havn't bonded with baby..

Kristin - posted on 06/15/2012

I was 16 when I had my first child and liek you I didnt feel like I bonded with him, right away. My parents and family helped me a ton and the father and I stayed together for 3years after he was born. I was immature and felt like my life got taken awasy from me, and my mother (God bless her soul) gave me the tough love motto. She said you made the choice to have this baby and God wanted you to have this baby so get up and be a mother. She kicked us out and made us do it on our own (of course she gave advice) and it was the best thing she did. When my sons father and I separated and divorced when our son was 3 I had the strength and determination to be a single parent and to work hard to give my child what he needs. He is now 16 and he is a really good kid, and I thank god every day that my parents made me be resposible, because seeing the way he had grown up and the respect he has for everyone makes me so prtoud that I raised him. If you are feeling depressed I would talk to your doctor about going on an antidepressant and start exercising. You are the only one who can make you happy and a happy mommy means a happy baby. As for not being able to do it on your own, then you need to ask your mother to teach you the neccessary life skills as she is not going to take care of you forever.

Brittany - posted on 06/15/2012

Excercise daily will help you to find more of an energy level - Strange, but true ;) So get up and go for a walk with baby to start out, I can guarantee in some respects this will help. If after a couple weeks it doesn't seem to help pull you out of your depression I would consider speaking with a Dr. about medication.

I really wish you the best, but the only one who can help you - is you. Maybe write down all the things you want to do and be responsible for - a list for tomorrow type of thing, start ASAP and like I said before be proud of the things you manage to do.

Maybe consider joining a baby play group - this will get you out with baby and with other new moms, and you can see your not the only one have baby blues. Becoming a mother can be very challenging, it's suchhh a lifestyle change, but grab the bull by the horns and take charge of your life, you'll feel soo much better about yourself for it!

Samantha - posted on 06/15/2012

thats great advice thanks, its good to know that other people have felt the way im feeling aswell as me. i feel scared to move out because id be lonely and id hav to do everything mysef like housework and washing and i wouldnt cope very well... my childs better off with me living here.. but i think that the way some people have the motivation and energy to get up early and clean and do everything are great, but im very very lazy and a bit depressed

Brittany - posted on 06/14/2012

I can understand this feeling - I also had alot of help when I first had my son.. I was 17 at the time and my mother steped up - BIG TIME.. For about the first 3 months, after that she cut me off... and I honestly can say 7 years later.. I am soo happy she did.

Because of this I was fully responsible for my sons well being, for his emotions and all of his daily needs. I found this caused my mothering skills to come full front and lead me to be a much more considerate mother.. Although at that young age I was still immature in some respects I learnt very quickly the type of mother I wanted to be. And the I'd do anything for this child feeling came with it. It was a huge learning curve for me, as it was forced upon me by my mom, she would no longer babysit, pay for diapers, get up in the early morning ect, and ultimatley she gave me 2 months to get on my feet and move out. I know this probably seems tough - but at that time I needed tough love, it was absolutley the best thing she could have ever done to 'help' me. Now once I was out on my own and self-reliant, she would take baby 1x per month over night so I could go have my 'teenager' fun, and once she seen my effort she was always there when I needed her.

Maybe consider moving out on your own with baby? Or explain to your mom your feeling this way and want her to step back a little so you can feel the connection you should have with your child. Start picking up the slack you've been leaving behind and be proud of yourself for doing it!