, but he doesn't. So long story short he can still hurt me and the wounds run deep. I still don't understand how he can be such a good person in some respects and then with me be so cold and heartless. He moved across the country (for his medical fellowship) before the boys were even born so I went through a complicate pregnancy without him and every day since (minus the six hours he flew in for their baptisms). I will keep the door open for him to be int the boys lives for as long as I can. There may come a day when they don't want him because he doesn't make them his priority, but I can only do what I can do to promote their relationship. He has to make the decision that despite how he feels about me he will love them and make the effort. I can't do it for him.

Lexi - posted on 07/15/2011

I constantly feel the exact same way. . .when it gets really really hard and the baby wont eat or sleep, it would be really nice to have that extra set of hands around. . .but then i think about it, and i look at noah and realize that if he hadn't left. . .i wouldnt be doing anything with my life. . .i wouldn't be going back to school to make something of myself. . .i wouldnt be building the life for him that i never had. his father and i would be home all the time, arguing about not having enough money or not being able to do this, that or something else. . it wouldnt be healthy for Noah. THen i'm a little bit more ok with the fact that its just me and him. . .i love him so much, and wouldnt trade what i have now for ANYTHING!

Emily - posted on 07/13/2011

You ladies inspire me. I'm a single mom of a beautiful 14 month old who is my world. His father left us when he was two months old and has paid no attention since. Our babies have wonderful mmmies and that is more than enough. Xo

Emily - posted on 07/13/2011

You ladies inspire me. I'm a single mom of a beautiful 14 month old who is my world. His father left us when he was two months old and has paid no attention since. Our babies have wonderful mmmies and that is more than enough. Xo

Sophia - posted on 06/28/2011

Don't feel bad. I'm sure women with husbands or boyfriends around have issues we dont even realize. Hell I'd rather just worry about my son than a husband too lol

Asiimwe - posted on 06/28/2011

I know the feeling and I often get the same and even shed a tear or two when I see such couples. This is considering that he died and I can't do anything about it. But three years later I have come to live with it and when such moments come, I sigh heavily and move on.

Candy - posted on 06/27/2011

I feel the same way sometimes.It is hard being a sinle parent.But u r right"It's just a passing thought for me. I'd rather that he's not around than have constant drama in our lives..."
It may be better this way then having all the drama.I fight with the what if's and what might have been..but in the end may be itis better how it is now.May I only real problem is that he doesn't even try b n their lives.No cards,no letters,no emails,no calls....he could atleast do something so they didn't feel rejected!

Candy - posted on 06/27/2011

I feel the same way sometimes.It is hard being a sinle parent.But u r right"It's just a passing thought for me. I'd rather that he's not around than have constant drama in our lives..."
It may be better this way then having all the drama.I fight with the what if's and what might have been..but in the end may be itis better how it is now.May I only real problem is that he doesn't even try b n their lives.No cards,no letters,no emails,no calls....he could atleast do something so they didn't feel rejected!

Susan - posted on 06/23/2011

I definitely feel bad for my daughter that her dad isn't here but these days there are so many differently structured families that there is hardly a norm anymore. And I try to comfort myself by making sure my daughter gets plenty of love from her extended family - especially her uncles. It IS hard - but many kids have the dad without the love...
Susan
www.thesusie.blogspot.com

Risna - posted on 06/21/2011

oh that same like me,sometime i'm sad when my daughter come home from school and bring home work about family picture because i don't have lots picture with her father and i just have two picture.i cry,angry,sad but i have to keep strong and try explain to her if the picturenot really important but more important i give you big big big love.........

Nycole - posted on 06/20/2011

The first time I felt that was this past week. My 3rd old dd made up a song to old McDonald. "oh daddy that I don't know. E. I. E. I. O." it broke my heart and I hurt for her. But after talking to her I realized it doesn't bother her. She was just stating a fact.

Nthabiseng - posted on 06/20/2011

For me its worse, I'm staying with a partner that is verbally abusive and his got other kids from his previous relationship the wife past away before me, he stays with them on the other room and say nasty things about me and they all get along he sometimes say things about my older son that i don't like. HIM and I have a two year old that adores him so much.

Olivia - posted on 06/19/2011

Sabrina, Happy Fathers/Mothers day to you and all single moms out there. However , you will always go thru that type of feeling . Just remember the reason why you made the choice to be single. Often times when I think about all the abuse I took and the life that I want for my children it helps me be proud of taking the stand for being single. I refuse to allow my children to see me be abused from any type of abuse. No domestic violence I want better , No drug and alcoholism around us. I want better for them and for my self. It's a price to pay when being a single mom loneliness is one But I rather pay that price than be beaten broken up kids taken away because of refusal not to leave a domestic abuse relationship which therefore neglects you then you neglect your family. No abuse period No verbal abuse no abuse . After looking and thinking all that thru I'm blessed to be alive and my children.Oh last but not least , I refuse to have a man on drugs who would lie and steal from his family , I refuse to allow a man stay with me n my family open the door all my family belongings are gone robbed by the dad. No Way He can keep it Stepping. Point of the matter you freed yourself for a reason you wanted better it will take time but it will come . Know that you are doing the best you can , you stepped out to give your family a better life stay encouraged and keep up the great work. Sending Warm Hugs with Love Smoooocheeezzzzzzz Olivia MizsOw Walter facebook.com

Kimmy - posted on 06/18/2011

I feel the same way sometimes but then I remember that my son and I are better off without his biological father. And someday hopefully he will have a stepdad

Marta - posted on 06/18/2011

I can certainly relate. It wouldn't be so bad if the father showed an active interest in maintaining a relationship with the child and worked at communication with mom to make that happen.

My son was 4 when his dad and I went our separate ways. He decided to move out of state and maintained no communication until he received a summons for child support about 2 years later. He started calling regularly and visiting his son once a year. He lavished him with goodies and then stopped communicating all together. It has been 3 yrs now. I do not bad mouth him but now his son has this idealized vision of a father that took him to the mall and had fun. While I don't want him to have a bad opinion of his dad, I don't want him to think this is what a "good" father does. I work so hard at biting my tongue for fear of saying the wrong thing.

Karen - posted on 06/17/2011

Hahaha! My code name for the father before was SD because I often referred to him as a sperm donor. I still call him that among my friends but when it comes to serious talks with my son, I don't.

Although the father was a horrible bf, I've always said that I won't bash him when the time comes that my son asks about him. I don't build up his character either, I just tell him that it just didn't work out between us.

I also believe that we don't show our kids, or let them hear our resentment (if there's still any) towards their father because it would rub off on them. My Aunt never hid anything from my cousin, she broke down in front of him, made him hear all the bad things about the father, and it didn't help my cousin at all. He grew up with so much hatred towards his father, saying he would spit on his grave. And his social skills are not good either. At a very young age he was already seeing a psychiatrist.

When we become single moms by choice or by circumstance, it's very important to constantly remind ourselves that we are now solely responsible in raising our child/children. It takes a lot to heal and to be strong, it can be a long process. And it's probably one of the toughest situations where we really have to set our feelings aside and just focus on our kid/s.

For everyone here who took time to comment on Sabrina's post, we should all give ourselves a pat on the back. It would be great to eventually find someone to grow old with, but we don't really need a man in order to raise a good person.

Alisha - posted on 06/17/2011

Yea, I feel sad sometimes and you will need to give yourself time to grieve over the loss of not having a family for her how you wanted. You can't help how her dad is choosing to live his life, but you can be happy with how you parent. Writing things down will help you get to the acceptance stage so you can move past feeling guilty or bad that your daughter doesn't have a dad right now. It won't last forever and you can find someone that will be there for you two!

Jennifer - posted on 06/17/2011

My daughter's sperm donor (so won't call him a father) has never even seen her. Sometimes I feel badly that she doesn't have a father but then I look around and realize she has enough family and we spoil her like mad with love and affection. She couldn't get more love if he was in her life, all he could bring to it is drama that she doesn't need.

In the end I am more happy that he isn't in our lives, than sad that she doesn't have a father. I love being the only parent in her life, being the one she runs to with her boo-boo's to kiss and the one who reads her stories at night and everything else. I love that those memories will be OURS and will never come with me having to worry about what he might be doing with her.

Karen - posted on 06/17/2011

When my kid was younger, there were times that I did feel a little sad over being a single parent. He's 8 now and doesn't look for his father. We already had the "where is my dad" conversation before and was surprised with his very mature reaction. I didn't lie to him about what happened between me & his dad. He just said that although he doesn't understand everything that I said, it's ok.

I personally think that I'm doing a good job as a single parent, and it helps that he has a lot of father figures around. So I don't really feel sad about it anymore. I'm just preparing myself for the time that he would really want to meet his father, which I think won't be a problem since I have just recently communicated with him.

It's normal to feel sad about not being able to provide a "normal" family for our kid/s, but I believe it's important that we don't let this sadness take over us and make us feel less as a parent. Our kids look up to us both us their Mom & Dad, so it pays to be really strong and to keep a positive disposition.

And yes, I do love being a single mom, and proud too! :)

Katie - posted on 06/17/2011

I think for me, and I'm in a similar - it's better he's not around - situation, that I get that felling from time to time and probably always will. It's not that I regret my choices, its just that I briefly wish I had the magical powers to give my son a wonderful, loving father figure. However in my case, my dad and many male friends that I have, including husbands of other mom friends, kinda step up to fill that role. Don't know if that helped at all, but you are not the only one that feels that way

Lexi - posted on 06/17/2011

I use to feel that way but now I am happy with the decisions I have made being a single mom. We all would love to be with someone who would love our children as their own since their on mother/father couldn't. God put us in this single mom catergory for a reason

Solmarie (NaNi) - posted on 06/17/2011

I'm actually going through this right now. My daughter is 5 and constantly asks questions about her father. I mean he's not completely out the picture ; he's more of a father of convenience. He remembers he has a daughter when it's convenient for him. He does nothing for her -- at all! Sometimes I feel like I cheated her out of a "family", but then I realize he was an unhealthy person to be around. If he was unhealthy for me than he is unhealthy for her. I felt like what am I showing my daughter by sticking around? How to deal with a man's bull crap? I didn't think so. I wanted to show her independence and that women deserve better. I'm a proud SINGLE mommy & I love it. It get lonely sometimes, but I know that if it's in my future, I will find a great man and he will love my child & I with his all.

Kendra - posted on 06/17/2011

I know exactly how you feel, the other night I had a little breakdown about the same thing. I feel bad about the person I chose to be my son's father because I know he deserves better. We broke up in January, I always thought that if we broke up he would be a participating parent, but it seems like he broke up with the both of us.

I just make the effort to take him to see him, but if I don't it seems like he never would. People ask me why I do that but I just let them know that I want my son to know his father and I would never keep him away. I know that when he gets older he'll know the what his mother did and what his father didn't do.

Rebekah - posted on 06/17/2011

I feel this alot right now as my daughter has started to play with her doll house and she plays mummy and daddy and Phoebe and I feel like I have cheated her of this, even those I know it was the right decision to leave for our safety, it is still hard!

Sheryl - posted on 06/16/2011

i can totally relate on this.

Sylvia - posted on 06/16/2011

Sometimes I do. But I think of the many things that my son and I have done and accomplished together and i Smile!! There are times i wish his father was more active but it is what it is. We are way way better off without him than with him. do you know my son and I went on vacation for the first time two years ago. Last year we went to Austin for a week. This year its arlington and the hill country again. Its because we are made to think we are not a family unless its a man and a woman. But you and you child are a family. and its stronger than if the wrong person were in the picture.

Tiffany - posted on 06/16/2011

I have the same issues at times and I have been apart from my sons dad for over a year now. It makes you feel bad when you see a father interacting w/ their kids or helping the mother out, someone to lean on when needed.. There are times I want to blame myself as I am the one that packed up and moved out, but I have learned to take a deep breath and step back and look at the big picture..He was an everyday drinker as well as most people in his family and I am glad I got my son out of that. I think when seeing families together I miss the companionship of another, but as a single mom I have not really gotten back into the dating world as I am not quite sure how...Take care of your baby and yourself and it will be easier as each day passes!

Donna - posted on 06/16/2011

hey sabrina,
I know the feelings that you are having and your know what, in 8yrs i still have that feeling every now and again.... its normal.
i have 2 sons to different fathers (neither stayed around) and i really wish that their fathers had stayed around (sometimes)
just for the sake of the boys but in all honestly, i am glad that they are not, both my boys have wonderful father figures in their lives in the form of my brother and uncle...
know that its normal and you are doing a good job!

Lynnitra - posted on 06/16/2011

I always feel like that I have two boys by the same man but its not worth drama to stick around play family a lot of women deal with drama keep kids father around I feel life is short be happy you always can find someone that you be happy with that you can become a family it doesn't have to be kid father you deserve to be happy I know its hard but stay strong