Feeling like a bad mother
Rachael - posted on 04/24/2010
I think everyone thinks they are a bad parent at some stage whether single, married or in a relationship - it is the ones that make out everything is rosey all the time I worry about!!!! We all do the best we can and learn from our mistakes.
Kylie - posted on 04/23/2010
There are so many mums on this post that have felt the same. I can definitely say that I'm one of them. I suffer from depression too, so that can exascerbate it. I do know however that I do everything I can for my kids. I have let my world fall apart just to keep them, and to care for them. And I would do it all again. I've had vicious 'friends' (that no longer are in my pool of real friends) that have told me I'm a bad mother because of some aspect they don't like about the way that I do things. But everyone does things differently, and in a way that suits their lifestyles, and that of their children. Never let an ex partner or an abusive one tell you that you're a bad parent. My ex husband is constantly telling me I'm a terrible parent, but his goal is to undermine me, so I have to resist it. I fear that I am not a good mum too, but I think that is a trap. You do start to believe it when you hear it enough, but if you know that you do all you can for your kids, that you love them, provide for them, protect them all in the best way you know how, then you're a great mum. I think that the very fact you've brought the subject up on here is proof enought that your a great mum.
Davenia - posted on 04/23/2010
I completely understand what you mean. I have been a single mom for almost 17 years. My daughter has always been the center of my world. I tried to do everything for her that was humanly possible, so she would go without. My mom and daughter always tell me what a good mom I am, even though I felt like a bad mom for not providing everything or spending enough time or whatever. Well I dated this guy for a while and when I would tell him how I felt, he would say then maybe you need to do better. He never complimented me on how well I did with my daughter. When we had a child he constantly made me feel like the worst mom in the world. I must reassure myself that I am doing the best I can with what I have. I know sometimes it isn't easy to do that, but you know if you are doing everything you can as a mom and if your child still loves you at the end of the day, then you are doing something right. Good luck with everything.
Stephanie - posted on 04/21/2010
At some time or another someone will try to make you believe your a bad mom. It's happened to me. But I can say that I now have a 16 year old son who still says he loves me, and still kisses and hugs me....even in front of the high school. At the end of the day when he gives me a kiss and tells me good night mom, I love you. I know I've been a damn good mom.
Anna - posted on 04/11/2010
No one has ever told me that I am a bad mother, but my little boy's dad implies it all the time.
Up until last weekend, my little boy who is 4 months old had never met his grandparents, and for very good reasons. They verbally abused me when I was 6 months pregnant, and told me I was a weak and pathetic person.
Anyway, the other week, my ex told me that I'd be denying my little boy his grandparents and said a lot of things to bully me into letting them see him. He has said a lot of things like that. When he wants to spend more time with him (bearing in mind, I left him because he was a psychological abuser, and my little boy already sees him on average about 3 days a week) he says "but you're denying him the chance to be a normal child".
For a while, I believed it. In fact, I still get upset when he says it because it makes me feel like I'm a terrible person. But everytime, I come home and I feel like banging my head against a brick wall because he's still manipulating me and making me feel like shit, even though we are no longer together. He gets everything that he wants and all he has to say is that I'm not being fair to my little boy, and hence being a bad mother.
I always say I don't care whether people think I'm a bad mother or not, but deep down, it does upset me. I know I'm a really great mom. But I'm being manipulated by the person who's supposed to be supporting me in bringing up my son and it makes me feel like the lowest of the low.
Josee - posted on 04/10/2010
I feel like a bad mom when my son walks around the apartment, bored. I see his little face (he just turned 18 months) and ask myself why does my son have to ever be bored. I am just tired and stressed out, but when he starts saying mom, or hi, or any of his cute little words, then I get my energy back, and I try to play with him and love him, and do fun things with him! It's hard, but at the end of the day, you tried and you did your best and that is all that matters!! You are doing a great job, just keep telling yourself that!
Amy - posted on 04/10/2010
yes me, my ex calls me a bad mum and in the last few days and weeks i have started to belive him, but i am not a bad mum i am not the great mum on the earth but, i am doing a great job, dont let small minded people get you down ok
Jeannie - posted on 04/09/2010
I never listen to what people say, although it would hurt alot to hear, i fortunately have never been called a bad mom....just over bearing. I know im a good mother because it's my only strive but we r all learning and no one is perfect so just do ur damndest to be as good as u feel and if u feel less then that then u have to change ur ways, but only for u and ur child.....not everyone else because in the long run it will be ur child who will be the evidence... being a single mother is a constant challenge, all we can do is the best we can and hope....but deep down we all feel like failures at some point.
Marjorie - posted on 04/07/2010
Your not alone Rochell,I have been a single mom for 22 years,and there have been many times that I have felt like a bad mom.
Especially when I wasn't able to afford to buy the things that I wanted to for my children.
Or when I would start dating someone my friends and family would comment that i am a bad mom.
But no matter what I know deep inside my heart that I am the best mom my kids could ever ask for.
Please think of yourself the same way.
Nicole - posted on 04/07/2010
The only reason I have felt like a bad mother is when I have no energy! I work full-time and go to school part-time and rarely have the time or energy. My son will be 2 in July and we live by ourselves. When I'm tired, I'll lay on the couch and really let him do whatever he wants...throw tissues around and tear them apart and just make a mess in general. I'll put the tv on at some points, but the good thing is my son would rather be running around than watch tv. Also, he ALWAYS wants to go outside and for me to go everywhere. I feel bad if I tell him he has to stay in. Regardless, I think most moms will feel at some point that they should be putting more effort into their parenting. And being single, you just don't have the time and energy you would like to have (unless you live with parents or someone that can help out). Being a mom is tough!
Shannon - posted on 04/07/2010
My son will be 2 in june and I have been doing it alone the whole time. I can honestly say I have never for a minute felt like a bad mother. As long as you are putting your child and his or her safety first, spending quality time with your child, providing for your child to the best of your ability, and making a home for you and your little one that is all that matters.
Gina - posted on 04/07/2010
I sometimes feel like a bad mom, especially when I'm frustrated and tired. But I know that I am doing a far better job than their dad could EVER do, and WE CAN ONLY DO THE BEST WE CAN WITH WHAT WE HAVE (my uncle told me that a long time ago, and I try to remind myslef when I have a "bad" day).
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