Filing for child support, need advice!

Jennifer - posted on 04/04/2012

if u two can agree on it then tell the courts but the most important thing is that things change and some good dads turn into aholes so best bet let the court figure it out

Jodie - posted on 03/28/2012

WELL, my ex and I never get along, so you have it good right now haha....but when it comes to child support and the welfare of your children, the best way to get the child support and having him stick to it, is GO THROUGH COURT....it doesn't mean you're being a B&^%H or anything, it just makes everything legal....but nothing is permanent....I went through court to get my kids money and after 2 payments he decided to quit his job, and start working for CASH which is also against the law but they have to prove it.....Good luck with getting your child support hope it all works out....There really is no RIGHT or WRONG way to go about it

Tara - posted on 03/25/2012

I am just posting my experience. Lets just start off by saying we had to get a lawyer no matter if it would have been mutual or not. The paper work was filed june 2011. You have to go through the mediation process. And then get a court date. Our county is full for court dates. Our court date isnt until october 2012. We put in a temp hearing to get support started. The support was to start march 2012 but as of yet have not gotten a dime. I called last week and was told 2-3 weeks at the most. Its a long process and honesly feel single moms should not have to wait this long at all. The only way I can think of having to go through it is getting on foodstamps or some kind of state help and DHS will get it filed real fast.

Dafne - posted on 03/24/2012

The best thing both of you go to the Department of Revenue and file the child support. These way too it will be automatically be garnish from his pay. You have an option to have it deposit to an existing bank account or the DOR- Child Support Department will provide you with ATM card (either Visa or Mastercard).

Jessica - posted on 03/23/2012

He should be fine with what you decide is best for you baby, since the child support is to give her what she needs. I personally had a notarized agreement with my son's dad for about 8 years and it was fine until I began a new relationship and he decided I had no rights since it was just a piece of paper and stopped helping me. I had to take him to child support due to the fact that he did not give me another choice so despite of the fact we ended up having to do it that way. Good Luck.

Bernice - posted on 02/28/2012

Get it in stone to protect yourself. He's already not supported your child for seven months. And be aware... my ex and I started the same route - the first time he didn't get what he wanted he went to a lawyer - a year and a half later we are still fighting it out because in Alberta the courts are all about shared parenting even if you don't want it as long as the father has interest. My ex wants this so he doesn't have to pay child support and he has not been in my sons life much at all and is a bully and abuser constantly but the courts won't even consider that. There is no protection for me or for my son under Alberta family laws. Good luck - stay strong - try not to ruffle his feathers, but stand up for your beliefs and what you want.

Deanndra - posted on 02/27/2012

I think it depends on your state. However, I just went through child support/visitation/custody. My ex is a lawyer. He hired an attorney. I am not a lawyer. I represented myself. I just went to the prosecutor's office and they basically took care of everything. Child support is based off a formula. You can try and argue it, but at least in Indiana it really won't do much good. As for custody, the ex knew he'd have a hard time getting joint so the pros. ofc gave me sole custody. And visitation is stated to be decided between us or if we can't agree, we default to the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines. All this to say that if you 2 are already in agreement, you should just be able to go to the pros. ofc and have them draw up the documents. Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 02/26/2012

when my ex and I split, everything was done by agreement and there were no problems - he paid on time and always and so on...till the week the divorce was final. that was back in summer of 2010 and I have only gotten 2 payments out of him - and thats WITH it all being legal and going through the right places and such.



however you go about it - make sure that if you write up something between the two of you and are in agreement, that if something should change between you that you can take that paper to court and it will stand up in court. hopefully the two of you will continue to be civil towards each other and have no problems but it is always better to be prepared then not to be.

Michelle - posted on 02/22/2012

Depending on what state you live in, I would recommend going through the courts. My ex and I got along very well and he insisted on paying me withOUT going through the courts. I told him no, that I wanted the State to keep track of what was owed and what-not. SO GLAD that I made the decision to go that route because when he lost his job several months later due to layoffs, the State kept track of every single penny that he owed during that time (and forward once he was employed again). The State also makes sure that his wages are garnished (automatically deducted) before he even sees his paycheck week to week and if there is any back child support owed (because of that time period when he was laid off), the State will automatically confiscate any tax return that he might be eligible for at the end of the year.



So, to sum up my lengthy response, filing for child support through the State/Courts is, in my opinion, the only way to go. Definitely deters any disagreements that might be had down the road as to what he does/does not owe you.



Hope this helps.

Deborah - posted on 02/21/2012

GET EXPERIENCE. Knowledge is power. Get online and search for your states child support laws. I know here in Las Vegas they will take your drivers license, you cant file taxes, your wages garnished and eventually jail

Jade - posted on 02/21/2012

Thanks everyone, I'm in Quebec, Canada so things work a little differently here but I'm pretty sure my daughter's father and I have worked out an agreement and we're going to file through our court house so it's all legal. Thanks for all the advice :)

Freda - posted on 02/21/2012

Find out if your state has an agency called Child Support Enforcment. If they do give them all the info you have on him and they will do the rest. They also will send you alerts via email or text msg on where the case is. Good Luck.

BELINDA - posted on 02/20/2012

EVERYTHING in WRITING!!! you should be able to get the free doc from your courthouse...fill them out and get them filed. Never take his "word" that he will pay.

Danielle - posted on 02/18/2012

It was all amiacable between my ex & I while he had the kids & I was paying him support. In Oklahoma even having a court order for the custody & support doesn't get money from the non-custodial parent. I know this because we went thru the court to make things legal, but they didn't garnish my paycheck when I was unable to pay anything for 4mos (job change = pay cut) and they didn't garnish his paycheck when he paid all of ~ $150 before I requested assistance from the state. I was sending him itemized info like we had while the kids were w/him but he wouldn't communicate w/me at all when it came to him needing to pay for the kids. Supposedly his new wife was spending all his money. I found it beyond rude to expect me to have to work 56-64hrs/wk to make as much as him (only working 40hr/wk) to cover *everything* for the kids, so after 7mos I filed w/DHS. When DHS told me it would take up to 6mos for anything to happen, I got my lawyer involved at 8mos to take the ex to court for contempt. The judge ruled my ex to pay the support (duh!) + an additional amount to (slowly) make up the arrearage at least to the date of the hearing. That allowed DHS to collect that ruling. The judge also ruled for my ex to pay my attorney fees for having to take him to court for contempt, but DHS says they can't collect that - I'll have to go to small claims court. :(



DHS also says I'm going to have to take the ex *back* to court to get another ruling from the judge to allow them to garnish additional money from him to cover all the expenses he hasn't paid that were generated after the hearing date in 10/2010.



My ex filed for bankruptcy in July last year. He (& his attorney) is/are still trying to weasel out of paying his part of the kids' expenses by misreporting how much he owes. I filed everything w/the bankruptcy court so they know the real balance. Thankfully the trustee accepted my total. Based on what the ex's attorney just submitted as the new payment plan, he still isn't planning on paying the arrearage from Oct 2010 to Jul 2011 so more than likely I will have to take him *back* to court for contempt again, at which point the judge might throw in him jail for 30 days since that was part of the original sentence. In the meantime, I'm *still* working 56-64hrs/wk to make sure everything is covered (4yrs & counting). DHS collecting support + some arrearage definitely helps.



I would recommend you file something w/the court system. Make sure it addresses medical insurance, medical copays & daycare costs separate from child support as those are added expenses!! I would also state in there who gets to claim your daughter for taxes. Once you finalize it, submit the court filed paperwork w/your state agency to collect the child support. This will protect you in making sure you get the financial support you need in full & consistently AND it will protect your ex because it will provide proof that he paid what he was supposed to pay. Cancelled checks really aren't enough protection for him. I actually had a coworker who was hit with $23k back support from DHS because he didn't pay thru the system & his ex lied to DHS (he proved she was lying but they ignored it). This was despite the fact that his ex & their judge agreed beforehand that he didn't owe any back support as he had paid all the support he was supposed to.



Know too that if you file w/DHS, in the future should either of you take a pay cut or receive a substantial pay increase, you can ask DHS to re-evaluate the child support amount; you aren't locked into that support amount until your daughter graduates from high school.

Christina - posted on 02/17/2012

From my experience, when things go sour or when you both disagree on expenses (i.e., medical and such) having a legal agreement that the Court decides and having him pay through the court is your best protection. I bless the day I decided this. My first ex has turned on me many times and he arbitrarily decides what he should pay in medical etc. But I have the court behind me and it gives me leverage.



Forget not wanting to make waves of conflict. You may "get along pretty well" but we women always want to keep the peace instead of protecting ourselves. Use an attorney and use the court system. Just make it "matter of fact" and nothing against him. I like what you said "do it by the book"

Tracy - posted on 02/17/2012

In my personal opinion (and this may be because my ex has been a deadbeat for 90% of my daughter's life), but I think you should get it filed with the court.

What if down the road he decides to stop paying? With a court order, YOU don't have to go after him for support, THEY do it for you. And, if they can't get him to pay, they will submit a garnishment order so it comes automatically out of his pay check or any other money he has coming to him (ie: from the Gov't, etc). Again, it might be me being overly cautious because of my dealings with my ex but I always tend to ere on the side of caution.

Tovah - posted on 02/16/2012

I would suggest you find the child support page in your states divorce website. Put in all the info it asks for which includes visitation. Take that info with you to discuss a reasonable amount between you. Hopefully he will be agreeable to what the state paper says if not make ur agreement sign notorize & file with the court. Nothing is in stone until filed with the court.

MordSith - posted on 02/16/2012

If you two can agree on mostly everything, going to a mediator isn't that bad. Me and my son's father did that, mostly because I just wanted things like child support and visitation in stone. You don't need a lawyer for that and mediators rarely intervene if they think the situation is ideal. You can go, they'll fill out all the paper work for you to make sure nothing get's messed up, and it will get signed by a judge that day.