Having a hard time dealing

Stephanie - posted on 07/04/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My ex and I haven't been together since I found out I was pregnant. And our daughter is due August 15, 2011. I cry all the time. Because I have noone to talk and he just told me a day ago he wants nothing to do with her. What should I do?

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Rachel - posted on 07/10/2011

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My son is 4 and when I told his Sperm donor that I was pregnant he told me he would pay for an abortion and that he didnt want another kid since he already had a 11 year old that he didnt see. I told him there was no way in hell i was aborting my child and that he didnt have to have anything to do with my child I didnt put him on the birth certificate and didnt ask for andchild support I felt that i did not want to push my child on someone that did not want him. I am now with an amazing guy and have a 17month old daughter. My boyfriend now has helped with my son since he was 2 and he is my sons Daddy as far as we are concerned. It will be difficult being a single mother but it is also difficult being a mom with someone that is just part of being a mom. Take it one day at a time and live your life. any guy that would do that to you does not deserve to be a daddy. And a "friend" that would do that to you was never really a friend to begin with. Just take it easy and try not to stress to much the rest of your pregnancy. Just get ready for your little girl and take it easy. If u want to talk you can message me.

Sherry - posted on 07/09/2011

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Personally, I think it is much easier to raise a child on my own than to have another "parent" making decisions for her. My daughter's sperm donor made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with her when I was 7 months pregnant. Ended up being a blessing. My daughter and I have a very close relationship. Kind of like the relationship that I always wish I had with my mother. I would never be able to be this close to her if I had to "share" her with the sperm donor. I don't need his money. I don't need his help. And my daughter doesn't need this sorry excuse of a "father" in her life. I did put my daughter in therapy for awhile this past spring to make sure she was doing ok emotionally. She is 6, so she has asked lots of questions as to why all of her friends have a daddy and that she does not. You can do this by yourself. You truly can.

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√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/10/2011

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Take it from me - I'm on the last leg of my relationship with my boyfriend who doesn't help out enough.... we've been fighting for over a year over the dumbest stuff. It's been totally unfair trying to get him to help. Trying to tell him why I need him to help. Trying to get him to realize I need help. It's exhausting and I'm just about done with everything.

It sounds very bad what he did to you, sleeping around on you. Please don't keep that in your life. There is better out there for you. You don't need someone who cheats. You don't need to love someone who cheats. You don't need a friend who would stab you in the back that badly either.

Try to be grateful you found out now, versus 2 years down the road. At least he's not being sneaky about it. Take the chance to run and run

Melissa - posted on 07/10/2011

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Oh well! He should have thought about that a long time ago.....It is all very hormonal and will pass eventually I promise. If not dont hesitate to ask for help - you have no one? at all? maybe your employer has an employee asistance program or a local church has support groups where you live. People do not mean what they say sometimes and hard feelings soften with the birth of a child. However, there is a small possibility that could happen and it is what it is.....you still need to file for child support and they will help you establish paternity etc...and take it one day at a time. You have ME sister so dont be shy if you need to vent.....take care.

Amanda - posted on 07/09/2011

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i just wanted to correct something, as a new born, if your breast feeding and not an unfit mother (aka, drug addict ect) they won't let him take the baby without you there. baby needs food, you are the source of food. of course after 8 months or so they may then award him visitation with out you present.

It's hard but you'll make it though. my daughter was 20 months before she met her father. I was alone with our son when i was 6 weeks pregnant and had to get though it myself with him acting like a jackass the whole way through. calling to yell at me, saying she wasn't his, having his girlfriend (who was 15 at the time) send me messages. It was horrible. but when i held my baby girl i felt so much better. I knew she was ALL mine. he's on the BC for both so i can get child support but he doesn't do anything for them.

If you think it's best, just cut him out of your life. focus on your daughter, love her, let him miss out on everything. he'll regret it one day.

Laura - posted on 07/07/2011

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I would count my blessings. You will give your daughter a chance to be loved like she should be by a REAL MAN.
Please give yourself some time to heal, don't feel you need to get into another relationship right away. My ex and I separated when I was 2months pregnant (also had a 2 year old) and I was single for 5 years before I even started to date. I can't believe how much of myself I lost while in that relationship.

Christina - posted on 07/05/2011

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I promise it won't matter when you hold your daughter. It's not hard being a single mom when you know from the beginning that you aren't going to have help. It is harder when you expect the help and then don't get it. Just live your life and raise your daughter. Be happy. Make this baby yours right now. Give your daughter your last name, name her something YOU want (regardless if he likes it or you already agreed to a name he wants) and move on. Don't worry about him.

Stephanie - posted on 07/04/2011

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I told him that and he told me I was being childish because I told him I didn't need the drama from him or his girlfriend. And that untill he's ready we didn't need to talk because it makes it hard on me. He is the love of my life we were together for 5 years off and on. And his new girlfriend was one of my best friends. And it just hurts to much all I do is cry because its messed up on her part to do that to a friend. I mean she knows how I feel about him and everything that has gone on with us and she did this to me.

Christina - posted on 07/04/2011

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Do what I did. I told my ex while I was preg that when he was ready to be a dad, let me know, and I would leave him alone until then. Send a simple card after your daughter is born with a photo and nothing else. Either he will come around and contact you or not. It may take a few years.

Stephanie - posted on 07/04/2011

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I'm trying to be nice about things but my ex keeps being very childish. I want him to be in her life but at the moment it maybe best if he wasn't around till he grows up alittle more. We are 22 years old and he thinks its cool to go get drunk everynight and sleep around even when he has a girlfriend. I honestly don't want our daughter around all that.

Christina - posted on 07/04/2011

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You have two options; you can put him on the BC, file for child support, and know that you will most likely be expected to hand your daughter over for visits without you there (even with her being a newborn) or you can just back off and leave things be.
My son's father wasn't ready for fatherhood. I did file for child support. I told his dad when he was ready to be a dad, let me know. His dad had nothing to do with him for 2.5yrs. When he was finally ready to meet his son, I set up two public visits with him, the packed my son's bags and sent him to his dad's for a few days. Our son is almost 11yrs old now, and we have 50/50 custody (I petitioned the courts to change the papers because I'm a strong believer in 50/50) and my son has the best dad in the entire world! When his dad was ready to be a dad, I didn't throw anything into his face from the past. I just moved on with the present and future. Our son has a healthy relationship with both of us and both his step-parents!

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