he a cheater?

Samantha - posted on 07/02/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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since i got pregnant i started gettin suspicios, he was on n off secretive with his hone etc.. now babys 5 months n were not living together cause he was violent once b4 i got pregnant, n i started findin the odd text from girls like "whats the story?" n i was a bit worried but said it could be innocent... i only c him like once a week if even n he doesnt pay 4 the kid.. ive been getting a bit distent lately...like usually even if he didnt have credit to txt me id still be texting him goodnight n calling but i didnt n we didnt speak 4 2 weeks.. then he came out n he was like 'im getting weird texts n someone trying to send me pictures...n he showed me a text saying hey sexy long time no speak im out of my head here do u wanna come over xx' n i took his phone n by myself found a text from a different num 'its hammer time on your dick' he says he has no idea y he was sent that. i forced him to ring the num of the text he showed me n he wouldnt ring for aggggges, he rang n she said 'how do u not remember me i met u n u gav me your num u said id nice lips n weve been txting dirty messages to eachother n planning to hook up, remember u wer ment to come up to c me n i said to bring a friend 4 my friend, i want u too remember me baby' he says he has NO IDEA whats its about...maybe when he was drunk he gave the num n sent a text but he said he 'cant remember' i said its over n he hasnt even txt me since i think he thinks ill always b here. when i was out with him he was like 'i love YOU i wouldnt risk loosing u n our baby for a 2minute shag, ive never cheated ive never flirted, n if anyone flirts with me i move away n i wont even put myself in that situation bla bla. what do yous think?

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Kelguevara - posted on 07/07/2012

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Girl let that go the advice Is what you already know. If you know what is going on and he knows how it affects you and it hasn't change ..... Let it go.... He can block the number, he can call the perso and tell them to back off and so forth.... He needs to be honest with you even if it hurts. And you need to be honest with yourself even if it hurts.

Kristin - posted on 07/05/2012

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DOes it really matter if he did or if he didnt? The intent was there and whether he did or not it would have kead up to that eventually. I wouldnt worry about it because you will drive yourself insane with doubt and suspicion. I can not say for sure whether he did or didnt but I do think that you need to not worry about it and heal yopurself. I know it hurts and it is hard because you loved him but honestly it does get better in time and you and your daughter deserve better. At this point what you need to concentrate on is healing yourself, being happy with yourself, being the best mommy you can be and building up your self confidence again. Sooner o later the right man will come along and will treat you and your daughter with the respect, love and loyalty you both deserve and he will be her "daddy". Her father will never change and will more than likely be in and out of her life, but the one you will meet in the next 6 months to a year will be the man of your dreams and be there for both you and your daughter. Just stay strong and be positive.

Samantha - posted on 07/05/2012

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what do yous think? i know he's been txting other girls and secretive with his phone for all through my pregnancy and my childs 5months now... so would yous say he went all the way n actually had sex with one or two of these girls? id say he did.. and i think id be stupid to think otherwise... what do yous think... i hope someone replys!!!

Samantha - posted on 07/04/2012

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so do you think he definitly had sex with someone else? or do u think it was just flirting and txting? be honest. i know the truth deep down anyway but do you think im right? ill never get back with him...it does hurt my heart a bit thinking that he really did it.. i just cant believe he really did it... im in denial a bit

Kristin - posted on 07/04/2012

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The courts will not hand him the baby just document everything. You need to ask for child support to make a better life for you and your child and you can not let fear of him stop you from doing whats best for your child. Explain to the courts that you want supervised visits as he has drug and alcohol problems, chances are he may not even want the child alone or at all. Quit calling numbers that you found on his phone... you know the truth he cheated and you need to move on heal yourself and do whats best for you and your daughter. Let him have all his women and drugs and alcohol in the end he will be the one to lose out and be alone. You deserve better and there is no sense calling all these numbers to make it hurt a little more.. hes a cheater and a deadbeat. Take him to court get a child support and custody order and be happy without him.

Samantha - posted on 07/04/2012

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thank you your posts keep me strong. i wouldnt let him have the child alone... he would smoke weed around her and she would make strange with him cause she always ends up crying when he's here.. he gets right up into her face with his smokey breath.. n when she was 5 weeks old he gav her a crisp to suck on and gave her a spoonfull of pasta sauce with onion n peppers to try. thats y he will have to come here to see her...unfortunitly. im half afarade to file for child support incase it gives him more rights n a court makes me hand the baby over, cause that would NOT be in the best interests of the child. I have just rang another number that i had taken down off his phone...the girl said she met him on the train n he was drinking a can and went up n asked for her number and started txting her.. but she got back with her ex so she stopped responding...so she said. so thats the two numbers i took down this week, and there has been many many more girls who ive seen messages from since i was pregnant. he just keep bringing everything back to 5 years ago when we where together 3 weeks n i cheated n told him the very next day what i had done...n that was only because he was treating me bad already n threw me out of his house at night with no money or place to go...no phone... i saw a guy i knew stayed in his house, got drunk n something happened...but that wasnt even cheating really cause he had threw me out

Kristin - posted on 07/03/2012

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When and if he comes to see his daughter than you need to be firm and civil. DO NOT let hims lure you in again and if you are not comfortable meetng him alone than have a friend over or let him see his daughter in a public place. Also you may want to consider if you really want him to be alone with your daughter if he has drug and alcohol problems. If I were you I would get a court order for child support, day to day care of the child and have him have supervised visits. Stand firm and be strong because you and your daughter deserve better than that in life and he obviously doenst want to man up enough to even be a dad. Nor do you need to be with a lying cheating bastard who has gambling, drug and alcohol addicitions, and never give him money ever if you do you are enabling his addicitons. He should be giving you money to help support your child. Good luck to you and I pray you dont take him back I really do.

Samantha - posted on 07/03/2012

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thank you both 4 your replys, beth im sorry about your situation hun. louise, i have already had the baby she's 5 months old and since i got pregnant he has only gave me about 200 euro and thats in a year and 2 months, he's a gambler and he's ment to be clean off drugs but he is still taking them a couple of times a week.. we have had countless arguments when i didnt hear from him for ages or he wouldn't answer he phone infront of me etc.. n i've always said if he ever cheats it's over, cause basically if he cheated he really would have nothing going for him as a boyfriend cause he doesnt give me a penny, borrows money n doesnt pay back, the drugs, not texting or ringing me for a couple of weeks n loads more... he does be very convincing saying 'i would NEVER cheat, n if i was drunk n if anything ever did happen id tell you, i dont flirt with girls , alls i ever talk about is you... i love YOU, i want to be with YOU, we should move back in together' n he doesnt even have sex with me anymore or even mention sex , he says hes just not horny n that he doesnt even think of it. but i know 4 a fact now off this girl that they wer txtin dirty txts for ages a month ago... n a month ago he was ejaculating in his sleep!! when i was pregnant i REALLY had a gut feeling that he was sleeping with someone else.. n when the baby was 10 days old i got her n me done up waiting for him to come over to see her as he hadnt seen her since hospital... n instead i rang to c was he on the way cause it was getting later n later.. n he was drunk in the pub with a group of girls he had met. plus he kept calling me that girls name!!! he said he done it to make me jealous. WHAT DO YOUS THINK? IS IT FLIRTING WITH ALL THESE GIRLS OR WOULD YOUS SAY HE HAS HAD SEX WITH THEM?? it makes me so sick!! i just wish he'd admit any of this!! were finished now...but he hasnt even txt me since this happened.... how do i act when he comes to c his daughter, whenever that will be? im alone ive no friends to ask so please advice would be great :-(

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Time to stand up for yourself and your child. This man needs to grow up and realise that his actions have consequences.

I think, and this is only my opinion, you probably be better off without him. Then you don't have to worry about him sneaking off behind your back, You've also mentioned that he's been violent to you as well.

If he can't be honest with you, then I can't see much of a future with you two together. Time to move on. Also it is up to him to show you that he's going down the same route, or to prove well and truly beyound doubt that he can change.

My ex hit me twice and had an affair (amoungst other things), and I still do not trust him until he proves that he can change. There is no chance of us getting back together, but as far as contact goes with the children, he has to prove that he can stick to it long term. So far, he's showing me that he hasn't changed. He only managed to write letters to them for 4.5 months before stopping as it wasn't going at the speed that he wanted (even though I said it had to go at the speed the girls dictated. If (and that's a big if) he has changed then he's got to show me beyound all reasonable doubt that he has, so far he hasn't. I still think that he's putting his needs first and only wanted contact with the girls after his second marriage failed. Also he wanted to save some face with his family and be able to claim that he was in contact with the girls. What his family don't seem to know is that he was the one that stopped contact this time.

Louise - posted on 07/03/2012

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Honestly, I think this bloke is having a wail of a time whilst your sat at home pregnant and worrying. You have to put your foot down and tell him he either stays at home with you and makes a family life together or he goes out with his mates and womanises and everything is off. If he realises that you mean what you say he may change his ways, but I think he is always going to be like this. I would be prepared to take him to court for maintenance for you and your child. Protect yourself and get the law on your side. If he loves you, then he does not need to get drunk and get womens numbers does he! Come on, get tough and tell him straight, you and the baby or other women and alcohol. If he falters from this then you have your answer and he is just not worth the heartache!

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