Friend telling me I am being unfair(please read)

Chelly - posted on 03/24/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

84

0

8

This girl I have been friends with for years, a mother herself is telling me I am being unfair to my unborn childs father.

I don't want him my doctor appiontments, or in the delivery room. I want my mom! My friend told me I am being unfair to him, I told her I am uncomforable with him being there with me. She said its the fathers right, and I was in a relationship, and was comforable enough to have sex with him so I should by right give that to him. I also told ther the father and I had an disagreement with about this and he told me "I hope you have a miscarage" The same thing goes, besies he is just being an asshole, people say thing when they are upset, and we are both childish

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Deandra - posted on 08/16/2012

5

49

1

I think this is such a personal decision and your friend should lovingly keep her opinion to herself. That being said, I understand your situation. I too had a falling out with my son's father (after I had sex with him and was pregnant). He began to cause so much anxiety that one of our arguments caused me to have a placental tear. He was no longer allowed to go to any doctor's appointments with me nor did I want him there during my labor and delivery. In the end, I did give him the option to be in the delivery room because I felt this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to see his child born and I didn't want to deprive him of that no matter how much I hated him. Turned out, he didn't check his messages and missed the whole thing (It's true what they say about karma!) Think about it from both sides and ultimately what will be best for your unborn child. Try to mend the relationship as best as possible but if not, please know that not having him involved could be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes forcing a situation will not be best in the end!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

9 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

Wow! When will we give women the equal share of respect that we give to men. Please forgive me moderator, I don't intend to offend anyone, but I guess that I am tired of the world telling women that they have no control over their bodies, genitals specifically, and now tell women that they can't have who they want in the delivery room when their genitals are spread eagle.

Now, with that being said, according to the medical code, if I am not mistaken, a patient has a right to dignity, respect, and privacy. A woman giving birth has a right to have her vagina not in view of even her husband, if that is what she wishes. The man can come into the delivery room as soon as his wife and his baby is out. If she wants to have a private experience and treatment from her doctors in that delivery room, she has the right. We need to stop threatening, shaming, and scolding pregnant women for their desire to keep their vaginas in view of the medics only.
If a man got some kind of blessed precedure with his genitals exposed, and legs in stirrups, and he wanted privacy, you can bet your last dollar, that everyone from his dad to the doctors would be fighting to get his privacy. We would not allow any women relatives in that room and we know this is the truth.
Let us start respecting women the same way.
Jean

Sarahkaye - posted on 04/03/2012

49

14

1

If you aren't comfortable with him in the room, DON'T let him be in there! Labor is very tramatic to your body, and you don't want it to be emotionally tramatic. Tell your friend this is your choice. She can either support you, or she can keep it to herself. Just stand by what you want to do, and do not let anyone change your mind :)

Michelle - posted on 03/26/2012

245

5

22

I know married women who don't particularly want their husbands in the room! The person in the room with you should be a support or comfort to you, not someone who causes anxiety.

I let my daughter's father know when I was in labor, and he came by but was uncomfortable and making me uncomfortable so my mother gently counseled him to leave and that we'd call when the baby was born.

It is the guy's right to know he has a child, I could see rights to being present when the child is born, able to see the baby, but the trend of guys in the room is fairly new, even when their isn't a relationship strain, and I don't think they have the right to be in the room with you if you are not going to be comfortable having him there.

Tara - posted on 03/25/2012

17

69

1

I have to disagree with your friend. I believe its your right weather you want him in there or not. That is your right as a mother. Yea you were comfortable enough to have sex but that is your right to decide. Hope it works out in the end.

[deleted account]

At the end of the day you are the one who is going to be going through labour. You choose who you would like to have with you - be it mum, a friend or baby's father. It has to be someone who you can feel comfortable with and who will support you through labour. Regardless of what other people say, make the decision for yourself.



Now a days, I agree that more fathers are involved in their children's births, but it doesn't mean that they are there for each and every one. My ex was only present when the eldest was born - my youngest two he wasn't (long story).



The only answer to your 'friend' is yes fathers do have the right to attend the birth, but as you're the one who's going to be doing the delivering, you also have the right to choose who is present. That person, needs to be the one who is going to offer you support (especially emotional support/reassurance). when you need it. It sounds like you've made your mind up on who is the best suited person for the job. Don't feel you have to change your mind just to keep other people happy. Also talking to your midwife - she will probably ask you who'd you prefer to have with you when baby decides to arrive.

Sherry - posted on 03/25/2012

117

2

30

I think it is a personal choice. I also wanted my mother in the room with me. I never called the sperm donor to even let him know I was in labor. He hadn't called since I was 7 months pregnant, so I figured why bother him.



I do not regret having my mother in the room with me. No drama. And no doubt in the world that my mother loves her granddaughter more than anything in the world.



I was young when I had my daughter (I was 31), but nonetheless an adult. I had every right to determine who would and who would not be in the room during the c-section.

Sarah - posted on 03/25/2012

67

0

8

please excuse all the spelling mistakes in last post, i was a bit angry whilst typing at the cheek of your pal x

Sarah - posted on 03/25/2012

67

0

8

some friend!!!!!! going through labour is hard enough, and its up to you who you want there for support. yes maybe you were comfortable enough to have sex but peoples feelings do changed for other people. pregnancy changes people and puts things into perspective. yes he does have rights as a father i do agree, but only if your comfortable with him being there. your babys dad may have said what he said in anger, we are all guilty of this, but it was not a nice thing to say.

you shold tell your 'friend' to mind her own business, its your pregnancy not heres.

he has obviously did something to make you uncomfortable, so i say do whats best for you and your baby and possibly get new friends who actually listen and support your decisions instead of opening their big fat gob, but give your friend a break, it must be hard to be so bloody perfect after all!!

good luck xxx

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms