Frustrated with being Single! Any advice?

Mary Gail - posted on 07/23/2011

Christine,
I've been in your shoes! I divorced at 32 and did not remarry for 12 years. It was difficult at times, but looking back, I'm glad it was like it was. Even thought I remarried when my son was 14, it was still difficult blending families although my step-daughter lived 50 miles away with her Mother. When I started dating again, I'd always worry that I had some closet child molester, etc. It's just not easy. By your choice of words "blessing and praying," I can only assume you are a Christian. I could not have made it without the Lord. He was my strength during these times. He knows your needs, but He also tells you to bring your needs to Him, so pray about it. Then, rest that you will receive your answer. I did and 12 years later, I got a husband/father who is better than I could've imagined. Divorce is absolutely awful for all the reasons you outlined, but don't try to push open doors that aren't opening yet. They will. I promise you that they will. Trust me - my son just turned 20, and I wouldn't change a thing. It's just so hard when you are right there in it.

Michelle - posted on 07/20/2011

I am also 30 and single. I have 2 kids who are the loves of my life! I love spending as much time with them as I can (neither father is in their lives), but I still long for the time I can go out to a movie and enjoy a mans company. I have been single for 4 years now, and hear my 10 year old son trying to play matchmaker. It just seems like it gets harder and harder to find that "one".

Michelle - posted on 07/20/2011

I am also 30 and single. I have 2 kids who are the loves of my life! I love spending as much time with them as I can (neither father is in their lives), but I still long for the time I can go out to a movie and enjoy a mans company. I have been single for 4 years now, and hear my 10 year old son trying to play matchmaker. It just seems like it gets harder and harder to find that "one".

Lucy - posted on 03/17/2011

Well, I don't feel so bad after reading all of your post. I will love to date to at least feel attractive to someone, have fun and be distracted from so much work. I 40 and have a 5 yr old girl who is my life, her dad is a serious joke but anyway. Any of you leave in miami? maybe we can hang out and don't feel so lonely?

Courtney - posted on 03/10/2011

I decided to sit back and wait for what God has for me. I don't want to be envious or jealous of anyone, especially an ex! At first, I felt the urge to, but, if he was all that, then we would still be together...right? So, with that in mind, I decided to go to God, ask Him to send my HUSBAND when He sees fit. See, I have no desire to just date, as I am 30 now, and I want to be settled, and not looking. And, I have always, always been told that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing...I am waiting on my chance to be someone's good thing.

Christina - posted on 03/08/2011

Because you have a kid! That is why it is easier for the men to move on and not us. When you have custody, it changes everything. My fiance is a single dad, so we bonded over our babies.

Mary Gail - posted on 03/07/2011

Hello, I was a single Mom for 12 years. I waited until the right man came along before I even considered remarrying. Yes, would I have liked to have found someone and remarried sooner? You betcha, but that man did not come along. I dated but nothing felt right. Would I have like to have had more children? Yes, but I didn't. Who knows how that merge would've gone with a new husband and children. Yes, I got terribly lonely and discouraged. But, I waited until the right one came along and am glad I did. He is perfect for me and my son. I gained a wonderful stepdaughter too! You are a family - don't forget that and don't feel badly. You also sound like a woman of faith and you KNOW you aren't alone. Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Joelle - posted on 03/04/2011

Same situation...I'm 33, with an 11 year old son. I've "dated" but nothing serious. His dad has had many relationships and is now in one(4 months of dating)-he's 34, she's 23 and we just found out she's pregnant!!! It's been rough on both me and my son. I have the jealously of "why does a jerk like him find happiness and I don't?" It makes me angry and I know that sounds lame but...he was abusive towards me while we dated, was in and out of my son's life until a recent custody order and now he's going to be a dad again!! I'm lonely, but I do look at the good things in life, I cherish the all the time I have with my son and hang out with my friends as much as I can. Hang in there...it is tough and now a lot of my friends are recently married or expecting their 1st baby. Single friends are few are far between. I agree with the other posts, try to distract yourself with things that interest you. One day our prince will come ;-)

Joelle - posted on 03/04/2011

Same situation...I'm 33, with an 11 year old son. I've "dated" but nothing serious. His dad has had many relationships and is now in one(4 months of dating)-he's 34, she's 23 and we just found out she's pregnant!!! It's been rough on both me and my son. I have the jealously of "why does a jerk like him find happiness and I don't?" It makes me angry and I know that sounds lame but...he was abusive towards me while we dated, was in and out of my son's life until a recent custody order and now he's going to be a dad again!! I'm lonely, but I do look at the good things in life, I cherish the all the time I have with my son and hang out with my friends as much as I can. Hang in there...it is tough and now a lot of my friends are recently married or expecting their 1st baby. Single friends are few are far between. I agree with the other posts, try to distract yourself with things that interest you. One day our prince will come ;-)

Sherry - posted on 03/02/2011

My daughter is 6 years old, and I get the same responses from her. She wants a father. She wants me to get married. I just explain to her that right now is the time that we get to spend our time together. I explain to her that if I dated a man that it was take away from my time with her. She sorta understands.

Treva - posted on 02/28/2011

yes, it can be very lonely, but you can be so busy enjoying being a mommy that you don't even think about that. cherish all the cute moments of your kids, because those moments are worth appreciating and they won't come again.

as for dating, be very selective. take your time to find someone. don't feel like having just anyone will make you happy because relationships can steal precious time from your kids and also bring its own drama. so many of us are going through what you are! i thought i wanted to have more kids, but all of a sudden (it seems), I am 38 and still single!

for me, i have no time to date, plus i work from home online, so i never get out to meet anyone. on top of that, i've been in relationships that make me not trust my judgement anymore. i've had an online boyfriend for almost a year. We've never even met in person yet! we keep it going via phone and Skype. at least it's a whole lot better than nothing/ no one at all. :)

Debi - posted on 02/28/2011

Just do what you do and everything will fall right into place when the time is right.

Tammi - posted on 02/24/2011

I too am a single 33 yr. old mom and have been for 11 years and have hardly dated in that time!! My daughter's father has never been in her life so I have not had to watch him with any relationships, but none of my friends are single and that is sooo hard. All I ever wanted since I was a little girl was to be married with a family and I really cannot see marriage. I hope that one day it will happen! My daughter is on the look out for men for me and we joke about things like I tell her she can't date before she is 33 because I'm not, and I have said if she gets married before me I am definately done with marriage. I guess just try and laugh lots! I know that doesn't help esspecially on lonely nights but keep praying and don't settle!! You both deserve the best!

Jessica - posted on 02/24/2011

i am in the same boat as you. i have four kids though. i just kinda stopped looking. i am lonely.

MELINDA - posted on 02/23/2011

I am going through this too. I have been single now for 9 years. I am scared to death of dating. I left an abusive relationship and just don't feel like I can trust my own judgement. I too want to have more children and my time is running out. At this point I"m considering have more children on my own either through a donor or adoption.
My best advice to you is to live each day as if it's your last. It's easy to get caught up in the mundane, but then you miss those little moments of joy. If it is meant to happen that you will marry again it will. Don't waste your life though waiting.

Karyn - posted on 02/22/2011

I was (still am) a single mom of three great boys. I was divorced when the youngest was 1 and he is now 23. It was sometimes lonely and I missed the companionship. BUT... I have three really strong men and they all think I am great. We talk weekly and All tell me they love me everytime we say goodbye. I actually at first made a concious decision to not date and then it just worked out that way. I was in a long term relationship that I ended. I have supported my boys and myself very well over the years. The greatest compliment I have ever received was from the youngest, when a few years ago, he told his brothers that "Mom did poor good! I never realized we were poor." I gave him the things that mattered and tried to do alot of fun things that were free. I went to school their entire life, but they were involved in sports and other activities. Keep yourself learning and build a life for you and your kids. I am now dating and the guy really respects that I am independant and have a life on my own.

Ruth - posted on 02/18/2011

A little word of advice about online dating. After three years on my own I decided to dive into the online dating world (who has time with two kids to meet men, plus I've never had any skill with pick-up lines!). From that experience I found that the sites that do in depth personality testing and then matching were the best. For the most part it was an unnerving and hilarious adventure - lots of great stories for my friends. I am now in a relationship, though in no rush whatsoever to be married. Keep praying - that's what got me through!

Christine - posted on 02/15/2011

Thank you so much for all the comments, yes the suckiest part of it all is watching all of my "single friends'' get engaged and married. I will take the advice and keep myself busy and distracted and know that hopefully one day I too will be married :-) Thank you ladies and Good Luck to yo all :-)

Eryn - posted on 02/15/2011

hmm sounds like me! i too am 30 and have been single for the full 6 years my daughter has been on this earth! i have dated a few times but they were not right : ( I don't "pray" to find someone, but I do think about it and get lonely sometimes. My ex is still single but has had a couple gfs (which of course, i admit, i was jealous- but only cause he found someone first!) LOL! my daughter asks if i am ever going to get married too and i honestly don't know how to answer her, i just say "maybe one day...." i am the only single mom out of all my friends and that i find tough. they respect and look up to me for doing it on my own and i relish that. the only "advice" i can offer is (like the other girls said) is savor every "alone" moment with your son, have fun with friends, and if you are meant to meet someone, the right one will find you (at least that's my motto lol)

Hannah - posted on 02/14/2011

There are a few things I would reccomend. First off, just like Lindsay said, don't let valentines day get to you!
And stay away from romantic comedies or romance novels - they will only make you sadder.

When I was ready to start dating again I read this GREAT book, "Are you the one for me?" by Barbara DeAngelis. You can get it at the library or a used bookstore, it is like twenty years old, but it is AWESOME! It really helped me ot understand past relationships, what I wanted in a relationship, and ultimately who I wanted to be looking for. It gave me a lot more confidence in meeting men.

Lindsay - posted on 02/14/2011

My advice? Don't let Valentine's Day get to ya ; )

Seriously though, I haven't been single as long, and my son's father was a real headache- so I'm relishing the fact of living by myself, it's a nice change from what I dealt with before. Just try and distract yourself. Hang out with friends, do fun activities with your child. Usually they say you'll meet someone the instant you stop looking. Who knows if that's true or not? I don't know but being a single mom can get pretty lonely. I just try and keep myself busy (which isn't too hard, my schedule is hectic) it keeps my mind off things.