he has given me nothing but wants to be an active father?!?!

Sarah - posted on 01/20/2009

also think about settin up a mutual place with sum1 u both trust as a pick up and drop off point so u dont actually have to see each other if there is bad blood between u. then ur son doesnt pik up on it. by mutual place i mean a grandmother or auntie or very good friend ur son knos very well and is comfortable with sum1 u trust with ur son.

Sarah - posted on 01/20/2009

i have had the same problem wiv my kids father altho he now has jus started payin up. There were times wen i didnt want to allow him to see them because providing financially for your children is all part of being a parent! but i decided that a father was more important fullstop and he was a great father they idolised him and who was i to stand in the way of their emotional development on top of that i also looked to the future wen they were older and went lookin for him wot wud he say to them? wud i look like the bad parent wud they resent me fir not allowing him to see them? i decided that u neva do kno wot a teenager may think down the line and that there was no way i was gona run the risk of losing them or their trust over money!!!! i decided also that if he stayed in their lives that they wud see for them selves wot their father was like and make their own decision...let me tell u that at the ages of 5 and 6 they were begining to make their own judgements, he saw that and has now begun makin payments of his own occord!!!!!!! on the other hand there are fathers out there that pose a danger to there kids-mothers too for that matter-that shudnt be allowed acess so i say to u only u kno ur child and the habbits of his father and therefore only u can ultimately make the rite decision

Carmen - posted on 01/20/2009

Well I understand where everyone's coming from. My son is now 4 years old his Father see's on again and off again, if I was smarter I would have just kept him away all together and had him take me to Court for visitation. Because now Julian's is 4 and he knows who his Father is..but now he acts out in School when he does not get to see his Father when he wants too...My Ex cant accept the fact that I dont want to be a part of the equation..so he does not interact with my Son until I decided to take my Son to him, since I am the one with the Car I have to drive my Son to him and pick my Son up, my Ex wont dare take public transporation to see his Son. He has been inconsistent since I could remember..wish I went with my first instinct, now I have no choice but to take my Son to him when he askes for him...dont igonore the fact that he is now $1700 in back payment of Child Support. My advice to you is take him to Court first get an Order then work out an agreement where he can spend time with your Son, especially if he wants to see him..Good Luck!!

Kristi - posted on 01/20/2009

my son is 4.5his father hasnt seen him since he was 6months n he he has paid very lil child support it dont matter if its set up u still dont get it unless they pay

even theo i dont like my sons father for not being a part of his life if he dicides he wants to i would let him i dont wanna be the bad 1 stopping them from having the thing that dadsn sons have

Annaleigh - posted on 01/20/2009

be very careful. have you contacted child support enforcement in your area? my issue with my son and ex's involvement was he only wanted to have Ebin so his new gf could play house. uurrgh! if you don't want to have him take the baby, don't let him. YOU ARE THE MOTHER, so far you have don everything, he has to earn back trust, etc. the baby is still young....a good idea is to give the donor a list of "demands" or a certain criteria he has to meet to get visitation. like if he brings a case of diapers he can visit the baby with your supevision for an afternoon or whatever. my ex wouldn't meet me halfway, so he didn't see our son past around 4months. it was his choice, not mine. i asked him for things....paying child support, etc. if he won't do it, he doesn't care enough about someone else to put himself out there. just remember if it feels wrong, if something isn't right, listen to your inner voice. you are the mother. you get to make the decisions for your child. i could go on and on....but i won't, add me to your friends if you want to swap stories, etc. =p

Kristen - posted on 01/20/2009

Your son's dad doesn't have to give you any money, he is required by law to pay child support which should be set up by the courts.  Try to get that going asap & if he wants to be a dad & can be a good one, let him as much as you are comfortable.  My baby's father has no interest in seeing him.  If you do keep them apart, you may have to answer to your son some day. . .

Kayla - posted on 01/19/2009

hmm thanks mums...u have given me some things to think about. i think at the end of the day i will too have to set my feelings aside and do whats best for jonathan regardless of if his father gives me any money. i will find out about taking him to court tho.

Ebony - posted on 01/19/2009

I'm doing the "nice" thing also...lo Court can be messy, especially if its bad blood. Thats still a good idea..

Kim - posted on 01/19/2009

me and my ex hasnt been together in almost two and a half years and he doesnt do anything for my kids but i allow him to see his kids because i grew up without a father and know how it feels not to have a father in my life. but if theres bad blood between you and him to avoid an arguement with him tell him that he needs to take you to court to see his child because you dont want your child to feel the bad blood between the two of you and also take his ass to court. me im just to nice to my babyfather

Ebony - posted on 01/19/2009

I totally agree...I think you should let your childs father see your son, then he will see how expensive it is to raise a child. I went threw something similiar with my daughter. Her father didn't want to provide money or very little money but wanted to see her. He realized after having her alone how expensive it is to raise a child alone. Not to mention my daughter wouldn't be happy if she didn't see her dad. I had to set my feelings aside. I hope this helps... 

Sterling - posted on 01/19/2009

My ex moved out in November and has only given me 100 bucks so far and I have two children. I have still let him be part of the children's lives becuase he is still their daddy and my almost 5 year old son would have been tramutized if he didnt see his daddy! I know I just have to wait till my divorce is final to start recieving my child support. are you married and if so file for divorce so you can get the ball rolling on getting child support.

He say's he wants to be innvolved, then let him, if you think he will add something to your child's life, let him, just also let him know that being a farther also means giving support/money to help raise him.