Fiance' won't commit!!!!!!

Brittany - posted on 08/17/2012

how do u single moms afford day care while going to school, cause I don't have my parents to help me. first of all they dont make enough finances to help me like they want to, my dad is a paster n mom mom was always a homemaker. none of my outside family would do it, plus i never had a bond to them because they put up alot of walls toward my inside family growing up, the kind thAT wouldnt show up to bday parties as being a kid, i had cousins n they wouldnt bring them. my husband won't do it, even though i know we could make it work. i was going to school befor n things was working out, we had just moved in a small house but big enough for the four of us, husband n i n two babies. but any ways i would go to school n my hubby would meet me after he'd get off work and we would swap cars. he'd get off at five and meet me AT five thirty n i'd get out at nine, come home with a truck load of books but it was no sweat im realy great at multitasking, but my husband had strict rules were i had to do everything he wanted me to do for him back at home or he'd make sure i couldnt sleep n would harass, names yafa, yada. the bottom line things dropped from good progress to sorryness, my husband was getting in with illegal drugs n the wrong crowd all night long till four n the morning not all the time but it was alot of times, but he still managed to still go to work some how, dont know how, it still makes me scratch my head. but any ways one school night i got out of school early it was like seven that night n pulled up in our drive way n my husbands truck was gone. i came in inside my little two year old girl was lying down in front of her door, when i had opened it lights still on in the room, i look around for my hubby, i figured maybe he had to take the truck to the shop while i was in school no or something no he'd had left off n his truch n with the 14 month baby.so to make long story short, cause there is a lot more from where that came from i had to stop going to college, i still hate it today, n i hold alot of amosity to feel so helpless, n not to have a chance to live my dreams but a hell hole n im a good person i've never done drugs i don't drink, i've put trust in my husband, i always had put God first. i love my children to death, i don't ever want to c my children to be neglected like that again, my husband needed alot of praying for, n i do as well.

Kristin - posted on 07/19/2012

If you dont like the advice you are getting than quit posting. We have all been in bad situations, and have all survived. My kids dad doesnt help at all either no support doesnt see them etc. but I dont blame others for not understanding. I made my bed and I lied in it and did what i could to supoprt my kids.

Erin - posted on 07/19/2012

I mean honest to God I already have to put up with this nonesense from him. I came here for support and two of you just want to dog me and think that I'm just not trying. Most of the women I know who work and have kids get FREE child care from their husbands, family or the state and can fart around most of the time if they don't work and it doesn't matter their husband pays the bills. I have no one and nothing to help and no money. It didn't use to be like this I worked with all my other pregnancies and with my first two kids but the economy and child care is so out of control I can't afford to do it. Also now all my friends and famiy have to all work and sometimes several jobs a person it's not like the old days where there was a friend or someone who had the time to help for free. My state is in the top five worst states in the US for pay vs cost of living. Even with a full-time job here it is not enough to cover the cost of living unless you make at least $20 an hour. PFFFT! They don't give women $20 an hour jobs where I live and even most men can't get that kind of pay anymore. It's awefull!

Erin - posted on 07/19/2012

Number one he has an efficiency apartment 40 miles away and he never cleans it ever! I'm not moving four children into a dirty efficiency apartment. Number two I share equal custody of my 3 y/o here in my home town I cannot lose my son to move so that a big baby who has no other commitments can live in the town he feels like. We've alreayd gone over that fact.



Also I am no longer keeping my license up for Cosmetology, the cost of the wear and tear on my equipment and the cost of license fees and con ed are too expensive, and the pay is really low. I can't afford to work because child care is over $800+ a month and I have been denied child care assistance four times this year alone. He won't help so I can get anything part-time, also I am a tfull-time+1/4 student. You have to understand that this is about him being a cself centered piece of work not about anything else. he knows darn well I am not going to lose my son for his selfish whims!



This is why I hate telling anyone anything and shouldn't even bother you guys are assuming things that aren't reality. First off I do not get ANYTHING my way EVER! I'm 8 months pregnant and he left me here alone, no help, no attention, NOTHING. I had surgery and wasn't suppossed to walk or do anything, he left me here alone did NOTHING to help and I walked and did all the work and chores and school all while bleeding out!!!!!!!! He pays no attention to me at all when he comes over which is maybe once a month all he does is whine, sit and yawn all day long. All he is doing is working a garbage job maybe four hours a day making sandwhiches. He's not busy he's not working hard he spends most of the day napping and lazing and complaining he's bored and hot and tired! SO unless you guys suggest I lock my kids in a closet to get a full time job I have no money no help to go and get one! I am trying as hard as I can to get an education. I went to Cosmetology school just to find out we get paid less than a Wal-Mart worker, but I had to quit that job because I couldn't even afford gas to get to work and my 3 y/o was born and I couldn't afford daycare, couldn't get assistance then either. It's the same crap now. Our state doesn't pre-approve people for care you have to pay for it first and hope they cover you, well with what $800+ dollars? All I got is monopoly money sitting in a box aove the fridge. I hate when people defend piece of shit men who fart around all day ignoring their family. It must be nice for them to dump all the kids on us and get to pretend they are better than us because they demand to get to go to work while we sit here begging for money!!!!

Kristin - posted on 07/18/2012

Ok just because you have met some pretty shady men does not mean you are destined to be alone, miserable or broke. I had my first son at 16 and scraped my way through college, and got a degree and a job and made good money. Then i had my second and third child and their dad split and i thank god he did as he was a controlling mental abuser. File for child support but you also need to compromise it cant always be your way or the highway. If you are miserable than do something to make you happy, Honey women are strong independent people and none of us needs a man, it should be about wanting a good man. When I gave up on men i met the right one who treats me and my kids as equals ( he actually supported me throughout my pregnancy with my last child as my kids dad bolted when he heard I was pregnant with our second child) . I still work full time although i cut my hours back from 12 hour day to 8 hour day and I make 30.00 an hour so I know that while I will never be rich I will always be able to support my kids. My bf and I actually bank my paycheques and live off of his and if my ex ever pays support that will be going into an account for the kids' college. Please try to keep positive and make positive changes in your life, I know that it is hard and sometimes seems like a never ending battle, but you are being blessed with a child who will always love you no matter what and you need to be in a happy place, because one day soon you will reach the top of the mountain and realize all the struggles, heartache etc was worth it. You just need to be happy and believe that everything will work out in the long run. The MR Right for you could be just around the corner and it is NOT your unborn babies father. God Bless

Michelle - posted on 07/18/2012

You talk about why he wouldn't do this or he wouldn't do that. Why is it he has to move to you, why couldn't you have moved to him if he has an apartment and is all set up there, that would have made the most sense. Perhaps it is not commitment he is afraid of maybe it is wanting and needing to be on his own turf to feel comfortable. You need to keep the lines of communication open he is the father of your unborn child and you are right now at a high emotional level. If you love this man talk with him see what is doable for your baby, and yes get a job to support yourself you said you were a hairdresser get back into it. The government will help with your child care and this will help you get back on your feet.

Louise - posted on 07/18/2012

What took you so long? You have the patience of a saint! File for maintenance and get what is owed. He is to busy having a secret life than to be with you and his kids. Enough take control and move on. It's his loss. One day he will grow up and realise what he has missed out on and then it will be to late! What an arse hole!

Erin - posted on 07/18/2012

No he is not the father of all my kids. My oldest two live with their dad I left him for abuse and he got custody of the kids. I have fought for eqal custody for seven years and have been denied each time. I pay him child support. My 3 y/o's dad a me share equal custody ( I left him for being controlling and ruining my salon business I saved up to build for two years), he pays me a small amount of support for which I am satasfied with.

One thing to note is that we have known each other for al most ten years prior to ever being a couple he is well aware of my whol eoife story and was told upfront I am looking for a family not a boyfriend. He claims to care about all of us and on and on but this is the fact, he's avoiding doing it. i even offered for him to go on about his own life (before I found out about the baby) and find someone he'd like better, perhaps a woman with no children etc, but he said no he wainted me. I was on birth control when I became pregnant with our son, frankly I want to sue but it's not worth it. I tried everything to reaosn with him and offer him every idea and way to save and get here, and get a place and have been more patient than I think anyone else would ever be.

I just wanted a family but I'll never have that. i refuse to stay in abusive or pointless relationships "for the kids". It never works and it's not good for anyone, but I'm also sick of being a single mom and sick of broken patched work family and sick of going to court over my children. I'm so mad and depressed.

Lu - posted on 07/18/2012

Hi Again!

This guy is still your fiance'? Oh hang on I see you said ex fiance'. This is why he's your ex.. Is he the father of your kiddies, as well as the one thats coming in sept? Hence the job dodging he's been doing?

Unfortunately he probably wont get struck by the lightening bolt of integrity and decency. They never do... So its up to you to try and get what you can from him in the way of his legal obligations as a father and write the rest off as a loss. Its upsetting, I understand that.Where I'm from they don't even bother chasing up child support, the notice isn't worth the paper its written on. I've given up trying to fight for it, instead I've looked at how I alone can make ends meet- Ive learned not to rely on anything or anyone. It makes life less bitter :)