Going a little Crazy doing this all by myself!

Lisa - posted on 12/25/2009

Being a mom is the hardest but most rewarding job on this planet. All you can do is your best. You have done good by coming to this site and talking. The more support you have, the better things will be for you. I have been a single mom for 5 years now and it has been an interesting ride so far. But I set my mind to the future for my and my children and push hard to get us there. I go to school, work, raise my children...that's my life. I accept it because that is what God put me here for at this moment. Accept where you are and that you have a job to do. Set small goals for yourself, take frequent mommy alone breaks instead of concentrating on the baby's daddy and the party days. He's gone you'll have to let him go. It's hard but if you want to find happiness inside yourself therefore making your baby happy, you'll have to do it all on your own. Good luck and Merry Christmas

Becky - posted on 12/21/2009

I just wanted to let you that it does get easier hun. I split with my ex when I was 4 months pregnant with my son and got a lot of stress in return. I had bad pnd and was living with my Mum but I refused any help because I wanted it all to be my responsibility. As a single Mum you tend to feel more responsible and feel any critisms a lot more than I imagine you normally would. My advice is hold your head up high because no doubt you will be doing the super Mum job and working sooo much harder to make sure your son has all you can. You will eventually relax a bit and realise that sometimes it's nicer to sit and watch them grow and develop than be so hectic trying to ensure every little thing is perfect. My son loves me so entirely and that means the world to me xx

Mary - posted on 12/21/2009

I feel the same way as you. I'm 25 and just had my first baby two months ago. I found out that I was pregnant after the father and I had broken up. He wasn't around until the very end of the pregnancy when he suddenly decided he wanted to get back together a few weeks before the due date. It was like a dream come true until the day after my son was born, we had a fight in the hospital. I was mad because he kept having his friends visit without asking (I was tired and sore and just wanted to be with my baby alone) and also because he went to the bar that night even though I asked him not to. He was mad because my mom stayed with me all day and he didn't like having her around. After lots of hurtful exchanges, I told him to leave. Two days later, he came to my apartment to gather up his stuff and to give me summons to go to family court because he wants partial custody. We haven't spoken since, only seeing each other in court.
It tears me apart because I really thought we would be a family. We had lived together for a year, then broke up for a few months, and then I got pregnant. I'm finally getting to the point where I am so angry and hurt and disgusted with him that I don't think I love him anymore but there are also days when I miss him and still wish we could have been a family.
Now I can't afford my apartment, I haven't been able to work for two months, I haven't paid my electric bill in two months and I am overwhelmed and scared. My mom wants me to move to her house which is an hour away and I think I am going to have to. I'm finally going back to work in a few weeks, now with a long commute, and I still need to find and pay for child care. I'm also feeling depressed and overwhelmed but I am trying to wait it out before going on medication or counseling because I am afraid he will use it against me in court which is in a few weeks. I also can't afford a lawyer so I am freaking out about that.
I don't want him to have partial custody because he has no idea what to do with a baby and he doesn't have any place to put the baby. His friends are drunks and drug addicts and they are at his apartment all the time and I am afraid of what they would do to a baby. He does some drugs too, and I don't think he would around the baby but I can't be sure. He had brought over a joint to smoke when the baby was born if that says anything. I have nothing against people doing what they want, I used to party a lot too, just as long as it isn't around my baby.
Now I have to decide if I should live with my mom again, after living on my own for years, whether or not I can still keep my job if I move an hour away, and figure out how to keep full custody of my son.

I just joined this site too, and it so comforting to know other people have gone through this and still live happy lives!

Heather - posted on 12/21/2009

Good news it will get easier, adjustin is the hardest part.. I recently became a single mom of my five and six year olds.. between work and their school and homework and bedtime lol i feel like im going insane. then i think well did their dad really do that much while i was with him... answer NO, so really i have been a single mom for six years lol men who needs em!

Ashley - posted on 12/21/2009

I know ur pain!!!! Feeling so0o alone but then never really alone cause u have this little one with you all the time...its a catch 22....but add me as a friend on facebook anglface868897@yahoo.com....I am always on and I know that chating definitly makes the day go by the much faster...talk to you soon and thanks for posting!!!!!

Ashley - posted on 12/21/2009

Quoting Sheila:

=I like being able to ge away and feel like am free for a few hours. Then in the morning it's back to reality.=

 

I love that feeling!!!! Yea, I definitly have to get out and away for a little, its been about 2 months since i got to go out and being stuck int he house definitly makes the feelings of lonliness and sadness that much worst....Thanks!!!!

Nadine - posted on 12/18/2009

Hi Ashley



I am 22 and I have just gone through a similar situation, my daughters father left me for another woman and chose all those things above me and his daughter ..

I am also scared that i am doing things wrong, but the thing that keeps me going is that my daughter did not ask to be here and I owe it ti her to be the best I can be, she is my life and I do sometimes wish I could do things people my age do, and we moved to a new place recently so I know absolutely no-one and spend most my time at home with my daughter, she will be 9 months on the 25th, I live with my parents and work for them too and it is a bit much but things are hard and I am trying to make the most of it! If you ever want to chat let me know!

Sheila - posted on 12/18/2009

I left my sons dad and I am currently living with my mom. I am 25 with a 2 1/2 yr old. I feel the same way you do. His dad liked to party all the time and come home at 6am in the morning and I just didn't like the wy things were so I left him and didn't know if I could handle this on my own. Even tho I get help from my mom I am still lonely and hate the fact that this is not my idea of a family. I wouldn't change anything or wish I didn't have my son. He doesn't see his son very much he pretty much lets me know when it's good for him. We live 1 1/2 hrs away from each other which I think is a good thing. He hate it because he never has any money to come get his son or a reliable car. He bames me for missing out on his son's sencond year of life. All I wanted was a family. I get depressed and lonely and wish I had some other moms that I could hang out with where I live, I feel like that would help alot. I have my mom watch my son some night when he's supposed to be in bed and I go have a few drinks with my friends. I like being able to ge away and feel like am free for a few hours. Then in the morning it's back to reality. Maybe see if once a week or once every 2 weeks your mom will watch your son and you can have a night out. I think we all deserve this once in awhile!

Heidi - posted on 12/11/2009

I just want you to know that it does get better, I promise! I'm a single mom of 2 kids and I speak from experience.

Megan - posted on 12/11/2009

Keep up the good work. I am almost 19 years old with a 1 year old daughter. Her dad also left for partying and friends. All you can do is be proud of yourself for being strong and your son will be closer to you than anyone. Good things will come to you and you will find a real man who will love you and your little one someday. =] Its very tough but take a breath and enjoy the baby years. Good luck!

Holly - posted on 12/11/2009

i know how that feel. i have a two and three year olds there dad kicked us out in a drug drunk state , that was three month ago he dose not help in any way i have had to get a job cleaning , and i do uni full time . Dont expect any help and you will not be let down. i find it really hard and stress out a lot , but i will survive and so will you , this site shows we are not alone

Ashley - posted on 12/11/2009

Ladies- Thankyou so much for your inspirational words!!! Just knowing that we are in this togethier helps so0o much! I appreciate everyone of you. And this is hard, Rachel - I am taking your advice and am going to talk to a therapist about doing something about my depression and anxiety. If I need help I have to get it, for me and my son.



But Ladies Thankyou for taking the time out to try and make me feel better. You are all wonderful women and I am so glad that their is a site like this out there for us to reach out to eachother!!!!

Crystal - posted on 12/10/2009

There will be times that it will seem you can't even go on, but then you will have the great moments that will help you keep going! Good luck!

Rachel - posted on 12/10/2009

Hi. I am a 26 year old single mum in identical situation. I too live wiith my mum now. My baby is 5 weeks and I struggle too but my family is brilliant and sometimes help with the baby. It was a lot harder until I started taking the baby everywhere I wanted to go. Obviously I can't go out in evenings with him but my mum helps there on the rare occasion so I can go out. But during the day he comes to the hairdressers, shopping, lunch with friends, pubs for coffee, he is so used to it now he is perfectly behaved. You ARE a good mother....the fact you worry proves that. If you do feel depressed don't be scared to ask your doctor for help...I did and I was put on citalopram which helps and I was given extra support from the health visitor. You also have this site and all of us who are there too and experience the same things. We all have to help each other. Contact me anytime. I am on facebook and my email is r_vallender@hotmail.co.uk. Good luck. Try and enjoy being a mum. xxx

Victoria - posted on 12/09/2009

I'm a single mom too, the father of my baby son, left me when he was a month old, since then I been struggling alone & living in a country that I dont relate at all.. trying to go back to NY , but my ex doesn't allow me to take my son with me so I need travel permits all the time..here I am.. just me & my son, but we are together and that is the most important thing , he's precious , the best thing that it ever happened to me, I know it's hard , but it will be worth it in the long run..sending u understanding & love.. God bless you both.. :)

Amy - posted on 12/09/2009

I feel like I don't do enough for my sons either. All you can do is the best you can do with what you have. As time goes on this will get easier, just take it one step at a time and cherish every moment with your son. Take care of yourself and your son!

Amy - posted on 12/09/2009

Ashley,

I am also a 23 year old single mom. I have been a single mom for about a year and a half now. I live with my parents again and dont make enough working at a Dollar General to support both me and my son on our own. It is rough and it is mentally and physically exhausting but thats why sites like this are created to let one another know we arent alone. I wish you all the best for you and your son!!

Rachael - posted on 12/09/2009

oo huney i'm glad you did to find this site.yea huney your don't the only one out there with your store. but i'm know how you feel,you feel like it's just you out there. it suck but keep you head high and it wall ways gets better it did for me well kind off.

Maz - posted on 12/09/2009

Know how ya feel hun, my eldest two kids father chose drink/drugs/women over me and our two children, it can be difficult trying not to let the hurt and fear get ya down. I was always paranoid that I was gonna get things wrong and not do enough for my kids to make up for the fact that their father couldn't care less. I met someone else who wanted a baby and then when it happened he vanished but now I know it'll be ok coz as long as you just do the best you can your doing a pukka job.